Selected Stories (38 page)

‘“Judy Sheehy,” sez I, “if you made a fool av me betune the lights you shall not do ut in the day. I niver promised you words or lines.”

‘“You lie,” sez ould Mother Sheehy, “an' may ut choke you where you stand!” She was far gone in dhrink.

‘“An' tho' ut choked me where I stud I'd not change,” sez I. “Go home, Judy. I take shame for a decent girl like you dhraggin' your mother out bare-headed on this errand. Hear now, and have ut for an answer. I gave my word to Dinah Shadd yesterday, an', more blame to me, I was wid you last night talkin' nonsinse but nothin' more. You've chosen to thry to hould me on ut. I will not be held thereby for anythin' in the world. Is that enough?”

‘Judy wint pink all over. “An' I wish you joy av the perjury,” sez she, duckin' a curtsey. “You've lost a woman that would ha' wore her hand to the bone for your pleasure; an' 'deed, Terence, ye were not thrapped…” Lascelles must ha' spoken plain to her. “I am such as Dinah is – 'deed I am! Ye've lost a fool av a girl that'll niver look at you again, an' ye've lost what ye niver had – your common honesty. If you manage
your men as you manage your love-makin', small wondher they call you the worst corp'ril in the comp'ny. Come away, mother,” sez she.

‘But divil a fut would the ould woman budge! “D'you hould by that?” sez she, peerin' up under her thick grey eyebrows.

‘“Ay, an' wud,” sez I, “tho' Dinah gave me the go twinty times. I'll have no thruck with you or yours,” sez I. “Take your child away, ye shameless woman.”

‘“An' am I shameless?” sez she, bringin' her hands up above her head. “Thin what are you, ye lyin', schamin', weak-kneed, dhirty-souled son av a sutler? Am
I
shameless? Who put the open shame on me an' my child that we shud go beggin' through the lines in the broad daylight for the broken word of a man? Double portion of my shame be on you, Terence Mulvaney, that think yourself so strong! By Mary and the saints, by blood and water an' by ivry sorrow that came into the world since the beginnin', the black blight fall on you and yours, so that you may niver be free from pain for another when ut's not your own! May your heart bleed in your breast drop by drop wid all your friends laughin' at the bleedin'! Strong you think yourself? May your strength be a curse to you to dhrive you into the divil's hands against your own will! Clear-eyed you are? May your eyes see clear evry step av the dark path you take till the hot cindhers av hell put thim out! May the ragin' dry thirst in my own ould bones go to you that you shall niver pass bottle full nor glass empty. God preserve the light av your onderstandin' to you, my jewel av a bhoy, that ye may niver forget what you mint to be an' do, whin you're wallowin' in the muck! May ye see the betther and follow the worse as long as there's breath in your body; an' may ye die quick in a strange land, watchin' your death before ut takes you, an' onable to stir hand or foot!”

‘I heard a scufflin' in the room behind, and thin Dinah Shadd's hand dhropped into mine like a rose-leaf into a muddy road.

‘“The half av that I'll take,” sez she, “an' more too if I can. Go home, ye silly talkin' woman – go home an' confess.”

‘“Come away! Come away!” sez Judy pullin' her mother by the shawl. “'Twas none av Terence's fault. For the love av Mary stop the talkin'!”

‘“An' you!” said ould Mother Sheehy, spinnin' round forninst Dinah. “Will ye take the half av that man's load? Stand off from him, Dinah Shadd, before he takes you down too – you that look to be a quarther-master-sergeant's wife in five years. You look too high, child. You shall
wash
for the quarther-master-sergeant, whin he plases to give you the job out av charity; but a privit's wife you shall be to the end, an' evry sorrow of a privit's wife you shall know and niver a joy but wan, that
shall go from you like the running tide from a rock. The pain av bearin' you shall know but niver the pleasure av giving the breast; an' you shall put away a man-child into the common ground wid niver a priest to say a prayer over him, an' on that man-child ye shall think ivry day av your life. Think long, Dinah Shadd, for you'll niver have another tho' you pray till your knees are bleedin'. The mothers av childer shall mock you behind your back when you're wringing over the wash-tub. You shall know what ut is to help a dhrunken husband home an' see him go to the gyard-room. Will that plase you, Dinah Shadd, that won't be seen talkin' to my daughter? You shall talk to worse than Judy before all's over. The sergints' wives shall look down on you contemptuous, daughter av a sergint, an' you shall cover ut all up wid a smiling face whin your heart's burstin'. Stand off av him, Dinah Shadd, for I've put the Black Curse of Shielygh upon him an' his own mouth shall make ut good.”

‘She pitched forward on her head an' began foamin' at the mouth. Dinah Shadd ran out wid water, an' Judy dhragged the ould woman into the verandah till she sat up.

‘“I'm old an' forlore,” she sez, thremblin' an' cryin', “and 'tis like I say a dale more than I mane.”

‘“When you're able to walk – go,” says ould Mother Shadd. “This house has no place for the likes av you that have cursed my daughter.”

‘“Eyah!” said the ould woman. “Hard words break no bones, an' Dinah Shadd'll kape the love av her husband till my bones are green corn. Judy darlin', I misremember what I came here for. Can you lend us the bottom av a taycup av tay, Mrs Shadd?”

‘But Judy dhragged her off cryin' as tho' her heart wud break. An' Dinah Shadd an' I, in ten minutes we had forgot ut all.'

‘Then why do you remember it now?' said I.

‘Is ut like I'd forget? Ivry word that wicked ould woman spoke fell thrue in my life aftherwards, an' I cud ha' stud ut all – stud ut all – excipt when my little Shadd was born. That was on the line av march three months afther the regiment was taken with cholera. We were betune Umballa an' Kalka thin, an' I was on picket. Whin I came off duty the women showed me the child, an' ut turned on uts side an' died as I looked. We buried him by the road, an' Father Victor was a day's march behind wid the heavy baggage, so the comp'ny captain read a prayer. An' since then I've been a childless man, an' all else that ould Mother Sheehy put upon me an' Dinah Shadd. What do you think, sorr?'

I thought a good deal, but it seemed better then to reach out for Mulvaney's hand. The demonstration nearly cost me the use of three
fingers. Whatever he knows of his weaknesses, Mulvaney is entirely ignorant of his strength.

‘But what do you think?' he repeated, as I was straightening out the crushed fingers.

My reply was drowned in yells and outcries from the next fire, where ten men were shouting for ‘Orth'ris', ‘Privit Orth'ris', ‘Mistah Or–ther–ris!' ‘Deah boy', ‘Cap'n Orth'ris', ‘Field-Marshal Orth'ris', ‘Stanley, you pen'north o' pop, come 'ere to your own comp'ny!' And the cockney, who had been delighting another audience with recondite and Rabelaisian yarns, was shot down among his admirers by the major force.

‘You've crumpled my dress-shirt ‘orrid,' said he, ‘an' I shan't sing no more to this ‘ere bloomin' drawin'-room.'

Learoyd, roused by the confusion, uncoiled himself, crept behind Ortheris, and slung him aloft on his shoulders. ‘Sing, ye bloomin' hummin' bird!' said he, and Ortheris, beating time on Learoyd's skull, delivered himself, in the raucous voice of the Ratcliffe Highway, of this song:

My girl she give me the go onst,

When I was a London lad,

An' I went on the drink for a fortnight,

An' then I went to the bad.

The Queen she give me a shillin'

To fight for ‘er over the seas;

But Guv'ment built me a fever-trap,

An' Injia give me disease.

Chorus

Ho! don't you ‘eed what a girl says,

An' don't you go for the beer;

But I was an ass when I was at grass,

An' that is why I'm here.

I fired a shot at a Afghan,

The beggar 'e fired again,

An' I lay on my bed with a ‘ole in my ‘ed,

An' missed the next campaign!

I up with my gun at a Burman

Who carried a bloomin'
dah
,
¹⁰

But the cartridge stuck and the bay'nit bruk,

An' all I got was the scar.

Chorus

Ho! don't you aim at a Afghan,

When you stand on the sky-line clear;

An' don't you go for a Burman

If none o' your friends is near.

I served my time for a corp'ral,

An' wetted my stripes with pop,

For I went on the bend with a intimate friend,

An' finished the night in the ‘shop'.

I served my time for a sergeant;

The colonel 'e sez ‘No!

The most you'll see is a full C.B.'
¹¹

An'… very next night ‘twas so.

Chorus

Ho! don't you go for a corp'ral

Unless your ‘ed is clear;

But I was an ass when I was at grass,

An' that is why I'm ‘ere.

I've tasted the luck o' the army

In barrack an' camp an' clink,

An' I lost my tip
¹²
through the bloomin' trip

Along o' the women an' drink.

I'm down at the heel o' my service,

An' when I am laid on the shelf,

My very wust friend from beginning to end

By the blood of a mouse was myself!

Chorus

Ho! don't you ‘eed what a girl says,

An' don't you go for the beer;

But I was an ass when I was at grass

An' that is why I'm ‘ere.

‘Ay, listen to our little man now, singin' an' shoutin' as tho' trouble had niver touched him. D' you remember when he went mad with the home-sickness?‘
¹³
said Mulvaney, recalling a never-to-be-forgotten season when Ortheris waded through the deep waters of affliction and behaved abominably. ‘But he's talkin' bitter truth, though. Eyah!

‘My very worst frind from beginnin' to ind

By the blood av a mouse was mesilf!'

When I woke I saw Mulvaney, the night-dew gemming his moustache, leaning on his rifle at picket, lonely as Prometheus
¹⁴
on his rock, with I know not what vultures tearing his liver.

The Man Who Was
¹

The Earth gave up her dead that tide,

Into our camp he came,

And said his say, and went his way,

And left our hearts aflame.

Keep tally – on the gun-butt score

The vengeance we must take,

When God shall bring full reckoning,

For our dead comrade's sake.

Ballad
.

Let it be clearly understood that the Russian is a delightful person till he tucks in his shirt. As an Oriental he is charming. It is only when he insists upon being treated as the most easterly of western peoples instead of the most westerly of easterns that he becomes a racial anomaly extremely difficult to handle. The host never knows which side of his nature is going to turn up next.

Dirkovitch was a Russian – a Russian of the Russians – who appeared to get his bread by serving the Czar as an officer in a Cossack regiment, and corresponding for a Russian newspaper with a name that was never twice alike. He was a handsome young Oriental, fond of wandering through unexplored portions of the earth, and he arrived in India from nowhere in particular. At least no living man could ascertain whether it was by way of Balkh, Badakshan, Chitral, Beluchistan, or Nepaul, or anywhere else. The Indian Government, being in an unusually affable mood, gave orders that he was to be civilly treated and shown everything that was to be seen. So he drifted, talking bad English and worse French, from one city to another, till he foregathered with Her Majesty's White Hussars
²
in the city of Peshawur, which stands at the mouth of that narrow swordcut in the hills that men call the Khyber Pass. He was undoubtedly an officer, and he was decorated after the manner of the Russians with little enamelled crosses, and he could talk, and (though this has nothing to do with his merits) he had been given up as a hopeless task, or cask, by the Black Tyrone,
³
who individually and collectively, with hot whisky and honey, mulled brandy, and mixed spirits of every kind, had striven in all hospitality to make him drunk. And when the
Black Tyrone, who are exclusively Irish, fail to disturb the peace of head of a foreigner – that foreigner is certain to be a superior man.