Settling Scores (Piper Anderson Series) (14 page)

“This isn’t about me,” Willow boomed back as she practically jumped to her feet. “I’m not doing this so I can feel better. It’s about you doing police work and chasing down the people who left this damage in their wake. But I can tell I’m not going to get anywhere with you. You’re looking for slam-dunk cases. You want everything dropped in your lap. This is a joke.” Willow stormed through the door and slammed it tight behind her. A deep down buried sliver of her knew her anger was misplaced. Denny wasn’t a bad cop. Everything he was explaining made logical sense, but it wasn’t logic fueling her legs to storm out. It was grief and anger and confusion. For Willow, those things mixed together could send her into hyper speed.

“Willow, wait up,” Josh called and she could hear Bobby and Piper chatting behind her too. These people were relentless and she couldn’t decide if that was a blessing or a curse.

“I know you’re pissed,” Bobby started, stepping in front of her and halting her with his body. “Those weren’t the answers you were looking for. All of us were hoping for a better outcome.”

“Really? It sounded a lot like you were hoping this was how it would turn out so you could get back to Edenville.” Willow shoved by Bobby and stepped out the precinct door, still feeling everyone on her heels.

“Willow,” Josh called again, his patience sounding thin. “Where do you want to go? Let’s get out of here and go wherever.”

She wanted to tell him to go to hell. To stop being so nice to her when she was being such a bitch, but instead, all she could say was “Okay.”

He looked stunned that she was going without a fight but the hole in her heart was so deep she was afraid if she went off on her own it would swallow her up. Going with Josh was the only thing that felt marginally right in a world where everything was wrong.

She felt his hand on the small of her back as he led her to his car and it felt like a tether, keeping her attached to reality. “I just want to go,” she said softly as he opened her car door and she sank into her seat.

“I’ve got you,” Josh whispered and ran his thumb across her flushed cheek. As she watched him walk around the front of the car, she cursed and thanked him all at once in her mind. Damn him for being so good to her. It was such a painfully obvious contrast to how badly she was treating everyone.

“How did you find this place?” Willow asked, sprawling across the hood of the car and leaning her head against the windshield. The engine beneath her was still hot. As the sun was setting and the breeze picking up, she welcomed the heat against her skin.

“I couldn’t sleep the other night and went out for a drive. I passed this place and it seemed really peaceful.” The tall swaying trees that lined the clearing were a welcomed contrast to the rigid steel buildings of the city.

“I don’t really want to talk about it, Josh. Any of it.”

“Good, you’d ruin how quiet it is out here,” he joked as he hopped up on the hood and lay down next to her.

“Shut up,” she groaned as she slapped at his side, letting her hand rest there for a moment as she remembered what he looked like without his shirt on. “So what should we do if we’re not going to talk?” She knew the question was leading.

“You could sing. I haven’t heard you sing at all since we’ve been here. Normally you’re at least humming something.”

“I haven’t felt like singing since I left California. When I was out there I was singing almost every night in this bar. Most of the people weren’t paying attention, but there were  some who made me feel like they loved it.”

“You accomplished something pretty impressive out there. I may not be comfortable with the risks you took but the result was amazing. And you did that on your own. You should feel good about that. Brad is somewhere he can’t lay a hand on anyone again and get away with it.”

“I guess. I wasn’t really alone. I had a friend,” Willow admitted, turning on her side toward him. Her eyes traced the profile of his face as he stared up at the sky. She slid her hand over his chest and rested it on his heart, the thumping against her palm grounding her.

“I’m glad. I kept thinking of you out there alone.”

“Marcario really helped me.” Willow closed her eyes and pictured his face. “Being his friend makes me hopeful for us.”

“For me and you?” Josh asked, still staring up at the sky.

“Yes, because he wasn’t perfect. Not by a long shot. He did a lot of things I didn’t agree with or understand but I could still see the good in him. It was like murky water, but if you strained your eyes you could see something shiny at the bottom. I’m hoping you can see the same thing in me.”

“I can,” Josh assured as he brushed a bit of hair away from her eyes. “I don’t have to look too hard to see it.”

Too exhausted to fight it, tears filled her eyes and spilled down onto her cheeks. “I don’t want to be me anymore,” she whispered.

He placed his hand over hers where it rested on his chest and she soaked in the warmth of it. “You can change anything you want about yourself anytime Willow. Just don’t change too much. There are lots of parts I like.”

“I know that I push people away. I know I’m rude. I’m just so damn angry and confused. It’s like I’m waiting for this one big thing to change it all. It wasn’t getting Brad arrested. It wasn’t finding out what happened to these girls. What else is there?”

“I don’t know,” Josh admitted, intertwining their fingers and keeping them planted on his chest.

“You’re supposed to be the smart doctor. You don’t have the answers?”

“This week, all the information and the stories, it’s opened my eyes to everything I’ve been missing, and not in a good way. I feel like I’ve had my head buried in the sand my whole life. Sex trafficking. Suicide. Dumping bodies. I’ve been living in Edenville and pretending the whole world wasn’t falling to shit all around me. So no, I don’t have any advice. This is all new territory for me. Who am I to tell you how to deal with it?”

“That’s what I needed to hear,” Willow smiled, grateful for the acknowledgement that there was no easy answer. She slid the rest of her body on top of him in one seductive move, and when he opened his mouth in what she assumed would be protest or rational thoughts, she covered his lips with hers. His conflict was palpable, even in the hungry yet reluctant way he was returning the kiss. When her hand slid to his belt, he finally pulled his lips away.

“I know this feels right at t
he moment, but I don’t think−”

“I think we should not think. Just for tonight,” she murmured as she pressed her lips to his ear.

“I’m not looking for just tonight,” he uttered, but she could tell he was giving in as his hands slipped up the back of her shirt, caressing the smooth skin of her back.

“I know. But it’s all I have to give right now.” She ran her hands through his hair as she pulled back and stared down into his face. “Can it be enough? Please?”

He didn’t answer with any words, but the flicker in his eye was enough. She knew that even the smartest man would struggle to be wise in a moment like this. Leaning back to a sitting position on top of him she slipped her shirt over her head and drew in a deep breath as the sun fell behind the tree line. Josh’s hands grasped her hips and the tightness of his grip spoke volumes. She leaned back down to him, pressing herself against the heat of his body and breathing in his musky scent.

Josh opened his mouth to speak and, fearful he’d say something completely logical and spoil the moment, Willow kissed him. She pushed her tongue into his mouth and when she felt his hand tangle up in her hair, she knew he’d have nothing left to say. Words were pointless, reasoning futile; it was time to feel good. Time to feel connected. They didn’t have a plan for the future, they didn’t seem to be on the same page about much, but right now they were two trains barreling in the same direction and that was enough.

Making love on the hood of a rental car in a quiet clearing in the woods was perfect medicine for Willow, but it wasn’t curative. Waking up the next morning curled in Josh’s arms in the hotel room she felt a knot pulling tighter in her stomach. She was awake for nearly an hour before Josh stirred but she didn’t move. She was torn between the lulling comfort of being in his arms and the guilt she felt for putting him in this position. Truthfully, she didn’t feel any more ready to be with him today than she did the day before, or the day before that. So why did she sleep with him, knowing his heart was on the line?

There’d been no discussion of what today would bring. It was a strategic oversight on her part not to plan past the sunrise but now it was time to face it and she felt terrible for what she’d done. Making love to him felt so perfect but she still felt so imperfect.

“Good morning,” Josh groaned as he stretched his body from his toes to the tips of his fingers and his eyes cracked open. “Have you been up long?” he asked sounding concerned.

“No,” she lied rolling away from him and on to her back. “I just got up.” She pulled the sheet tighter to her body and it made the inches between them seem like miles. She wondered to herself, if you hurt someone, was it better to do it all at once or drag it out? Would leading Josh to believe she was ready for this for another day, or week or month be better for him than just bolting now?

“You all right?” Josh asked as he scrutinized the concern painted all over her face.

“I’m fine,” she replied unconvincingly as she slipped out of the bed and headed for the shower. “I’m sure Bobby and Piper have been blowing up our phones. You might as well tell them to head back to Edenville. I don’t need them for anything else.” She turned the knobs on the shower. Oddly, she felt like if she sounded unlikable maybe it wouldn’t hurt so bad when she told Josh they didn’t have a future.

“I figured we should meet up with them. I’ll send them a text and maybe we can do breakfast,” Josh suggested, and Willow could hear the uneasiness in his voice.

“Fine,” Willow sighed as she stepped into the hot water, letting it melt away the pain in her heart for a moment. Josh didn’t come in to join her and she assumed her shitty attitude this morning had done the job. She wouldn’t say she regretted last night. Not from her perspective. Josh had proved a skilled and perfectly attentive lover. He was the ideal mix of passion and pleasure. She just wasn’t looking at it as a jumping off point for the future. It was an event, an isolated event, and she knew that would hurt him.

The rest of the time getting ready was fairly quiet, as was the ride over to the diner to meet Piper and Bobby.

“Good morning.” Piper smiled as Willow and Josh slid into the booth.

Willow nodded back and directed her attention immediately to the menu, though she wasn’t really hungry.

“Do you feel any better this morning? Sometimes a good night’s sleep can really help clear the mind.” Piper voice was full of cheery hopefulness.

“I feel fine.” Willow shrugged. “I’m just going to eat breakfast and then go back and crash at the hotel.”

“We’re looking at flights to book back to Edenville,” Bobby said taking a swig of his orange juice. “The wedding is coming up fast so we need to get back.”

The silence was speaking volumes, no one wanting to ask if Willow was coming back with them. Why wouldn’t she? She’d found out what had happened to the girls she remembered. Things seemed to be progressing with Josh.

“You guys must be excited,” Josh said, trying to force a smile. “Where are you going for your honeymoon?”

Both Bobby and Piper hesitated before they finally smiled at each other and Bobby spoke. “We’re honeymooning here.”

“You’re coming back up here?” Willow asked, ready to tell them that was the stupidest thing she’d ever heard.

“This is our honeymoon,” Piper explained. “Bobby couldn’t get anymore time off from work so he took the time he was going to take after the wedding to come up here. It was well worth it though.”

“How do you figure that?” Willow shot back feeling instantly like shit for causing them to take something so special and waste it on a useless attempt at helping her. Not to mention she’d treated them like garbage through most of it.

“We wanted to be here for you and now we want you to be there for us. We want you to come to the wedding. Jedda is looking forward to seeing you. We can even have your parents come so you can have some time with them, too,” Piper offered optimistically.

“I can’t. I need to figure out what my next move is, but I know it’s not going back to Edenville. That place isn’t home to me. I can’t see myself going back.”

“So you never planned to come back?” Josh asked, his face looking like he’d just taken a physical blow. Willow tried to hide behind the fact that she’d never promised him anything, but wasn’t last night a silent agreement of some kind?

“Maybe I thought about it, but I know now I’m not.”

“I wish I’d known that before last night, but I guess that’s too much to ask from you, Willow. Some honesty,” Josh murmured with an unfamiliar anger on his tongue.

“You said you came up here to find out what happened to these girls you remembered. Now you know.” Bobby pointed that out as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. “You have nothing else to do here.”

“Maybe I won’t stay here, but it doesn’t mean I have to go back to North Carolina, or Block Island, or school.”