Serendipity (23 page)

“I don’t know,” is my only response. Hell, I haven’t got a clue where to go. All I know is that I can’t stay in this house. I know there’s a lot of work to be done and my dad can’t handle it all on his own but I need out. I need time alone and I don’t care if I have to sleep in my car to do it.

“You ain’t goin’ nowhere, Dean. Not until we have answers.” My dad commands. I can’t wait to get the loft cleaned up so I can just do the work that needs to be done and be by myself. They’ve treated me like a kid for long enough.

I ignore him and rush up the stairs to grab a toothbrush and pause when I pass my bedroom door. The fact that only a thin piece of wood separates me from the woman I want is killing me because I know I can’t have her.

I walk downstairs with my shoulders slumped in defeat. I did this—I can’t blame anyone else. I toss a few more things into the bag and zip it closed while my parents just watch me, not saying a word.

I grab the bag and a fresh hat. I pause in front of them. “I’m sorry. I’m not doing this to hurt you or anyone else. I told you before and I’ll tell you again, I’ll explain everything when I get back.” I set my hat on my head and walk out the door, letting the screen slam behind me. I don’t look back as I get into my car and drive away.

I drive around, not sure where to go. I’ve called Jake but he’s at Addison’s and I’m not even going to attempt to call Austin. He’ll just give me shit about what I did, and I don’t need that right now.

When I get into Nashville, I find a cheap hotel and use the credit card that I keep for emergencies—and this situation definitely classifies as an emergency.

I get into the room, toss my bag onto the bed and without bothering to look around the room, I turn to leave. I walk down the street, passing bars and clubs along the way but I need some place quiet right now. I find a hole in the wall that is the perfect for me to drown my sorrows. I pull the door open to find the place is near empty. A few patrons sit up at the bar and look at me as I walk in. I’m not certain but this may be a biker bar. Who cares—as long as they have alcohol, I’m not judging.

I pull out a stool next to an older man with a gray beard that reaches down to his chest. He gives me a funny look, so I hold out my hand.

“Dean,” I offer and surprisingly he takes it.

“George,” he says and grips my hand tightly. “What brings you in tonight?” He asks.

“A drink,” I say teasingly.

“Well then you’ve come to the right place.” He turns and calls for the bartender. “Barb, get this man a drink,” he shouts.

“George, if you don’t stop yelling at me, I’m cutting you off!” Barb walks over, rests her elbows on the bar and leans in. “What can I get for you, darlin’?” She asks. I almost don’t hear her—I’m too busy staring at the tattoos that cover both of her arms.

“Jack and Coke, please,” I say as I look at all of the bottles on display behind her. What I wouldn’t give to have them all in front of me right now.

She turns and grabs a glass and begins to fill it with ice, before pouring in the Jack.

“Women troubles?” Georges asks, breaking me out of my trance.

“You could say that. More like troubles all round.” I rest my elbows on the bar and tap my fingers, waiting for my drink.

“Wanna talk about it?” He asks, not looking up at me. He picks at the corner of the label on his bottle of beer…looks like he has troubles too.

“Eh, not really.”

“All right, Dean but if you don’t talk about it, you’ll be ending up here more than a young fella like you should be.” He tips his beer back and finishes what’s left in one big gulp.

Barb sets down my drink in front of me and I don’t waste any time in throwing it back as if it was a shot. “I just need to take the edge off and then I’ll be okay.”

“That’s the spirit,” George laughs and pats my shoulder. He turns his attention to Barb who is stocking the small fridge behind the bar. “Barb, another beer and a drink for Dean here too. This time, less ice.” He winks at me. Barb flips him the bird but gets our drinks anyways. If I didn’t know any better, I would think George and Barb have something going on. The way they act around each other, reminds me of me and Phoebe.

I can’t help but chuckle and think about Phoebe again. Barb sets our drinks down and this time, I take a few sips before it’s gone.

“Two shots of whiskey,” George holds up two fingers and Barb nods in acknowledgement.

“I’m okay for now,” I tell him.

“I don’t know what your deal is but I’m pretty sure that you’re going to need a hell of a lot more than just one drink.”

Fuck, he’s right. Barb sets down two shots, George and I raise our glasses and clink them together before we shoot them back.

I’m piss-ass drunk by the time the bar closes. I stumble out and meander back to the hotel. I’m surprised I even remember its name but it’s hard to miss when it’s a one story building with only three cars in the parking lot. The place is probably crawling with bedbugs but at least it’s somewhere to sleep.

As soon as I lay my head on the pillow, images of Phoebe run through my head. I can’t believe I was so stupid to give into Devon like that. What I thought was going to be a quick farewell fuck ended up costing me every-damn-thing.

It’s been a whole day since Dean left. No phone call or anything and I can tell Emily and Keith are getting worried. Meals aren’t the same—Emily tries to make conversation but no-one really wants to talk.

Emily and I finally made salsa and she tried to even cheer me up by doing a dance but it was no use. I feel like I’m running on autopilot.

The only time I seemed to enjoy myself and forget about my worries is when Emily and I sat down to watch ‘Dirty Dancing’. I got lost in the movie but by the time it ended I was in tears again. I’ve watched the movie a million times and never once did I cry… until I realized what love is. Is what I’m feeling love? It can’t be!

“Phoebe, why are you crying?” Emily asks. I’m not sure what to tell her. The story isn’t a sad one, it’s a happy one but what Baby and Johnny had to go through breaks my heart.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” I sniffle back the tears.

“You love him.” She says as a statement, not a question.

Do I tell her? Do I tell her what I saw in the stable, after he and I had our moment at the lake? I can’t. This is his mom, and I’m pretty sure it’s crossing some kind of line telling her those kinds of details.

“It’s okay, Phoebe. When it’s true love, it will find a way.” She wraps her arm around me and pulls me in to her. I cry on her shoulder for what seems like hours and she doesn’t say a word. I don’t have to tell her, because she already knows.

I finally turned my phone on after a day and I’m flooded with text messages and missed calls. My parents must have called Jake and Austin because they’ve both been blowing up my phone. I wasn’t expecting a call from Phoebe but I was hoping she would at least give me a chance to explain.

My mom called a few times and I know she’s worried but I just can’t face her right now. The disappointment in her eyes when I was leaving made my heart drop into my stomach. Ever since Phoebe came along, I’ve experienced so many emotions that I never even knew were possible.

I play it safe and call Jake back. I know that if I talk to him, he’ll have some advice for me, plus he won’t tell my parent’s where I am.

“Dean?”

“Hey Jake.” Shit, for the first time in over ten years, I have no idea what to say to my best friend.

“Man, where in the hell are you? Your parents called me and they’re worried sick about you.”

“I’m in Nashville, can you meet up? I need someone to talk to.” I pull back the curtains and let some light into the room, but mostly I want to check to make sure my car is still there. I’m not in the greatest part of town, but it’s not like I had much of a choice on my budget.

“Hell yeah. Tell me where you are and I’ll leave in ten minutes. I’m at Addy’s and there’s something I need to talk to you about too.”

I tell him to meet me at a restaurant nearby. I need something to eat and maybe have a couple of drinks. When I get off the phone I hurry to take a shower, I probably smell like ass. I’ve been in bed for almost fifteen hours and for the first time in my life, I flat-out cried.

When I get to the restaurant I sit in the parking lot and wait for Jake to show up. He pulls into the spot next to me and when we greet each other, he pulls me in and gives me a hug. I’m a little freaked out by this display of affection—I don’t think I’ve ever hugged my friends before. My eyes start to water but I squeeze them tight, hoping I won’t let my emotions show.

When we sit down, I immediately order a beer. I don’t plan on getting drunk but right now anything to numb me—just the slightest bit—is more than welcome.

Not wasting any time, I tell Jake about my royal fuck-up and, crazy as it sounds, it actually feels good to talk about it.

“Damn, I don’t even know what to say,” he says as he plays with his napkin.

“I knew I could count on you for help,” I tease and order another beer.

“Dean, I’d love to help you but I don’t know how to. Devon is fucked up for doing that, but you messed up pretty bad too. If you told Phoebe you were done with Devon, than you should never have gone back there.” He leans is elbows on the table and folds his hands.

“I got that far, now I just need to know how to fix it.”

“I have a couple ideas that I think might work but it’s going to take some hard work on your part.”

“I’ll do anything.” I state flatly and I mean it. Everything and anything within my power to fix this, I’ll do it. After finishing my fifth beer, I start to feel a little light headed but I listen to Jake and take in everything he’s saying.

Three days later…

I got the call from the owner of the condo yesterday and everything’s been approved, just a couple more weeks and I will be living in my own place. Emily has been letting me help her cook, and Keith has let me help a little on the farm—anything to take my mind off the fact that Dean is gone. I’ve never ridden a horse before—unless you count the pony I rode at a carnival when I was seven—so to say that I’m a little terrified would be an understatement.

And that brings us to now. It’s too hard for me to go into the stable so Keith brings Lady out for me. She’s an American Quarter Horse, and Keith tells me that Emily used to ride her and assures me that she is perfect for beginners.

“Now, don’t panic. As long as you stay calm, Lady will stay calm.” He helps lift my leg over so I’m sitting astride her. Once I’m seated correctly, my nerves kick into overdrive.