Settling the Account (7 page)

She turned a pleading expression in Lizzie’s
direction, and Lizzie nodded. ‘Of course she does. She wouldn’t get
a licence if she didn’t. That’s good, isn’t it?’

‘But where’s the part about Ann?’ Amy ran
her finger down a few more lines. ‘Here it is! “Now, the matter of
your sister—” Lizzie, did you say I was your sister?’

‘I thought it sounded better,’ Lizzie said
with a slight shrug.

‘Trust you!’ But Amy was too engrossed in
what she was reading to bother exhorting Lizzie to truthfulness.
‘
 
“I remember Miss Leith well, as it
was quite the saddest case I ever had to deal with. I’m convinced
she had been very wronged. So young, and so fond of the little
girl. I’ve wondered many times what became of Miss Leith, as I
could see that she was going to take parting with the baby very
hard.”
 
’

The page began to blur so badly that Amy
could barely make out the words. Lizzie reached across and gently
pulled it from her hands. ‘Shall I read it?’ she asked, and Amy
nodded, unable to speak through the lump in her throat.

‘ “
As for the child, I am
pleased to be able to inform you that I found her a very good home
indeed. I hope you will understand that I am not free to give you
the name and address of the couple who took the baby, but I can
tell you some things about them that may be of interest to your
sister.

‘ “
They were an older
couple—not elderly, you understand, but of a mature age. They had
come to the Colony some years before, I believe they originated in
the West Country region of Home. The gentleman was most well set up
in his business interests, and was certainly in a position to
provide a child with everything a mother could wish. They had only
one child, a boy, and the lady was not of an age where she could
hope for any more. She was overjoyed at getting the little girl,
and eager to shower the child with affection. I passed the baby
over to them with no qualms at all, and Miss Leith can rest assured
that she did the right thing.”
 
’

Lizzie folded the letter and placed it on
Amy’s lap. ‘And that’s it, except for “Best wishes” and “I remain”
and all that business.’ She slipped an arm around Amy’s shoulders
and gave her a squeeze. ‘It’s good, isn’t it? I mean, it’s all
right now. You don’t need to worry about it any more.’

‘Ann’s alive,’ Amy said quietly. ‘She’s
alive.’ She blinked away the tears and gave Lizzie a watery smile.
‘Thank you.’

‘That’s all right.’ Lizzie patted Amy’s
shoulder and stood up. ‘I’ll put the jug on and we can have a nice
cup of tea.’

‘I should be getting home, really.’

‘Oh, you can spare another ten minutes,’
said Lizzie. ‘I could do with a bit of company, with Frank out. And
I’ll have the little fellows waking up before long, there won’t be
a moment’s peace after that till I’ve got the whole lot of them in
bed tonight. Stay for a cup of tea.’

It was not difficult to let herself be
persuaded. Amy carefully tucked the letter away in her dress and
went out to the kitchen with Lizzie.

‘They sound nice people, don’t you think?’
she asked, still seeking reassurance. ‘Mature, she said, not
elderly—I wouldn’t want her to be with old people.’

‘They’re just right, I’m sure.’

‘And they must have wanted a little girl a
lot, to go to all that trouble. You know, it’s silly,’ Amy mused,
‘whenever I think about Ann, I think of her as a tiny little baby.
But she’s not at all. She’s growing up now.’

‘How old is she?’

‘Ten,’ Amy answered without hesitation.
‘She’ll be eleven in November. Just twelve months older than
Mal.’

‘A year and a half older than Maudie,
then.’

‘Mmm. I wonder what she’s like. Is she
little like me? She’s got dark hair like me, I know that. And her
eyes were the bluest blue you could think of—but babies’ eyes
change sometimes. She’s pretty, I just know she is, because she was
such a pretty baby. And clever, too, I’m sure.’

‘She’s sure to be a lovely girl,’ said
Lizzie. She put the teapot on the table and sat down in the chair
next to Amy’s. ‘Probably more of a thinker like Beth instead of a
chatterbox like Maudie.’

‘I bet she’s got lots of pretty clothes and
things. All those lovely frilly dresses you can buy in the big
shops. And fancy dolls, and… oh, I don’t know, all sorts of things.
And books—I hope they buy her lots of books.’

‘They sounded pretty rich. She’s probably
got everything a child could want.’

‘But they sounded nice, too, and that’s the
most important thing. They really wanted Ann. They really love
her.’

‘Of course they do.’

‘So she’s happy. I want her to be happy,
Lizzie, really I do.’

‘I know you do,’ Lizzie said, looking
puzzled by her insistence.

Amy stared into the distance, but her eyes
did not see the walls of Lizzie’s cosy kitchen. Instead they saw a
tiny baby, drawing its life from her and seeking no existence
beyond the circle of her arms.

‘She won’t ever think about me,’ she said
quietly. ‘She’s so busy and happy, she won’t ever wonder what I was
like. She won’t wish I hadn’t given her away.’

‘That’s for the best.’

‘I know. I know it is. I just wish… no, I
don’t really. I’m glad she’s happy. But… but she won’t want
me.’

‘Amy, I think you should stop talking about
this stuff,’ Lizzie said, a note of uncertainty in her voice. ‘Your
little girl’s safe and happy, and that’s all you need to worry
about.

‘I know. That doesn’t stop me thinking about
her. It doesn’t stop me wanting her.’ Amy blinked her eyes rapidly
to clear them.

‘Well, just try and stop it, then. You won’t
do yourself any good like that.’

‘I didn’t want to give her away. I thought
it was for the best. I couldn’t have given her all the things she
deserves like they can. I would have loved her, though. I would
have loved her just as much as they do.’

‘Stop it, Amy,’ said Lizzie. ‘You’re being
silly now. Of course you couldn’t keep her. You weren’t even
married—how could you have brought up a child with no husband? It
wouldn’t have been right.’

The note of censure that Lizzie did not
quite manage to keep out of her voice jarred on Amy. She looked at
Lizzie, a picture of matronly dignity and secure in the knowledge
that she had never done anything remotely improper in her life;
never even been tempted towards any man but her husband. Instead of
the warmth she usually felt at being near Lizzie, a surge of
resentment went through her.

‘I know,’ she snapped. ‘I know I wasn’t good
enough to keep her. I don’t need you telling me right from wrong.
Why don’t you just call me a whore to my face like Charlie
does?’

‘Amy!’ Lizzie said, visibly shocked. ‘I
didn’t mean anything like that! I was just trying to tell you that
you did the right thing by the baby.’ She put her hand on Amy’s
arm. ‘You know I’ve never thought badly of you because of what
happened. How could anyone with any sense blame you? But it would
have been wrong for you to keep the baby, you know that really. It
wouldn’t have been fair on her. You know what people are like for
talking.’

Lizzie meant it, Amy knew; and yet she could
see that her cousin was embarrassed by the subject. There was an
innocence about Lizzie that marriage and bearing five children had
done nothing to taint.

‘You’re right, Lizzie. I’m sorry I bit your
head off. I suppose it’s because I’ve been worrying about Ann so
much lately, I’m not being very sensible. I appreciate all the
trouble you’ve gone to over this, really I do.’

She rubbed her hand over her dress until she
could feel the stiffness of the folded letter through the cloth.
‘It’s hard to take it in, finding out so much about Ann after just
wondering and wondering all these years. I’ve no right to want
more, I know. I should be grateful just to know she’s safe and
happy.’

‘That’s right,’ Lizzie said. ‘You just think
about that, and you’ll be all right.’

‘But I can’t help wondering about her,’ Amy
said dreamily. ‘Especially now—I won’t keep thinking about her as a
little baby now. I can’t help wondering what it would be like to
meet her.’

‘Amy, you know you can’t do that,’ Lizzie
said, the sharpness in her voice snapping Amy’s attention back to
her. ‘You mustn’t even think of such a thing.’ She studied Amy
anxiously. ‘Maybe I did the wrong thing, writing to that woman. I
didn’t think you’d go getting ideas like that in your head.’

Amy took her hand and gave it a grateful
squeeze. ‘Don’t worry, I know I can’t meet her. It’s just something
to dream about.’ She pulled out the folded sheet and studied it. ‘I
shouldn’t take this home with me. If Charlie ever found it… well,
it wouldn’t bear thinking about. He’d take it off me, too.’ She
held the letter out to Lizzie. ‘Will you look after it for me?’

‘If that’s what you want.’ Lizzie tucked it
into her apron pocket. ‘I’ll put it away somewhere safe, don’t you
worry.’

‘And I’ll be able to read it sometimes, when
I come and see you. It’s almost like having a little bit of Ann,
see? Something to hold when I want to dream about her.’ She gave
herself a little shake. ‘Dreams don’t really come true, do they?
I’m old enough to know that.’

‘Frank thinks they do,’ said Lizzie. ‘Of
course, Frank can be pretty silly sometimes,’ she added with a fond
smile. ‘Him and his handsome princes, and fancy dresses and
jewellery! As if I need anything more than I’ve already got.’ She
pressed Amy’s hand. ‘I want to see you happy, though. That’s the
one thing that still worries me.’

‘Well, you mustn’t let it,’ Amy said. ‘I’ve
got two healthy boys, that’s enough for any woman to be grateful
for. Don’t take any notice when I say silly things, for goodness
sake. As long as I can talk about Ann sometimes, that’s all I need.
I’m not really meant to—I promised Charlie I wouldn’t—but talking
doesn’t do any harm, does it? I don’t talk about her to him,
anyway—that’s an easy enough promise to keep,’ she added with a
rueful smile.

Lizzie studied her with what struck Amy as a
strange expression. ‘I didn’t know you were so keen on keeping
promises to him.’

‘Well, that’s the only one I’ve ever made
him. It’s not much to ask me to keep that one, is it?’

‘But you make promises when you get married.
What about those?’

Amy shook her head. ‘I didn’t make any. I
got married in the courthouse, remember? All I had to say was that
I took him as my husband. Nothing about loving or obeying. Not like
you,’ she added cheekily. ‘I bet you find that one about obeying
pretty hard to keep.’

‘Frank doesn’t complain,’ Lizzie said
loftily. She glanced at the clock. ‘He’s been out for ages! He’d
better not be late for dinner or I’ll give him a piece of my
mind.’

‘What’s he up to, anyway?’

‘It’s this business about the co-operative.
He’s been going around seeing different men, trying to get them
interested. Harry’s quite keen, Frank says, and John’s easy-going
enough to go along with it.’

‘Jane said Frank had been to see Harry a few
times, I wondered what that was about.’

‘Oh, he’s been all over the place. I think
he must have been to every farm in Ruatane, especially now he’s
talking to the older men who haven’t got sons for Frank to start
on.’

‘I don’t think he’s said anything to
Charlie.’

‘Well, no, he hasn’t,’ Lizzie admitted. ‘He
didn’t think Charlie would be very keen.’

‘He’s right,’ said Amy. ‘Charlie doesn’t
like anyone telling him what he should do.’
Especially not
Frank
, she added silently; not with the jealous grudge Charlie
bore towards Frank for the size and success of his farm, and even
more for the rate at which his family was growing.

‘Anyway, the idea is he gets the younger men
keen on starting up this factory, then he gets them to soften up
their fathers. He said Harry and John have talked Uncle Jack around
all right. He didn’t leave Bill to have a go at Pa by himself,
though—Frank said it wouldn’t be fair to do that. You know what a
know-it-all Pa is. But he listens to Frank sometimes,’ she added
with a complacent smile. ‘He throws off when Frank tries to tell
him about what he’s doing, but Pa takes more notice than he lets
on. He knows Frank’s no fool.’

‘No, he’s not,’ Amy agreed. ‘He never used
to have much to say for himself—you couldn’t say that about him
now, could you?’

‘Not when it’s something that really matters
to him. He’s been to see the bank manager, too, because all the
farmers who go in for this co-operative are going to have to borrow
money to set up the factory. He said Mr Callaghan seemed pretty
keen on it, so Frank doesn’t think there’ll be any trouble about
getting the money. Mr Callaghan says anything Frank’s involved in,
he’s happy to support,’ Lizzie said proudly. ‘I’m not meant to tell
anyone the manager said that, either, so don’t you go telling
Charlie. Frank doesn’t like making a fuss about himself.’

‘I won’t do that, Lizzie,’ Amy said, smiling
at the notion that she would boast of Frank’s successes to such an
unwilling audience. ‘Mr Callaghan must think a lot of Frank to say
something like that.’

‘He does. He says Frank thinks things out
better than other people. And Frank always does those piles of sums
before he spends any money—well, we do them together, but Frank’s a
lot better at them than he used to be. A lot better than I am, not
that that’s saying much. I never thought Frank’d turn out to be the
sort of husband who’d make me do sums! I used to tell him he should
get you to help with them.’

‘I’d quite like that,’ Amy admitted. ‘I used
to enjoy helping Pa with the accounts. Not that Pa did anything
complicated like Frank does, but it was nice to feel I could do
something. I don’t seem to use my head hardly at all, really. I
don’t even know if Charlie keeps accounts, but he wouldn’t want me
anywhere near them if he does. That’s not women’s work. Anyway,
Charlie thinks I’m too stupid to do anything like that.’