SEXY ROMANCE: Her Dark Obsession (8 page)

I also relapsed with Dwayne, suffering through a bizarre 30-minute apology phone call, in which Dwayne declared he was ready to get “serious” with me and change his womanizing ways.  I pretended to believe him, as usual.  And let him take me to dinner and pour on the smooth talk.  He brought me back to my place, eager for me to please him.  The only thing about Dwayne is that he was such a predictable lover, even if he was good. 

After tasting his cock and teasing him for a good fifteen minutes, he was ready for more doggy style. 

“On your knees, baby!” he sung out, naked from head to toe and ready to finish up.  So I decided to blow his mind, as well as his body, and give him something brand new, since this still was the Mission of Yes.  I just decided to make it a Mission of Yes for them too.

“You stay on your knees,” I said.  “I want to get some lube…” I said, getting off the bed and telling Dwayne to remain in place.

“Better hurry up!  I’m ready to explode with or without you.”

I waited until he turned his head back to the front and then snuck up behind him.  I quickly inserted my latex-covered, lubed up finger into his asshole and found his prostate.

Hearing Dwayne scream like a baby was hilarious, but I couldn’t stop to laugh.  Time was limited and I only had a few seconds to finish him off.  I rubbed his prostate massage just as hard as he knew how to fire up my G-spot.  Dwayne flipped out at first, but the longer he realized I wasn’t going to stop, the more he realized he liked it.

“Oh my shittt…wh-what are you doing to me?”

              “Want me to stop?” I asked, still milking his prostate and feeling his whole body shudder.

“N-N-Noooo!  Keep…going!  Whatever the hell you’re doing…I like it!” he said, as his whole body rocked back and forth and shook in orgasmic terror.

Making Dwayne come like a bitch was pretty amazing, and it almost made me feel good about myself again.  But as much fun as it was visiting old lovers and taking two steps back, something just wasn’t right.

I wasn’t progressive.  I was regressing.  And who else but Brody, the sex teacher extraordinaire, to remind me of this.

I met Brody in his private office at work, after he agreed to give me five minutes of his time. 

He seemed miffed that I even dared to come to see him, since he officially ended our fling.  “I told you it was over.  What do you want from me?”

“You know, technically, this was all your fault.”

“Me?  Why?”

“Because, you ruined my perfectly good relationship.”

“No, I didn’t,” he said sorely.  “I offered you opportunity.  You took it.  It was all your doing.  And subconsciously, it’s what you wanted anyway.  You just needed a reason, an excuse, to cheat on your great guy.  Because you don’t stability.  You don’t want normal, do you?”

I pondered the thought and Brody expounded further.  “Your decisions have changed you forever, Regina.  You can no longer look at life the same way and expect to make the same decisions.  Your corruption, your loss of innocence has changed the very essence of the person that you are.”

“Fine.  If you say so.”  I smiled and begin touching his hand.  “Now…I want you to do that again.  What you did back in my apartment.  Want to invade my place again and take me by force?”

He laughed weakly.  “You know, I’m really not feeling it anymore.”

“What?”

“You heard me.  Before, it was like I had no interest in you at all.  Then you became unattainable.  Your boyfriend.  Your trust.  That made it interesting.  It made me aroused.  Now, in your desperation…your darkest ebb…”  He shifted his head in sarcasm.  “Eh, it just doesn’t do it for me anymore.”

“But…you’re a guy.  You always want to do it.”

“But not with you, sweetcheeks,” he said with a cocky smirk.

My pride insulted yet again, I left his office and sulked.

**

Edgar seemed to be the perfect rebound guy for when my self-esteem was aching the most.  Knowing that I could tempt an otherwise happily married guy with no-strings-attached sex, and that I was his only mistress, did seem to cover my bruised ego like good concealer.

I looked up, my tired face in the bathroom mirror, and my eyes barely staying open.  I wasn’t falling asleep…just annoyed at myself.  Repulsed at what my mission to find myself, to make positive and risky changes, had reduced me to. 

I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror as Edgar pummeled me from behind, riding me doggy style and grabbing my hands in aggression.  He liked to watch himself in the mirror and me in a subservient role—of course, while his wife was home and oblivious in the upstairs bedroom.

For some reason, breaking the taboo, and mocking her cluelessness, was a turn on.  I really couldn’t understand how he loved her and yet insisted on using her as a prop for his own jollies. 

He grasped my breasts and held on for dear life, ready to come hard. 

“Not inside…” I whispered, staring at myself and choking in orgasmic fury.

He pulled out and shot in my tailbone.  As always, we were interrupted by the missus, which Edgar found heart-pumpingly erotic. 

“Are you all right in there, darling?” she asked.

“Yeah…just not feeling well, is all.”

I sighed in disgust as Edgar put his clothes back on.  He left the bathroom afterwards, giving me the signal of when to go.  He brought his wife upstairs for a chat.  Now was my chance to leave…and yet…somehow, I chose to say.  Chose to look at myself, a good long look, without flattery, without lying to my conscience.  Just me, naked and in reality.

I overstayed my welcome.  Seconds turned into minutes.  Before I knew it, I could hear both of their voices walking around the living room and back to the kitchen.  I shook off my deep thoughts and readied to make a hasty exist. 

When I came out, hearing only silence, I began tiptoeing to the door, hoping not to alert anyone with too loud of a step.

I did a double take, seeing Edgar’s wife sitting on the couch and calmly knitting together yarn. 

I stood frozen in place, not sure if she saw me.  I panicked and look back at the bathroom door, second-guessing whether I should tiptoe back there and lock myself in.  Stupid…stupid.  Why did I take so long to leave?  This is bad.  Really bad.

I watched his wife casually look down and continue her knitting as I awkwardly took steps backwards, not sure where to go.

Suddenly, The Wife looked up at me in cold indifference.  Her eyes were so blasé, her mouth so still and controlled.  “Are you here to clean?”

“What?”

“New cleaning woman, I take it?”

“Oh…yeah.”

“All right then.  Finish up and pick up your check.”

“Check…right…” I said in confusion.

She glared at me in annoyance.  “For god’s sakes, woman.  I’m trying to help you get out of here.  What do you want, to draw you a map to the front door?”

              “Oh…I’m sorry.  I’m leaving right now.  Sorry, I didn’t get much cleaning done today.”

“I’ll bet you got plenty done,” she muttered.

“Oh…you…know?”

“I’m not an idiot,” she said bitterly.  “He thinks he’s so clever hiding you.  He really mistakes me for a blind and deaf woman sometimes.  It would almost be a comedy of errors around here…if it wasn’t so ridiculously pathetic.”

He stopped staring at me and went back down to knitting.

“I’m sorry…I don’t know what I’m doing here.”

“I don’t either.  I believe your session is over.”

“Yeah…” I said with a long pause.  “I just…I just want to know.  Why do you put up with it?”

“Why do you?” she asked, sending me the dagger eyes.

“Why do I…?”

“What’s the difference between you and I, anyway?  You lust after him.  I love him.  You get a thrill from all this.  I get some semblance of security.  Some vague feeling of romance, at least when he’s here.”

I grabbed my head in confusion and partly embarrassment.  “So why don’t you know…kick my ass or try to shoot me?”

“Do you want me to?” she asked, looking up.

“No…no, I guess I don’t,” I said in resignation, feeling lower than dirt, as usual.

“I could ask you to stop coming by,” she said, wondering aloud, probably just as confused as I was.  “But he would probably carry on with someone else.  I could cheat on him, I suppose, but I don’t know what enjoyment that would really bring me.  I could leave him…”  She looked at me in judgment one last time.  “But then I guess I’d be alone then, wouldn’t I?”

I shook my head and walked out the door, never to come back.  Whatever that guilt trip was, it worked perfectly.  I saw firsthand, not only the pain I caused this woman, but also a mirror of my own confused, insane life.  None of it made any sense to any of us.  And yet we all kept on…because we were too weak to stop turning the wheels, to start changing direction.

I wasn’t ready to give up my life of Yes, and go back to repression and inhibition.  But I knew I was done with all of this.  All of this mindless, taboo-breaking just for the sake of men’s pleasure.  I had pleased them enough.  I had pleased myself enough.  It was time for me to find some level of honesty, some foundation of what I believed about myself, so that I could start building a life that made sense.

**

September

“To be honest,” I said, while smoking a cigarette and not giving a damn, “I can’t think of any reason why you’d want to be with me.”  I wasn’t trying to look like I didn’t give a damn, I had actually reached that point. 

I soaked up the wetness of beer in the air, the stench of ashtrays and god knows what in the bathroom.  A cheap tavern where only the lowlifes came.  Nobody really came here to get laid.  They just came here because they didn’t know where else to go.  I found another guy here that looked interesting, probably because he was close to where I was, at least in mind.

Eddie was a hard drinker and had a nice tan.  But his skin was rough.  His eyes were fascinating and his badass motorcycle gang look was definitely attention-grabbing.  But I think what I liked most about Eddie was his voice.  Despite his hard appearance, his voice seemed almost melodious, and it figures, since he was a musician and part-time singer – drummer. 

“I’m not really a good person,” I said, staring past his eyes and into the shadows of the darkened place.  “I sort of screw up every good relationship I have.  I have no idea what the hell I want.”

“Yeah, I hear ya,” Eddie said drinking his fifth beer.  Alcoholic probably, like I was in any position to judge.  “Damn near screwed up my life several times.  Least you haven’t ended up in a ditch somewhere, homeless, and being beaten in the nads by gang members.”

“Yikes,” I said in horror.  “I guess you win.”

He laughed.  “Yeah, I’ve just about done it all.  I prefer some memories to others, that’s for sure.”

“I kind of think people like us are just not meant to get along.  Maybe we shouldn’t be in relationships, the way everyone else is.  We’re just too out of touch.  We’re the jaded ones.  We’re only happy when we’re miserable.”

“Sort of,” Eddie said, finally putting his drink down and finding a worthy rant.  “But I think what it is, is that we just live moment to moment.  There’s no long-term anything.  I mean, who’s to say we’ll even be here in another year?  I could die in a biking accident.  You could die in a…a…well…what do you do?”

“I could get crushed by a piano, I guess.”

“There ya go.”

“So how about this?  How about we make a deal to just hang out here every week, no obligations or any rules.  Just do whatever comes natural?”

“Sounds pretty good to me,” I said taking another drink.  I felt vaguely relaxed, maybe even a little jolly for a change.  Wearing only a pink blouse and jeans, I felt sexy without being dolled up.  Maybe I was just trying too hard for so long.  Maybe there was wisdom in Eddie’s life view.

“So what do you do for fun, Regina?” he asked curiously.

I rode Eddie’s cock furiously, so turned on by his Stairway to Heaven soundtrack playing on the stereo, I started straddling his crotch like I was pounding on the drums myself.  Eddie did have the look of a rockstar, and it’s one meaningless affair I allowed myself with hardly any guilt attached to it.  His place looked like a bachelor’s pad after a tornado—musical instruments laying everywhere, disheveled furniture, and a few more naked posters on the wall than I was expecting.  But it’s not like Eddie ever pretended to be a classy guy.  We were just two lowlifes screwing and for once, we deserved each other.  Total balance.  Two lost souls who just enjoyed being lost together.

I rode him fast, pounding on his chest and squeezing my vagina walls together, gripping his cock hard while the friction increased.  I did most of the work but yes, that rockstar fantasy is hard to shake and I figured this is more or less what it’s like to score with Mick Jagger or Steven Tyler.  Just as he was ready to come, I stopped riding him and stood up, hand-stroking him until he sent a load flying up into the air and all over my hands.  I guess it was a new sexual quirk of mine.  I just couldn’t stand the idea of letting someone inside of me, who I didn’t love.