Semi-Detached Marriage (16 page)

But before Simon could answer, Cassie put in,
'Oh, but you must remember, Julia, that Simon will be tired after his mad rush
to try and get here. And if he's hungry,' she added shrewishly, 'he can always
eat his birthday cake!'

She glared across at Simon as she spoke and
saw the frown give way to a cold, remote look. She had seen that expression on
his face before, but not often; it meant that he had drawn his emotions within
himself, was holding them under a tight control until the right moment came to
give them full rein, whether they were of love or anger. Only there was no
doubt now which one he was feeling.

'On the contrary,' he answered with cool
self-possession, completely ignoring Cassie's sarcasm and the surprised looks
it had brought from the others, 'I shall be happy to come with you.'

'In that case,' Tom said easily, 'I'll be
pushing along. I’ll give you a call later this evening.'

He moved to go towards the door, but Cassie
caught his arm. 'No, you must come with us. At least you bothered to come to
the party; why should you have to leave before it's completely over?'

Tom looked slightly taken aback and the
others uncomfortable, but Simon immediately said, 'Yes, Tom, you must come with
us. We're not going to take no for an answer, especially when we haven't seen
each other for so long.'

So Tom had no choice but to
agree, and they all piled into his large car, Cassie working it so that she sat
in the back between Chris and John who each had their wives on their knees,
while Simon sat in the front with Tom.

They got to the Savoy about seven, the staff
there not even raising an eyebrow at their evening clothes; presumably the mad
idea of finishing off a party with breakfast there was commonplace to them.
Cassie tried to avoid sitting next to Simon, but his hand went under her elbow
and she was almost forced down into a chair. She glared at him, but he merely
returned her look with one of cold menace. For the first time she felt the thrill
of danger, but was so angry still that she could ignore it. It was a strange
kind of anger, one that made her want to hit out at Simon and hurt. It wasn't
only because he'd been late for his party, that was really the least part of
it, it was also a fury that had grown out of her weeks of loneliness, of lack
of love and sex, and in a crazy way it was also anger at herself for that brief
flash of sexual awareness with Tom. She hadn't wanted it to happen, and it
never would have if Simon hadn't insisted on taking the job in Scotland.

Strangely enough the meal was a happy one,
not marred by marital friction at all, mainly because Julia and Chris were
trying to outdo each other as the life and soul of the party, making jokes and
puns that drew groans from the others. Poor John had given up all hope of his
golf tournament and tried to join in, the bitchy remarks Julia had made earlier
obviously having found a mark. Tom turned his attention to Sue, which helped to
make up for the fact that her husband was virtually ignoring her, and she, too,
began to enjoy herself.

From the moment that Simon had said he was
coming with them he seemed to have taken over, organising the table, insisting
they try the more exotic dishes and ordering champagne to drink, which made
Julia tell him earnestly, but rather slurrily, that he was a man after her own
heart. Cassie drank as much champagne as the others, but she didn't feel at all
drunk or maudlin; she talked and laughed, clapped Chris when he did his party
piece impression of Winston Churchill, but all the time felt as if her mind was
amazingly clear and perceptive, her nerves taut and alert. She felt as if she
had never had such control of her mind and emotions before.

It was gone nine before they left, Simon
picking up the bill and refusing all offers to share. Julia was definitely
tipsy when they came out and insisted that Chris help her along, putting her
arm round him and whispering and giggling in his ear so that Cassie was afraid
that she would give herself away and there would be a terrible scene, right
there in the foyer of the Savoy.

But Chris put his free arm round Sue and
walked both women, his wife and his mistress, out to the car. Cassie, watching
them with this new heightened perceptiveness, saw the sadistically triumphant
look in his eyes and knew, suddenly, that he was enjoying himself.

Enjoying having two attractive women loving
him, wanting him, looking on him as the most important person in their lives.
He had probably come to the party in the hope that something like this would
happen, and was probably even getting pleasure out of making Sue miserable by
neglecting her most of the evening, and by making Julia jealous when he did
dance with his wife.

He was behaving badly, had done
so
in coming to the party at all, but Cassie was more inclined to blame Julia; she
had obviously given herself to him so wholeheartedly and humbly that he had
begun to think he was God's gift to women and could do as he liked with them.

Cassie turned away, feeling suddenly
revolted, and hurried to the car. She sat in the back as before, leaning back
in the seat with her eyes closed, pretending a tiredness that was only
physical, not mental. But the others, too, had grown weary and Sue was asleep
on her husband's lap. Julia was awake, but quiet, and Cassie wondered if she,
too, had seen that gleam of triumph in Chris's eyes.

The streets were busier now and Cassie was
worried about John driving home.

'Stay here and get some rest for a few
hours,' she urged him when they arrived back at the flat and he went to get in
his car.

'No, no, I'm all right. I didn't have that
much to drink, you know. And we've got to get back for the kids. Thanks for the
party.' He bent to peck her check, then said awkwardly, 'Don't mean to
interfere, Cass, but don't be too hard on old Simon, he would have made it if
he could, you know.'

Cassie looked at him with a mixture of
exasperation and pity. How men stuck together! Here was John trying to keep her
from having a fight with Simon when his own marriage was disintegrating around
his head and he didn't even know it!

They said goodbye to the others and waved
them out of sight, then Cassie turned and walked quickly back up to the flat
without even looking to see if Simon was following her. Once inside, she
ignored the debris of the party and went straight into the bedroom to take off
her jacket and throw it on a chair. Then she crossed in the bed, took her
nightdress from under the pillow and made for the bathroom.

Simon came into the room, saw what she was
doing and immediately barred her way.

'I want to talk to you,' he told her, his
mouth set into a grim line.

'Well, I don't want to talk to you. I'm tired
and I'm going to bed.'

'And you don't want to undress in front of me
so you're going into the bathroom to change, is that it?'    

'Yes, that's exactly it,' Cassie agreed, and
went to move round him, but he swiftly stepped in front of her and grabbed her
arms. 'Oh, no, you don't, we've got some talking to do first.'

'I've already told you that I've got nothing
to say to you. Besides,' she added nastily, 'I wonder you've got the time to stop
and talk. Surely you want to rush back to your beloved job.'

The grip on her arms tightened suddenly, but
Simon merely said coldly, 'It isn't my job that's keeping us apart, Cassie,
it's yours.'

She laughed jeeringly. 'Oh, that's right, put
the blame on me! That's a typical male get out when they know they're in the
wrong.'

Anger flamed in his eyes as he retorted, 'All
right, so I didn't make the party and I'm sorry, but I tried, believe me I
tried.'

'Oh, don't apologise to me,' Cassie parried,
her voice as angry as his. 'Why don't you apologise to all the friends who took
the trouble to come and bring you presents?' she said, remembering the pile of
gaily- wrapped parcels that were waiting for him on a table in the sitting  room.
'After all,' she added bitterly,
'what the hell do I matter?
I'm just the one who has to sit at home while you have a lovely time playing
the power game in Scotland!'

Simon's jaw thrust forward angrily, and his
eyes narrowed. 'All right, Cassie. You're obviously spoiling for a fight, so
let's get it over.'

Furious words bubbled in her brain, words
that would tell him of her loneliness and need, but in them lay only self-pity,
so instead she went off at a tangent and bit out sarcastically, 'Oh, no, it
isn't me who wants to fight. You were the one who…' she sought wildly for a
descriptive enough word, 'who came rampaging in here and tried to knock Tom
down. Is that the way you normally greet your old friends?'

A muscle jerked in his cheek and Simon's
fingers bit into her arms, making her wince. 'That was sheer gut reaction. I
walked in and saw you, apparently alone in the flat with another man. He had
his arms round you and looked as if he'd been kissing you. How the hell did you
expect me to react? And just what was he doing with his arms round you,
anyway?'

Cassie's heart began to beat faster, she felt
again an overwhelming urge to hurt him; a combination of anger, fatigue, too
much drink, and nervous tension over a long period. Without giving herself time
to think, she glared up at him and retorted, 'Maybe he was trying to comfort me
in your absence.'

'What's that supposed to mean?' Simon
demanded, a dangerous note in his voice now.

'Mean?' Cassie knew she had touched a raw
spot and pushed the knife in. 'Why, nothing. But there again it could mean that
I've been seeing a lot of Tom while you've been playing God in Scotland. It
could mean that he had to take your place as host at the party so why the hell
shouldn't he take your place in my bed?'

Immediately she'd said it, Cassie knew that
she'd gone too far. Simon's eyes grew dark with murderous rage and she cried
out with pain as his fingers dug into her flesh. For a moment she thought that
he was going to lose control of himself and strike her. But then, his voice
savage, he demanded through gritted teeth, 'Are you having an affair with him?
Are you?' As he bit the questions out his emotion was so strong that he shook
her, her whole body swaying with the force of it.    

Cassie stared up at him, wanting to go on
hurting but afraid now, afraid of the scarcely controlled fury in his face and
the strength of his hands that gripped her so violently. If she pushed him too
far and he lost that fragile control. Turning her head away, she said,

'No. No, I'm not.'

Slowly the grip on her arms eased, relaxed.
She looked up at Simon and saw that his eyes were still hard but they had lost
their violence. She gave an inner sigh of relief, knowing that she was safe
again, but her ungovernable temper made her add defiantly, 'Although it would
serve you damn well right if I was. And anyway, I hardly expect that you've
been leading a celibate life up there. You're no monk, Simon. I'm sure that
you've found at least one girl to have sex with.'

'That isn't true and you know it!'

'No? I saw the way that hostess on the plane
looked at you. It wouldn't surprise me if…'

'Cassie, stop it!' His harsh voice ripped
through her accusation as he moved his hands up to put them on either side of
her face. 'Do you really believe what you're saying? Do you?'

His grey eyes stared down
into hers, steady and unblinking. There was a white, set look to his mouth, the
mouth that had kissed her and murmured endearments so many times. Anger gave
way to pain and she closed her eyes, shutting out his face.

'No.'

'All right, then let's talk this through
sensibly, shall we?' Slowly he drew his hands away and put them down at his
sides, stood looking at her grimly. 'If you don't believe that I'm being
unfaithful then why say it?' he demanded.

Cassie looked up at him mutely, her mouth set
into an obstinate line. Her head ached and she felt deathly tired suddenly. Far
too tired to try and put her feelings into words. Not that she even knew that
she wanted to; somehow it just wasn't the time for words. Her head drooped and
she shrugged her shoulders. 'I don't know. I don't know anything any more.' She
pulled away from him and said heavily, 'I'm going to bed.'

For a moment it looked as if Simon was going
to insist, but then he saw the dark shadows round her eyes and said, 'Maybe we
could both do with some rest,' and moved out of the way so that she could go to
the bathroom.

Usually Cassie took good care of her clothes,
but that morning she just pulled them off and dropped them on the floor,
uncaring. She creamed off her make- up and stood gazing unseeingly at her face
in the mirror of the bathroom cabinet, wishing that the party last night had
never happened, wishing that they could go back in time to before Simon had
been offered the directorship. Not that it would have made any difference, she
thought dully. If it hadn't been Scotland it would have been somewhere else.
Sooner or later Simon would have been offered promotion and he would have taken
it, regardless of her wishes.     

She put on her nightdress and went into the
bedroom. The curtains were open and she pulled them closed, shutting out the
mid-morning sunlight. It seemed strange to be going to bed in daylight. Simon
came through the bedroom to the bathroom and she pulled the duvet up around her
neck and turned on her side.