Semper Fi (42 page)

As the days went on and they neared the States, the men could talk of little else but the possible surrender and an end to the war. The thought that they might really be going home for good was almost too much. Cal was afraid to get his hopes too high.

At least it roused something in Jim, and he was more alert than he’d been in a long time. Cal stayed close to him, the relief warring with the profound sense of loss he already felt.

One morning, Cal leaned against the ship’s rail, smoking cigarette after cigarette. Of course he’d always known Jim would go back to his wife and child. To his life. It was as it should be. Yet the dawning reality of it as they neared the mainland choked Cal a little more with each passing mile.

Even if they remained friends, they’d never have the closeness they’d shared at war. The closeness Cal had allowed under his skin, burrowing so deep that he felt its loss already. The idea of returning to Manhattan, knowing Jim was only a few hours away was unbearable.

“Penny for your thoughts.”

Cal smiled, jumping slightly as Jim leaned next to him. “Sorry. You’ll need at least a dollar to capture everything going on up here.” He tapped his head.

“I think I can afford it. Maybe fifty cents.”

It felt like so long since Jim had laughed and joked, and Cal fought the urge to throw his arms around him. “You can give me a down payment.”

Jim gazed out. “Almost there. I feel like…” He paused. “Like we crossed an imaginary line, and as we get closer to home the air is easier to breathe. It’s silly.”

“It’s not. I feel it too. The surrender has to be coming. It has to be.”

“If it’s not…we can’t go back there, Cal. I can’t.”

Cal leaned closer. “We won’t. You’ll be home with your little girl before you know it.”

Jim closed his eyes for a moment. “I just want to hold her again. Lord, I want that.” He breathed deeply, and smiled. “I can’t wait for you to meet her. You’ll have to come visit once we’re back. We’re not that far from the city.”

“I will. Of course.” But in his heart, Cal knew it was a lie.

They woke on the morning of August fifteenth to another announcement. In their bunks, the men blinked awake, instantly alert. Cal imagined the whole ship held its breath, with even the engines going quiet.

“On August ninth, we dropped a second atomic bomb on Japan. Today, Emperor Hirohito issued Japan’s unconditional surrender to the Allied forces.”

After a moment of stunned silence, shouts of joy echoed throughout the ship, drowning out the captain’s remaining address. Cal leaped from his bunk, Jim meeting him halfway as they embraced tightly. All around them, men whooped and hollered, hugging and slapping each other’s backs in a chaos of celebration. A few men wept, and their buddies comforted them.

Cal held onto Jim for longer than he should have, but Jim didn’t pull away.

When they prepared to dock the next day, packing up their sea bags for the last time, Cal reached into the bottom of his and pulled out a slender box about six inches long. He cleared his throat. “Hey, Jim. Here’s a little something.”

Jim blinked. “Huh?” He took the box with a puzzled smile. When he saw the gold watch nestled inside, his jaw dropped. “But…
Cal
.” He lifted the watch carefully. “When did you get this?”

Cal shrugged. “Picked it up in Hawaii. You’re always complaining about your watch not keeping good time. It’s nothing.”

“Nothing? It’s gold! It must have cost a fortune.”

Cal waved his hand dismissively. “Nah, I got a great deal.”

“I don’t know what to say. I don’t have a gift for you.”

“I wasn’t expecting anything. I just thought you might like it.”

“We still have a long train ride home, you know. You’re not getting rid of me just yet.”

“I know. Just a little something to remember me by. Wanted to give it to you before I forgot.” He picked up his sea bag and went through the motions of stowing his gear while he spied Jim from the corner of his eye.

After turning the watch over, Jim traced his fingertip over the engraving on the back. Cal knew what it said, of course. He’d kept it simple.

C.C.

J.B.

As Jim put the children to bed, Cal re-dried the dishes he and Sophie had left in the rack. Listening to the low murmur of Jim’s voice as he read a bedtime story, Cal swiped the cloth uselessly over one plate and then another.

When Jim returned downstairs, their gaze locked, and without discussion they grabbed their jackets and headed outside. Cal expected to stop by the paddock, but Jim walked on. Cal followed, staying quiet as they made their way past the cider house and down into the orchard.

Among the trees, Jim stopped. Finnigan was barking again in the distance, and Cal shifted from foot to foot. He blurted, “I’m sorry.”

Jim frowned. “What could you be sorry for?”

“For not telling you about Ann and Eddie. I had my suspicions.”

“I didn’t.” Jim laughed hollowly. “Isn’t that ridiculous?”

“She was your wife. You loved her.”

“I did. She was…” Jim’s voice broke, and he paused. “She was a kind soul, and I could never love her the way she deserved. Is it strange to be
glad
to discover your wife had a lover while you were off at war?”

“Not in this case. Maybe you’ll stop hating yourself. Take her down off that pedestal.” Cal raised his hands. “I’m not saying she was a bad woman. But she wasn’t perfect, and her death wasn’t your fault. We all do the best we can.”

“When she was pregnant with Adam, I could barely bring myself to look at her. As her stomach grew, every time I saw her I thought of Okinawa. Of that night.” Jim’s breath stuttered. “I shut myself away from her. Even after Adam was born. We slept in the same bed, but we were strangers. I cringed away from her whenever she reached out.”

“The war left you broken. Left us all broken in our own ways.”

“Lord, Cal. I
struck
her. I didn’t mean to. I was still asleep. But I did it all the same. She should have left then. She’d still be alive.”

Cal stepped closer, yearning to touch. “There’s no way to know what might have been.”

Jim went on, his eyes unfocused. “It must have been plain as day, Ann and Eddie. But I didn’t see it. I didn’t see a lot of things. I wouldn’t allow it. All these feelings I tried to hide, even from myself. I couldn’t see myself clearly, let alone anyone else.” He looked at Cal. “You must think I’m such a fool.”

“I’d never think that.
Never
.”

“Of course you wouldn’t.” The branches waved gently in the breeze, dappling the moonlight over Jim’s face. “You’ve always loved me for who I am, good and bad.”

Cal took a shaky breath. “I always will.”

“And I haven’t loved you well enough at all.” Jim raised his hand when Cal would have interrupted. “I hope you’ll let me make up for it. I hope you’ll stay. Because I love you and I don’t ever want you to leave again.”

As relief and joy coursed through him, Cal laughed. He took Jim’s face in his hands and kissed him soundly. “Say that again.”

Jim chuckled unsteadily, his voice thick with tears. “Which part?”

“All of it.”

Then Cal was kissing him, and they wrapped their arms around each other. Cal inhaled Jim deeply, licking into his mouth and holding him close. He would have climbed into his skin if he could.

Jim pressed kisses to Cal’s cheeks, forehead, chin, and nose. “I love you,” he murmured. “I love you.”

The ground was damp with chilly evening dew that would soon be frost as the harvest ended, but Cal didn’t care as they tore off their clothes. He clumsily spread his jacket and shirt and stretched out on the ground as Jim covered him. They both groaned, kissing deeply. Rocking together, they were already hard.

“I need you.” Cal urged Jim to straddle his chest so he could take Jim’s cock into his mouth. As Jim moaned his name, Cal sucked messily, getting Jim as slick as possible. They were almost frantic as Jim licked his fingers and reached down to open Cal’s ass, making Cal groan wetly and spread his legs. Jim shimmied down between them.

Cal held his knees to his chest as Jim pushed into him. It burned like hell, and it was the greatest thing he’d ever felt. Jim was inside him again, and nothing else mattered. Not the hard ground, or the rock digging into his spine, or the brisk breeze scattering goose bumps over his flesh.

Tipping his head back, Cal moaned as Jim began to fuck him. It felt as though it had been years since they’d touched, and he met Jim’s thrusts, threading their fingers together on the grass by his head as Jim leaned over with a smile dancing on his lips.

“I dreamed of you like this.” Jim’s eyes were bright, and his hair stuck up. Sweat beaded on his lip. “Out here in the orchard, naked in the moonlight.”

Cal drew him down for a deep kiss. He panted. “How did it end?”

“However we want.” Jim kissed him again as he angled in deeper and hitched Cal’s legs higher.

They strained together, grunting as their flesh smacked in the calm of the orchard. Sparks of pleasure flickered through Cal’s body as Jim brushed the perfect spot inside him. “God. There. Harder. I need—” He pulled Jim’s head down and kissed him.

Reaching between them, Jim stroked Cal’s cock. “I want this forever. Want you.”

Cal had to shut his eyes as the pleasure thundered through him, his throat closing as he came. Tingling from head to toe, he gasped and clamped down on Jim’s cock. Jim thrust wildly, his arms shaking. Cal felt the heat of Jim’s seed deep inside him, and Jim buried his head in Cal’s neck as he cried out.

As he softened inside Cal, Jim pressed their foreheads together. His lips parted as he caught his breath. Cal kissed him gently, and wished they could stay forever.

Of course they had to get dressed eventually, the night chill catching up with them as they pulled on their clothes and boots. Laughing, Jim licked his palm and ran it over Cal’s unruly hair. Cal did the same to Jim with a smile.

The question tumbled from Cal’s lips before he could stop it. “What changed?”

“Nothing. I’ve always loved you.” With an achingly serious expression, Jim brushed his thumb over Cal’s bottom lip. “Always.”

“What about everything else? The kids?”

“We’ll be careful. We’ll keep what’s private between us private. We’ll come out here, or go to the cabin. I wish I could go to sleep with you every night and wake up with you every morning. But we can still love each other. We can still make a life together. Even with our secret.” He exhaled a shaky breath, clear anxiety creasing his face. “It’s not perfect, I know.”

“I don’t need perfect.” Cal rubbed their noses together. “Just you.”

Sophie tugged Cal’s hand. “We’re going to miss it!”

“Okay, okay.”

She huffed. “Uncle Cal, would you hurry up?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Cal increased his pace as they wove their way through the crowded main street. The Harvest Festival was in full swing, and tables of crafts, baked goods, and produce lined the street.

The autumn sun was high in a blue sky, and it looked as if almost everyone in the county had come out. The hail storm had hurt the region badly, and the community was banding together. It made Cal smile.

In the field beyond the street, a few carnival rides creaked and played tinny music as the children laughed in delight. Cal spotted Adam chortling as he and Mrs. O’Brien rode the carousel. Mrs. O’Brien waved as they passed, but Sophie clearly had another destination in mind and tugged Cal toward a gathering crowd.

On a wooden platform, a man in a suit waited. Cal frowned. “Who’s that?”

“It’s the mayor.” Sophie squeezed into the crowd, her face alight. She wore a dress with a wool cardigan, and pushed her sleeves up to her elbows, her cheeks rosy. In the warmth of the crowd, Cal was glad he’d left his jacket with Jim.

“What’s he waiting for?”

She giggled. “You’ll see!”

A moment later, a woman stepped up with a cream pie in her hand. Cal laughed. “Don’t tell me she’s going to—”

The crowd roared as the pie landed on the mayor’s chest, splattering cream all over his suit. Two more people stepped up for their turn, the last landing their pie squarely in the mayor’s face. For his part, the man simply licked his lips. “Strawberry cream. My favorite!”