Shadow Demons (12 page)

June 20

I saw him again today. P. understands me more than anyone else in the universe. Ever since my parents died in March, I have felt so disconnected and alone, but P. makes me feel alive again. I’m falling in love, and I’m so scared that I will never be able to tell him.

July 4

Fireworks over the lake. We sat on a blanket together at the town celebration and our pinkies touched in the darkness. His wife was right there in front of us gossiping with her friends. She didn’t say as much as two words to him the entire night. She always takes him for granted.

Their daughter is so beautiful with her dark black hair and pretty pale skin. She’s eight, but she’s just a tiny thing. She sat on my lap, and I imagined what my life would be like if she was my daughter instead. If I were older and married to her dad. I would love that life. I hate being a Brighton.

September 15

L. doesn’t understand. She thinks I’m making a huge mistake with P. If my mother or anyone in the Order found out, they’d… what? They wouldn’t hurt him, would they?

But how will they find out? We’re so careful to meet after midnight at the old Randolph house. No one ever goes out that way anymore. L. is the only one who knows. I hope I can trust her. She’s always been my best friend, but the way she talks lately, I wonder.

December 25

P. gave me a ring for Christmas. It’s not a diamond or anything fancy. Just a silver ring with a rose etched into the band. It’s the single most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me. He said that if I had been ten years older and had gone through school at the same time he did, he never would have married M. I asked him why he stayed with her if he was so unhappy. He didn’t answer and I left feeling sad.

February 10

Tonight was our Valentine’s celebration. He’s going out with his wife on the real day, and believe it or not, I’m babysitting while they go out. Don’t know how his wife roped me into that one.

At least we had tonight. It was the most beautiful night of my life. He was all mine, and for the first time, I was all his. I never knew it could be like that. He brought the most romantic picnic to the Randolph house and we set up some candles and drank wine and stayed together until the sun came up. I love him so much it hurts.

March 8

P. says we can’t keep seeing each other.

I feel numb. How can I live without him?

March 30

My hands are shaking as I write this. I’m pregnant. What am I going to do? L. says I have to tell P., but I can’t even face him. Every time I see him in town or at the school, the wound opens fresh. How could I have let this happen?

May 11

I’m using glamours every day now to hide my growing belly. At least the morning sickness is gone now. I think old lady Shadowford was starting to get suspicious.

July 28

Sometimes at night, after everyone is in bed and the house is quiet, I drop my glamour and stare at my naked belly. It’s so round and strange. I can feel my daughter moving inside of me, and it’s the neatest thing ever.

August 5

Keeping secrets for so long has started making me paranoid. I keep thinking I see the same black bird everywhere I go. I must be crazy, right? Maybe it’s the hormones.

August 15

Cheerleading practice starts back this week, and I have no idea how I’m going to cheer this season. The glamour hides the way I really look, but it can’t take away how tired I feel. Yesterday in the hallway, I ran into P. for the first time since early this summer. He asked how I was doing. I wanted to tell him the truth, but I just said I was fine and walked away.

September 9

I need a plan for what I’m going to do once the baby comes.

I already love her more than life. I wish more than anything that I could give her a different life than the one she’ll be forced into. I wish I could hide her away forever. Keep her all to myself. Sharing her with the Order makes me feel sick to my stomach.

September 16

I’ve done something I never thought I would do. I went to J. for help. I didn’t know who else to turn to. L. has been so weird lately. She’s secretive and always snapping at me. I’m afraid she’s hiding something from me.

My mother told me never to trust J. She said he’s a demon and a murderer, and I know it’s true. So why do I feel that I can trust him? He’s the only one in this town who would never go to the Order with the truth. Plus, he knows how to make potions. And I need a truth potion. I have to find out what L. is up to. She’s supposed to be my best friend, but I’m afraid she’s the one I can’t trust anymore.

October 1

I was right not to trust L.

J. made me a truth potion, and I slipped it to her over dinner tonight. She went into a deep sleep, and I was able to ask her anything. J. said she won’t remember what she told me tonight, but I know that I will never be able to forget it.

How could she do something so horrible? I had no idea she wanted to be Prima so badly. All this time, I thought she was my friend, but behind my back, she’s been planning to get rid of me and my child.

I thought P. broke my heart, but that was nothing compared to this.

October 7

I’m having contractions. I think the baby is coming early. I had to hide in the bathroom during fifth period today. I was terrified she was going to come right there at school, but thankfully baby girl stayed put for now. But for how long?

I have to make a decision soon. I already know what I should do, but the thought of sending her away breaks my soul in two.

October 14

My sweet baby was born tonight. No words can describe the love I feel.

I had her in the old Randolph house. It seemed only fitting. I would have never gotten through it alone without magic.

I washed her and wrapped her little pink body in a soft white blanket. I kissed her little hands and feet so many times, I might have left permanent lip marks on her. I wanted to shower her with love before J. came to take her away.

Letting her go was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.

I love you so much my sweet baby girl. Someday when it’s safe, I will come find you. I promise.

October 31

The memory ritual is complete.

I have never felt so alone in my whole life.

I re-read my mother’s journal so many times I lost count.

She loved me the whole time. In my heart, I think I always knew that, but to see it in her own handwriting meant more to me than anything.

In my hands, I held the key to so many questions I’d had my whole life. I devoured the clues and tried to piece together the puzzle.

My father never even knew I existed. She only mentioned him as “P.”. That could stand for anything. Peter. Patrick. Phillip? She said he was married. He was ten years older than her and had an eight year old daughter with black hair. My half-sister. The realization hit me hard. Who were they? Were they still alive? Did they still live in Peachville?

And who was “L.”? My mother’s best friend. Whoever she was, she’d had a plan to kill her. And me. Was “L.” somehow connected to the crows? Could that be the person who shared a blood oath with them?

I closed my eyes. My mind was spinning with possibilities.

According to her journal, my birthday was October 14th. That meant I was already seventeen. I’d grown up believing my birthday wasn’t until December.

I knew the instant she mentioned him who “J.” was. Jackson. But he’d told me he barely knew my mother. Was this another one of his secrets? I felt overwhelmed by the rush of emotions and new information, and tomorrow was going to be a long day with the Halloween Ball. Tomorrow, I would start my search for the answers to these new riddles.

I opened the next-to-last page and read it again. My mother loved me. She had planned to come back for me. I flipped through the rest of the pages. All blank. Nothing more about the crows or Jackson. The rest of the journal was empty.

But no. Wait.

I flipped back through. One page toward the back had two words written at the top.

Deahlosi Tyanuk.

It didn’t look like any language I’d ever seen, but just running my fingertip over the top of the words made me feel strange inside. What did it mean?

I changed back into my own clothes and carried the dress and the journal back to my room. I fell asleep with the sound of the strange words in my head.

I folded my mother’s dress and placed it carefully into my duffel bag. I heard a knock on the front door downstairs.

I figured it was probably Lark coming to pick me up. I zipped the bag up quickly, careful not to get any of the delicate lace caught in the zipper.

“I’ll get it,” Courtney called from the hallway. Her footsteps echoed against the wooden stairs, then the door squeaked open.

“Oh, hey Jackson,” Courtney said. “Wow you look nice.”

My eyes grew wide. Was he still coming to the party with me tonight? Since I hadn’t seen him all week, I wondered if he even still planned to go.

My heart pounded against my ribcage. I took a deep breath to calm myself, then stepped into the hallway.

“Is Harper here?” he asked.

He was leaning against the door frame. He looked so amazing, it took my breath away. He wore a black suit with a white shirt unbuttoned at the collar. A single strand of dark hair fell into his eyes. I took a step into the hallway and the floor creaked slightly. Jackson looked up, his green eyes bright and clear even from this distance.

“Hey,” I croaked when I got down the stairs. Damn. From the nervousness in my voice, it sounded like I hadn’t talked to him in years. Funny how nervous a week without talking to him could make me feel. I cleared my throat, and tried again. “What are you doing here? I figured…”

There was so much I needed to say to him, but I couldn’t find my words. It made me slightly crazy.

“Can we talk for a second?” he asked. His eyes flicked to Courtney. “Is that okay?”

Courtney stepped back and shrugged. Her blonde hair fell across her eyes as she looked down at the floor. “I was just going to watch some TV,” she said. She looked up at me as she walked toward the family room. “Have fun tonight.”

“Thanks,” I said. I wanted to tell her I wish she could come too, but I didn’t want to make it any more uncomfortable than it already was.

The closer I got to Jackson, the more my body hummed with anticipation. I had missed that feeling.

Jackson took a tentative step toward me, and I had to resist the urge to fall against his chest and wrap my arms around him.

“Are you coming with me tonight?”

“If you still want me,” he said. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around much this week.”

“Did you hear about what happened in Aldeen?” I asked.

He nodded, his eyes dark with sadness.

“Do you know who…” I kicked at the door frame. “Any idea who could have done that?”

Jackson paused, opened his mouth as if to say something, then shook his head. My heart skipped frantically. What was he hiding from me?

“Jackson, if you know something, I need you to talk to me,” I said. “Why weren’t you at school on Friday?”

“I know there’s a lot going on for both of us,” he said. He looked around as though making sure we were alone in the big hallway. “And I want to tell you everything. It’s just that things are really complicated right now.”

I bit my lip and stared down at my feet.

“Harper.” He reached out and ran his hand along mine. “Let’s just get through tonight together, okay? Then we can sit down and talk about anything you want. I promise.”

Outside, a black car pulled down the driveway. I fidgeted. There was so much I still needed to talk to him about. Someone sneaking into my room to return my cell phone. The guy with the braids. His friendship with my mother. More than anything, I needed to find out if he knew who “L.” and “P.” were in my mother’s journal. Everything was such a mess.

“I have to go early for some meeting,” I said, gesturing to the car. “What time do you think you’ll be there? Can we meet out front first? I really need to talk to you.”

“I’ll try to be there by six-thirty,” he said. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss against my forehead. “Meet me at the front gate?”

The driver beeped the horn once and I heard Lark call out, “Okay, lovebirds, time to say goodbye.”

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “I gotta go,” I said.

Jackson walked me to the car. He opened the door and gave a quick wave to the girls inside. Just before I got in, he took my hand in his.

“Harper?”

“Yes?” I said, aware that everyone in the car was watching us.

For a moment, the intensity of his look took my breath away. I felt like he wanted to tell me something important. Instead, he released my hand and said, “See you soon.”

“Thank you so much for coming a bit early,” Mrs. Ashworth said.

All of the girls on the cheerleading squad were seated on the stairs in the entryway of the Ashworth’s house. The decorating was finally finished and it was almost time for us to all go upstairs and get changed for the party. Mrs. Ashworth had called us all together for a few final announcements.

“As you know, this party tonight is more than just a Halloween Ball,” she said. “It’s also the celebration of Peachville’s one-hundredth year as a demon gate.”

A couple girls behind me clapped.

“Since we have people here tonight who are not technically members of the Order of Shadows, I thought I would take a brief moment to talk to you about the protocol for using magic or talking about magic.”

She droned on about the upcoming party, but I had a hard time paying attention. All I could think about was my mother’s journal. Would “L.” be here tonight? Would my father be here?

Jackson promised we could talk, but would he have the answers I needed to hear?

“Harper?” Mrs. Ashworth said my name and the room went silent.

“Yes?” A blush colored my cheeks. I hadn’t been listening to her at all.

Mrs. Ashworth and Mrs. Harris, Brooke’s mom, exchanged knowing looks. I sighed. Great. Just another example of how I’ve somehow managed to disappoint them all.

“Do you understand your part in the ceremony tonight?”

All eyes in the room were glued to me, and I had no clue what the heck she was even talking about.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “What ceremony?”

Behind me, someone laughed. It sounded like Brooke’s laugh, but I didn’t dare turn around.

Mrs. Ashworth’s mouth tightened to a straight line. “If the rest of you girls will go ahead and start getting ready for the party, I’d like a moment to talk to Miss Madison alone.”

I sat absolutely still on the cold wooden stairs. Lark patted me on the back and asked if I wanted her to stay, but I waved her off. Being yelled at was bad enough. I certainly didn’t want a witness.

When the rest of the squad was gone and the staff and other members of the Order had moved on, Mrs. Ashworth walked up to where I sat on the stairs.

“I’m sure you didn’t have anyone growing up who could show you what it meant to be a nice, disciplined young lady,” she started. “So I can’t entirely fault you for your rude behavior at today’s meeting. However, you have been in this town long enough to understand that everyone here is expecting you to set a good example for the rest of these girls. Now, if it’s too much trouble for you to pay attention to what I’m saying, maybe you need to be pulled out of your current situation and settled into a stricter training regimen.”

Her voice grew angrier and more belittling with each word she spit from her mouth.

Every fiber of my being rebelled against the tone of her voice. I knew that tone. It was one that said she thought I was beneath her. Lower than the low and not worth the respect she would have given to a “nice, disciplined young lady”. Anger boiled up inside me and threatened to spill over. A crystal vase rattled low against the top of the side table just near the stairs. I knew I needed to take a deep breath and calm down, but I felt like I was losing it.

Yes, I’d missed her boring speech. Big deal. Was it really that difficult to repeat what she’d said? Besides, if it was so important, why did they wait until an hour before the party to tell me about it?

Mrs. Ashworth continued her rant, apparently not noticing the rattling vase. “If I could have chosen any other girl on this squad to be our future Prima, I would have,” she said. “You have been nothing but trouble since you first arrived in this town and I’m tired of having to clean up after your messes while you lounge around and act like nothing is important. Don’t you realize just how much is at stake here?”

My head snapped up. Was she seriously talking to me about the stakes? I had more to lose here than anyone and unlike them, I had never had a choice one way or the other.

Inside my head, a million arguments raged all at once. I’d had enough of the Peachville Order. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that this wasn’t how most towns treated their Primas. If I was going to be forced to live this life, then these people needed to learn to stop acting like I was some piece of trash they’d inherited by mistake.

“You are not going to talk to me in that tone,” I said, standing up. I gripped the railing so tight my knuckles turned white. “There may be a dozen other girls who would make a better Prima, but I’m the one who inherited that title. You’re just going to have to live with that.”

Before I could stop it, the vase slid across the slick wooden top of the table and crashed onto the marble tiled floor. The sound drew a crowd of people from the next room. Mrs. Ashworth backed away, anger and surprised mixed on her features.

We stared at each other for a long moment before I turned around and rushed up the stairs.