Seven Days: The Complete Story (35 page)

Me either.

“That’s about
to change,” I point out.

“Yeah.”

“I suppose I
thought the wedding would come before the baby.”

“That’s rather
traditional of you, Mr Lawson.”

“Call me old
fashioned but I sort of saw myself on one knee with a ring in my
hand.”

“What? With
me?”

“Uh, huh. Not
right now but some time down the track. I’ve been thinking about it
for a couple of weeks now.”

Wow. This is a
night of revelations.

Nicholas moves
to the other end of the bench and puts the dry plate in the drawer.
I don’t know if he’s embarrassed that he’s divulged so many of his
inner thoughts or if putting an amount of space between us will
help him to collect his thoughts. “I think I like the idea of being
a daddy,” he says, walking back along the kitchen to me. “If you’re
the mummy.”

He puts the
tea towel on the bench and slides his hands around my waist. I
twist into his embrace. “I think I sort of like it, too. A little
Nicky Junior tugging at my leg. Bit sooner than I expected but we
can work around that, can’t we?”

“She might be
a Nicola.”

“Or a
Jolene.”

“No kid of
mine is ever going to be named after a Dolly Parton song.” He lets
out a laugh and instantly the air around us is less tense.

“I was
referring to the other third of this crazy relationship, you
dufus,” I say. “We owe him something.”

“And you think
naming our daughter after him will appease him?”

“Maybe they’ll
imprint on each other, like in
Twilight
.” Nicholas knows how
much I adored those books. As a gawky eleven year old, I devoured
every one. When the movies arrived, I was even more enamoured.

“Well, that’d
solve our problems. Now if you transform into a vampire…”

Smiling, I lay
my head against Nicholas’ chest, listening to his heart and the
gentle thudding as his blood pumps through his body. He’s so calm
about this. Most men would have a fit when given news of an
unplanned pregnancy but not him. He’s simply cuddling me and
kissing my hair the way he always does.

*****

The stick is
in my hand and I’m shaking so much I can hardly put it in the flow
of wee.

“How long does
it take?” Nicholas and Joel are on the other side of the toilet
door. Despite Joel’s insistence he wanted to know from the moment I
knew I had no intention of letting him watch me wee. I mean,
ewww
.

“A couple of
minutes,” I call. I rest the stick on a piece of toilet paper on
top of the vanity and zip up my jeans. I hope it’s only a couple of
minutes. They might break the door down if it takes any longer. I
walk to the door an open it. the boys are in the bathroom with me
faster than I can pick up the stick.

“Is it
blue?”

“Happy face or
sad?”

We stand in
silence all watching the progress on the tiny window. No one
speaks. I don’t even think we’re breathing the room is so
quiet.

Then, as we
watch a small blue smiley face appears. It gets darker and more
prominent and though I know I should be happy I feel as if that
face like an emoticon, designed to make couples happy, is going to
spell the end for us. There is no way the three of us are going to
come out of this in tact.

A somber gang
of three, we arrive at Rome airport three days later. It’s been a
long flight, with stopovers in Perth and Dubai. Even though, I took
the herbal sleeping tablet Nicholas bought for me I feel ragged and
in need of sleep. We talked long into the night after the test came
out positive and we decided to continue on as planned. There’s no
reason why I can’t travel in the early stages of pregnancy and it’s
only for two weeks. It’s not like we’re going for months on end and
jumping on and off buses or trains. I don’t know what’s going to
happen with us though. If I could have my way, nothing would change
except the addition of a baby. Nicholas, Joel and I would be one
happy family. I have this sinking feeling that’s not going to be
the case, however. The boys are quieter, more reserved. It’s like
they’ve shut me out. It could be that they’re trying to process but
it doesn’t help me feel any better about the pregnancy. If anything
I feel worse.

Rome airport
is non-descript. We stand at the carousel in the big grey room that
feels like a shed, waiting for our bags. I want to sit. My head and
feet are aching but I’m reluctant to say anything in case they
start molly coddling me again. That’s another talk we’re going to
have when we get home. I’m pregnant, not terminal. I’m perfectly
capable of unscrewing my own bottle of water. After we retrieve our
luggage, the taxi ride into the city is long but I don’t mind. I
stare out the window so utterly in awe that I’m seeing buildings
that are thousands of years old. I can’t believe there’s so much
congestion, that even though the streets are barely wide enough for
a small car we’re going to drive down them and share the space with
the hundreds of pedestrians. Not to mention the alfresco diners our
driver misses by millimetres. I feel like an ant in a very cramped
anthill.

We arrive at
our hotel and it’s as if I’m transported to another age. It’s four
storeys high and made of stone and Nicholas gazes at the façade for
a very long time before he allows us to go inside. He’s committing
this to memory; I know he is. He’s going to retrieve this look in
years to come and use it as inspiration for a building. My
suspicions are confirmed when he asks me to mind his bags before he
ducks into the crowd, emerging on the other side of the street
where he snaps a photo. Nicholas is obsessed. I hate to think how
he’s going to be when we get to the real architectural wonders.

The stairs
leading to the reception are steep. It’s a teeny room on the first
floor, quite unlike any hotel reception I’ve ever been in. The
windows are tiny to keep the hot sun away and there’s no lift,
probably because lifts weren’t invented in 3AD or whenever this
building was made. We sign in and follow a porter to our suite. He
informs us he’ll bring our bags along shortly and I breathe a sigh
of relief so great, I’m pretty sure he hears me. I wasn’t looking
forward to carrying my new luggage up three more flights of stone
stairs. Thirty kilos of suitcase isn’t a light weight.

At last we
open the door to our room. The French windows to the balcony have
been flung open and gauzy curtains are billowing in the evening
breeze. It reminds me of the night we spent at the lighthouse. That
was the night I knew I couldn’t be without Nicholas or Joel, that
for me they were a package deal. I don’t think I can be without
either of them again but I feel as though the decision has been
thrust in my face. Whether we like it or not, I’m going to have to
choose. Someone is going to get hurt. When we get back home, three
will become two. I hope we can handle that.

Out on the
balcony, I take in the view. Any minute I know I’m going to wake up
and find that this has been a dream, that I’m really in my bed back
at the flat, listening to Emily having sex with some guy she thinks
she’s in love with. I’m wistful as I stare out at the Trevi
Fountain, lit up by pale lights under the water gushing from its
walls. The pool is an aquiline blue. I don’t think I’ve ever seen
water like it and I wonder if it’s because of the marble. Behind it
the sun is setting, it’s orange glow a foil for the green of the
water. It’s magical and surreal and I’m so glad I’m sharing this
experience with Nicholas and Joel.

“It’s
beautiful, isn’t it?” Joel comes up behind me. He slips his hands
over my shoulders and down my arms, interlocking his fingers with
mine. He leans his chin on my shoulder.

“Awesome. I
can’t believe I’m here. Thank you so much for bringing me.”

“I only want
you to be happy, Ariel.”

I swivel my
head and kiss him. His lips are soft and tender. Somehow they feel
different than before. The last three days has changed everything
for us.

“Let’s take a
selfie,” I say. I’m being overly bright but we need to lift this
cloud of doom.

Joel pulls out
his phone and we turn with our backs to the view so he can take the
shot. “Smile!”

I do and as he
clicks I feel the touch of his lips against my cheek. It’s going to
be an awesome photo. “Send it to me.”

“Anything for
you.”

“Since when
did you get all lovey-dovey?”

“I wasn’t
being lovey-dovey.”

“Yes you
were.”

“I thought I
was being affectionate.”

“Well yes, but
usually you’re affection comes in the form of a bum pinch or
telling me I’m hot. Not the romance stuff.”

He nods.
“True. Guess I’ll have to rectify that then. Can’t have you
thinking all I care about is sex.”

“It is all you
care about.” My voice is jokey and he gives me a leery look in
return.

We stand
admiring the view for a little longer. It’s getting darker and
there are even more people below us on the street. Cafés that were
closed are opening their doors and the sound of violin music is
wafting on the evening breeze. I always thought the violin was a
ridiculous instrument but it sounds quite lovely. “Where’s
Nicholas?” I ask.

Joel leans
back and lifts the curtain away from the window. He nods in the
direction of the bed where Nicholas is laying on his back,
breathing the soft breath of sleep. Nicholas has the ability to
fall instantly asleep. Anywhere. Anytime. I hate him for that. I
hate that he can be snoring in twenty seconds flat while I’m still
trying to recover.

“How does he
do
that?”

“I dunno but I
think I might hit the sack too. Big day tomorrow and that flight
did me in. You coming?”

I glance at my
watch. “It’s only six o’clock. We can’t go to bed yet.”

“Just a nap.
Then we can do dinner, Italian style.”

He’s talking
about the Italian propensity for eating dinner at ten or eleven at
night. Such a foreign idea to me. Literally. I follow him into the
bedroom and begin to peel off my clothes. “Can we have pizza?”

“You’re not
going to turn into one of those eating machines because you’re
pregnant are you?”

“I might.” I
giggle softly, careful not to disturb our sleeping beauty on the
bed.

“I like your
curves how they are, Ariel. Don’t get fat. Stay just as you
are.”

“Um, being
pregnant sort of entails getting fat.”

“Well, only in
the front then. I’ll let you get fat there. And if you’re boobs
suddenly turn the size of melons I won’t complain.”

I roll my
eyes.

We climb into
bed and Joel does his best to arrange the covers around us. On the
other side of the king sized mattress Nicholas is softly snoring on
top of the blankets, so it’s an exercise in creative placement not
to disturb him. I snuggle into Joel’s arms. The sheets smell crisp
and fresh. They’re soft against my skin.

“Do you know
how much I love you?” I ask.

“I think so.
Not as much as I love you. And soon you’ll have someone new to
love. Will there be enough love to go around us all? Maybe you’ll
forget about me.”

“My heart is
big enough for the three of you. With every day it gets bigger and
bigger. It’s filled with more and more love.”

He kisses my
forehead and cheeks. His hand strokes my shoulder and plays in my
hair.

“I’ve never
met a girl like you. I don’t think I ever will again.” He pulls me
closer burying his face in my neck. I feel his heart pounding
against my chest. My skin is wet from tears but they’re not my
own.

“It’s over,
isn’t it?” My words are cracked. My heart is breaking.

“I don’t see
how we can continue. A baby changes the equation too much.” He
looks into my eyes and I know what he’s saying. The day I knew
would always come is about to happen.

My hand
reaches up to graze his cheek. He leans his face into my palm and a
tear slides down, wetting my fingers. “My heart isn’t confetti,
Ariel. You can’t throw it in the air and expect it to come back to
where it started. It’s not some thing that can be stuck together
with glue and has no feeling… no matter how I might behave,” he
whispers.

“I never
thought it was. I’d never hurt you. I love you. I can’t be without
you.”

“And I can’t
be with you and Nick and watch him hold your hand, knowing that
will never happen for me. I can’t watch you be mama and Nick be
papa while I’m relegated to funny uncle Joel. It’s not fair to me
or to the kid but mostly it’s not fair to you. I can’t love you any
more or any differently.”

I’m crying
now. “You’re leaving aren’t you?”

“In the
morning.”

The shock
surges through me. So soon?

“How can you
leave me? I need time to prepare.”

“I think its
best I do it this way. If I don’t leave now I never will.”

“Then why did
you wait? Why didn’t you just run away before we got to Rome?
That’s a pretty expensive way to dump someone.”

“Don’t be like
that. I’m not running. I’m leaving to give you and Nick a chance to
be a real family. You can’t do that if I’m tagging along like the
third wheel.”

I stare at
him, blinking slowly, blinking back the hurt that he could give up
on us so easily. I don’t understand. I have no words to convey the
pain that’s ripping through my heart and soul at this moment.

“I knew you
wouldn’t come on the trip if I went away before,” Joel continues.
“You would have whined and moaned and said you couldn’t do it
without me like you always do. But you can do it alone. You’re
strong and beautiful and you’re gonna be the best mama ever.”

“I don’t want
you to go. I don’t want this to be over. I need you. I love you so
much my heart aches.”