Sexy Hart (Sexy Series) (38 page)

Emily giggles very faintly before releasing my hand and getting up from her chair. “I’m going to give you a minute, sweetheart,” she whispers, walking over to join her husband and daughter. Bea is watching me interact with Oliver and I notice she has tears running down her cheeks, but she’s smiling, and I hope that’s because she’s happy for us, and enjoying listening to me finally opening up about how I feel about him.

I turn his hand so his palm is facing upwards, and I put my face on it, resting on the bed, looking at him. “Here you go, handsome, touch my skin, you’ll be missing that - I know you, it’s been a few hours.” I begin to slowly well up again as I look at him, thinking about those few hours ago when he was sitting on my bed drinking tea… he wanted to grope my boob… he apologised for not making love to me… he didn’t have to apologise, I didn’t mind… I was just grateful that he was thoughtful enough to make Alexia and I a hot drink and make time to join me for a quick, cheeky morning chat.

My tears run across my face as I rest my head
sidewards on the bed, and I sniff, turning my face to kiss his palm and then resting my cheek against it again. He feels just like him… yet he’s not responding to me, which is so unlike him. My heart is broken right now and I don’t know how to repair it without him waking up, jumping out of bed and telling me he’s feeling fine and wants to curl up on the sofa with me to watch a cheesy chick-flick.

I’m cold… so very, very cold but my heart is burning for him, it’s so full of love for this man and as it breaks that little bit more, the endless supply of love pours out into my body. I close my eyes and imagine that liquid love seeping through my skin to saturate his, infiltrating each and every pore until his blood is mixed with it, taken over by it, healed by it… Oh god how I wish I could heal him with it.

Although I’m so terribly worried, I feel the most comforted I’ve been since I first heard this hideously sorrowful news, calm, quiet and soothed by our contact, my eyes still closed, both of my hands beneath his one, my face cradled in his palm - holding him the best way I can. Bea’s hand strokes my arm as she whispers for me not to move, she pulls the other chair close up to mine and rests against my back, holding me tightly so we can be here together, with our Oliver, loving him, missing him and silently praying for someone, anyone to help him.

~~~~~~~

We fell asleep like that, on and off, not wanting to move a muscle. I never fell deep enough for me to be shocked or confused when I woke - I think deep down, I’m fully aware of the situation, even in my sleep. So I stayed perfectly still, only moving my head slightly in my sleep to snuggle into his hand.

The doctor spoke gently to me, advising me that should I feel his hand move beneath my face, it’s perfectly normal and that patients in comas sometimes twitch or respond to touch or pain, so not to get myself excited that he’s coming around, he won’t be because the drugs are still working to keep him in a deep coma.

It did excite me a little, I would love to feel him moving, even if it was just a twitch, I could still let myself believe that he’s responding to my touch or the feel of my skin against his, but as it hasn’t happened yet, I’ll just hope that it might. Maybe I just want something to give me a little positivity, so I can believe he’s going to be okay, relieve the ache caused by the fear that he may not be ‘okay’.

CHAPTER 18

SATURDAY 17TH AUGUST

It must be around two in the morning and Bea and I are still at Oliver’s bedside, in the same position. His parents are close-by, but as I refuse to move my face away, refuse to tear my gaze from Oliver, I’m not sure exactly what they’re doing. I want to change my clothes, but I don’t want to leave him, what if something happens to him while I’m gone? I’ll never forgive myself… what if they decide to reduce the drugs while I’m not here? He can’t wake up without me.

The hospital staff are still here, monitoring, and the machines are still beeping away around him, nothing has changed, except Oliver losing Friday the sixteenth of August evening, of this year, to a coma.

Bea slowly moves away from me, and I hear her stand before she slowly makes her way to the door and slips outside, presumably to Daniel. I hear Emily sniffling and wonder if they might want some time alone with their son. It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve done, to contemplate letting go of his hand and moving away to give his parents some time alone with him, but I need to.

I lift my head from his hand and kiss his palm before standing and leaning over to his face. “I’m going to step outside for a minute, darling,” I whisper, “to give your parents some time alone with you. I’ll be back in a bit to hold your hand again and talk to you. I love you so much. You’re my beginning, and my end, Oliver, and I’m going to be here with you, every step of the way until you’re back with me. I’ll be here until I can take you back to your house…
our
house, to continue with our lives, together. Love you… love you, darling.” I say, stepping away from him, watching his face for any type of movement, but of course; nothing.

“You have some time with your boy, I’ll step outside for a short while. Can I get you anything?”

“No, thank you,” Emily responds before Edward continues.

“But thank you, Clare, come back in whenever you’re ready, we know he loves you being here.”

I smile, welling up, and slip out of the double doors quickly before I break down again. I stop on the other side and take a long, deep breath to compose myself. I must stay strong. Daniel and Bea are standing in a tight embrace, both clearly exhausted, swaying slightly in silence.

Alexia smiles, sympathetically and stands to join me. “You okay? Can I get you anything?” she asks, rubbing my back, gently.

“No, thank you, Alexia. I just wish I wasn’t wearing this stupid, tight dress.”

“I am going to head back to the apartment in a while to get some food and clothes, would you like me to take Lex to get you some clothes from your place? Daniel asks, quietly.

I think about it for a moment, and I wouldn’t even know where to begin explaining where to find my clothes, or even what I want to wear. “No, thank you - I can’t really think straight at the moment.”

“Okay, well if you change your mind. Or, if you’d like me to take you home, or to Oliver’s house, that’s cool, too.”

“Oh, I’m not sure about that…” I desperately don’t want to leave him, what if something happens? But at the same time, I feel like I need fresh air, I need to change clothes, wash this old, dry make-up off my skin and have a long drink of water.”

“It’s okay,” Bea says, her voice tiny and weak, “I will call you if anything changes, they’re not going to be reducing his drugs yet so if you’re going to go, it’s probably best you go sooner, rather than later, when he’s less likely to change. I will keep my phone in my hand, ready to call you.”

“I just don’t know if I can leave him…” I cry, softly, my face aching and tired, my eyelids hot.

“I know,”
Bea says, releasing Daniel to hug me, “it’s so hard to know what’s best, rationale just doesn’t come into it. We’re all exhausted, helpless and confused, I don’t think any of us knows whether we’re coming or going.”

“I spoke to Luke,” Daniel says, changing the subject to help us focus on something else.

“Oh yes?” Bea asks as we release each other, and she turns to look at her fiancé again.

“They started packing as I was on the phone, they’re flying straight over on the first flight they can get. It was a good few hours ago so they’re probably en route already.”

“Okay, Oliver will like that,” Bea says, and I nod, silently, in agreement.

The thought of the baby being here somehow comforts me, Oliver would love to know that little Emily is with us in his room, she’s too young to understand which makes it okay, and I’m sure hearing her little baby noises will comfort him. We have video-called them many times over the past couple of months; the first time I video-called on my own, paranoia taking over about people guessing something if they see us together too much, but Tilly asked me to get Oliver over next time, so I did, and after that, we always video-called them together.

A few times, we video-called with Bea and Daniel, too, which was great fun. Oliver was just as excited to see the baby on the screen as I was, hearing about her new developments and seeing her growing. I know he’ll be excited to know she’s here in the flesh with us all.

Having been out of the room for a few moments, and feeling a little refreshed - if at all possible, I decide that maybe I can leave the hospital, if we’re very quick, I do need to get some more tampons, too, something I really don’t want to be having to think about right now.

Bea’s right, until they begin to bring him out of the deeper coma, there really is very little that will change, unless something bad happens, and I need not to think about that. I will feel a lot better if I can get this tight dress off and put something loose and comfortable on.

“Daniel, I think maybe I would like to go home quickly… do you think we could be very quick?”

“Of course, we’ll be as quick as possible, and if you change your mind at any moment, we can turn around and come straight back. How does that sound?”

“Good, thank you.” I smile gratefully. “I’m going to go in and tell Oliver.”

“I’ll stay here,” Alexia says, just in case anyone needs anything, and then maybe you can take me home when you’re back, Daniel?”

“Sure,” he says, warmly. They’re so close and warm with one another, my siblings don’t even know me that well,
it’s always a bit forced when I’m around them. Doesn’t mean I don’t love them, I just don’t remember much about them from my childhood as I was younger than them, and we were always doing different things, separately, so we’re not even slightly close. My friends are the family I chose for myself; my friends and my Oliver, and one day, very soon, our baby will be, too.

I take yet another deep breath as the pain deepens again, and I decide I really need to get going now so that I can be back here with Oliver, as soon as possible, so I turn towards the double doors and step into the room again.

Walking quietly towards his parents, I rest a hand on each of their backs and lean forward to whisper that I’m going home to change and that I’d be back very quickly. They nodded in response, and declined my offer to get them anything.

I look at Oliver, still exactly the same as a few moments ago which, although isn’t ideal because I want him alert, gives me a little confidence to leave him briefly to change into something else and wash my face, before anything changes here.

“Oliver,” I whisper as I touch his forearm, “I’m just going to go home to change very quickly. I will be back as soon as possible, don’t go doing anything naughty while I’m gone. I love you.” I kiss his arm and savour the feel of his warm skin one last time beneath my fingers before I step away, forcing myself through those double doors again, praying that someone up there keeps him safe while I’m gone.

As promised, the car journey is very quick, and when we stop outside my
maisonette, Daniel asks if I’d like him to accompany me or if he should use the time to quickly go to their apartment to get Bea some clothes and refreshments. I decide on the latter, it’ll be much more time efficient that way, and I’d quite like a few moments alone.

As soon as I have had an extremely quick shower, literally rinsing my body and washing my face, I throw on some baggy tracksuit bottoms with a strappy vest top and some ballet shoes, along with my original wedding ring. By the time I step outside to wait for Daniel on the doorstep, quite impatiently, he’s already returned and waiting for me. He really is a super
hero, I must have only been fifteen minutes, maximum.

“Thank you so much, Daniel.”

“Not a problem. Let’s get back.”

“Um, do you think we might be able to go to Oliver’s house very quickly? I want to get him something to remind him of home.”

“Sure, sweetheart. It won’t take long to get there.”

“Thank you,” I respond, thankfully. What would we do without these incredibly helpful, thoughtful men in our lives? We have all gained wonderful, loving boyfriends/fiancés/husbands, but these men also play such a huge role amongst the rest of the group, he may be Bea’s man, but even I don’t know what I’d do without him, and the same with Luke. I think we’re the luckiest group of girls in the entire world.

Within about five minutes, Daniel pulls onto Oliver’s drive and I’m painfully surprised to see his car here. It means Oliver should be home, it looks like he’s home… he should be inside the car, waiting for me to jump in next to him so he can wink at me in his sexy way before driving us somewhere fabulous for lunch.

I remain seated as I gaze at it for a moment. “You okay?” Daniel asks, resting a hand on my arm.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. It’s just… you know. His car.”

“Yeah, I know. I think his work colleagues brought it back from site or something.”

I nod, it’s a likely explanation, I just can’t bear the thought of someone else driving in it. I look down before forcing myself to snap out of it. “Okay, I’ll go in, I’ll be a few minutes.”

“Okay, do what you need to do, I’ll be waiting here.”

“Thank you. Have you checked your phone?”

“Yes, nothing.”