Separate Roads (35 page)

The next morning Jordana, full of excitement, awoke before dawn. Unable to return to sleep and worried that her restlessness would wake Caitlan, who shared the bed with her in the spare bedroom upstairs, she carefully slipped from beneath the covers. After dressing quietly and wrapping a shawl around her shoulders against the early morning chill, she made her way downstairs.

A lamp burned in the kitchen, and she followed the light and was greeted by Victoria and a warm fire in the stove.

“You are an early riser also,” smiled Victoria.

“This morning I am. There are so many new and exciting things to look forward to, I just couldn’t sleep another minute.”

“Let me pour you a cup of tea. I’ve just poured myself one.” Victoria took a cup from the cupboard and filled it from a china teapot and brought it, with her own cup, to the table. She sat opposite Jordana. “So what is the first thing you want to do while you are here?”

“Goodness! I don’t even know what there is to see and do. A real gold mine! Yes, I’d like to see one of those for certain. Then, do you suppose we could go to San Francisco sometime? And I have heard there are huge trees not far from here called redwoods that are so huge around a coach could drive through one if it was of a mind. And I’d like to see—”

“Wait a minute,” laughed Victoria. “That’s enough to keep you busy for a good long time.”

“I guess I am a bit overenthusiastic.” Jordana sipped her tea thoughtfully, then looked up at her sister. “I want to see it all, Victoria. Not only California, but the whole country. No—the whole world! Imagine seeing the wonders of the Orient or the dark jungles of Africa. Or, if I want to be more civilized, London and Paris. There is simply no end to what is out there. And then, after I see everything, I’ll write books about it all.” Jordana paused, surprised at her own words. She had never really considered writing but now realized it would be perfect for her. Her enthusiasm continued to build. “I always wondered how I would use my travels constructively, and writing is the perfect way. Wouldn’t it be a great encouragement to other women who would like to travel? Not only to hear about exotic places from a woman’s point of view, but also to know that a woman can do such things.”

“But you haven’t done them yet,” Victoria remarked.

Jordana tried to ignore the fact that her sister’s tone was rather droll. “I will. I just know it.”

“Well, Jordana, I hate to be the one to burst the bubble of your little fantasy, but adventure isn’t all romance and glory as you seem to think. There’s a lot of reality that goes with adventure, and not all of it is pretty.”

“I always envied you for your bold journey all the way to California.” Jordana looked at Victoria as if for the first time. She realized this was no longer the big sister who had set out eight years ago, full of youthful zest and grand anticipation.

The person who stared back at Jordana was a twenty-seven-year-old matron, with sad eyes and a drawn, almost reproving expression. She nearly reminded Jordana of her Aunt Virginia, despite the fact that they were not related by blood. It was just a glimpse, a brief flicker of familiarity that in another moment was gone, but the hint of it was bad enough. Virginia had suffered a hard life from a disastrous marriage and too much drink. She looked ten years older than her actual years.

“Has it really been so hard?” Jordana asked her sister plaintively.

“I’m happy,” Victoria answered quickly, defensively. “But happiness hasn’t been dished out to me on a silver platter. I’ve lived in mining camps, in filth and squalor, around men who could make a woman feel dirty just by the way they looked at you. I’ve gone hungry and cold. I’ve—oh, never mind, you would probably just think it’s part of the adventure.”

“I’m sorry it was so hard. But—” Jordana stopped. She wondered about Victoria’s money and how she could have been hungry, but she didn’t say anything because she suddenly felt as if her sister were a stranger.

“And, Jordana, speaking of men, how are you going to find a suitable husband traipsing all over the world? You won’t run into a lot of gentlemen in the places you want to explore.”

“Why, Victoria!” Jordana could not keep from exclaiming. “You do sound like Aunt Virginia!”

“Well, it is something you
should
think about. You could ruin your reputation doing the things you speak of—”

“If I do decide to marry, it will be to a man who looks at me for the person I am and doesn’t judge me for silly societal standards that say nothing of the character and quality of the person but only gauge the exterior.” Jordana set her cup down a little too hard in its saucer. It made a
clank
sound.

“Silly standards? Oh, Jordana.” Victoria shook her head and took on an annoying maternal appearance. “The notions you have are silly and just not practical for the world we live in. I know Mama has some of the same feelings, but at least she was able to adjust them to the practical, real-life world.”

“Men don’t have to do that! If a man goes exploring, he’s a hero.”

“That’s just—”

“No! I don’t give a fig about society! If someone doesn’t make the attempt to change it, then we will continue in ways that even you must see are repressive and unfair.” Jordana could hardly believe she was having such a discussion with her sister. She’d never imagined finding such disapproval in her own family.

“I’m sorry we disagree,” Victoria said softly.

Jordana could tell she was no doubt thinking the same thing. “Well, disagreement is a healthy thing.” But Jordana only half believed it.

“I suppose so.”

They concentrated on their tea, but the tension remained. Then Victoria refilled their cups, which Jordana took as a good sign that their “words” hadn’t spoiled things so badly that Victoria no longer wanted to be around her sister. Jordana searched in her mind for a neutral topic to discuss.

But Victoria spoke first. “I may not agree with your dreams, Jordana, but you deserve to have them come true. At least one Baldwin woman should.”

“What do you mean?” Jordana asked, her eyes searching her sister’s, finding great sadness there.

“For all the adventure you think I had, all I ever wanted was a home and family of my own. . . .” She sighed, gazing at her fingers as they hugged her cup.

“But you have a wonderful home here, and Kiernan is a wonderful man, too.”

“The home is on loan from Mr. Crocker while Kiernan recuperates from his accident. We have never had our own home, though this is the best we have had, and I am thankful for it. As for Kiernan . . . yes, he is the finest husband a woman could have. I could not love him more, and I believe he loves me with his life. Yet I know I have let him down too, and it will always be a small wedge between us.”

“Let him down . . . ?”

Victoria’s brow arched, then she reddened a bit with embarrassment. “I thought you knew. I guess Mama didn’t tell you, but surely I thought you had guessed . . . it’s not something I care to discuss—” She stopped, her cheeks flaming.

“I truly don’t know what you are talking about, but now you must tell me.” She took her sister’s hand for encouragement. “I know I can’t help you solve your problems but . . .”

“It has been so long since I have had a friend to talk to,” Victoria confided. “Li has been wonderful, but we have so many cultural differences we don’t always understand each other, and not just because of our different languages.”

“I remember when we were little,” Jordana said, “how I wanted to be your friend.”

“But I could not have my little sister tagging along! What would my friends think?”

Jordana chuckled. “I went to Mama once in tears, feeling so left out. She told me someday I would catch up to you, and then Mama was certain you’d want me to be your friend. Well, we may not have a lot in common, but I think I have ‘caught up,’ in a way. And I still want to be your friend.”

“Thank you so much, Jordana dear!” Victoria stared into her cup for a moment, then seemed to come to a resolve. “Have you ever wondered why I have no children?”

“I suppose I simply thought you and Kiernan were just too busy exploring and such—” Jordana gave a sheepish shake of her head. “Pretty naïve of me, huh?”

Victoria nodded. “We want children desperately. I just have not been able to conceive.”

“Oh, Victoria! I am so sorry.”

“I don’t know why I wanted to tell you. Like I said, I don’t talk about it much.”

“I’m glad you said something, even though there is little I can do about it. I will pray for you if you’d like.”

“Please do. Perhaps a new voice might do some good.” Victoria smiled and added, “Now for a more cheerful topic. Tell me about Caitlan and Brenton.”

“So, you noticed—”

Before more could be said, Kiernan came into the kitchen. The two women fell silent.

“Now, don’t stop yar talking because of me,” he said, sounding in a chipper mood.

“You wouldn’t be interested in girl talk,” said Victoria.

“Ya just never know now, do ya, what an Irishman might be interested in—especially if it involves two of me three most favorite girls in the world.”

“Well, it involves all three,” said Jordana. Now that there was an opening, she didn’t see any reason why she shouldn’t enlist her sister’s and brother-in-law’s help in the sticky issue of Brenton and Caitlan.

“Hmm, now that sounds mysterious.” Kiernan headed to a cupboard and took down a cup.

“Let me get that, Kiernan,” said Victoria.

“Stay where ya are. I can help meself for a change!” He poured his tea and sat at the table. “Now, can ya clear up this mystery, Jordana?”

“Well, it’s only a mystery to Brenton and Caitlan—at least it appears that way.”

Kiernan smiled. “I did notice some peculiar exchanges last night. Those two tried so hard
not
to look at each other, they may as well have kissed passionately all evening.”

“Kiernan!” Victoria gasped as if scandalized. Then she giggled. “So is it true, then? Is there something between them?”

Jordana rolled her eyes. “They love each other, but the two ninnies are just too thickheaded to admit it.”

“And why not?” Kiernan scratched his head, obviously unable to fathom the logic of it.

“Well, your sister seems to have the idea she isn’t good enough for him. Believe me, I have been working on her for two years trying to change her low opinion of herself. No matter how much I try to drum into her that she is just as good as anyone, she continually tries to act as maid and servant to us. It drives me batty, to be sure.” Jordana smiled, then added, just in case anyone should get the wrong idea, “She is my best friend. I love her dearly, but she can be exasperating.”

“Nothing like you Baldwins,” Kiernan said with dry humor.

Jordana laughed. “You speak from experience, I see.”

Kiernan glanced at his wife, then grinned. “An experience I wouldn’t change for naught. But surely Brenton might have a wee part in this romantic misunderstandin’.”

“He doesn’t think
he
is good enough for her!” Jordana tittered, then more earnestly added, “But there is more to it on his part, and I am afraid I see his problem. You see, Caitlan has turned her back on God. I think down deep she still believes, or wants to believe, but she had seen so much evil wrought in Ireland in the name of God that she now questions Him.”

“Yes, I sensed that in a few small things that were said last night,” said Kiernan. “And I understand and respect Brenton’s hesitation in marryin’ someone who doesn’t share his faith.”

“I believe she is close.”

“Close only counts in horseshoes.”

After a short pause, Jordana asked, “Kiernan, would you approve of the match if all other things worked out?”

“I would indeed! I can think of no finer husband for me sister. Brenton has grown into a responsible, serious young man—of course, he was always that way. But I’d be proud to have him for me brother-in-law, that is, if he wasn’t already me brother-in-law . . . but that would just give me one less in-law to deal with, eh?”

They all laughed at this, then Jordana leaned forward and inquired, “Well then, how are we going to make this happen? It is a sure thing those two are going to need some help.”

Kiernan rubbed his chin, and there was a conspiratorial glint in his good eye. “Jordana, you handle Brenton—that’s always been your forte anyway. And I will handle that sister of mine, settin’ her straight on a few matters, as a big brother should.”

They all but shook hands, then as the two in question appeared, nothing more was said, but Jordana’s mind was working on the problem, and she could tell Kiernan was thinking about it, too.

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