Shadow (A Bad Boy Romance): The Hoods MC (7 page)

Bracing myself, I lifted my gaze to my sister's. She was still scowling, and I winced as I said, "I can't. I can't leave."

"Why not?" she snapped.

Somehow, I got the feeling this wasn't the first time we'd fought over Shadow. An educated guess or, maybe a ghost of a memory?

"Shadow needs me," I said.

"He needs… Allie, Sky, whatever your name is, you need him like you need a hole in the head. Please don't do this." She gripped my shoulders, tears in her eyes.

I glanced away, my mind made up.

"This isn't smart," she warned.

"Please don't hate me," I said, my voice small.

"Oh, Sky…" The tenderness in her words had my heart breaking. "Of course I don't hate you. As your sister, I'm supposed to tell you when you're doing something stupid. This sure qualifies!"

It was probably foolish and unfair for me to feel this way, but anger started to burn in my chest. "You don't understand," I said, trying to keep my voice even and to hold back my irritation.

"You're damn right I don't!"

"I hardly know you," I burst out, "and you expect me to just listen to everything you say and accept it as the truth. I don't know what happened before. I don't know what will happen. I don't know you. I want to, but it's going to take time."

"So why not come back with me and—"

"Here I feel safe."

"Because he saved you?" Marie rolled her eyes. "Or because he comforted you in his bed last night? Don't deny it. I can see it all over your face."

I felt my face grow hot, it had to be bright red. "I… Yes, we may have… but that doesn't mean…"

"His dick isn't reason enough to stay. I don't care how good a lay he is."

My eyebrows raised questioningly.

"No, I haven't slept with him." She rolled her eyes. "You used to go on and on about how amazing your sex life was, and, trust me, it was more than I wanted to hear. But even if he was a Wonder Cock—"

"Wonder Cock?" I practically spat in shock. But, then it struck me as so funny, too funny, I almost burst out laughing. Only because Marie looked ready to kill someone—horrible phrase given earlier, but it was the truth—kept me from laughing out loud.

"You can't think with your vagina about this. It's not… You… Shadow is bad. He can't be saved."

"How can you be sure?" I asked quietly. Waking up from the coma had given me a second chance at life. Didn't Shadow deserve to have a second chance himself? Obviously his damage was deep-rooted, but what if he hadn't started on his missions until after I had broken up with him? There was so much about him I didn't know yet. Hell, I was still trying to learn who I was, who I am, who I might be.

Yes, I had broken up with him, and it probably had been for a good reason. Shadow had his demons. I couldn't deny that. I wasn't just staying because of the sex. When he had told me about his past, when he had opened up… There's more to him than he lets on. He's a big badass biker dude, but he was more than that. Everyone has their issues and problems, and without help, how would we overcome them. I might not remember my life before, but I knew that much.

"Marie," I started, desperately wanting her to understand.

"Don't. I see I'm not getting through to you." She grabbed a napkin and rustled a pen from her purse. "Here's my number and email. I'm staying at the Marriot hotel nearby. I took the week off. Call me."

If you change your mind about that asshole.
The sentiment was left unsaid, but Marie's face basically said it all.

"Marie, wait…"

She gave me a hug that was just as warm and tight and heartfelt as her previous ones, but then she pivoted on her heels and walked away. Just like that, she left.

To say I felt all alone would be an understatement. What if I was wrong about Shadow? What if I couldn't help him, if he was beyond saving? Was a guy, who was clearly screwed up, worth losing my sister over? My own flesh and blood, one whom I needed to help unlock the secrets of my past?

God, I needed another drink.

Chapter Eight

Shadow

The bar was empty. Considering the time of day, that wasn't too surprising. I was sitting in the back corner next to the pinball machines, nursing a pitcher of beer when Sky and her damned sister walked in. Marie. She had hated me from the moment she first met me. Even then, when she didn't even know me, she had tried to convince her sister I wasn't good enough for her.

And maybe I wasn't. Maybe, I wasn't good for anyone. My boys loved me and I loved them. They were my family. But outside of them… maybe the world didn't have a place for me in it.

Marie was helping herself behind the counter, fixing them both drinks. Honestly, considering how messed up I was, I couldn't blame her for hating me so much. She was actually right, I wasn’t good enough for Sky, not that I would ever tell her.

The two of them were talking, laughing, and having fun. My grip on my beer tightened and I chugged the rest of it. Sky sounded happy. Could I make her happy? Did I want to? I had been so determined to use her for sex—which had been a huge failure. She had wanted me just as much as I had wanted her. Angry with myself, I had been so determined to push her away, I actually took her out on a mission with me. Not just on a stakeout, I had ended up killing the guy. She had witnessed me murder someone. And then I just abandoned her there.

Yes, she still managed to make her way back here. She chose to return to the clubhouse, despite everything she had seen, that I put her through.

This Sky, she wasn't Allie any more, that was for sure. She was a new woman, one I was still just as attracted to, as I’d been to Allie. One, I wanted to get to know. One, I found myself not able to hate.

I downed my beer faster than I should have. It would be nice if I could hear them, but the walls in the room had been constructed to absorb sound, so people could talk somewhat privately, even if the bar was crowded to capacity.

Still, I watched their body language. Marie was talking earnestly, her hands communicating as much as her lips, and I knew, I just knew, she was telling Sky what a monster I was. After what Sky had witnessed earlier today, she had to believe it. Marie would convince her to leave and that would be the end of it, the end of us. It shouldn't bother me so much. It was for the best. I had only saved her because, while I might have hated her, I couldn’t let her suffer at the hands of those thugs. I wasn't that much of an ass. But, I wasn't a hero either. I didn't deserve her, or anyone else.

Sometimes killing a pedophile made me feel better, made me feel as if the world was a marginally better place—that I had helped to change the world. This time,
I felt dirty. Like I had been the one in the wrong. I have never felt that way before, and even chugging my beer—my fourth—didn't help to wash away the bad taste in my mouth. Would it ever be possible for me to be happy? For me to actually have a real purpose in life?

They were still talking. Fuck, just watching Sky's backside was enough to make my cock spring to life. She just had a way about her. She'd fling her hair back over her shoulder, or threw her head back and laughed, every little movement she did seemed sexually charged. It was probably my imagination, but still. My cock was throbbing, and I just wanted to bury myself in her wet pussy again and again. I needed to hear her scream out my name. She was my undoing. Sky could be my ruin if I wasn't careful.

I had been right to try and push her away. Where I had failed, Marie might succeed.

That would be for the best… right? We were a powder keg, just waiting to go off when we were together. We'd blow up if we stayed together. No way could we work for the long haul. Better to forget about her and move on.

I shifted in my seat to try to get comfortable, but the friction of my jeans only made my dick harder. My hand slipped down the table to adjust myself. Fuck. My balls were ready to explode. It was so damn uncomfortable.

Marie was hugging Sky now. Maybe they were on their way out now. Just how did Sky end up back here? She couldn't have walked that far, that quickly. A ride. Marie never would've brought her here, so someone else must have. For a second, I felt the hot burn of jealousy in my stomach. Some more beer helped to wash it away. I should be more focused on how Marie learned Sky was here, was Sky starting to get her memory back. It was only right for Sky to get back in touch with her sister, even if that sister did hate me and would try to take Sky away from me.

But then Marie walked away.

Only Marie.

Sky remained there, sitting on a barstool. After a moment, she got up, walked around to the bar, and started to rummage through the bottles. When she bent forward, her shirt fell away from her chest, and I could see her creamy breasts encased in her lacy black bra…

Without thinking, I got to my feet to try and better adjust myself. The sound of my chair scooting across the floor, echoed across the room.

Her head snapped up, and her gaze darted around the room. She looked in my direction, but didn’t give any indication that she saw me. The lights never reached this corner of the bar, so maybe I was hidden enough by the shadows and the pinball machine to be not be visible.

I sat back down  as Sky walked around the bar and headed slowly toward me. After a few steps, her confusion changed into understanding and then to anger. She marched over to me. "How long have you been sitting there?"

Calmly, I drank he last of my beer. "I didn't hear anything you two talked about if that's what you are worried about." I kicked out the other chair. "Sit."

She shoved the chair back under the table. "What did you do?"

"I… What?"

What was she talking about? Just what had Marie told her? The two had been fairly close… up until the time we started to date seriously. Then Allie had pushed Marie away, saying she was tired of hearing her say, over and over again, about how she could do better. Allie and I had been happy, once upon a time. We had some good times and that wasn't just the sex, though those had been some REALLY good times.

But then Allie had learned about my past, the complete truth, all of it… and she had left me high and dry. I'd figured she'd run back to her sister. She had broken my heart, so I hadn't even considered going after her.

But, here she was again, and it looked like history might be repeating herself, if Marie storming off was any indication. Picking me over her sister. After what she'd witnessed. This Sky… she might have demons of her own—her past and fear of the future—but she was, at least for now, willing to come back here, to me, even with all my demons too. But come back to what? This whole situation was fucked up.

Even though the situation was completely messed up, this was a chance I never thought I would have, a chance I never that I would ever want.

But I did. A part of me, a huge part, still wanted her in my life. Maybe it was weakness on my part. Weak wasn't something I tolerated, something I allowed myself to be.  I was strong. Hell, I killed people. But if I had a weakness it was her, and I had already proved that last night. Not with saving her. With fucking her.

"What did you do that made me break up with you?" She crossed her arms and stared down at me, daring me to ignore her questions.

I stared at her face. She looked pissed, worried… and concerned. There might be something else too, but I couldn't be sure. Sky had a second chance. We had a second chance.

Shit, she could be my one salvation.

But if she were to stay and not bolt, she couldn't ever learn the truth. Not again.

"You found out."

"About?" Sky impatiently tapped her fingers on her upper arm, eyes narrowing.

"About my missions."

"That's all? There was nothing else?"

"What else would there be?" I asked bitterly. "Isn't that enough?"

"You're sure?" she pressed.

I forced myself not to look away, to not give any clue that I was lying. Of course, she would want to be reassured. Of course, she wouldn't easily trust me. I took a deep breath. "We broke up because of what I do. My missions. I've never killed anyone except for pedophiles. My vengeance. I…" Now I couldn't help glancing away. "I don't expect you to understand or to accept it…"

"Good, because while I might now understand where you're coming from, I can't accept you going around killing people. Shadow that's just—"

"I don't need a lecture." I reached for the pitcher of beer. Only enough for a half a glass remained.

She yanked it out of my hand. "We aren't done talking about this."

"I know." I sighed. If we were going to try and see what might be between us, it was better she knew about my missions, all of it.  But telling her the truth, the whole truth could be reason enough for her to break my heart all over again.

Was I really willing to do this, to let her back into my life and maybe my heart? There hadn't been another woman after she left, that I had wanted as much I had wanted her.

Okay, so yeah, the night she'd left me, I had sought out the company of a woman. Even brought her to a hotel room. But I couldn't get it up. I couldn't stop thinking about Allie. She hadn't been able to accept me, all of me. She had learned my deepest, darkest secrets and rejected me because of it. Her love, our love, hadn't been strong enough to overcome it. I was devastated and heartbroken. After I kicked the woman out—I don’t even remember her name—I swore off women.

But seeing Allie—now Sky—made me realize I wasn't a loner. Not when it came to her. And I didn't want to be.

I wanted her.

God help me, I wanted her. Even if she might be the end of me.