Selby Speaks (7 page)

“I’m sorry,” Dr Trifle said sleepily. “All I saw was eyelashes.”

“Well
I
saw it so now they’ll have to name it after me!” Percy said. “What a sight! But you know,” he added, scratching his head the way astronomers do when they’re thinking,
“there was something odd about the Peach Comet.”

“What was that?” Dr Trifle asked.

“It made a comet-like streak across the sky in the usual way but I think I also saw something else. If I’m not mistaken I saw the faint image of a dog’s face.”

“Sirius?” Dr Trifle asked.

“Of course I’m serious,” said Percy.

“No, I mean Sirius, the Dog Star. That must have been what you saw,” Dr Trifle said to the puzzled Percy as he headed off to bed to get some sleep at last.

“The Dog Star,” Selby thought as he curled up to get some sleep too. “That’s me all right.”

The night the world famous opera singer, Dame Lily Larinks, came to town dripping with the most expensive jewellery, there was a reception at the Town Hall and everyone who was anyone (and in Bogusville that was everyone) was there. Some came to see the famous singer sing a few songs and talk about her life in opera, but most Bogusvillians weren’t opera fans. In fact they were a little suspicious of singers who didn’t play along on the guitar as they sang — which Dame Lily didn’t. No, they came to see the blinding sparkle of the Star of Lahtidoh, the biggest diamond in the world, which hung on a thin gold chain around the great woman’s neck.

It was the hottest evening of the year and Selby would have happily stayed at home to watch
Inspector Quigley’s Casebook
, his favourite TV detective show, but he too was dying for a glimpse of the glittering gem.

“Is it true that there’s a curse on the Star?” Mrs Trifle asked Dame Lily as she dipped another cup of orange-lime cordial from a punchbowl so packed with ice-cubes that a few tumbled to the floor.

“There’s a lot of talk about a curse,” Dame Lily said in a singsong voice, “because of what’s happened to the owners of the gem. You see, it was found by an explorer in Africa. He tripped on it and broke his toe. When a doctor came to help him he unfortunately gave the explorer the wrong medicine and he died. But it was lucky for the doctor because he kept the Star in payment for his services and became a very rich man. Sadly, he was run over accidentally by his own limousine in London some years later. The chauffeur felt terrible about it but, happily, he inherited the gem and became very rich for a time.”

“And what happened to him?” Mrs Trifle asked.

“He and his family drowned when their yacht sank off the coast of Italy.”

“How terrible.”

“Yes, the only survivor was a simple young deckhand who rowed the lifeboat into port the next day and told of the terrible storm,” Dame Lily said. “Apparently the only thing he was able to rescue was the Star of Lahtidoh.”

“And did you buy the Star from him?” Mrs Trifle asked.

“Good heavens no,” Dame Lily said. “I married him. He was my first husband. So you see, I don’t believe in the curse. I just think that the previous owners had a run of dreadfully bad luck.”

“Sounds like more than just bad luck,” thought Selby, catching an ice-cube in his mouth as it fell from the punchbowl. “But what a beautiful diamond! The sparkles are all different colours like hundreds and thousands.”

“What I will say for the Star,” Dame Lily said, “is that I believe it has magical powers.”

“Magical powers?” Mrs Trifle asked. “Do you really?”

“Yes, I do. It certainly has a mind of its own. Twice I’ve misplaced it and both times it told me, through my feelings, where it was.”

“A mind of its own?” Selby thought as another ice-cube fell to the floor and he caught it on the first bounce. “Some people will believe anything.”

“Is it insured?” Dr Trifle asked as he rubbed his sweating forehead with a handful of ice. “In case it’s lost — or stolen?”

“I’m afraid it’s not,” Dame Lily said. “The Star is worth squillions. No one could ever insure it. It’s worth more than a whole insurance company. I have guards instead. They keep watch on it every second of the day.”

“That’s funny,” Mrs Trifle said, “I don’t see any guards.”

“Hmmmmmmm, how curious,” Dame Lily said, looking around the hall. “I wonder where they’ve gone. Well I don’t think we have to worry about jewel thieves in a little town like this, do we? Ha ha ha.”

Selby looked around through a forest of legs as he sucked another ice-cube, but only saw people who lived in Bogusville.

“‘Show me a peaceful town,’” Selby thought, quoting the words of Inspector Quigley from the episode called
A Peaceful Town
, “'and I will show you a place where a crime is just waiting to happen.'”

Just then Selby saw a couple of suspicious men in suits making their way towards the famous opera singer.

“Out of the way!” one of them said as he pushed forward.

Selby stopped sucking and started staring. “Crumbs!” he thought, seeing the bulge in the man’s coat that could only have been a pistol. “This is it — a crime just waiting to happen! They’re international jewel thieves and they’ve captured the guards and tied them up in a back room somewhere so they can steal the Star of Lahtidoh! I’ve got to stop them!”

The men came closer and Selby — remembering how Inspector Quigley outwitted a roomful of spies in
The Roomful of Spies
— ran for the light switch, casting the room into darkness.

“Don’t move!” one of the men yelled and he fired his pistol in the air which made everyone move very fast in every direction.

“They’re after the Star!” Selby cried out in plain English as he bumped his way across the crowded room accidentally knocking all the people down who hadn’t already fallen down. “Dame Lily! Hide the diamond, quick!”

Selby dashed about trying to find Dame Lily. Finally a shaft of moonlight caught the Star of Lahtidoh which still hung from the woman’s neck. Remembering the way the archvillain trained a dog to steal jewellery in the Inspector Quigley episode called
The Doggie Done It Diamond Caper,
Selby leapt up and snatched the gem in his teeth, flinging it high in the air.

The lights came back on just as Selby crashed to the floor, hitting his head.

“It’s gone!” Dame Lily sang in full soprano. “The diamond is gone!”

“The dog took it!” one of the suspicious men — who were really the guards and who had snuck out to see the latest episode of
Inspector Quigley’s Casebook
but who couldn’t find a TV — said as he pounced on Selby and pulled his mouth open. “He’s swallowed it, just like in
The Doggie Done It Diamond Caper.
If we don’t get it back we’ll be out of a job!”

“You’ll be out of
two
jobs!” Dame Lily, who was good at maths, screeched.

“We’ll just have to wait till the diamond comes out naturally,” the first guard said, looking at Selby who was still dazed by the bump on the head.

“We can’t wait!” the other one said, reaching for a cake knife and raising it in the air over Selby’s stomach. “We have to find out right now if the diamond’s in him.”

“They can’t
(gulp
) do this to me!” thought Selby, suddenly realising the terrible mistake he’d made as the dagger descended. “Or can
they …? But wait! My only chance is to scream out in plain English. But if I do that, my secret will be out! Oh, no!”

Selby was about to speak when Mrs Trifle suddenly stepped forward.

“Unhand that dog!” she said, pulling the guard away from Selby and giving him a good shake. “He is innocent of any wrongdoing. It’s all been a terrible mistake! The diamond is probably on the floor somewhere, mixed up with all this ice!”

The guests searched frantically for the diamond, checking the ice-cubes that lay all around and throwing them over their shoulders when they’d finished checking them — all of which made things more confusing than ever and looked like a hailstorm had hit the hall.

“Stop!” Dame Lily yelled after the ice had melted from all the handling and there was still no diamond. “I have a feeling! The Star is trying to tell me where it is! I think it’s up there,” she said, pointing to the chandelier.

The guards jumped up on the table and started pulling glass bits off the chandelier and
throwing them every which way until there was only one left, hanging from a thin gold chain.

“My diamond!” Dame Lily said, snatching the gem and putting it around her neck. “The Star must have sensed danger and shot up to the chandelier where it knew it would be safe. You see, it
does
have a mind of its own.”

“I’m getting out of here,” Selby thought as he dashed out of the hall towards home to see the last part of
Inspector Quigley’s Casebook
, his face still red from embarrassment, “before there are any more shooting stars!”

Selby was starving.

“He hasn’t eaten anything for two days,” Mrs Trifle said to Dr Trifle as she topped up Selby’s bowl with Chunk-O-Gravy Hunks and added a couple of Dry-Mouth Dog Biscuits. “I’m worried about him.”

“I wish she wouldn’t worry about me,” Selby thought as he watched Dr Trifle who was painting a watercolour portrait of Mrs Trifle for the council chambers.

“Don’t worry about Selby,” Dr Trifle said as he dabbed at the eyes in his painting with a
long paintbrush. “He’s just not hungry. It doesn’t mean anything. It would be good if he lost some weight, anyway.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Mrs Trifle said. “He’s stopped eating before. In fact he did it on my last birthday and on the birthday before, too.”

“Come to think of it, it’s very odd. Every time you have a birthday we get takeaway food from The Spicy Onion Restaurant, just as we’re going to do tonight,” Dr Trifle said mentioning their favourite fancy food restaurant. “And whenever we get takeaway food from The Spicy Onion, we get an order of prawns cooked in peanut sauce just for Selby. And Selby
loves
peanut prawns. He’ll eat them. You just wait and see.”

“Hmmmmmmmm,” Mrs Trifle said as she looked over Dr Trifle’s shoulder at her portrait. “It’s almost as though he knew he was going to get peanut prawns and he stopped eating so that he’d enjoy them more.”