Shades of Gray (47 page)

“I’m inclined to agree with you,” sad Kusac, “but the Alliance won’t.”

“Giyarishis is working on your formula now. I need to know if it is possible before I make a decision. Cutting Ch’almuth off from M’zull would also mean cutting it off from us. They’d have less warning of an imminent arrival, and we’d arrive too late. As it stands, if the corridor on Kij’ik still works, we can reach them in time to help. Any decision on cutting them off from M’zull would have to be theirs.”

“It was just a thought. I’m toying with ideas right now. One thing we’d need, unless this mission is to be Primes only, is suits that conceal our different body shape, which is not so easy.”

“The chameleon shielding might be adapted. I’ll get someone on that now,” he said, reaching for his communicator.

“They’re beginning,” said Kusac, nodding at one of the screens where Shamgar and Vayan could be seen entering a cell.

 

Sorli, Master of the Telepath Guild had sat up all night reading the slim volume, and what sleep he’d been able to snatch before leaving for the Palace in the capital, Shanagi, to see Lijou, had been fraught with nightmares.

“Master Sorli,” said Lijou, getting to his feet as he was ushered into the inner office. “A pleasure indeed to see you. What brings the Telepath Guild Master to my office at such an early hour?”

Lijou gestured to the informal seats, and Sorli gratefully sank into a soft easy chair.

“Bring refreshments for us both, if you please,” said Lijou to the attendant before he left.

“It’s this book,” said Sorli, pulling it out of a deep pocket in his robes. “I found it in our library. It’s a book of ancient prophecies and must have come from one of the precataclysm ruins that my predecessor, Esken, ordered “blessed” with explosives when he tried to hide our past from us.”

“But what in this has gotten you so worked up?” asked Lijou, accepting the battered book from him and beginning to flick through the pages.

“One was found before, by the same author, warning us of the la’quo stones. He called them Green Seeds of New Regret. This one speaks of more weighty matters, if that is possible, and touches on our own deities and our destiny.”

“Granted that one was correct, but it doesn’t mean . . .”

“This one talks about a time when we face our largest threat, which has to be now, hasn’t it? We will be judged by L’Shoh’s arbiter. His Sword of Justice will be released among us. Do you know what that means, Lijou?”

He could see that Sorli was getting quite agitated and was glad when they were disturbed by a knock at the door that proved to be the arrival of c’shar and sweet cookies.

The ritual of pouring the c’shar and offering the cookies did calm the Telepath Guild Master down somewhat.

“Now tell me again what you think this passage is saying and why it relates to us now. It’s almost in the job description of prophecies to be nonspecific so they can be used to keep countless generations in line, you know.”

“I know, but there are passages that refer to the plight that lately Kusac Aldatan found himself in. Believe me, Lijou, I don’t want it to be true. Justice on that scale would be unthinkable. We all say we want justice, but what we really want is fairness, and true justice isn’t necessarily fair: It must be modified by compassion—you know that, you’ve been a Guild Master far longer than I have.”

“Show me some of these passages, Sorli,” said Lijou, putting down his mug to hand the book back to him.

Sorli took it and turned the pages till he came to the passage he wanted. “Read this,” he said, handing it back.

“And the Avatar will be forged through the countless fires of hell. All he holds dear will be stripped from him, even to his life and his name, until he stands, alone, before the deities to be told their bidding. L’Shoh will say,
“Go forth and be our Sword of Justice among all the peoples of the worlds. Smite down those who have done evil, chastise with the blade those who have done wrong. Let none come before me but those whose souls are tainted with the dark.”
Then the Avatar, as dark as the night skies, will bow and take the Sword of Light from L’Shoh and say,
“It shall be as you wish, Lord of Justice. None shall escape my Blade of Truth, be they living in the hells of our oppressors or the Halls of Light itself.”
Stirring prose indeed, Sorli, but how you can tie Kusac into it, I can’t see.”

“Kusac has lost everything, Lijou, even his good name.”

“And had it restored, Sorli, don’t forget that,” murmured Lijou, continuing to read.

“What do they call the Palace on the Prime world?” asked Sorli quietly as he took a sip from his mug.

“The Palace of Light,” he replied absently.

“Not a long stretch to Halls of Light, is it?”

“I suppose not, but it’s all symbolic, not literal, Sorli. Kusac is very much alive and in no position to do something this sweeping anyway.”

“When he returned from his last mission, the Jalna one, he was changed. He had lost his Talent, his Leska, and his way. Then comes this mission to the one Valtegan who was his bitterest enemy, the one who kidnaped Kashini, who . . .”

Lijou held up his hand, stopping Sorli in midflow. “I do know all this,” he said gently. “Believe me when I say, yes, it could be Kusac, but it could also have been other people in our past. We don’t lack heroes, do we? I will read the book and make Rhyaz aware of it. But honestly, there is nothing about Kusac’s situation right now that would lead me to believe this refers to him or, if it does, that he is in a position to do anything about it.”

“Did you read the next part, where Ghyakulla tells him to become one with his enemy so he will know their weaknesses? Isn’t that just what he’s been doing this past half year or more?”

Lijou pulled himself out of the book with an effort. It was just too easy to read into it what Sorli had.

“Yes, I did.” He closed the book and put it down on the table. “The Primes are not our enemies, Sorli, and I doubt if Kusac harbors any ill-feelings toward us for sending him on that mission.” He wasn’t really certain about that. Rhyaz, at least, he had promised a reckoning. “I will take your concerns seriously and pass them on to Rhyaz, you have my word.” That this should have rattled their usually unflappable Telepath Guild Master was in itself a reason to take it seriously, and he wasn’t about to add to his worries by saying that he did have some good reasons for thinking this applied to Kusac. He’d show this to Noni and Conner and discuss it with them, then report to Rhyaz.

“Now tell me how your family’s doing. It seems ages since we visited and chatted about our wives and cubs.”

 

“Have you any idea how difficult it is to get hold of you, Kusac?” asked Carrie, walking over to where he sat at breakfast in the dining room.

“I’ve been busy, Carrie, nothing more.” It was true; he had been busy.

“There are things we need to discuss, and they can’t wait,” she said sitting down opposite him.

“Like what?” Her scent came drifting across the table, smelling of the special oils Vanna’s cousin made for her, taking him back to happier times.

“Shaidan for one. He’s my son too, and I feel he should be with his brothers and sisters on the
Tooshu
, not down here.”

“He stays here with me. I’ll not break my promise to him,” he said. “Bring the others down here—it’s wrong to keep them cooped up in space. Shaidan had never seen a sunset or felt the wind on his pelt till I took him to the rooftop the other night.”

“The others will stay on the
Tooshu
,” she said as firmly.

“Why? Let them walk on grass, feel the wind, smell the fresh air, and play in mud till it squishes between their toes—even chase butterflies! They need to taste freedom. They’ll be safe here. Unless you think Kezule let them go in the hopes of one day getting his hands on them again?”

“Of course I don’t think that!” she said, her skin flushing.

“Hmm,” was all he said as he went back to eating, trying not to let himself be too distracted by her presence.

“I don’t! It’s kidnapers and assassins I’m afraid of.”

“The other cubs would be under the same stringent security as Shaidan and Mayza, Kezule’s daughter, are. He’s not about to let harm come to her.”

“Cubs need boundaries . . .” she began.

“They also need freedom to play and to be cubs, Carrie,” he countered. “Give them a little time now, and they won’t suddenly take off on their own with a burning need to explore. They’ve been controlled all their short lives. Give them that time, Carrie.”

“I don’t see you letting Shaidan loose on the world!”

“Since the battle was over, he’s been swimming with Mayza in the King’s pool, and Shishu took them to the cattle pens to pet the newborn calves yesterday. They came back reeking of cattle dung, but happy and excited. What have you let the other seven do?”

“All right, I get your point. I’ll discuss it with Kaid and their parents later today. In return, I want to know about this scent marker.”

Startled, he looked up at her. “I told Kaid.”

“I’m not Kaid. I want to hear it from you myself.”

“It’s too public here, and I’m almost late for a meeting with Kezule and the King,” he said before shoveling the last mouthful in and standing up.

Then send it to me,
she said.
I know you can because you helped me during the HALO drop.

Trapped, he straightened up and retreated behind the Warrior within him. All along, he’d known he’d have to lie to her to protect her. Now was the time.

“The night before I was returned to you, K’hedduk sent one of his females to rape me and steal genetic material to make Shaidan. She smelled of Doctor Zayshul, so I thought it was she. She drugged me and bound Zayshul’s scent with mine, hoping I’d tell everyone what had happened, Zayshul would be blamed, and the alliance between the Primes and us would never happen. Only . . . I didn’t tell anyone.”

Carrie’s face had grown paler as he spoke. “Why not?” she whispered.

His eyes took on a bleak look for a brief moment.
Because I enjoyed it after enduring so much pain from J’koshuk
.

When she said nothing more, he continued.
I still love you, Carrie, but I’m linked physically by this scent marker to Zayshul, and we can’t dissolve it.
He wanted to say—I’m lying to protect you, I love you more than life itself, can’t you tell?—but he couldn’t.

He could feel her thoughts even though his were hidden from her.
I fought so hard to prove your innocence and traveled so far—for what? To find you in the arms of a Prime female?

“I have to go,” he said quietly.

“Go, then. There’s not much left to talk about, is there?”

He hesitated a moment longer, then left before his courage failed him.