Shackles of Honor (31 page)

Cylia looked to Cassidy, large tears brimming in her eyes as she smiled understandingly. Cassidy could only stand stricken silent, for she knew nothing of what her mother was telling her.

“Your father is a uniquely honorable man, Cassidy. For though he played the part of the attentive husband in public, he did not make means to do so in private. He did not move to touch me for the first six months we were married. Truly,” she added when Cassidy’s expression turned to that of skepticism. “I nearly went mad, for I felt that would he at least find me desirable physically…then I might have some small hope of winning his heart for my own. I know now that he did desire me…did secret a passion for me even in those first months. And this in itself created heartache for him, for he felt weak and disloyal to his lost love for feeling so toward me.”

Cylia let several tears escape as she smiled and shook her head at the memories, dabbing gently at her eyes. “Hmm,” she breathed somewhat resentfully. “The torment I endured at the hands…or rather sharpened tongues of the elite gossips of society. It was rumored that I was barren, for I had not yet succeeded in conceiving progeny for Calvert Shea. Everyone knew it could not possibly be the fault of the most sought
-
after young man in society. No one knew that my inability to carry a child was due to the fact that my husband was battling between duty to a lost love and duty to the family blood line.”

Cylia turned and smiled warmly at Cassidy. “And then, one night…yes, a full six months after we had been married, your father burst into my bedchamber late one night. I remember I was very frightened, for he looked angry and so disheveled. Furthermore, he stood before me in nothing but his trousers
,
and for a young girl in my day this was quite an alarming experience.”

Cassidy swallowed hard, thinking to herself that this was an alarming experience to any young woman.

“I remember I sat up in my bed and pulled my quilt tightly about my shoulders
,
saying simply, ‘
Whatever is the matter, Calvert?’
He was battling still with his duties
,
and he strode determinedly toward my bed and dropped to his knees on the floor beside it. ‘
I am the lowest of men, Cylia,’
he began. I shall never forget his words of that night
,
for they were my salvation in many ways. ‘
I am the worst of men, Cylia. For it is thus that I confess to you that she is gone from my mind! That I have abandoned her so quickly for love of only you. Think you now,
What weak man is this before me?
For I do love you, Cylia. Think you,
What man is this to burst in upon me in the middle of the night and tell me that after long months of seeming indifference he truly loves me?
After all this…all this through which I have put you, Cylia…I now, coward that I am, come to you this night confessing these things to you. How weak you must perceive me to be,’
he said. ‘
But the truth of it is that you have driven her from my mind, my beauty. Am I thus fickle in your eyes, Cylia? I have kept myself from you these many and long months for I feared you would think me shallow, untrustworthy
,
and insincere had I come to you with my feelings before now.’
”

Cassidy could not speak. What could be said? Her mother smiled and reached forth, caressing her daughter’s cheek affectionately. “These things…this confession has astonished you, has it not, darling?” she whispered. “But I knew that very night that your father spoke the truth. That his love for me was true and sincere, for the effervescent passion…the immediateness and sincerity of it…that was instantly and mutually between us that night was testimony to me of the truth of his words. Though the excruciating hurt of those first months still hides away in the depths of my memory…it has been healed by truth and love.”

“Why did you keep this secret from me, Mother? Why didn’t you ever speak of this to me before?” Cassidy was truly amazed at the story her mother told.

“What reason, until now, did I have to tell it to you, darling? For your father and I have loved each other desperately for these many years past, since long before you and Ellis were born. I only tell it to you now as comfort, for I feel your situation with Mason is quite the opposite of what mine was,” Cylia explained.

“How so, Mother? Mason has loved another and gives her up merely for sake of duty. Though I admit to you now that I don’t believe he will keep himself from me for six months following our marriage
—
for I’ve no doubt his duty compels him to determine to further the family blood line with expedience
—
I don’t see how the situation differs so greatly. Only that I may not win my love as you did.”

Again the warmth of her mother’s smile struck a small chord of comfort somehow in Cassidy’s mind as she spoke. “You’ve already won him, Cassidy. Mason Carlisle
—
and I’ve known him these many years
,
watched him grow
,
seen his strong will…his irreproachable determination
—
Mason Carlisle would never have sacrificed a woman he loved to marry another.”

“His duty alone would be cause enough for him
—
” Cassidy began.

“Yes. Cause enough for him to fulfill his first duty had he truly loved this woman. His first duty having been fulfilling a promise made to her. Mason does not love Gabrielle, Cassidy.” Cassidy gasped at her mother’s knowledge of Gabrielle. “Though he may in actuality love her, in a manner…he’s not
in
love with her. Furthermore,” and she cast her eyes downward a moment guiltily, “Devonna and I are good friends
,
and we have spoken about…I will tell you this
—
that your father never laid hands on me
,
in any manner
,
prior to our kiss before the minister on the day we were wed. And…and from what Devonna and I have observed, my darling…you have already tasted of your lover’s kiss.”

Cassidy was suddenly embarrassed that her mother should suspect that she had been held warmly in Mason’s strong arms—that she had been kissed, however briefly and lightly, quite blissfully by him. Still, she did not want her mother to be deceived. “He…he only kissed me briefly in teasing. He…he does not desire more from me, Mother.”

“Poppycock, my darling,” her mother exclaimed with a giggle and a smile. “Fish rot and poppycock.” Cylia walked to the looking glass that hung nearby on the wall. As she pushed gently at her hair, ascertaining its need of repinning, she added, “Think on his kiss, Cass. Think on it a while longer
,
and then tell me the same, if you can, in truth.”

A moment of hope glimmered brightly within Cassidy, but only a moment. Mason was a young, handsome
,
and very masculine man. Cassidy knew herself to be no ogre. It was merely his physical desires needing quenching that wove the appearance of passion toward her. That insipid red dress, Cassidy thought to herself.

With a sigh and a heavy desire to change the subject of conversation, Cassidy smiled at her mother and said, “I never before imagined you at my age and desperately in love with Father, Mother.”

“Yes, though it’s hard to believe as you look upon me now,” Cylia began, “I was once young and not too unpleasant to look upon.”

“I never doubted that for a moment, Mother,” Cassidy assured her. “Let us quit this dismal chatter and go down for breakfast. Perhaps all the commotion of your arrival has stirred even
h
is
r
oyal
h
ighness, Prince Ellis.”

“Not the quaking of the earth in destruction could rouse Ellis before he is ready, my love,” Cassidy’s mother told her, smiling.

Cassidy nodded, knowing full well the truth of her mother’s observation.



Breakfast was laid out perfectly, as always. “It’s lovely, Syndle,” Devonna commented upon entering the morning room.

“Thank you, ma’am,” Syndle said with a curtsy.

“Oh, Cylia!” Devonna exclaimed upon seeing Cassidy and her mother seated at the table. “Darling! I’m certain Cassidy is quite relieved to have her family surrounding her once more. Though I hope that one day she will look upon us as family as well.”

“Dev,” Cylia greeted, standing and hugging her friend, an affectionate kiss on the cheek passing between them. “Cassidy looks wonderful. You’ve taken good care of my baby.”

“As if she were my own daughter,” Devonna said, and Cassidy noted the odd way in which her own mother smiled understandingly.
Whatever had happened to Devonna’s daughter?
she wondered again. So many secrets in the two families. Too many.

“Devonna!” Cassidy’s father exclaimed from the doorway upon entering the morning room in front of Mason and a well-dressed but rather sleepy-looking Ellis. “You look divine, Dev. Divine!”

“Calvert!” Devonna chimed, going to Cassidy’s father. Cassidy was astonished as the two embraced comfortably, not unlike Lord Carlisle and her mother had upon their first arrival. “You don’t look a day older, dear!”

“Come now, Mother. Your art of flattery needs tuning,” Mason grumbled as he pushed past them and took his seat at the table next to Cassidy as Ellis held her chair for her.

“Good morning, love,” Ellis mumbled, kissing Cassidy affectionately on one cheek.

“Come,” Devonna said, ignoring Mason’s black mood. “Let us breakfast and discuss the gifts.”

“Yes,” Cylia agreed. “Have you decided on anything
,
Cassidy?”

“She has not put thought to it,” Mason answered for her. “Or so she claims.”

“It seems ridiculous to have to ask for a gift,” Cassidy stated. “What kind of a gift is it if it is requested and expected? Not a gift at all. Rather a purchase price in my view.”

“Hear, hear, Cass,” Ellis exclaimed.

“Ellis, enough,” Calvert scolded.

“With her family, she becomes a spitfire once more,” Mason again mumbled.

“Darling, it’s tradition! An engagement present given to you at Mason’s hand and a gift from yours to him
,
” Devonna argued.

“Oh dear, milady,” Ellis interrupted. “You’ve hit the wasp’s nest with a stick now. Cassidy does not go in for thoughtless gifts.”

“It will not be thoughtless. I
t will be an engagement present,
” Devonna argued delightedly.

“Forgive me, milady,” Cassidy began, “but some temporal, expensive gift to show the world the wealth of our families and our shallow attempt at pleasing each other? If there must be some token for the world to see, then I leave it to you to decide for him what to present to me. As for my gifting him something…we have already this day discussed it
,
and there is nothing he wants of me.”

“Nothing that can be given at the breakfast table anyway,” Mason mumbled. His eyes caught Cassidy’s for a moment
,
and she fancied they were taunting her.

“Bravo, my man!” Ellis chuckled. Cassidy thought she saw a slight grin pass between the two young men.

“Mason Carlisle! Such outrageous and inappropriate remarks!” Devonna scolded.

“What mean you, Mother? I mean only that cook has instructed Syndle into piling too many pastries on the table
. T
here is no room for gift exchange here.” Mason countered. Still, Ellis’
s
eyes twinkled merrily and with greater understanding at Mason. “Breakfast is superb, Syndle,” Mason complimented the young maid as she brought yet another tray of pastry to the table.