Sewn with Joy (41 page)

Matthew had been a young teenager when his older brother had gotten married. He furrowed his brow, trying to remember them courting, but only a few images came to mind. “So what happened?”

“I told them I loved her and we were getting married. I pointed out her strong points. She loved God with her whole heart. She was kind and generous. She paid attention to hurting people and spent time listening to them. To her that meant more than making a nice meal and showing off her skills. That meant a lot to me too.”

“
Ja
, but the things you mentioned are minor. Joy has alienated the whole community. I can count on one hand the people who don't think she's made a horrible mistake.”

“But what do you think?”

“I understand her point. She's a caring, compassionate person. But…” But what did he think? Had he really ever decided for himself?

They waited in silence for a while, and then Will stood and moved around the workshop, examining the tools, the wood, as if waiting for Matthew to continue. The thing was, Matthew didn't know what to say. What to do.

“She cares about people,” Matthew finally said. “She cares more about that than she does of what people think of her.”

“So do you really want to let her go?”

“Of course not.”

“Then what are you afraid of?”

“What do you mean?”

“Something is holding you back. Is it our parents' opinion? Or is it something more?”

Matthew looked to his brother, unsure of how to answer. There was fear, but it all centered on his parents' disapproval, didn't it?

Then, almost afraid to think harder and discover the true answer, Matthew cleared his throat.

Will turned to him. “
Ja?
”

“So when it came to
Dat
and
Mem
, what did you say to make them change their mind about Naomi?”

“I didn't say much. Instead I asked what things were like when they first got married. They told a few funny stories about
Mem
's quick temper and about how
Dat
used to hide in the barn and take an extra-long time to do his chores. Both admitted that they grew up and changed over the years. Even after
Dat
became a minister, many people in the community didn't think he was up to the job.

“I think the best thing you can do is remind them marriage is often what God uses to help us grow in strength and character. Marriage isn't finding someone who seems perfect and expecting them to do everything right. It's finding someone you can grow up with. After all, you surely fall short in some areas of your life too.”

Matthew ran his hand down his jaw. “Maybe you believe Joy was right—her standing up for what she truly believed, instead of what other people may think. And like always, you think you're right.”

“You said it. Not me.”

Matthew thought about that for a moment. Was Will right?
Joy had taken the job for the money, for her father, but she stayed for a different reason…because she met people who needed to know God's love. He sighed. A woman like that might be frustrating to live with at times, but she'd be a good mother, a good example of love and compassion. A good example of sacrifice. She'd given up so much—not for herself, but for others.

“What if it's too late? What if I go to her and she won't forgive me?”

“I don't think that's the right question. The right question is, what if you don't go to her? What then? What are you throwing away?” Will sighed. “Joy is a beautiful young woman, and you told me she loves God, which is even more important. I guarantee that in a couple of months there will be something else happening in this community that everyone will get riled up about. Things like this tend to lose importance over time. But if you don't go to her…”

“I could lose her forever.” Matthew's words were no more than a whisper.

“Could you live with yourself if that happened?”

“What do you think?” Matthew sighed and then picked up the last block his nephew had dropped. “It would be so much easier if I had gotten this right the first time.”

Will chuckled. “
Ja
, but when you do get married, you'll be saying sorry more than you ever thought. It's a
gut
lesson to humble yourself, Matthew. A
gut
lesson.”

Thirty-Six

Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime and too sleepy to worry at night.

A
MISH PROVERB

M
atthew strode down toward Phillippi Creek and made his way to the boat ramp. He needed quiet—something his house didn't have right now with the extra family members and kids. He needed fresh air and the ability to think. To pray.

After talking to Will, he wanted to go to Joy. He wanted to ask her forgiveness. He wanted to tell his parents she was the one he chose, but something still held him back. Deep down he knew his parents' disapproval wasn't the whole reason. But what was his real fear?

He tossed rocks into Phillippi Creek, and an image of his aunt and uncle came into his mind. He must have been only nine or ten years old when he attended their wedding. Although Matthew had attended many weddings before, this was the first time he'd really paid attention. As he listened to the minister's sermon about loving a spouse for a lifetime, Matthew knew he wanted that. Who wouldn't?

He'd watched them during the reception. The way they talked and laughed and looked at each other with loving glances. Seeing their love had made him feel warm inside.

His aunt and uncle moved to an Amish community in Montana after their wedding. When he saw them again ten years later, they weren't the happy young couple he remembered. They had five children at the time, and although their family had expanded, their hearts had closed up. They interacted with each other but didn't talk. When they looked at each other, it was with more disdain than love. He'd told himself that his uncle just hadn't found the right woman. If he'd chosen wiser, things would have been better. And that's why Matthew had waited so long and looked so hard. Had he just used his parents' disapproval as an excuse?

The flapping of wings startled Matthew, and he looked downstream and spotted a white ibis. It had long, pink legs like a flamingo, but its feathers were pure white. The feathers on its tail were tipped in black as if they had been dipped in ink. A large pink beak curved from his face.

The bird walked along the shoreline, probing the moist mud for insects, and Matthew still had a hard time believing he lived in a place where birds like this were common. Not that he wanted to live here forever. No, he knew where he wanted to end up, and who he wanted to end up with.
Joy.

He knew deep down that no one was perfect and no guarantee for a happy marriage existed. Opening himself up to another for love also meant opening himself up for rejection, pain. He had to face the facts. He could end up in a loveless marriage just like his uncle did. Yet…
what if I don't go to her?
Will's question from earlier came to mind.
What will I lose? What will I give up if I don't risk it?

Wasn't it better to love a little and hurt a little than to love a lot and hurt a lot? His defenses told him so. Then again, running from possible rejection meant running from love too. As much as he tried to deny it, he did miss Joy. He did
love
Joy, but in the end, would fear win? At the moment he still wasn't sure.

The shuffleboards were strangely bare as Matthew walked past Pinecraft Park. Instead a group of men was circled around Amish Henry, who was reading out loud from a newspaper.

There must be some exciting news in the
Budget
today
, Matthew thought, but when he looked closer it wasn't the
Budget
they were reading, but the
Sarasota-Herald Tribune
.

The
Tribune
? What type of story could be causing such a stir?

It took five minutes to walk to the post office and a few coins before Matthew had a paper in his hands. Sure enough, there was a headline right on the front page. He strode over to Big Olaf's and found a seat on one of the picnic benches outside.

Actress Rekindles Love on Sarasota Set

Alicia Lampard, best known for her Grammy-nominated performance in
The Lockup
, has found herself in the role of a lifetime. Lampard, who had been expected to divorce her producer-husband Rowan Grant after their five-year marriage fell into shambles last year, says divorce is no longer on the table. The sultry actress has been spotted in her husband's arms on Siesta Key Beach as of late. So what has brought about the change?

“I've found love in the most unexpected place. I'm playing an Amish woman for this new series. The role is different from anything I've done before. To play a peaceful person I've had to discover peace. I've had to look into myself and see how broken I was, and then I had to look to the one place where I could find wholeness, and that's God.”

Lampard credits her spiritual awakening to the friendship of an Amish woman named Joy. “She answered every one of my questions—not that she has all the
answers, but she was there for me and she listened. She did her best.”

The Daybreak
is a new series being filmed in Sarasota in a small community the locals call Pinecraft. Alicia's character's journey mirrors her own. “Sadie is a young Amish woman whose young husband died, and she feels trapped in a community that pushes for marriage and children. I accepted the role for a change of pace, but I know now that this part was an important part in my own life's plot. I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't opened up to a new friend who pointed me to God.”

The Daybreak
will air in the spring, and Lampard hopes viewers will tune in. “In the midst of our busy lives each of us needs to be reminded what hope and love are all about. Sometimes we don't realize what we're missing until we see it in someone else. My prayer is that others will see God in me, even as I struggle on this journey. Because it's truly the only love that will make a difference.”

Matthew's heart swelled with both happiness and shame as he read those words. Shame as he realized he'd forced Joy to choose between him and working on the set. Pride that she'd chosen rightly.

Joy cared for him. He had no doubt about that. And yet she turned her back on that—on her chance for love—to do what she knew was right. To do what God had asked her to do. And lives were changed. This actress's life was changed, her husband's life was changed, and who knew how many other lives. He smiled at the thought of her strength, but then wondered what step to take next.

I have to go to her. I have to tell her
…tell her what? That he'd
made a mistake? That he loved her? That he wanted to spend his life with her no matter what anyone thought? But even if he did, would she forgive him? Could she trust him? Matthew hoped she could.

He rose, left the paper on the table, and strode away. He guessed Joy was still at the set in the old warehouse. His heartbeat quickened just at the thought of seeing her, but he knew now wasn't the time to go to her. Not yet. His heart also ached when he realized the hurt he'd caused. He'd been trying to stick by the rules and gain the approval of others, and all it had caused was pain. His heartache, but mostly hers.

Before he went to Joy, Matthew needed to look closer at himself. He needed to turn to God in repentance. He needed time to consider how he could follow God better and be concerned about the rules of the community less, especially since his father was the bishop. He'd show his dad this story, and maybe it would be something for
Dat
to think about and pray about too. When
Dat
was a young bishop he hadn't gotten everything right, but he was teachable. Matthew just hoped it was still so.

Matthew also hoped she'd give him a second chance. He hoped he'd have months—years—to show her how wrong he'd been, by loving her well.

Thirty-Seven

No joy is complete unless it is shared.