Self Preservation (16 page)

“I know it looks that way,” Davis said, staring off into space as he let his fingers run over the ridges in Alex's stomach, “but there are two sides to every story. I've made some mistakes too.” Davis glanced up at Alex. “There's something that happens to you when you come across the right person. You'll know when it happens to you, Alex. And I do believe it will happen to you, and then you'll understand.”

“Understand what?” Alex asked, rubbing Davis's shoulder.

Davis stared blankly across the room. “What it feels like when you want another person so much that you find yourself doing and changing entire aspects of your personality just to be with them.”

“I think I understand,” Alex said, running his fingers through Davis's hair.

Davis felt his scalp tingle as he squeezed Alex tighter. “That feels nice.”

“Good,” Alex said, chewing on his lip.

It had been so long since anyone had touched him in that way, lovingly, as if attempting to soothe the pain and disappointment away. His entire body was screaming from it as Alex continued to softly caress his fingers into Davis's hair. He'd taken all the memories he had with Jack, cataloging them the same way he would have had they been a collection of historic artifacts. He hadn't realized it until now, but he'd constructed a tower out of those memories and locked himself away in it like a prisoner. His chest began to ache as tears rolled down his cheeks.

Alex looked down at him, hearing Davis sniffling. He lifted Davis's face and ran his hand over his tearstained cheeks. He scooted down in the bed, facing him, and wrapped his arm around him, pulling him closer. “It's all right, love.”

Davis looked into his eyes, trying to maintain control over his senses as Alex began to softly run his fingers over Davis's chest. Alex leaned forward and kissed both of his eyelids. Davis took in a sharp breath as Alex softly ran his lips over his cheeks before lightly kissing the tip of his nose.

Alex ran his eyes briefly over Davis's face, hesitating for a moment before gently pressing his lips to Davis's. His lips were soft and warm, and Alex could feel the little bits of breath Davis released before he tentatively moved his tongue into Davis's mouth. He ran his hand down Davis's back and over his ass as he began kissing him with more determination. He was cautious with every move, fearing Davis might begin to panic if he went too far too fast. He loved the way Davis's skin felt, soft yet firm at the same time.

The conflicting emotions running through Davis's head begun to be drowned out by the aching need his body was experiencing. Alex's long fingers seemed to soothingly reassure him in some way. He began to feel safe as if wrapped up in a protective little world where nothing could harm him.

Davis moaned softly, reciprocating as Alex probed deeper, sensuously entering his mouth. Davis could feel his body reacting as his cock began to swell. He ran his hand through Alex's hair and Alex pulled him closer, forcing their bodies into one another. Davis could feel Alex's erection pressing into his own as their legs intertwined.

When Alex felt Davis's hand run down between his legs, massaging his cock, he began to push his tongue deeper into Davis's mouth. He slipped his fingers under the waistband of his briefs and began massaging Davis's ass. He slowly inched his fingers deeper, feeling the heat envelop his hand as he pressed them to his hole. The need to have him grew as Davis began to softly whimper.

Davis began to push Alex's briefs down with one hand as he lightly pinched Alex's nipple with the other. He was astonished by the blinding pleasure of being touched again, groaning softly as Alex's finger entered him. Instinctively, he reached to massage the large head of Alex's cock as precum slicked it. Alex pushed Davis onto his back and pulled away. He peeled the blankets off and stared into Davis's eyes as he pulled his underwear off and tossed it onto the floor. He looked over the naked body lying before him as he removed his own briefs. Davis was a beautiful man—and Alex was accustomed to beautiful men—but seeing Davis like this made him ache for him in a way he had never wanted anyone before.

Alex climbed over him, pressing his full weight onto him. Davis took his face into his hands and kissed him, massaging Alex's tongue with his own. Alex's long, lanky body felt hard as his muscles tensed. They ground their cocks into one another as they each explored the other with their hands. Davis spread his legs and wrapped them around Alex's waist, clinging.

Alex felt not only his own need, but Davis's as well. The tears were still damp on Davis's face. How could he not respond to that pain? Alex worked his mouth over Davis's neck, lightly kissing and sucking his way down to a nipple. He nibbled and sucked as Davis pulled Alex into him with his legs.

Davis could feel the head of his cock pressing against his hole as Alex returned his mouth to Davis's lips. Davis felt the pressure building between his legs. He pulled Alex's face off his and looked up into his eyes.

“Please,” Davis said while slowly gyrating his hips, pushing his ass down onto Alex's cock.

Alex leaned down and softly kissed him before rolling off and opening the drawer next to the bed. He pulled out a condom and bottle of lube and rolled back over next to Davis. Davis had thrown his arm over his eyes, and Alex wondered who he was thinking of. Here was the last moment that he could change what was about to happen. Was he about to offer the best comfort that he could, or was he inviting pain – for himself as well? He tore open the condom and placed his mouth over Davis's erection, sucking and licking the head as he rolled the condom onto his own straining cock.

Davis moaned as the wet heat enveloped his cock. Alex took him all the way into the back of his throat. He closed his eyes as Alex worked his tongue over the shaft and head. He could feel Alex's wet fingers pressing into him again and he let out a low groan. So long…so long since he'd felt.

Alex sat up, positioning himself between Davis's legs. Davis lifted his legs, opening himself up as Alex placed the head of his dick to Davis's hole. He pushed forward, slowly working himself in as Davis took in a sharp breath. Alex spread Davis's legs, letting them fall to the sides as he pressed his pelvis firmly against Davis's ass. He leaned down over Davis and kissed him as he began to work his cock slowly in and out.

Davis ran a hand into Alex's hair as their tongues intertwined. His body tingled all over as the pressure of Alex slowly massaging his prostate with his cock began to build. He reached down, taking his own dick in his hand. He could feel his eyes begin to well up and held Alex's head down while they kissed, not wanting him to see the tears. His entire body felt ravaged by emotion, and he began to moan louder.

Alex continued to slowly fuck Davis as he pulled his lips away, wanting to look into Davis's eyes. He could feel Davis's orgasm approaching, and he wanted to see him, watch his face as he came. He watched the tracks of the tears on his cheeks and leaned down, kissing his face and licking the tears. Even through the haze of his own rising orgasm, the intense need Alex felt to comfort and protect Davis was all-consuming.

He could feel his balls begin to rise as Davis's breathing became heavier, his moans more ragged. The sounds drove Alex even higher, until he looked down and watched as Davis exploded, shooting streams out onto his chest and stomach. Alex closed his eyes, gritting his teeth as he screamed too, feeling the condom inside Davis begin to fill.

Davis felt the muscles in his body release as the tension began to fade. Alex kissed him again, softly, sweetly. He felt Alex slide out of him before pressing his body down onto him. They locked eyes and for a moment Davis felt something…a connection he hadn't experienced since Jack. It was both foreign and familiar, and as Alex continued to kiss him, Davis closed his eyes, trying not to think about Jack.

* * *

Davis's eyes fluttered open as sunlight filtered in through the windows. He smiled as the arms around him squeezed him a little. He closed his eyes for a moment, then flipped them back open as he felt the large erection pressing against his ass. Alex snored softly as Davis lay in his arms. A sense of dread swept over him. Why did that have to happen last night? What in the name of hell had he been thinking? Davis thought about Alex and began to feel worse. The sweet intensity and tenderness of their lovemaking almost felt like a gift, as if Alex had given a part of himself to Davis. Davis had felt safe and loved, but now in the light of day all he could think of was getting to Jack. His stomach began to twist into a knot at the realization that more than one person was probably going to be hurt by whatever happened today. He hated that more than anything else.

He let his eyes wander over to the clock on the bedside table. It was still only a little after six. The ceremony wasn't until noon. He'd have to get to the church early if he had any chance of getting to Jack before it was too late. Alex moaned softly, pulling Davis tighter as he ground his cock into his ass.

At least his snoring is soft, like a cat purring, Davis thought. His chest ached a little as he closed his eyes.
I don't think I can bear to look him in the eye. Fuck
. Davis slowly leaned backward. Alex made a little noise as he rolled over onto his back. Davis breathed steadily as he pulled away from Alex, inching over to the side of the bed. He lifted the covers and slid out.

He glanced back at Alex and made sure he hadn't woken him. Tiptoeing through the room, he collected his clothes as he headed out the bedroom door and down the stairs.

He went into Tadd's office and called for a cab before slipping across the hall to go pee. Regretting that he had no toothbrush, he shrugged and started to dress. He was pulling on his pants as a slight sense of panic swept over him. He felt his back pocket. He'd given his wallet to Deseree last night. She'd put it in her purse so he wouldn't have to carry it. He looked up at the ceiling and cringed.
I'll just have to pay Alex back later for the cab
, he thought.

Davis slid on his shirt as he quietly climbed the stairs. He peeked into the room and saw that Alex was still sound asleep. He spotted his pants and jacket in the chair across the room and gradually made his way over to them. He stopped, turning to look back at Alex. He chewed his lip as he glanced down, running his eyes over Alex.

Davis turned back toward Alex's clothes and slowly picked up the pants. He froze as the keys in his pocket jingled and fell out onto the chair. He turned his head to make sure Alex was still sleeping. He smiled at him, thinking how sweet he seemed like that. He spun back around, biting his lip, and reached into the back pocket, pulling out the wallet. Davis opened it, and his eyes widened, seeing all the one-hundred-dollar bills. Must be nice, he thought, taking one out and folding up the wallet, shoving it back into the pocket. As he began to set the pants back down, he froze again, looking down at the key ring. His eyes began to well up seeing the name,
Tadd
, engraved on one of the keys.

Davis dropped the pants onto the chair and turned around, glaring at Alex.

Alex's face twitched, as if he could sense the contempt aimed toward him through his sleep and his eyes popped open. He saw Davis standing half dressed by the chair and pushed himself up a bit. Focusing on the expression on Davis's face, he felt his mood and smile fade.

“What's wrong?” Alex asked.

Davis was shaking he was so angry. He took a deep breath, reached down to pick up the keys, and held them up. “This is what's wrong.” He threw the keys at Alex and stormed out of the room.

“Ouch, damn it,” Alex said, looking confused. He scratched his head and looked at the keys. Recognition swept over his face, seeing the one with Tadd's name on it. “Davis,” he yelled out. “Bloody hell! Let me explain!”

Davis grabbed his shoes off the living room floor and slid them on as Alex ran out onto the upstairs landing, tucking his dick into his underwear.

Alex was holding up the keys. “This isn't what you think.”

“Is it a key to this apartment?” Davis asked, looking up at him as he buttoned his shirt.

“Well, yes,” he answered, smiling weakly. “But…”

“Then it's exactly what I think!” Davis picked up his tie. “Christ, you probably even knew Jack wouldn't be here.”

“I tried to tell you that!” Alex said. “You told me to butt out.”

Davis screamed as he stomped around the living room. “You must
really
think I'm an idiot.”

“No, damn it,” Alex said, stumbling down the stairs. “I think you're great!”

Davis stood erect, yanking his jacket up off the floor. He turned slowly, shooting Alex a cold look. “Great that I fell for this stupid act!”

“Davis, no,” Alex said, reaching out to grab his arm. “Please wait.”