Sex & Sourdough (32 page)

Kevin shrugged, but he smiled again and set his hand on top of Anders’s beneath the table.

A soft sigh from the head of the table drew his attention toward his mother, whose gaze was locked on Kevin’s downcast face. The practiced smile Anders was so accustomed to seeing on her face had vanished. Anders was stunned to see a deep frown marring her typically controlled features instead. She was blinking fast, stoically determined not to let any of the tears in her eyes fall. “How old were you when he passed?”

“Twenty-one.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “It must have been hard to face that when you’re so young yourself. When I lost my mother I was nearly forty, and it was still hard. I don’t think it’s ever easy, of course.”

“No, I don’t think it is.”

“What did you want to study?” she asked, managing to pull up the smile again.

“Honestly? I would have studied recreation management. I wanted to be a park ranger. We lived right on the east side of Yosemite National Park, so it seemed like a natural choice.”

Reverend Bowman set his hand on Kevin’s shoulder. “I must say, it’s a credit to your mother and father both, raising a boy who can shoulder that burden at such a young age.”

Across the table, Michael and Aaron exchanged subdued looks, but Cole just shifted in his chair and glared at them all. “Yeah, yeah, life is hard, poor you. I can’t believe you’re all actually encouraging this! You’re a minister and you can sit there and say that this little—”

“Cole!” Barbara snapped. Anders glanced at his mother, did a double take, and then outright stared. Where there had been tears in the corners of her eyes just a moment before, now there was an anger he’d never seen before. His mother was always in complete control of herself, unquestionably firm, and cold as ice. Now she looked enraged.

“No.” Cole shook his head. “I can’t believe everyone is just going to tiptoe around this to avoid causing a scene! You’re a man of God and you’re sitting there suggesting that our little brother should just throw his life away! Sure, go put on an apron and play happy faggot family all you want! Embarrass us all at every social event and holiday! You’re the youngest, so it’s not like you can’t do anything and everything you want!”

Barbara shot up from her seat. “That is enough!”

“No shit! Tell me, Reverend, how much of a donation did it take to convince you to ignore what they are?”

“Cole!”

Reverend Bowman raised his hand and motioned for Barbara to sit back down. He smiled a little. “To the best of my knowledge, son, there has never been any religious or moral prohibition against men becoming bakers.”

Cole shook his head again. “They’re gay!”

“Cole”—the man’s smile grew—“I assure you, no donation will change the words of Jesus. I take the commandments of our Lord and Savior quite seriously. Jesus said, ‘Love thy neighbor.’ Period. He didn’t add any exceptions. It’s not ‘love thy neighbor provided they’re straight, white, and Christian
.
’ I am not a rabbi, so as far as I’m concerned, whatever the Old Testament has to say on the matter is irrelevant. I am not arrogant enough to dare put words into the mouth of Jesus Christ. If you’ve wandered so far from the word of Jesus that you’re making it up as you go along, it might be time to reflect on your own spiritual well-being.”

“But they’re—”

“Do you really want to talk about what they are, Cole?” Aaron muttered, glaring up at Cole from his seat. “Do you want to talk about Eric?”

Cole lowered the finger he was pointing across the table, turning his anger on Aaron instead.

“Or Seth,” said Aaron, before Cole could speak. Cole began to tremble with rage, but when he opened his mouth to shout at Aaron, Aaron said, “and David.”

“Don’t you dare!” Cole shouted. “I swear, I will kill you—”

“Jeremy, maybe?” Aaron laughed. He stood up from the table calmly, smiling the whole time. Of all of Anders brothers, Aaron alone had a build that allowed him to put on muscle easily. He worked at it, stayed in shape to manage the demands of his job, and it showed. Cole weighed about as much as Anders, and standing next to his larger brother, he looked scrawny.

“I said that is enough!” Barbara hissed. “Cole, you are out of line. I would like you to leave. You’re welcome back when you can manage to behave in a civil manner. Aaron, if you can’t behave yourself, you can go with him!”

“I apologize.” Aaron grinned between Barbara and Kevin. “To you both. Cole, you heard the lady.”

“You asshole! Fine! I’m done with this!” Cole tripped trying to get around his chair and hurried out, then slammed the front door behind him.

Aaron straightened his uniform and sat back down.

“What was that about?” Michael asked.

Aaron looked at their oldest brother curiously. “That’s right, you’d moved into a dorm by then.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing.” Aaron grinned innocently. “Nothing at all.”

“They’re just Cole’s friends from high school,” Anders said without thinking about it. “They used to stay over all the time….” He dropped his fork with a clatter. There was no way Aaron was implying Cole was gay too. He scanned the table and was shocked to see that his parents, and even Reverend Bowman, didn’t look surprised. Maybe they were just oblivious. Kevin, at least, was as wide-eyed as he was.

Michael looked confused, but Aaron’s grin was so firmly fixed in place that Anders knew he was right.

“That still doesn’t explain what that was about.” Michael took a long drink from the wine glass in front of him.

“So, Anders,” Aaron said, ignoring Michael, “A bakery…. Come on, then, convince us it’s a good idea.”

Anders talked about recipes and business models for the rest of dinner. Kevin added anecdotes about the tricks that often boosted sales at his family’s bakery, like having someone kneading dough by hand within view of the customers, placing the most active bake ovens beneath the building exhaust fans, and marketing single-serving desserts rather than selling them by the dozen.

A
S
SOON
as dinner was finished, Anders tugged Kevin away from the table and led him into an ornate room lined with bookshelves. Frank Blankenship was already in the dimly lit room, standing at the bar. Anders looked at him miserably. “I need to talk to my father for a minute. Mind waiting for me?”

Kevin shrugged. He took two casual steps back and relaxed against the wall in the hallway. Anders set his hand on the doorknob, but left the door ajar. What Anders needed to talk to his father about concerned Kevin directly, so he didn’t care if Kevin overheard them.

Inside the study, Anders stood there, fidgeting. He waited until Frank poured a cup of brandy and then said, “Fess up,” just as his father had so often done when Anders was a child.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” his father said smoothly. He eyed the open door and then took his brandy to the other side of the room, obviously moving out of Kevin’s line of sight.

Anders wanted to stay near the door—he felt like Kevin was owed this explanation more than he was—but his father obviously wouldn’t discuss the matter except on his own terms. “That bread was there before Miss Tabitha showed up with dinner. You were the only one who knew Kevin’s name.”

“I’m sorry, is that particular bread somehow significant?”

Anders narrowed his eyes. “You know it is. I learned a long time ago that there’s no such thing as a coincidence when you’re involved.”

His father clinked the ice in his glass and chuckled. “After the last incident, can you blame me for being concerned?”

“What did you do?”

“Just a bit of research—credit check, vital-records search, employment history. Nothing terrible.”

“Dad,” Anders growled. “You couldn’t have just asked me about him? Or hell, asked him about himself?”

“I suppose I assumed you wouldn’t be inclined to discuss it. It seems to require bloodshed before you’re willing to have an honest conversation with me, so I looked into the matter on my own. And I’m not sorry. I’m glad I did, because I’ve found you can tell a lot about a man from what he refrains from saying. Your brothers made spectacular asses of themselves, and he handled the situation with more tact than I would have.”

“So you can tell he doesn’t care what a bunch of assholes think of him?” Anders guessed.

“I can tell he is confident enough to be beyond the need for the approval of others, and at the same time he’s kind enough not to be spiteful in the face of criticism. If I hadn’t done a bit of research”—his father smiled over the file folder—“I’m afraid I might have made the same assumptions your brothers did. I would have been a bit more tactful about it, but I would have set out with the same goals.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

Anders heard the murmur of his brothers’ voices outside the door. Michael and Aaron murmured something to Kevin, and Kevin muttering something in answer. Anders moved back toward the door when Kevin’s voice followed Aaron and Michael’s down the hall and out the back door.

“Let your brothers have a few minutes alone with him. I promise you, they’re not going to incite your mother’s wrath by saying anything inappropriate.” His father nodded for Anders to come farther into the study. “Besides, if I hadn’t looked into the matter, I wouldn’t have had any idea that I might be able to make him feel more at home just by running to the grocery store.”

“You think the fact that it helped you avoid embarrassing yourself makes it okay? How can you just violate his privacy like that?”

“Discreetly, I assure you. It won’t have any impact on his credit, if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

“You think that’s what I’m worried about? You owe him an apology!”

“An apology?” His father smiled gently. “No. I’m not sorry, and I’ll not apologize when I’ve done nothing wrong. I’ll do whatever I have to do to make sure you’re not running around with someone who’s going to hurt you.”

“You’re making some pretty fucked-up assumptions too, you know. You do owe him an apology for violating his privacy. And for dinner! I get that Aaron just got home from a long deployment, but why the hell did you invite Cole? If nothing else, you owe him an apology for subjecting him to dinner with those two!”

“Each of you has a standing invitation to dinner—you know that. You didn’t have to attend, and neither did your guest. For what it’s worth, though, I think you have Michael to thank for Cole gracing us with his presence this evening.”

“You know what they would have been saying if we hadn’t shown up!”

“Yes, they would have said exactly the same thing. And your mother would have done exactly as she did.”

“She knows?” Anders asked.

“Of course she knows. We don’t keep secrets, Anders. I looked him up the night you left. And afterward, I was sitting in here until four in the morning wondering how, in the name of God, a boy so close to your age could end up with credit references from nursing homes and mortuaries! And then even more credit references from hospitals and doctors. You did say he was sick, but… I couldn’t fathom it.”

“It’s none of your business! You have no right to—”

“You are my son! It is damn well my business! I owe him my thanks, but I will not apologize. Whoever he is, whatever there is between you, he’s given you something you care about enough that you’re willing to stand up to me again! And finally stand up to that first young man.”

“What?”

“Do you really think your mother and I couldn’t see that something was wrong? We could see how depressed you’ve been, since the day you started college. I thought you needed direction in your life. I tried to help you find that direction and it just made things worse. When you left last week, the only thing I knew about this Kevin Winters was that he’s the first thing you’ve actually cared about in five years!”

Anders kept his gaze riveted on the folder, wondering just how his father had twisted this conversation back to him. The man always did, somehow.

“Anders, when you were sixteen, you stood there and told me you were gay, you were just fine the way you were, and if I didn’t like it, I could go to hell.”

“I didn’t tell you to go to hell,” Anders insisted, trying to remember the exact conversation.

“You might as well have.” His father smiled. “You’re so much like your mother it’s frightening, you know that?”

Anders tensed at that. He didn’t want to be like his mother. She was always manipulating the people and situations around her, always in control of everything, and so caught up in appearances that she had held him at arm’s length for most of his life. Anders remembered the blanket that had been draped over both him and Kevin as they slept. However manipulative his mother could be, she was going out of her way to be welcoming.

“You both blow up over the littlest things. You both take any injustice in the world as a deep personal insult, and you’re both the most passionate people I’ve ever known.”

“But she uses other people to fight her battles,” Anders said quietly, the realization forming as he spoke. “She found out Michael told Cole and Aaron to show up, and then she invited Reverend Bowman so he could shoot down their arguments without her having to look biased.”