Settling Up (15 page)

S
ince I was already
in the same terrible situation as Bilbo, having ventured off the path, I decided to try climbing the tallest thing nearby to see if that might help (though it did little to help poor Bilbo), which happened to be the very boulder that I thought Mack might want to climb.

It was much harder than the last boulder I’d climbed with Mack (being without his guidance and strong arms to pull me up the last bit of the way), and I gave a triumphant “whoop!” as I flopped my body onto the top of the rock. My wobbly legs caused my body to teeter uncomfortably for a second as I looked out across the little valley (or was it a canyon?… a gorge?).

Though the place was chalk-full of trees and rocks and animals (I’m sure, just waiting to feast on me), it seemed so terribly empty at the same time. There were no other people that I could see or hear when I stood and listened carefully for a good few minutes.

I cupped my hands around my mouth, let my head fall back, and yelled out, “Maaaaaaaack!” as loud as I could. The word bounced and echoed off the cliffs surrounding me, but I didn’t hear a thing after that, so I sat myself down on that rock and ate one of the granola bars I’d brought with me in my pack, hydrating as well since the sun was really beating down on me now that it was beginning to lower in the sky.

Tummy full a few minutes later, I scrambled back down the boulder (falling the majority of the end section) and headed toward another section of boulders I could see to my left. The forest was getting thicker as I traveled further in and by the time I reached this second set of rocks, I had three cuts on my face, a piece of my leg skin had been gouged out by a particularly nasty branch, and I swear there were at least seven bugs crawling on me.

I sighed when I saw that these rocks were also Mack-less. The corners of my lips drooped down into a frown and my shoulders slumped forward. I’d lost the trail. I knew Betsy would call for help if I didn’t check in with her the next day, but what if something nasty picked me off in the meantime? As far as I knew, there could be a full pack of wild animals following me, just waiting for me to fall off something or trip. A shiver ran up my spine as I looked over my shoulder.

With my hand shielding the setting sun from my eyes, I spotted another rocky section not too far across the canyon. Fully embracing the running-after-the-elven-feasts-in-the-forest implications of my rock-cropping-hopping, I wandered in that direction. This time, however, I was getting decidedly worried about animals and had heard something about loud noises doing a fairly good job of scaring them away, so I decided to belt out some of my favorite show tunes.

I started with a few songs from
Singin’ in the Rain
(one of my favorites), subbing the word “forest” with “rain” during the title track. Then I moved into some
West Side Story
and eventually got quite stuck in
Sound of Music
(because the mountains around me really
were
alive with the sound of my music).

I climbed to the top of the next people-less boulder grouping and sat down, defeated. I contemplated just staying up there. It was probably safer than walking farther and farther into the canyon. Plus, animals didn’t tend to climb rocks, did they?

I was slightly worried that my disproportionate knowledge of mathematics had made it so I knew a frighteningly small amount about animals in general, specifically wild ones. I picked my way to the top of the tallest rock in the group and then laid out my stuff, slipping into my jacket and figuring out how many days I could last on the granola bars and water I had with me.

The sun was about to disappear behind the mountains and the chill in the wind was getting sharper. All of the climbing and cutting through the forest was hard work and I felt like taking a quick break and closing my eyes for a few minutes before I made my way back toward where my car was parked. I laid back on the rock and let my lids grow heavier, but kept on singing not wanting the hoard of waiting animals to get any funny ideas.

“I’m the king of New Yoooooooooork — kaa. Eww. Ick.” I sputtered, hacking up the bug that had tried to lodge itself in my throat and during one of my most dramatic notes, too.

I shrugged it off and let my eyelids flutter closed again, continuing with the song from a much more contemporary (but in Betsy’s and my opinions still incredibly good) musical,
Newsies
.

“Sud-den-ly I’m res-pec-ta-ble, staring right at ya, lousy with stature.” I was really proud of the New Yorker accent I was accomplishing when one of the animals that must’ve been tracking me for its dinner cleared its throat.

My eyes flew open and my heart felt like it was trying to run away, only to realize it was stuck with stupid ole me. I froze for a second, wondering if maybe the throat clearing animal might just move along, forget about me.

“Lauren?”

Hmmm… that animal had a very deep voice, almost like —

“Mack?” I sat up, realizing all too late that my hair probably had half the forest in it.

I scanned the ground, but I couldn’t see anything, let alone anyone. I scrambled to my feet, but in the process, my foot got caught in the strap of my backpack and I toppled forward, closing my eyes (as was my instinct to do when things were headed in a dangerous direction), I let out a yip and slid down the side of the rock, landing on something warm with an “oomph”.

I peeked an eye open and saw that I’d slid right into Mack, who’d managed to make it up to one of the smaller, connected boulders. He looked down at me, wedged in what looked like an uncomfortable position between me and the rock.

“Sorry,” I said as I fumbled and tried to remove myself from him, not giving in to my very real impulse of hugging tight to his familiar body that smelled of sweat and nature.

He sat up and I scooted next to him, cringing in apology.

“What the hell are you doing?”

I wanted to dive right in to the speech I’d prepared, but instead, I froze. What if he really didn’t feel the same as I did? What if he really was still in love with Tess and would never be able to completely give his heart to me?

Mack watched me, dipping his chin and looking at me through his ridiculously long eyelashes. My lungs felt too-very small as I thought about how being with him would definitely not help me gain tenure nor become the math department head. This was just about the time my neck should’ve started to grow warm, my red rash begin to spread.

But as my eyes locked onto Mack’s gray-after-a-long-storm eyes, my lungs released and my mind cleared. My neck felt cool in the outdoor air and I knew there wasn’t a stitch of red on it.

I didn’t care if the probability of him not feeling the same way about me was much too high for comfort. Because love was better than all of that. My fears suddenly held no ground because it didn’t matter how he felt, I needed to tell him what was in my heart. I stood up and pulled in a deep breath.

“I followed you into the forest because I wanted to tell you that I made a huge mistake by choosing Adrian, because you’re better than any stupid list and I realized that I don’t need a list to tell me that I’m in love with you, and I left Adrian, and I don’t want you to marry the strong climbing chick — who I will fight if I have to — because, like you said, we shouldn’t always be with people who are exactly like us, it’s more exciting when they’re different than you, when they compliment you, like you do for me, and lastly, I’m also pretty sure I swallowed some sort of poisonous insect because is it normal for your throat to start closing in on itself?”

I finally met his gaze, stopping and shrugging in a “well, that’s it” kinda way.

He had stood up somewhere in my tirade and walked toward me, his mouth lifted into a slight side smile, the same amused look he’d had on his smug face the first time I’d met him, when I’d bared my scalp in all of its balding glory.

Suddenly, his lips met mine, his arms wrapped around my waist, and I let my head tilt back into the sweet sensation of knowing he felt the same. The fireworks that now seemed to be missing from every other kiss I’d ever had exploded in a way that let me knew I wasn’t coming back from this.

My body tingled with delight and I felt my toes curl in my new hiking boots. After a few moments, he pulled away, but I didn’t want him to. I leaned toward him, hoping for more of that, forever, only opening my eyes after I still couldn’t find his lips again.

“First of all, I love you, too.” His tanned skin pulled tight as he smiled bigger than I’d ever seen him smile and his arm pulled me closer. “Secondly, I wasn’t ever going to marry Carol. She and I just came out here to climb together, as climbing buddies.”

“Hi, Lauren.” I looked toward the voice and saw Carol standing below us on the ground, waving, her face pulled into an awkward smile.

“Oh! Hey!” Great, she had heard my whole crazed declaration of love, complete with the unnecessary threats I’d made toward her. “Sorry about what I said.”

She shrugged. “It’s alright. Hey, I’m gonna head back to the car. Give you guys a little space.”

Mack nodded and then looked toward me.

“How’d you find me? I got so lost.” I blinked and then gasped. “Was Rachel right? Did our love guide your way?”

Mack laughed. “Laur, the parking lot is like a mile that way and when Carol and I got to my truck I recognized your car because of your “Honk if you believe in the Reimann hypothesis” bumper sticker, so we came looking for you. And what guided me to you were the incessantly loud show tunes you were singing.”

I bit my lip and smiled. Okay, so it wasn’t our love, but he
had
found me, nonetheless. I let my hands make their way up his back, to his neck, and let my fingers wind through his hair. I had wanted to do that for the longest time, but hadn’t realized it until then. I pulled him toward me again and kissed this man who was my very best friend, who knew all of the unflattering things about me, but still made me feel special and beautiful, who made me laugh and calmed me down.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, pausing after a kiss, pressing my forehead against his. “I thought I would never compare to Tess, that you were still in love with her and that I wasn’t your type because we’re so different. I mean, do you want kids? Because I’m still not sure I want to be anything but an aunt and--”

His lips landed softly on my forehead, stopping the constant stream of words flowing from my mouth. “Lauren, you’re the first person, other than Jessica, that I’ve even been able to talk about Tess with. I loved her, for sure, but with you, I feel whole, like a part of me has always been missing and now I’ve found it. As for kids, of course I was excited for my daughter, but to be honest, the thought of children didn’t really cross my mind before that. We weren’t trying or anything. I’m fine with whatever you feel comfortable with.”

Hot tears dripped down my cheeks as he said all the right things. “I was so stupid to let you go.”

He smiled. “It’s okay. It’s not like I was quick on the uptake either.”

I pulled back and met his eyes.

“It took me weeks before I realized how I felt about you. It had been so long since I let myself be happy that I almost missed it. Well, I suppose I
did
miss it. By the time I figured it out, you’d met Adrian and I thought I’d lost you. I was so scared that you wouldn’t feel the same way about me, I’m so not your type, I didn’t fit most of the stuff on that old list of yours.” I hated how his jaw clenched slightly at the thought of that damn list.

“Lists are for settling down.” I winked, finally feeling like I’d pulled it off. “I want to be with you. I want to settle up.” I smiled.

“Do you have something in your eye?” He asked, peering at me, but breaking into a teasing grin. After I rolled my eyes at him, he said, “So you’re sure then?”

I nodded. “You sure you want me? Bald spots and all?” I squinted one eye.

“Absolutely.” His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me into another kiss, this one deeper and so lovely that I thought my knees might give out. “Plus,” he winked, perfectly, just like I couldn’t (even more proof that we were perfectly opposite). “I’ve got a few ideas about how we can work out some of that stress you’re feeling.”

M
ack’s stuff
sat in boxes that still littered the living room — correction,
our
living room. The giddiness I felt about moving into a house together made it almost worth the fact that he didn’t quite hold the same organizational standards as I did. My boxes had all been unpacked already. Unable to hold some of my neuroses back, I eyed one of the boxes with a narrowed piercing gaze.

“They’ve only been sitting there for a day, Laur. I took tomorrow off, so I can unpack the rest. Focus.” He snapped toward me and my eyes reluctantly flitted back to my hand of cards. Poker, among other games, was becoming one of our favorite weekday-night games to play, especially the naughty stripping version.

Speaking of stripping, I plopped down my straight and quirked an eyebrow at him. “Take it off, buddy.”

He smiled, set his not-particularly-good hand on the table, and moved like he was about to take off his pants. However, instead, he just unbuckled his belt and snapped it in my direction. I pouted, but it was my turn to deal and I was going to win if it was the last thing I did.

“Don’t sigh and gaze at me,” I sang, humming as I shuffled. “People will say we’re in love.”

Mack groaned and rolled his eyes, but I knew he loved it when I sang show tunes. It reminded him of finding me in the woods singing to myself to keep the animals at bay. We’d just watched
Oklahoma!
the night before and I had a few of those tunes stuck in my head.

Every once in a while, I could get Mack to sing along with me. He had a wonderful voice, low and baritone-y. It made me want to lean into him so I could feel the words rumble in his chest and vocal chords. But tonight didn’t seem like one of those nights.

“Adrian’s dating that economics professor, Susan, the one I was telling you about.” I waggled my eyebrows at him and he returned the facial gesture with a “good for him” head nod.

“Before I forget, Jess wants us to come over Saturday, by the way.” Mack grabbed a chip from the bowl in between us and dipped it into my homemade salmon dip. He shot me a wink before popping the chip into his mouth. “She’s got some sort of lasagna dish she wants to try out.” He took a look at the cards I’d set before him, shuffling them around for a second before saying, “She says Bets, Josh, and the girls are already coming and we’d better be there.”

I scrunched my nose up, loving the fact that our sisters had hit it off so well (not that it was a big surprise).

“Betsy said she’s been calling her every other day freaking out about this and that, asking if it’s normal,” Mack added. Jess had recently found out she was pregnant and I was glad she had a pro like Bets to guide her through.

“Well, I guess we have to go, then.”

I dealt the next card and Mack’s blond eyebrows furrowed together as he took stock of his hand. He took a card, discarded one, and then looked to me. After a few more rounds of picking up cards and discarding others, Mack laid down his hand, a three of a kind, which definitely beat the two pair I was holding. I shrugged, and pulled off my shirt.

“I was getting hot anyway.” I tipped my head to the side.

Mack’s eyes drifted to the window, shut tight against the crisp winter air. “You’re always hot,” he said, standing and walking over to me, wrapping his arms around my bare skin.

The feeling of his skin against mine never failed to make me feel equal parts safe and tingly-all-over. His mouth landed on mine. I leaned into him, the corners of my lips curling up into a smile as I let my hands snake up his back and criss-cross over his shoulders.

We usually didn’t make it past more than a few hands when we played strip poker. It was kind of silly that we kept trying. I tugged at his shirt and pulled it up over his head.

When he eyed me, I said, “I’m sure I would’ve won the next round.”

Nodding, he pulled me into another equally wonderful kiss. I hopped up and wrapped my legs around him, as he walked toward the bedroom. His back bumped into the doorway, making the door open in the process, and then he tossed me down into the fluffy expanse of our bed. Mack’s warm gentle smile was the last thing I focused on before I let myself get lost in the happiness of my life with this man.

T
he sheets wrapped
around us seemed more ceremonial than for actual warmth. Mack’s body next to me, twisted with mine, was all I needed to keep me warm. I laid my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat those wonderful rhythms I now knew in the depths of mine. He stretched his arms up, popping something in his shoulder joints. I let my hands wind upward, looking at our hands clasped together. Mack pressed a kiss onto the top of my head.

“You’ve got a ton of new ones sprouting up here.”

I nodded, not wanting to move from my spot on his wonderful, warm chest. “Yeah, the doctor said all of my spots are no longer actively shedding and that I should see my full hair growth back in a few months.”

He pulled my hand down with his and pressed it to his lips. “That’s great, Laur. I’m so glad you’re feeling better.”

I looked up at him and, pulling myself up a little, kissed him deeply. “Thanks to you.”

Mack made a “mmm hmmmmm” sound.

“And the iron pills I’ve been taking. Plus getting tenure.”

He smiled. “Sure, and those.” He cleared his throat. “What about department head?”

I shrugged. “I’ll let that one go. Theresa looked super stressed out the last time I saw her.”

“You still up for skiing next weekend?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m gonna get off that bunny slope if it’s the last thing I do.” In addition to learning to love nature, going on climbing outings with him (where he climbed and I mostly read in the sun), Mack had shared with me his love of skiing as a winter alternative to his mostly-summer hobby of bouldering. It was scary as heck the first time I’d strapped those long sticks to my feet, but after a while it became a challenge I couldn’t help but want to overcome. Plus, the chairlifts were usually long enough to get some good frozen-faced kissing in.

Mack pulled me closer to him, winding his leg around one of mine. I leaned over to my bedside table and pulled a piece of paper out of the small drawer.

“I know Christmas was last month, but I have one more thing I wanted to give you.” I pushed the paper toward him.

“List 3.o. - Lauren’s Perfect Man.” Mack read the title I’d scrawled along the front of the folded page.

I smiled and nodded. He opened it and began to read, but I didn’t need to look, I knew it by heart.

1. He is kind to others (i.e. Helping out at a local homeless shelter in his spare time and treating waiters with respect).

2. He loves old movies and musicals.

3. He sings songs with me, inserting vibrato where appropriate.

4. He has a laugh that makes me feel like I’m home, that makes it impossible for me not to laugh along with him.

5. He’s so good looking he makes me weak in the knees.

6. I feel fireworks when we kiss.

7. He has a way about him that calms me down, makes me give up needing to count in my head.

8. Talking with him makes me feel like I’m the only person in the room, that what I say matters, that he’ll remember what I say because it’s important to him.

9. He has sexy tattoos.

10. He has sandy blond hair I can twist my fingers through anytime I want, which is always.

11. His name is Mack.

Mack looked over at me, pulling a pen out of the drawer of the bedside table on his side. He flipped the paper over and wrote,
Mack’s Perfect Woman
. Then he added,
Lauren.

“That’s my list.”

I smiled. “That’s a pretty good one, though I think mine has a little more thought and effort in it. Just saying.”

Mack chuckled.

“I wanted to give it to you because it’s the last list I’m going to make. You’re it, buddy boy.”

He smiled down at me. “You sure about that, Rocket?”

I nodded. “Last list. Swear.” I crossed my heart seriously. “Well, until we need to replace my car, that is. I think it would be irresponsible to go into such a big purchase without —”

Mack cut me off by leaning forward and pulling me into a melty kiss that made me forget about everything else. He wrapped his arms around me afterward and crushed me to him while I squirmed and laughed.

There wasn’t a doubt in my entire body that Mack was the right man for me. He had been oh-so-right when he’d said that love isn’t something quantitative that you can put into a formula. It was something you just felt. And I knew deep-deep down in my bones that us moving in together would never feel like settling down.

When I’d gotten out of my head and started listening to my heart, I could see for sure that spending my life with Mack was going to be the very best kind of settling up.