Sex and the Social Network (25 page)

The
weekend finally came, and I was bursting. I couldn’t wait to see Tyrone and spend the night with him. I wore a hot pink spaghetti strap sundress and a simple strand of silver beads.

I made the one thing I knew I couldn’t mess up: steaks on the grill with lump crab meat sautéed in butter on top, a garden salad, and a bottle of Chianti.

Sharing a meal with Ty in my house, in my kitchen, felt surreal. He looked so comfortable sitting there, enjoying every bite he put in his mouth. He complimented me on how delicious everything tasted. He made me feel like my efforts were appreciated. I loved being with this man.

After dinner, Ty offered to make us a drink while I started cleaning up. I was standing in front of the sink doing the dishes when he quietly came up behind me and kissed my neck and pressed his stiff cock against my ass. I pushed back into Ty a little to let him know I was horny too, rotated my ass in circles, and I could feel him getting harder and harder. He kissed my neck a little more and nibbled on my ear before I turned around to greet his lips, so hungry for mine.

We parted for a moment so I could tell him how I felt. “Mmm… I love your lips on mine, Ty. You make me so wet.”

We kissed passionately for a minute, but I could see the lust in his eyes, and I knew what he needed. I dropped to my knees, pulled his pants down, and took his muscle into my mouth.

“Mmm… Julia, you feel so amazing. I love feeling your pouty lips on my swollen head.”

Slowly at first, I gave him soft, wet kisses on the tip. I made him wait for a few minutes until I took all of him in my mouth. I licked the head in circles, then sucked on it like the most delicious lollipop I've ever tasted. A little pre-cum escaped and I licked my lips, it tasted so good.

He moaned so nice. “Mmm… I love when your mouth is on my big, black python. You are amazing at giving head. C'mon, sugar lips, take more."

So of course I did. Giving Ty that kind of pleasure turned me on. Hearing his words and moans made me so wet, I started to drip onto my panties. I continued to suck him, slow and then faster. I could feel what his body wanted, how he moved in and out and tugged my hair a little. His moans got louder and more intense. I knew he was about to explode into my mouth. I was aching with anticipation. I cupped his balls and moved my soft hands up and down his shaft as he was coming, milking every last drop of his d
elicious love juice.

I licked my lips. “Thank you, baby, for letting me taste you whenever I want.”

I could tell by the smile on his face that Ty was pleased with my skills. Without a word he took my hand to help me off the floor, and then with his strong arms he lifted me up on the kitchen island.

He hoisted up my dress and could see where my cream had soaked my panties. He rubbed my milky thighs for a few seconds before his fingers roamed where I was aching for him.

First he played with me on the outside of my panties; then carefully he slid them aside and slipped a finger inside me.

“Oh, Ty, you feel so good,” I moaned.

Ty knew how to read my body, sensed just what I needed, and made his way straight to my G-Spot. He stroked the inside with one hand and played with my clit with the other.

My body was no longer my own; I rocked to the rhythm of his touch. He grabbed his glass of bourbon and took out an ice cube. He put the ice in his mouth and slowly started to suck on my nipples. First one and then the other, my nipples got so hard, and it sent shivers coursing through my body.

“Oh, Ty,” I moaned. “I love how you make me feel.”

His mouth continued down the rest of me, kissing and teasing my body with the ice. It was so cold, but so tantalizing. He gently pushed me down so I was lying on the island with my booty on the edge and my legs dangling to the side.

Then he took more ice and started to suck on my clit. He moved the ice away and just his tongue flicked in and out. The contrast of cold and his hot tongue had me pulsating. He swallowed the ice and then just his tongue worked its magic.

I was about to explode, but he told me I had to wait.

He took his thick cock and started to tease my lips, sliding it around, staying on the outside. Then he went back to licking my clit. Each time I got close to climaxing, he made me wait. When he knew I couldn’t take it anymore, he let me have it, inch by inch. His eyes locked with mine; he loved seeing me gasping as he got closer to fitting it all in. I had never felt such thickness; my body was overwhelmed by how incredible he felt.

Once he was all the way in, he lifted me off the counter and held me in his arms. His love muscle now nestled deep inside my pussy, and my legs were wrapped around his waist. He felt so good I could barely breathe. Then, very gently, he started to bob me up and down his cock and fondle my ass cheeks.

"Ty, you feel so incredible," I whispered in his ear. "Fuck me, pound me harder! Please!” I was begging him. He started to move me up and down his shaft faster and faster. The perfect curve of his cock hit my G-Spot every time he thrust into me.

My body couldn’t take it anymore, and when he whispered to me, "Jesus Christ, Julia, you are an amazing fuck," I screamed out in ecstasy and came all over him. I collapsed in his arms, and he gently dropped me to the floor, bent me over, and did me from behind until I was just a big cum-filled mess.

Later that night after we made love again, we just lay there. Tyrone was studying my face, memorizing every detail. I got nervous that my eyes would reveal the truth about how I felt for him. He played with my hair, twirled it around in his fabulous fingers. He looked at me with such adoration I had to look away.

He gently pulled my chin back to face him. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“I don’t know,” I lied.

“You seem quiet. Is everything okay?” He stroked my hair and traced the outline of my face.

“It’s just . . . I love being with you so much. You make me feel so good, in and out of the bedroom.”

He kissed me softly on the lips. “Julia, you make me feel amazing. Every day you are the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last image in my mind when I am drifting off to sleep.”

I had to fight back the tears. I didn’t want Tyrone to know that I was falling in love with him. “Maybe we should break up,” I suggested.

“What? Why the hell would we do that?” Tyrone sprang up in the bed.

“Because I feel too happy.”

“Let me get this straight. We just got done telling each other how much we love being t
ogether, and the next step in your mind is to break up?” Tyrone was fuming.

“I don’t know, Ty. I’m scared of how this will all end.”

“Julia, you are ridiculous. Look at me.” He turned my head to face him. “Stop being such a pain in the ass. Stop always looking for bigger and better, for more. You need to just stop, take a breath, and enjoy the ride. Don’t always convince yourself that whatever you have isn’t enough. Live for today, darling. Can you please do that for me?”

Tyrone’s words really hit me hard. He was right. I was a pain in the ass, always looking for bigger and better. He knew me so well already; it both petrified and elated me.

“You’re right, Ty. I will try. I promise.” I kissed him softly on his full lips. “Ty, sometimes I wish we could just run away together, you know, just take off. Somewhere warm and exotic where we could make love to the sun rising every day, and I could fall asleep in your arms every night.”

Tyrone’s eyes got a little misty. “Me too, sweetheart. Me too.”

I wanted to tell him how I really felt, that my heart was ready to explode, that I didn’t think I could live without him, but I didn’t want to scare him off.

Anyway, we were not married. We were not even dating; we were only lovers. How iro
nic was it that I felt there was no room for love in that?

“A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri was on the radio. I always liked that song, but tonight the lyrics felt like they were radiating through my body. I have loved Enrique for a tho
usand years. I really have. Ours is a love that goes beyond the boundaries of time and space.

My heart was hurting in every way possible. I wonder if love and anguish actually squeezed the heart muscle when we felt love or were in pain, like a physical response to how strong our feelings are. My heart was heavy; it weighed a hundred pounds in my otherwise ho
llow existence.

I took deep breaths: in through my nose, out through my mouth. I did that at least ten times so my heart would loosen its grip a bit.

How in the world was I going to tell Zack that I was leaving him, that I wanted a divorce? And my darling children, how would they handle the news? I knew it would be painful for everyone, but the pain I had been feeling could not get any worse. I was being a bad mom and, at best, a shitty wife.

I was scared to death about how my kids would feel, how much life would change. I was scared of the unknown, of what if Enrique and I didn’t work out after all. But a little voice inside of me kept creeping up. It was a line from the movie The Hunger Games: “Hope is the only thing greater than fear.”

And so with that belief, I knew I had to try.

Zack probably wouldn’t be surprised. We had been fighting and distant for more than a year
. The rare times we had sex was when we were drunk. Zack must know this was coming. The truth had to come out, but would it set me free?

I daydreamed about the next time I’d get to see Enrique. Just thinking of him gave me butterflies and made me warm inside. I felt like love had abandoned me. Finally, after years of being away, love finally found its way back. Not just with Enrique, but the concept of romantic love. I’d a
lmost given up on it.

It made me sad to think of friends who never got married or ever found true love. My Aunt Matilda was never married. The love of her life, Kurt, was stolen by her friend Conchita. Matilda and Kurt were getting serious and Conchita, who was prettier and sexier, couldn’t bear the thought of Matilda getting married first. So she did what any self-righteous bitch would do: she seduced Kurt and then made sure Matilda found out.

That was fifty years ago. My dear Aunt Matilda never recovered. She dated men after that, but her spirit had been broken like her heart. She settled on a job she didn’t love, an apartment that was too small, and a life that would always be wanting for more. Her heart still bled for Kurt, and all that bleeding seemed to make the rest of her life stop beating as well.

I had to decide if I should tell Zack the truth. Would it be kinder to just tell him that I want out and not tell him I have always been in love with another man? Zack and I may be over, but I will always feel some love for him. I married him; he is the father of my children. And the truth is even though he is selfish, I don’t want to hurt him. I just don’t want him to hurt me an
ymore.

Will he love me enough to give me that? He can’t possibly be happy in our marriage. We are so disjointed that the smallest rumbling feels like it will make our entire house collapse. R
epairing our “house” is no longer an option. God knows we’ve put a lot of adhesive on things to try and patch them up. But there is no amount of crazy glue that can fix something that is that shattered.

When I pulled into the driveway, Zack was sitting on the front steps waiting for me. I had rehearsed what I was going to say to him, but I was shocked to see him sitting there. It took ev
erything in me to get out of the car. I was desperately trying to read his facial expression to see why he was out there. He stood up and started walking toward the car.

Zack greeted me with a lukewarm hug. “Hey, Maria. How was your trip?”

I felt shaky as I hugged him back. “It was good, thanks.”

“You went to see Enrique, didn’t you?” He stated it more than asked.

My head nodded up and down. I leaned up against the car, afraid I might collapse. “How did you know?”

“Well, your grandma called while you were gone. As you can imagine, I was pretty co
nfused. Then I remembered a while back that I saw you and Enrique had become friends on Facebook, and shortly afterwards you were different, distant but happy. I think in my heart, I’ve suspected for a while; I’m just able to admit it to myself now.”

Zack’s face looked more sad than angry. He scrunched his eyebrows before he took one of my hands in his. “Do you love him, Maria?”

I nodded. There was no sense lying to him at this point.

He shook his head in acceptance. “I had a feeling you would say that. So now what? You want to be with him?”

Again, I just nodded. I couldn’t find my voice.

Zack stood there for a moment contemplating what he would say next. “Okay, then.” He said it so matter of fact.

“Okay? That’s it?” I was shocked.

“Maria, what do you want me to say? ‘Oh, no, please don’t go.’” His voice was high-pitched and sarcastic. “Let’s be honest, we haven’t been happy together in years. Neither one of us has been strong enough to end the marriage. I know you think I’m a total asshole, but I want you to be happy. If it’s not with me, then what are we doing together?”

My voice was unsure. “I don’t know. I guess I thought we’d stay together for the kids.”

“That’s just ridiculous. You think the kids don’t know we’re unhappy? You think this crappy relationship we have is a good model for them? Well, it isn’t. Staying together for the kids is just a bullshit excuse for people who are too fucking scared to leave.” His voice was steady and loud.

Tears were streaming down my face. This was really happening. Zack and I were splitting up. “Yeah, I guess so. I just don’t want to hurt them.”

“Listen, Maria, the kids will be fine. You need to worry about not hurting yourself. B
ecoming a mom means you have to sacrifice a lot of things, but your happiness should not be one of them.”

Zack’s words rang so true; years of tears and sadness came pouring out. Then Zack did one of the most generous things he had ever done for me: he pulled me close to him, put my head to his chest, and just held me. It was the most tender I had felt him in years.

A wave of nostalgia came pouring over me. I remembered our first date on the beach, the first time we made love, our wedding day. Glimpses of the man I fell in love with were shown in this tender moment. I knew I wasn’t crazy when I married him. I knew he had shown me a side of himself that he hid so well for most of our marriage. But it gave me solace to know that inside of the hardened man he had become was a kind and gentle soul.

I realized in that moment that Zack was not the only one to blame for the demise of our marriage. I was at fault, too, for conceding to his demands, for doting on him like his mother did. There was someone out there better for Zack, someone who wouldn’t constantly be searc
hing for the elusive tenderness or missing the passion, someone who could bring out his gentler side. It just wasn’t me anymore. My heart hurt less knowing that Zack would have the chance to find love again, and maybe this time, instead of looking for perfect love, he could find the love that was perfect for him.

That night, Zack slept in the guest room without me asking. I was about to try and fall asleep when I remembered Enrique’s card. I had a moment of panic. What if he changed his mind? What if he didn’t want to try again? Before I could second guess myself anymore, I ripped open the envelope.

My Dearest Maria,

This is my final card to you. This is the one I’ve been waiting to give you, the one I hoped I could deliver in person. The one you could answer my prayers with. Maria, fill all my nights. Baby, don’t let our love be locked in a dream….

Come back to me, Maria. I love you.

-Enrique

Beautiful Maria of my Soul….

In the sunlight of your smile

In the summer of our life

In the magic of love

Storms above scattered away

Lovers dreaming in the night

Reaching for paradise

But as the dark shadows fade

Love slips away

On an empty stretch of beach

In the pattern of the waves

Drawing pictures with my hand

In the sand, I see your face

Skipping pebbles on the sea

Wishing for paradise

Sand castles crumble below

The restless tides ebb and flow

Listening to a shell

Hoping for your voice

Beautiful Maria of my soul

Though we'll always be apart

Locked forever in a dream

If I ever love again

Even then, nothing will change

And the taste of you remains

Clinging to paradise

But as the distance from you grows

All that my heart ever knows

Hunger for your kiss

Longing for your touch

Beautiful Maria of my soul

Filling all my nights

Haunting all my days

Beautiful Maria of my soul
…

Oh my God, “Beautiful Maria of my Soul” from one of my favorite movies, The Mambo Kings. I couldn’t believe he remembered.

“I love you, Enrique,” I whispered to nobody, but saying it out loud made my heart smile.

That night I slept better than I had in ages. The weight of my unhappiness had been lifted. Zack was going to let me go; he wanted out too. I was so relieved, but I was not in denial that the kids wouldn’t be sad or that our lives wouldn’t be turned upside down for a while.

But it was okay. It was really okay. The kids would be all right; I had to believe that part. The rest I knew would fall into place. And Zack was right: being a mom didn’t mean I had to sacrifice my happiness, and that’s exactly how I had been feeling.

It was time to make myself happy too, and it felt incredible.

When I woke up I was surprised I didn’t hear the kids eating or playing or fighting. I went downstairs and saw a note attached to the refrigerator.

Maria, I’m taking the kids to the beach for the night. Don’t worry, I won’t tell them yet, but I thought you might want to take a drive today. Twenty years is a long time to wait for someone. Don’t make him wait another day. Love,
Zack

I reread the letter and was floored. Zack wanted me to go to Enrique. I was shocked and so grateful for his thoughtfulness.

As I drove down the street, this time my house didn’t get smaller and smaller in my rea
rview mirror because I didn’t even look in it. Instead, I kept my eyes in front of me, on the path ahead, on the road that led to Enrique, to my future, to my happiness.