Sex Made Easy (9 page)

Don't despair! Here's what to do:

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Keep a towel nearby
to dab your genitals and his when things get wet and lubricated. By drying them slightly, you can increase the friction to heighten sensitivity for both of you.

•
Insert a tampon into your vagina before sex.
Let it soak up your vaginal wetness for about thirty seconds or a minute, then remove it and proceed as usual. By slightly drying your vagina, you will likely feel more sensation.

•
Expand your perspective.
If you've never really gotten into oral sex, sex toy play, finger play, BDSM (bondage, domination, submission, masochism, etc.), or threesomes, this may be your chance. If you're really into a smaller-sized guy and his penis size isn't doing it for you, see what else brings you pleasure. And try to not feel as if you're settling: there are many reasons we find ourselves looking into things we least expected for pleasure. After all, the only reason I ever first learned to orgasm during vaginal intercourse is because I was dating someone with rapid ejaculation. The oral sex was only so-so (through no fault of his own; I hadn't put much effort into communicating with him what I liked), and I ended up learning to experience orgasm during intercourse in a desperate attempt to have orgasms when we had sex. I learned to do it quickly too! Although my partner's penis size was larger than average, I see no reason why you couldn't take a similar
approach to sex with a smaller than average-sized partner. If your partner's small size is a downer, maybe you can make another part of sex (like oral sex) more awesome and size won't matter as much.

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Consider medical help.
This isn't for everyone, but a very small percent of men have what's called micropenis and in this case a surgical procedure can help to elongate the penis. However, penile surgeries carry risks of complications, including the development of scar tissue and painful erections, so he'd be wise to check in with an experienced surgeon or two before deciding to go this route.

•
Check into penile extenders.
Sex toys have grown increasingly sophisticated over the past decade. There are more penile extenders on the market than ever before that are high quality, that aren't awkward during sex, and that can be fun for the guy wearing it as well as the partner on the receiving end. Just make sure to lube it up before use.

The glans is the most sensitive part of a man's penis. The embryonic tissue that develops into the clitoris for females is the same tissue that develops into the glans penis for males. This explains why the glans is as sensitive as it is; after all, they come from the same tissue with the same number of nerve endings, except the nerve endings in the clitoris are more concentrated.

This has its pros and cons. The fact that the glans is so sensitive means that men can often experience orgasm fairly easily during intercourse or masturbation—much more easily than many women can, as the glans gets lots of direct stimulation during sex. However, the sensitive nature of the glans means that some men feel overly sensitive and may either back away from stimulation, especially after sex, or feel highly stimulated to the point where they ejaculate more quickly than they'd like.

Just as some women can only take so much clitoral stimulation before they feel it's too much and they need a breather, some men feel similarly. Some guys enjoy stimulation of their glans right up until they ejaculate.
Then, it's hands-off and mouth-off. If your partner has a very sensitive penis, give him some breathing room post-ejaculation. Stay involved in the sex act by kissing him or stimulating the base of his penis, his scrotum, or perineum until he's finished ejaculating, then give him some space.

If you are ever having sex with a man and you hear a popping or snapping sound or he grabs his penis out of pain, try to get him to go to the emergency room. After all, a penis can “break.” (Sort of.) As the spongy chambers fill with blood, they become stiff, and the lining around them (called the tunica albuginea) is only flexible up to a point, at which the penile fracture occurs. If a man is having vigorous sex and is thrusting in and out, or his partner is hopping up and down on top, his penis may come out of and accidentally hit against his partner's body rather than going back inside the vagina or anus from whence it came. Early treatment—often involving draining blood from the penis—is important. If left untreated, swelling and infection may develop, as might scar tissue (which can result in the penis forming a bend or curve), or it can result in painful erections. It's nothing to feel embarrassed about, as it does happen sometimes; US data from 2006 to 2007 show 1,043 cases of penile fracture, more than a third of which occurred over the weekend when people may be more likely to have sex.
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Penile fracture may also be more likely to happen to younger men—the average age of patients was 36.7 years—and those with strong erections, as there needs to be some degree of rigidity for it to break in the first place. (A softer penis would be more likely to simply bend.) Yet another study, published in 2011, found that an unusually high number of penile fractures happened to men while they were having affairs and having sex outside the bedroom (e.g., in a car, elevator, office).
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The take-home message here is that a popping sound from a penis necessitates a trip to the doctor. Stat.

As fancy as penises are, some people want to make them even fancier by way of piercing, which dates at least as far back as the
Kama Sutra.
Men may get pierced on their pubic mound, glans penis, mid-shaft of the penis,
on the scrotum, or along the frenulum (the underside of the penis). Some piercings heal quickly; the Prince Albert style (one of the more common styles among the pierced), for example, can take as little as two to four weeks to heal. This piercing goes through the top of the urethra and out the glans (head), and some men feel that it offers urethral stimulation during masturbation or sex. Although genital piercings are thought to enhance sexual sensation, there has been so little scientific research on genital piercing that it's not known whether this is true for most people.

Some people will tell you that genital piercings don't cause problems and often this is true. However, genital piercings have been linked to a greater risk of STI infection, as even long after piercing there may be a chronic, low level of irritation around the piercing, making STIs easier to pass. There are other things to consider too. Some people's piercings hurt their partner during sex, such as by causing trauma or irritation to the vagina or anus. During oral sex, some people have choked on their partner's piercing, chipped their teeth, or even trapped a piercing between their teeth.
¹¹
Genital piercings can also cause condoms to tear. If your partner has a piercing and you are willing to have sex with him or her anyway, or are excited and feel into it, tread carefully. Get tested for STIs and HIV together and make sure that you are comfortable with each other's STI and HIV status, as condoms may not be practical or as effective for you two (although they're worth a shot anyway). You might also want to start with gentle sex until you get used to how sex feels with a pierced partner.

Condoms can be trickier to use on uncircumcised men. Condoms sometimes slip off uncircumcised men's penises more often than they slip off men who have been circumcised, probably because of the way the foreskin slips and slides over the penis (perhaps pushing the condom). Roomier condoms, such as those that are looser along the shaft, may be good choices for men with foreskins. Whatever you choose, make sure that your partner's penis is fully erect and that his foreskin is retracted before putting the condom on and rolling it all the way down to the base. He should pay attention
to how it feels during sex and stop to readjust if he notices slippage. Finally, like any man (circumcised or not), he should hold on to the base of the condom when withdrawing his penis from his partner's vagina, anus, or mouth. Try not to let a man's uncircumcised penis get in the way of safer, pleasurable sex because it absolutely doesn't have to. Sex can be great with a man whether he's circumcised or not.

Easy decision: he should mention this to a health care provider. There is nothing you should be doing at home on your own for this one. There are some skin conditions that can cause inflammation of a man's skin and other issues that can lead to difficulty or pain when retracting his foreskin. Sometimes health care providers are able to prescribe topical creams to treat the condition; other times, circumcision is recommended. Certainly there may be instances when an uncircumcised man's partner pulls too hard on his foreskin, such as during hand jobs (see sidebar). But if it hurts for his foreskin to retract, whether during masturbation or partnered sex, and no matter how gently he tries to retract it, that's another issue and it deserves attention from a professional.

Encourage him to see a health care provider. A man's scrotum or testicles may feel sore or achy because of an infection or inflammation of his epididymis or other internal reproductive parts, and he may require treatment (sometimes via prescription antibiotics). If his doctor says there's nothing wrong, encourage him to get a second opinion, possibly from a urologist, as some men may have infections that aren't regularly tested for in most clinics.

All testicular lumps and bumps and soreness should be checked out by a health care provider. Testicular cancer may be diagnosed among men of all ages; however, it's more common among younger men. As teenagers, young men should learn to perform testicular self-examination and should continue to do so throughout adulthood. Some men even teach their partners to examine their testicles and they make this part of their shared sex play.

The most common type of prostate play between men and women is done externally, without putting anything into the anus. You can stimulate his prostate by pressing your knuckles or fingers against his perineum during oral sex or vaginal sex. Start pressing the skin close to the scrotum, then work your way closer to his anal opening as you explore.

Though less commonly done between men and women, one can also stimulate a man's prostate internally with fingers or a sex toy (such as a butt plug or strap-on). As the anus doesn't lubricate naturally, you'd be wise to use plenty of water-based lubricant for internal prostate play. Slip a condom or a latex glove over anything (e.g., fingers, a sex toy, etc.) that goes into his anus and rectum to reduce the risk of transmitting infections or causing other kinds of damage. For finger play, wear a latex glove. For sex toy play, use a latex condom. If you two are new to this, start small, slowly and gently, paying attention to how he responds and if it hurts. Prostate play shouldn't hurt so if it does, stop. Also, avoid using anal desensitizers
that may mask his discomfort or pain, which would be cues to stop. Finally, check out an anal-focused book such as one I wrote called
The Good in Bed Guide to Anal Pleasuring
(
www.goodinbed.com
) for more details, tips, and techniques.

Some women are hypersensitive or allergic to semen.
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Sometimes a woman reacts only to the semen of one particular man. Other times, she may react to semen from every man with whom she's had unprotected sex. If you have allergies, ask your partner if he's ingested any of the things you're allergic to, such as nuts, penicillin, or eggs. If so, he may be able to cut a food that you're allergic to out of his diet for your benefit. However, you should always check in with a health care provider if you notice an allergic reaction to semen, such as hives or difficulty breathing—and seek emergency medical care if this or other serious symptoms happen to you. Using a condom during sex can prevent a man's semen from coming into contact with his partner, which can help. Other couples look into treatment, which is becoming increasingly possible thanks to research by doctors who specialize in allergies and sensitivities. Check in with an allergy specialist or other health care provider if you suspect you might be hyper-sensitive or allergic to semen.

There hasn't been any scientific study on how one can improve the taste of semen; however, some people believe that eating sweet, watery fruits such as pineapple or kiwi may help. Kiwi can be pricy to buy; however, pineapple is often available canned so it may be a more affordable and accessible option. As smell and taste are so interconnected, showering regularly and basic hygiene go a long way toward making oral sex more palatable. And if you don't like how it tastes, don't swallow: have him come in his or your hands or in a towel, or spit it out. You should never do something sexual that you don't want to do. But if you're open-minded about it and willing, it could be a pleasurable part of sex play for him—and perhaps
he'll be willing to return the favor by being open and willing to try some of your ideas too.