Serving the Soldier - Part 4 (An Alpha Military Romance) (4 page)

The moment the tires hit the dirt side of the road, I changed my mind. I convinced myself that I should follow. Intuition. Call it what you will, but I pulled the car back on the road and followed at a discreet distance, calling myself all sorts of a fool the entire time.

I followed Jax onto the interstate heading toward the mainland. I stayed well enough behind because I certainly knew the way to Fort Jackson. I would head north on the interstate until I passed St. George, and then I would take Interstate 26 northwest toward Colombia. I figured I'd just settle in for the drive, keep an eye on Jax, just in case he needed my help.

I scoffed. Jax could take care of himself. What could I possibly do to be of help to him? I frowned in confusion when, just after an hour into the drive, Jax turned into a small roadside diner in Walterboro. He’d had a good breakfast, so I had no idea why he was stopping, unless it was to rest up a bit, perhaps use the bathroom.

Actually, that didn't sound like such a bad idea. I had left the house so suddenly, I hadn't had a chance to go to the bathroom, but there is no way I was going to get out of the car and have him see me.

I slowed down and pulled into a gas station opposite the diner. Although I didn't need any gas, I pulled up on the far side of the pumps and watched as Jax steered the gray sedan to the far side of the parking lot. For several moments, he didn't get out, but then I saw the driver’s door open. He got out stiffly.
Serves him right
.

He glanced around in all directions and I ducked lower in my car seat, hoping that he didn't recognize my car sitting at the pumps across the road. Apparently he didn't, because several moments later, he moved slowly toward the entrance of the restaurant.

The minute he disappeared inside, I pulled my car away from the pumps, waited for a break in traffic—which didn't take long considering the rural area—and then I pulled into the opposite end of the diner parking lot. I waited for him to reappear, thinking I really had to pee. The more I thought about it, the worse it got. I tried to shove my base need out of my mind as I silently waited for Jax to finally emerge, perhaps with a cup of coffee, or something.

After five minutes passed, I began to grow frustrated. Could he possibly have stopped for something to eat? I didn't think so, but then again, his appetite, sexually and food wise, seemed insatiable.

I made a face and squirmed in my seat, pressing my legs together. I suppose I could've gone back to the gas station across the street and used their bathroom, but I didn't want to take a chance on missing him.

I sighed and asked myself for the hundredth time why I was following him in the first place. What in heaven's name did I hope to accomplish? The bottom line was that I was spying on him and I had no real clear idea why.

I’d contemplated leaving when movement at the front glass door of the diner caught my attention. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Jax emerge, but he wasn't alone. He was holding the door open for a woman dressed in jeans, a loose flowing maroon silky top. I looked closer. She was wearing a headscarf. A headscarf like Muslim women wore. It was dark blue, and draped loosely over her head and her neck, but not covering any part of her face.

I stared. What the hell was Jax doing with a Muslim woman, and out here in the middle of nowhere, of all places? Was he taking her to Fort Jackson? My heart skipped a beat. Was he dating her? What was he doing with her?

He didn't touch her as he directed her toward his car. He opened the passenger side door for her and she climbed in. Then, once again, Jax looked in all directions. For a second, I thought he would surely spot and recognize my car, but there were several cars between mine and the other end of the parking lot. I was parked beneath the shade of several trees. Still, I quickly leaned sideways over the passenger seat so he wouldn't see anyone in the car. I waited for several moments, my heart pounding, and then I carefully lifted my head.

The gray sedan had begun to back out of its parking space. I ducked down again, counted to five, and then looked again, this time reaching for the ignition. He was pulling out of the parking lot and turning down the interstate in the same direction we had come from. So he wasn’t going to Fort Jackson after all. My instinct had been right. I turned the ignition, backed my car out, and slowly made my way through the parking lot, keeping my eye on the gray sedan. I waited until he was about one hundred yards or so ahead, and then pulled onto the highway after him, allowing two cars to get between us.

What the hell was he up to? Another sexual rendezvous? I doubted it, but didn’t know for sure. Why would he drive all the way up here just to pick her up? Why not just have her come down to the house like the Swede had? I didn't think this was a sexual rendezvous, but my curiosity had gone up more than a couple of notches.

As I followed Jax and the woman south along the interstate, I realized that I was not only surprised, but rather shocked, and yes, I finally admitted it to myself, jealous.

I had no idea what Jax was up to. Could this woman have anything to do with the charge against him? Was she a spy? Was he?

I had no idea. I realized I was stereotyping her, which was a terrible thing to do. At the same time, I kept seeing that piece of paper—
consorting with the enemy
— and in my musings, I began to think the worst.

The more I tried to convince myself that I was allowing my imagination to run away with me, the more I became convinced that something was going on. In my mind, there was no reason for Jax to meet any woman along the interstate in the middle of South Carolina. Did she have something to do with his squadron? Did it have something to do with the men chasing him?

Then again, if it was a meeting between two lovers, who was the fool? Me. I allowed the ugly green monster to rise within me. The Swede? I hadn't seen her since that first time. Stephanie I could understand, sort of. She was his ex-wife. But this woman? It just didn't make sense.

I was so caught up in my musings that I suddenly realized that I had lost sight of the gray sedan. Shit! Jax might've taken an off ramp and I never even noticed. I sped up a bit, hoping that maybe I could catch up to them, but that proved fruitless.

I sighed and realized that I needed to just head back to his house. My imagination was running wild. Why the hell did I care? What difference did it make to me who Jax ran around with, had sex with, or met with? Certainly not me. No. Once again, I realized that I had been nothing but a fool. I was a jealous fool. I decided that tonight, once and for all, I would put an end to it.

I drove south on the interstate, heading back to Hilton Head Island. I realized that in order to protect myself from getting hurt anymore—to be more than a sex toy, a distraction for Jax—that I would have to give him my notice. I didn't want to, and I dreaded doing it, but for my own sake, I realized that it was the only logical and rational thing for me to do.

Just look at me. I had followed him, like a crazy stalker chick. I still couldn’t figure that one out, but one thing I did realize. I was behaving erratically, and I had never done so before. No. This had to stop. It was time to leave.

I drove back to Jax’s house, distracted, my mind spinning with so many musings I didn't realize until a horn blared behind me that I was startled back into full awareness. I quickly glanced down at the speedometer and saw that I was driving fifteen miles under the speed limit. The car that had blasted its horn at me pulled around to pass. I glanced at the driver and saw him give me the finger. I made a face and shook my head.

Paying more attention now, I traveled the interstate back toward Hilton Head, continuing to berate myself.

What the hell had I been thinking?

It seemed to me that I had been asking myself that a lot lately, but it was true. Sleeping with a patient. Snooping through his things. Now this… following him!

What business was it of mine? What had I hoped to accomplish? To make sure he'd gotten there okay? That was stupid. If he had fatigued while driving, I'm sure he had enough brains to pull off to the side of the road and rest. Just like I assumed he'd done at the diner.

What gave me the right to spy on Jax? I swore. Nothing. Absolutely nothing gave me the right. There was no commitment between us other than that of a nurse and her patient. I was in way over my head. I felt like I was drowning, searching for something to keep my head above water.

The problem was, the only thing that I felt was my life raft was fast becoming the object of an obsession for me. I couldn't believe I had allowed things to go this far. I thought I had maintained more control over my emotions than this. To drive after him? To spy on him? Ugh. I was freakin’ obsessed!

I took a deep breath and loosened my grip on my steering wheel. Beating myself up wasn’t helping. I took another deep breath and tried to sort through my messed up mind.

Maybe it was more than obsession or even infatuation. Was it a strange sense that only I could protect him?

That was so funny that I snorted out loud. Jax didn't need me. Before I’d walked into his house, he didn't even know I existed. He had done just fine without me in his life. All I was supposed to do was oversee his rehabilitation.

From nowhere, tears blurred my vision and I felt obligated to pull off at the next off-ramp. I needed to get off the freeway before I caused an accident. At the bottom of the off-ramp, I pulled into a combination gas station and convenience store. Parking away from other cars, I turned off the engine and just sat there, staring, seeing but not really paying attention to the people walking into and out of the store.

Life went on around me and yet I felt as if I was stuck in a mire, a sinking pit of quicksand. I'm pretty sure that Jax had no idea how I really felt about him. If he did, he might've shaken his head and laughed, not in a mean way, but probably more in confusion. It was obvious that he had no idea how his charisma affected others. Well, maybe he did, and he used it well to his advantage in a sexual way. But what about my heart?

What about it? I had done this to myself. Jax had not seduced me, not in the traditional way. I had allowed myself to become tempted and I had crossed the line. The way I felt at this moment was my own fault. I was infatuated with the soldier, infatuated with the idea of him as protector, lover, friend, and…
and what, Angie
, I scolded myself. What did I really think was going to happen here?

I allowed the tears to brim over my eyelids, and for several moments I just sat and wept, overwhelmed with emotion. Never in my life would I have thought I would be the object of unrequited love. Falling in love had never even come into the picture, and I certainly hadn't expected it would happen when I stood on Jax’s doorstep for the first time.

Confusion reigned in my brain. Added to the confusion was this woman who might or might not be an enemy. I shook my head. I should just forget about Jax altogether. Go back to my dismal apartment. Call Nancy and tell her I was done.

I realized I couldn't do that. I would be breaking my own rules about never abandoning or leaving a patient until someone could be found to replace me. I might be stupid in love, but I was not a hypocrite when it came to my job. I decided that I would go back to Jax’s house and then call Nancy for advice. Maybe it would just be best for her to find another nurse to come in and take over. I was certainly proving to be less effective as the days went on. Every time I saw Jax, touched him, had sex with him, my duties as a nurse and caregiver took a back seat. I couldn't allow that to happen.

After several moments of wallowing in my own self-pity, I wiped the tears from my face, took a deep breath, and straightened my shoulders. First, I had to get back to his house. Then, I needed to think, and only then would I call Nancy.

***

I took my time driving back to the island, stopping several times along the way to just stare out the window at the lovely scenery, and sometimes to cry. It was early afternoon before I pulled my car into ‘my’ spot on the side of Jax’s garage. It didn't look like he was back yet, although I couldn't tell because the garage door was still closed, as it should be. It wasn't until I had gotten out of my car and locked the door that I remembered that people were after him. I stiffened and quickly looked around, searching through the loblolly pine that sheltered this side of the house and around toward the back. The other side faced the seaward side of the island. I listened for anything unusual but the breeze only carried the sound of the seagulls and tide coming in and out.

With a sigh, I made my way around the garage toward the front door. I opened the little plastic box by the door and keyed off the alarm code. The spare key that Jax had given he was on my key ring, and I slid it into the door, unlocked it, and pushed it open. Quickly stepping inside, I closed the door before reaching for the alarm keypad. I looked at it and realized it was still armed. I frowned. It wasn’t supposed to do that, was it? I waited several moments, hoping the alarm would not go off. If it did I would have to call the alarm company and give them the password to turn it off. How embarrassing that would be, especially since Jax hadn’t given me the password to do so.

I held my breath… waiting.

At any rate, no alarms went off. I sighed in relief. I was getting pretty good at getting in and out of the exterior doors quickly enough not to set off the alarms, but if someone knew the key code, couldn't they do so just as easily?

I shook my head. No one knew the key code but Jax and myself. Once I left, he would change the code. I turned around and leaned against the door, my gaze traveling through the foyer, up the staircase, and back down to the living room to the left. I frowned. Every time I looked in there now, I recalled the image of Jax lying on his stomach on the couch, Stephanie ogling his incision. The memory continued to piss me off. My mood was growing darker as it was and I didn't need any reminders of that bitch.

I moved down the hall toward the kitchen and placed my car keys in the bowl on the counter. The keys for the gray sedan were still gone so I knew he wasn't home. I had the place all to myself. While normally, I probably would've relished the peace and quiet and downtime, I only felt a great sense of loneliness and isolation. For at least the millionth time, I sighed.

Oh God, what have I done
?

I made my way up to my room, deliberately turning my gaze away from Jax’s office as I did so. My curiosity was insatiable, but there was no way I could assuage it without letting him know that, once again, I’d been snooping.

The medals.

The disciplinary leave.

The charge of consorting with the enemy.

What did it all mean? The dull ache that had formed behind my eyes was now turning into a full-blown headache. I stepped into the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror over the sink. I saw a frowning and obviously confused woman staring back at me.

"What the hell have you done to yourself, Angie Meadows?" I asked my reflection. "You let him get under your skin, didn't you? You let that gorgeous, hard body get to you, didn't you? And then, to top it off, you were foolish enough to go and fall for him, didn't you?"

My reflection to stared back at me, looking lost and forlorn. If I hadn't been so upset at myself for allowing any of this to happen, I might even feel sorry for that girl staring back at me.

I shook my head. No, I didn't deserve pity. I hadn't been led astray. I had gone astray of my own free will and now I had to deal with the repercussions. Unfortunately, I hadn’t realized that those repercussions would have a very detrimental and hurtful effect on the state of my heart.

I tried laying down on the bed for a while, but my mind was so active I decided that wasn't going to work. I got up, left my room, and slowly paced the hallway, contemplating my options. When I got tired of the upstairs hallway and it grew increasingly difficult to stay out of Jax’s office, I meandered downstairs and then through the rest of the house.

I avoided the cabinets in the den the same way I avoided Jax’s office. I had done enough snooping to last me a lifetime, and my snooping had gotten me nowhere. All these questions and my curiosity was driving me crazy, but I had to keep reminding myself that it was none of my business.

What could I do?

What should I do?

I sat down at the kitchen table, staring idly at the cabinets, the marble countertop, the gorgeous hardwood floor. This was not my life. This was not my home. It never would be. In a short while, it would no longer even be Jax’s home.

Where would he go? Probably to another estate that he more than likely owned. A roof over his head was probably the last thing that someone like Jax would worry about. As soon as he was released to go back to duty he would return to his home base and likely get sent off on another clandestine mission that could take anywhere from a few days to weeks to a few months or longer.

I muttered under my breath, cursing myself again for being such an idiot. I wish I knew what was going on with Jax, but I had to accept the fact that I probably never would. If I was smart, I would call Nancy right now and spill the beans. Not about the sex of course, but that I had grown too attached to my patient and that I felt it would be better if she replaced me.

But could I in good conscience send another nurse into this situation? That bothered me. Would Jax even agree to a new nurse? Nancy wouldn't be happy, but she would understand. She knew what it was like to get too attached to a client.

While nurses were encouraged to be compassionate and caring individuals, and it was recommended to develop a good rapport with patients, it was never a good idea to get too emotionally involved. In my case, it was because most of my clients were elderly and in various states of disease processes. They died. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but they died. I had been through the pain of such loss many times. Every time I got a new patient, I swore to myself that I would not get emotionally attached. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. There were just some patients that I felt fonder of than others.

And Jax? I really had no one to compare him to. Sure, I’d had younger patients, but no one like him. I had never met anyone with the charisma, looks, and sexual charm that personified Jax. Add combat soldier, Special Ops, and that ‘bad boy’ attitude on top of it, and I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. Still, I thought I had more control over myself than that.

Sitting in the kitchen, I decided to perform a little test. I wanted to see if I could think of Jax naked without eliciting any sexual feelings. I pictured him standing next to the coffee machine, naked, leaning against the counter in his usual stance, feet crossed at the ankles.

There was nothing wrong with admiring a finely built body, was there? The finely built body was one thing, I realized. It was the sight of his beautiful and perfectly formed cock that always did me in. Flaccid or erect; soft and smooth or engorged with passion, that cock had gotten me into a lot of trouble. Not physically, but emotionally.

And, as I might have anticipated or expected, I failed my little test. Just the thought of his penis initiated tiny, yet pleasurable contractions in my pussy. My nipples hardened as if he was right there in front of me, suckling them.

"Dammit!"

I shot up from the chair and decided to go back to my room. Every step I took up the stairs, I swore, trying to remember all the bad words that I could think of that I had learned over the years and yet rarely allowed past my lips. No, I was nothing but a fool and had no one but myself to blame.

At the top of the stairs I quickly passed Jax’s office and then entered my bedroom, practically slamming the door behind me. I flung myself face down onto the bed, my heart pounding, my emotions in turmoil, and so frustrated with myself and the situation I found myself in that I literally screamed into the pillows. My hands clutched the bedspread in desperation. I began to cry, great, heaving sobs that came from deep within me.

Finally, after crying my eyes out for who knew how long, I fell into an emotionally exhausted sleep. Until I was rudely jarred awake.