Sell Out (36 page)

“Did you ever play poker with your dad?” A slight smile cut her face and widened when my brows furrowed. “He taught me, you know. I was twelve and he was nine, but the boy was such a pro he’d collected twenty bucks from bets at school.”

I gasped. “Dad gambled? At nine?”

Her laughter flew through the air, once again reminding me of my father’s. I closed my eyes, wanting to capture and save every note in a bottle.

“My brother was the ultimate card shark. And the most important lesson he taught me, the one that has helped me win seemingly impossible cases, is the power of a bluff.” Her dark eyes shined like she was holding a royal flush. She’d given my father this look numerous times, but never me. I always got the stoic woman, the one who wanted me to plan and focus, not this silk wearing, poker-talking woman. Or maybe that was all I’d ever allowed her to be.

A flutter hit my stomach, and I matched her grin. “I take it you have a plan?”

She crossed her arms. Her mischievous expression replaced by the serious eyes of Asheville’s top lawyer. “Boy, do I.”

S
tanding on Skylar’s
front porch, I wiped my hands down the sides of my jeans and stared at the etched glass embedded in her front door. I’d left The Storm an hour ago to drive and think, but my arms still burned with exhaustion, the rest of my body not much better.

A year ago, I had everything figured out, had a plan and a goal. But I’d been living in denial. I believed that working hard enough could erase the damage done on that locker room floor. It couldn’t.

The door swung open, the light from inside bright against the dark sky.

“Hey,” she said. “Why didn’t you knock?”

“I was just about to.”

She gripped the edge of the door with her right hand and seemed to be using it for stability.

“Can I come in?”

The foyer that had seemed so grand and warm only a few months ago now felt lonely. Soft music played in the background, the source coming from upstairs. She was here alone. I’d left her alone, again.

I closed the door behind me and reached out to touch her sorrowful face. “You’re missing him, huh?”

She shrugged. “I always miss him.”

“I should’ve come sooner.” I let my hand glide down her arm until it captured her fingers. I led us into the living room where I’d first met her dad. “You shouldn’t be here by yourself, especially tonight.”

“I haven’t been. Not really. I just got home a little while ago. Are you feeling better?”

“I feel exhausted.” I fell into the leather sofa and spread my arms, hoping she’d curl into my lap and make me forget all the chaos in my brain. She did follow me, but her movements were stiff and awkward, and she kept at least a foot between us. On the coffee table sat a water bottle and her laptop. It was open, but the screen was black. A fluffy blanket was crumpled at our feet. Skylar picked it up and began folding it.

“Cody, I…” She glanced at the computer and then back at me, made another crease in the cotton material. She carefully laid the blanket over the armrest and turned the computer so I could see the screen better. “I need to show you something.”

“What?” I felt more than heard the edginess in my voice. Had Blake sent out more vile videos or pictures of Lindsay?

She slid a finger over the mouse pad, and all the growth I thought I’d achieved in the gym shattered to the ground. The six of us were paused. Me on the ground. Them holding down my arms and legs. I knew that scene like my own reflection.

Skylar resumed the video I had no idea even existed. What had been shadows in my mind were now faces I knew. Guys I’d even trained with my junior year.

Tom Baker kicked my old body, and a voice snickered next to the camera. A voice I’d heard a million times.

It was as if I swallowed razor blades. I fell back on the couch, dazed, and gripped my fingers above my head. Skylar shut the laptop.

“Has everyone seen this?” I whispered. Taking down Lindsay wasn’t enough. He’d come after me.

Hands cupped my cheeks, but I still couldn’t focus on her face. There’d been too many blows today. Too much devastation to even register this latest betrayal.

“Cody, look at me.”

I didn’t want to. Didn’t want to see her pity. Didn’t want to know she had just witnessed the worst day of my life.

Warm lips caressed my cheeks and then my forehead. She wrapped her arms around me in a hug so tight, I had to drop my hands and grip the couch cushion in an attempt to not break down in her arms.

“No one has seen this except me and my aunt. Henry hacked Blake’s computer, and Blake doesn’t even know we have it.” There was hope in her eyes I couldn’t share. “We can get him. We have a plan, but you have to be a part of it.”

My mind was a jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions. My humiliation was recorded on video. How many times had Blake watched it? Laughed at it?

A muscle in my jaw ticked, and I jumped to my feet, ready to do what I’d planned to before Matt squashed the idea—find Blake and hurt him. “I have to go. I’m sorry.”

She caught up to me in the hallway and yanked my arm in a fierce tug. “No. This is what you always do. You get hurt, then angry and then you shut everyone out or do something stupid. I know it’s a lot to deal with. But if you walk away and drown in your bitterness, then all this growth has been for nothing.”

“You don’t understand. All I’ve ever wanted is to erase that day from my memory. Now, it’s recorded and preserved just to torture me.” I was yelling, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. “Blake came to my house. He met my parents and pretended for over a year that he had my back. I almost gave you up out of loyalty to him!”

The way only Skylar could do, she stood straighter and pointed those piercing green eyes at me. “Fine. Go be the hero. Beat him up. Feel better. But what have you done for anyone but yourself? He’ll go back to school while you sit in jail. He’ll continue to win wrestling matches and party with his friends. He’ll win, and all that happened to you and to Lindsay will be just a sad memory. But, if you let me help you, let my aunt do what she does best, we can take all of it away from him. We can get justice.”

I let out a long sigh and gripped the back of my neck. I was a fighter, and she wanted surrender.

“Please, Cody. Let me share this burden with you.”

Her words slipped underneath my skin and my muscles tightened. I stared at her imploring eyes, the soft glow of her skin in the dim hallway light. She was asking me to let go. To put aside the rage and the desperation. To share my pain. The same thing Matt said I had to do if I wanted to move on.

I buried my head into the warmth of her neck, allowed myself to say my deepest fear out loud. “I’m afraid. I don’t want you to see me broken.”

Her hands swept up my back, her body pressing against mine. A feathery kiss touched my neck and moved up to my ear. “You’re not broken.”

“I am.”

“No, Cody. I know you. I know your heart and your courage. I know the man you’ve become. I love that you hurt for others. I love that part of you needs me. I love you, and there’s nothing in you that’s broken that God hasn’t already fixed.”

The breath slammed out of my body, the chaos in my mind finally coming to end. I gripped her waist, and all I could see and feel was Skylar. Her fingers slid to my jawline and the warmth of her touch radiated past my skin and into my bloodstream. I dared myself to believe her words. To believe that I could be whole once again.

There was a magnetic pull, bringing our mouths together, our hearts beating in unison. I trailed a line of kisses down her throat and along her collarbone, then paused, staring straight into the eyes of the woman who’d changed my life.

“I think I’ve loved you since the first moment I saw you,” I whispered.

She smiled. The same one that met me at the park. The same one she gave after I’d kissed her for the first time. The same one I earned when I met her dad. The smile reserved for her best moments.

I had a new purpose and a new goal.

To make Skylar smile that way every day of her life.

I
t had been
two days since Lindsay went home, but I was just now finding the courage to knock on her door. Cody and I made a promise. We’d each share our greatest suffering with someone else. Tonight he was showing his parents the video, and I would give Lindsay a piece of my father.

My knock was answered quickly by her mom who looked nothing like she did at the hospital. Hair in a messy ponytail and in bleach-stained sweats, Mrs. Clark offered a strained, “Can I help you?”

“I’m here to see Lindsay. I’m a friend of hers.”

Her gaze trailed over my face as if trying to decide if I was really a friend or enemy of her daughter’s. I couldn’t blame her.

“You were at the hospital with Cody,” she said.

“Yes, ma’am.”

She sighed and opened the door wider. “Excuse my appearance. Cleaning makes me, well, it helps.”

I didn’t know which way to go, so I stood uncomfortably in the foyer while Lindsay’s mom shut the door behind me.

“You can go on upstairs. Hers is the last room on the right.”

“Thanks.” I took the steps slowly, still not sure what I would say to her daughter.

The hall was lined with baby pictures of Lindsay and two boys, the photos showing them growing in age as I approached Lindsay’s room. It was easy to find even without the directions. The door had been removed from its hinges, and Lindsay lay on the bed in a two-piece pajama set.

I rapped on the frame. “Lindsay?”

She didn’t turn over. I whispered a prayer for courage. The room was quiet. So quiet that the soft spin of the ceiling fan echoed in it.

I stepped around the bed and sat where I could see her face. I needed to look her in the eyes when I apologized. I never gave her a chance. I’d judged her by other people’s terms. The very thing I hated about being a rock star’s daughter.

Blue eyes fluttered open. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry I needed Cody so much.”

“No. I’m sorry. I should have been bigger than the rumors.” And my jealousy.

“Did you see the video?”

The agony in her voice made my heart clench. I wanted to say no, but I wouldn’t lie to her. “Yes. I saw it.”

“Of course you did. Everyone saw it. Half the guys in our class probably downloaded it and put it on the Internet. I’m a freaking porn star now!” She hiccupped. “I hate him. I hate him so much.”

“I know.” A heaviness fell over me, and I wished more than anything that I could rewind time.

Lindsay rolled to her back and stared at the ceiling. “It’s my fault. I should never have let him record us. I should have said no…to so many things.” She hit the bed with her fist. “I’m so stupid.”

“Lindsay, look at me.” I hadn’t been in her situation, but I knew what it felt like to want to give up. I understood grief and loss, and I knew she would never find any peace without God’s help.

She turned her head, and her pain was visible enough to slice a hole under my ribcage.

“You have a choice,” I said. “You can let this moment break you or you can get up and
choose
to live. I know it’s hard, but one day you will see this situation and know how much God held you through it.”

“I don’t believe in God. Not anymore. Not after this year.”

“That’s fine, but He still believes in you. He still loves you. Even if you can’t see it.” I pulled out my phone. It was time. It was why I had come. “My dad wrote a song when I was born. And, until a month ago, it’s only been sung in private to me alone. It’s my most prized possession and the source of my greatest grief. It’s a love song about how much a father loves his child. He’s not just talking about himself. He’s talking how God feels about every one of us. How He feels about you. I’ve never shared it with anyone, and I probably never will again, but I know my dad would want you to listen.”

I hit play and the familiar sting of sadness came with my father’s beautiful voice.

By the second verse, a light touch moved across my hand. I squeezed back and held on. Lindsay was listening.

My father had been right. Pain is never meant to be felt alone. I thought sharing that song would make me lose him somehow. That sharing it meant the words were no longer mine. But it was just the opposite. Sharing the truth with Lindsay made every word come alive.

I
t’s a weird
feeling when you’re about to unleash chaos.

My parents sat side-by-side on our old gray loveseat and continued to listen. I’d told them about Lindsay and gave them a brief overview of my own torment. But there were no words for what I was about to show them.

My hands were slick with fear and humiliation. No one wants his darkest moment exposed; yet, I knew this was the first step to being free. Strength was not forgetting the past. It was facing it.

“I want to show you what happened my sophomore year.” I swallowed the lump growing in my throat. “I didn’t know this video existed until two days go.”

My dad took my mom’s hand as if he was bracing himself.

I pressed play on the computer and turned away. I couldn’t watch them or the video without feeling physically sick. But the gasps and sobs from my Mom were close to having the same effect. I closed my eyes and forced breath in and out. In and out. In and out. Until the sounds faded.

I turned around to see statues staring at a blank screen.

My father was the first to move. He stood. Paced. Took a deep breath. Then paced again. Finally, he stopped a foot in front of me. Anger, hurt, compassion. They all seemed to tear at his features. I expected him to ask why. Why I never told them. But he didn’t. He pulled me into a fierce hug that was extremely rare for my father.

“I’m sorry.” His words were a whisper, but held volumes.

He somehow knew I couldn’t talk about it. Somehow, he knew that just telling was enough for today.

M
y aunt gave
me my Christmas present early. Two days early, to be exact.

The conference room in her high-rise office looked out over the city. Tall, bare windows, a table that could seat at least twenty people and a piece of paper that could ultimately decide Blake’s future.