Sense and Sensibility (The Wild and Wanton Edition) (24 page)

Elinor tossed and turned in her bed, desperately wishing for a nap to carry her away from her mind filled with contradictions, but her thoughts were eating at her to the point where she could no longer sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw him — his clear eyes burning into her own, his chest heaving with the breathlessness of passion, his hand entwined with hers.

No; whatever his affections for Miss Steele might once have been, Elinor could not believe it such at present. His affection was all her own. She could not be deceived in that. Her mother, sisters, Fanny, all had been conscious of his regard for her at Norland; it was not an illusion of her own vanity. He certainly loved her.

As that certainly settled within her, Elinor’s restless mind began to calm and she traveled back in her memories to that last day she’d spent in his arms.

“Elinor,” he’d whispered after several long minutes of silence where they’d caught their breath and allowed their bodies to cool following their most recent bout of pleasure.

“Mmm?” she’d murmured, so content with her head on Edward’s bare chest, listening to his steady heartbeat, that she’d begun to slip away into sleep.

“You bring me pleasure and joy in every way possible and I fear I shall never get enough of you.” He’d spoken into her hair and it was as if every strand on her head had come alive with his words, the sensation of warmth and contentment and pure happiness spreading throughout her whole body, all the way down to her toes.

Suddenly sleep was the last thing on Elinor’s mind.

She rolled on top of him, the length of her naked skin pressed against him, and brought her mouth to his. She kissed him softly at first, her lips gently grazing his own. He let her remain in control, and did not attempt to take the lead. Slowly, she ran the tip of her tongue around the edge of his lips, right at the place where the softness of his lips met the roughness of his unshaved face. As her tongue met the corner of his mouth, he groaned and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her more tightly against him. Her breasts pressed into him; the pressure against her nipples made her increase her intensity and she took his mouth hungrily, her tongue dancing with his within the dark heat of his mouth. He tasted sweet, a flavour she didn’t recognize, and then she remembered what he had done to her up against the tree. That taste was
her
, and she loved that she was all over him in that way. They belonged to each other.

Edward was responding to her exactly as she wanted — his arms around her, his mouth moving in time with hers, the hardness between his legs growing and pressing into her pelvic bone — but Elinor was still the one in control. She broke the kiss and began to lick and kiss his face, his jaw, his neck, down his chest, her tongue flicking around his nipples, then worked her way farther south. Just before she was about to take him in her mouth once more, she sat up.

The sudden change in the course of events had seemed to startle Edward, and he looked up at Elinor with questioning eyes. “Why did you stop? I want you … I need you … ” he’d begged.

Elinor just smiled at him teasingly. “As I need you. I want to show you how you make me feel. I want you to really see it. Would that be all right?”

Edward nodded excitedly. “Oh, yes, Miss Dashwood. Please show me.”

And with that, Elinor lowered herself onto him and moaned as she began to rock her hips. She tossed her hair back so Edward had a perfect view of her atop him, from the place where they were conjoined, up past her bouncing breasts, to her face.

As she rocked, she seductively rolled her finger around in her mouth, sucking and moaning, all for the benefit of Edward, who was watching her wide-eyed, and then used that wet finger on herself.

The moment she began to flick her bead of pleasure, still swollen from the effects of Edward’s mouth, she forgot all about putting on a show for her beloved. The ecstasy she was experiencing was unlike any other — Edward’s long, thick manhood filling her at the same time as she was pleasuring herself externally, the way she had done alone in her room all those nights.

He began to writhe beneath her, unable to remain submissive any longer, but she reached out with her free hand and pushed his hips down against the ground. “No,” she panted. “I want to show you.” She began to move both her pelvis and her hand faster, in the same circular motion. “Oh, Edward,” she moaned, arching so her hair tumbled down her back and her breasts pointed to the sky. With her other hand, she pinched her own nipple hard, and shots of adrenaline burst through her. She wanted to keep going like this forever, but the pressure was building and she knew she would soon reach release.

“Edward,” she moaned. “Watch.”

He obeyed willingly, large beads of sweat forming across his forehead. Elinor knew he was desperately trying to hold on, to not reach his own climax until she had reached hers. He licked his lips as his eyes feasted on her.

Elinor picked up the pace even farther, her hand and her hips moving in hard, fast rhythm. When her climax came, Edward watched as her body exploded with rolling tremors, her legs spasming wildly, her lungs letting out a scream of pleasure so loud the birds in the nearby trees scattered. Elinor’s body exploded again and again around his shaft, and he just lay there, unmoving — just as he was directed.

But when Elinor finally collapsed atop him, he sprung into action. “I cannot take this any longer,” he growled, and flipped her over onto her back, spreading her legs wide, and plunged himself into her deeply and firmly, over and over again.

“That’s it, Edward,” Elinor moaned. “Claim me as I claimed you.”

At the last minute, he’d pulled out and poured his seed all over the flatness of her stomach. It was warm and moist, and Elinor had felt the smallest pang of regret that he hadn’t filled her with it. But then sense returned and she knew that there would be time for that — once they were married.

Now, back in her bed, alone, Elinor put that last thought — the thought of marriage — out of her mind and worked her hand between her legs faster and faster, recalling that perfect moment in the woods.
That
was her Edward.
That
was the man who loved her. The closer she got to climax, the more sure she became. And at the moment her body trembled with the pleasure she’d brought herself, she knew it without the slightest shadow of doubt: Something that felt so good, so right, certainly could not be wrong.

She lay in bed breathing heavily, the sheets in a jumble at her feet, her dress up around her waist, her heart pounding.

What a softener of the heart was this persuasion! How much could it not tempt her to forgive! Edward had been blamable, highly blamable, in remaining at Norland after he first felt her influence over him to be more than it ought to be. In that, he could not be defended; but if he had injured her, how much more had he injured himself; if her case were pitiable, his was hopeless. His imprudence had made her miserable for a while; but it seemed to have deprived himself of all chance of ever being otherwise. She might in time regain tranquillity; but
he
, what had he to look forward to? Could he ever be tolerably happy with Lucy Steele; could he, were his affection for herself out of the question, with his integrity, his delicacy, and well-informed mind, be satisfied with a wife like her — illiterate, artful, selfish, and surely lacking of Elinor’s experience and natural instincts in the bedroom?

The youthful infatuation of nineteen would naturally blind him to every thing but her beauty and good nature; but the four succeeding years — years, which if rationally spent, give such improvement to the understanding, must have opened his eyes to her defects of education, while the same period of time, spent on her side in inferior society and more frivolous pursuits, had perhaps robbed her of that simplicity which might once have given an interesting character to her beauty.

If in the supposition of his seeking to marry herself, his difficulties from his mother had seemed great, how much greater were they now likely to be, when the object of his engagement was undoubtedly inferior in connections, and probably inferior in fortune to herself. These difficulties, indeed, with a heart so alienated from Lucy, might not press very hard upon his patience; but melancholy was the state of the person by whom the expectation of family opposition and unkindness, could be felt as a relief!

As these considerations occurred to her in painful succession, she wept for him, more than for herself. Supported by the conviction of having done nothing to merit her present unhappiness, and consoled by the belief that Edward had done nothing to forfeit her esteem, she thought she could even now, under the first smart of the heavy blow, command herself enough to guard every suspicion of the truth from her mother and sisters. And so well was she able to answer her own expectations, that when she joined them at dinner only two hours after she had first suffered the extinction of all her dearest hopes, no one would have supposed from the appearance of the sisters, that Elinor was mourning in secret over obstacles which must divide her for ever from the object of her love, and that Marianne was internally dwelling on the perfections of a man, of whose whole heart she felt thoroughly possessed, and whom she expected to see in every carriage which drove near their house.

The necessity of concealing from her mother and Marianne, what had been entrusted in confidence to herself, though it obliged her to unceasing exertion, was no aggravation of Elinor’s distress. On the contrary it was a relief to her, to be spared the communication of what would give such affliction to them, and to be saved likewise from hearing that condemnation of Edward, which would probably flow from the excess of their partial affection for herself, and which was more than she felt equal to support.

From their counsel, or their conversation, she knew she could receive no assistance, their tenderness and sorrow must add to her distress, while her self-command would neither receive encouragement from their example nor from their praise. She was stronger alone, and her own good sense so well supported her, that her firmness was as unshaken, her appearance of cheerfulness as invariable, as with regrets so poignant and so fresh, it was possible for them to be.

Much as she had suffered from her first conversation with Lucy on the subject, she soon felt an earnest wish of renewing it; and this for more reasons than one. She wanted to hear many particulars of their engagement repeated again, she wanted more clearly to understand what Lucy really felt for Edward, whether there were any sincerity in her declaration of tender regard for him, and she particularly wanted to convince Lucy, by her readiness to enter on the matter again, and her calmness in conversing on it, that she was no otherwise interested in it than as a friend, which she very much feared her involuntary agitation, in their morning discourse, must have left at least doubtful. That Lucy was disposed to be jealous of her appeared very probable: it was plain that Edward had always spoken highly in her praise, not merely from Lucy’s assertion, but from her venturing to trust her on so short a personal acquaintance, with a secret so confessedly and evidently important. And even Sir John’s joking intelligence must have had some weight. But indeed, while Elinor remained so well assured within herself of being really beloved by Edward, it required no other consideration of probabilities to make it natural that Lucy should be jealous; and that she was so, her very confidence was a proof. What other reason for the disclosure of the affair could there be, but that Elinor might be informed by it of Lucy’s superior claims on Edward, and be taught to avoid him in future? She had little difficulty in understanding thus much of her rival’s intentions, and while she was firmly resolved to act by her as every principle of honour and honesty directed, to combat her own affection for Edward and to see him as little as possible; she could not deny herself the comfort of endeavouring to convince Lucy that her heart was unwounded. And as she could now have nothing more painful to hear on the subject than had already been told, she did not mistrust her own ability of going through a repetition of particulars with composure.

But it was not immediately that an opportunity of doing so could be commanded, though Lucy was as well disposed as herself to take advantage of any that occurred; for the weather was not often fine enough to allow of their joining in a walk, where they might most easily separate themselves from the others; and though they met at least every other evening either at the park or cottage, and chiefly at the former, they could not be supposed to meet for the sake of conversation. Such a thought would never enter either Sir John or Lady Middleton’s head; and therefore very little leisure was ever given for a general chat, and none at all for particular discourse. They met for the sake of eating, drinking, and laughing together, playing at cards, or consequences, or any other game that was sufficiently noisy.

One or two meetings of this kind had taken place, without affording Elinor any chance of engaging Lucy in private, when Sir John called at the cottage one morning, to beg, in the name of charity, that they would all dine with Lady Middleton that day, as he was obliged to attend the club at Exeter, and she would otherwise be quite alone, except her mother and the two Miss Steeles. Elinor, who foresaw a fairer opening for the point she had in view, in such a party as this was likely to be, more at liberty among themselves under the tranquil and well-bred direction of Lady Middleton than when her husband united them together in one noisy purpose, immediately accepted the invitation; Margaret, with her mother’s permission, was equally compliant, and Marianne, though always unwilling to join any of their parties, was persuaded by her mother, who could not bear to have her seclude herself from any chance of amusement, to go likewise.

The young ladies went, and Lady Middleton was happily preserved from the frightful solitude which had threatened her. The insipidity of the meeting was exactly such as Elinor had expected; it produced not one novelty of thought or expression, and nothing could be less interesting than the whole of their discourse both in the dining parlour and drawing room: to the latter, the children accompanied them, and while they remained there, she was too well convinced of the impossibility of engaging Lucy’s attention to attempt it. They quitted it only with the removal of the tea-things. The card-table was then placed, and Elinor began to wonder at herself for having ever entertained a hope of finding time for conversation at the park. They all rose up in preparation for a round game.