Selby Sorcerer (2 page)

‘He does seem a bit twitchy,’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘He might be feeling a bit trapped in here.’

‘I’ll take him up to the cockpit,’ the woman said. ‘He can sit in the co-pilot’s seat and look out the front windows.’

‘That would be lovely,’ Mrs Trifle said.

In a moment Selby was sitting in the seat next to Gavin.

‘This is fantastic!’ Selby thought. ‘Oh boy, oh boy!’

On the control panel was a computer screen with little boxes that said:
Check air-conditioning. Test brakes. Move flaps up and down
…

Gavin touched one after the other of the boxes with his finger. Each time there was the clicking and clonking of machinery in the aircraft. Finally a box came up that said:
Take-off.
Gavin was about to touch it but undid his seatbelt instead and stood up.

‘I’ll just get rid of this thing,’ he said to Selby, throwing the cap in a cabinet, ‘then we’ll be on our way.’

That was when Selby realised that he and Gavin were not alone in the cockpit.

‘How did that stupid fly get in here?!’ he thought.

What happened next happened in one
terrible split second. Gavin’s back was still turned as the fly tried to force its way between Selby’s lips. With one short sharp puff, Selby blew the fly, which went tumbling through the air and landed on the computer screen. As the dazed fly was about to take off again, Selby reached out and swatted it with his paw.

Before Selby could think to blink, the aeroplane’s engines roared and the huge machine lurched forward.

‘What the —!’ the pilot started.

And he would have said more if the force of the roaring engines hadn’t sent him hurtling backwards, headfirst into the cabinet.

He let out a groan and then went silent.

Selby nudged the pilot with one paw as the AutoJet tore down the runway and shot up into the sky.

‘Gavin!’ he said. ‘Are you okay?’

But no amount of talking and nudging would wake the man. Selby turned around and looked at the computer screen.

‘Now calm down, Selby,’ he told himself. ‘This thing is computer controlled. I know how
to use computers. It’s just a matter of touching the box that says
LAND
and it’ll land itself.’

Selby grabbed a tissue and wiped away the squashed fly so that he could read the words in the box on the screen. They said:

Fatal Error Number 346a

Return to Manual Control?

‘Manual control?’ Selby thought. ‘No, no I don’t want to fly it myself!’

But it was too late: touching the screen by wiping away the fly had shut down the computer. The engines roared and the plane started shaking violently.

Selby grabbed the wheel and held it steady and that’s when he cried out: ‘Oh, no! I’m flying a jumbo jet all by myself! And I don’t know how to fly!’

While he was trying to work out what to do the flight attendant rushed in and said all those things at the beginning of the story …

‘Now you know everything about me, Sharene,’ Selby said. ‘But forget all that because we have a job to do.’

‘We do?’

‘Yes, you and I have to land this baby. So let’s get down to business.’

Sharene sat down.

‘Okay, now figure out how to restart the computer,’ Selby said.

‘But I don’t know anything about computers or aeroplanes or anything. I’m just a flight attendant. I’m good at serving food. Can I get you a cup of coffee?’

‘No, you can’t,’ Selby said. ‘I don’t drink coffee. Now listen to me, Sharene, and listen good. You’re not just a flight attendant. You’re not just a flying waiter. You’re a thinking, feeling, person and you’ve got a good brain and it’s about time you started using it.’

‘But I was the youngest in my family and everyone used to pick on me. I mean everyone has special needs and —’

‘Sharene! That was then and this is now. Do you know all those people sitting back there?’

‘Not personally —’

‘That’s not what I mean!’ Selby said, suddenly pulling the nose of the plane up to miss the top of Gumboot Mountain. ‘We need you, Sharene. I need you. You have to help. Now look at the computer and see if there’s an On/Off switch.’

Sharene looked down at the computer panel.

‘There’s only one that says On.’

‘That’ll have to do. Push it.’

The flight attendant put out her finger and slowly pushed the button. Suddenly the computer started up again.

‘I did it! I pushed it!’

‘Okay, calm down,’ Selby said. ‘There are a couple more steps yet. What does it say?’

‘There’s something that says,
Return aircraft to computer control. And
then there’s a
Yes
and a
No.
‘

‘Touch the
Yes.
‘

Once again the woman’s finger went slowly out and touched the computer screen. And suddenly the aeroplane was under computer control again. Selby let the steering wheel glide back against the control panel.

‘Phew,’ he sighed as he looked at the screen. ‘Oh, good, it says,
Land the aircraft. Yes
or
No.
Let’s bring this baby back to earth.’

Selby was about to touch the
Yes
box on the screen.

‘No, me, me!’ Sharene said. ‘Let me do it!’

‘Okay, Sharene.’

Suddenly the plane dipped down and touched the end of the runway. It skidded along and finally jerked to a stop.

‘I did it! I did it! I landed the plane!’ the attendant yelled. ‘I’m important! I’m wonderful! I can’t wait to tell everyone!’

‘Er, excuse me,’ Selby said, ‘but there’s one thing I’d rather you didn’t tell anyone.’

‘What?’

‘That I know how to talk.’

‘But that’s really interesting.’

‘I know it’s interesting,’ Selby said. ‘But remember what you said about people having special needs? I have a special need. If everyone finds out that I know how to talk it will ruin my life forever.’

‘It will?’

‘You know it will.’

‘Oh,’ Sharene said. ‘In that case, I guess I won’t tell anyone.’

‘Thanks, Shaz,’ Selby said. ‘I won’t forget this.
Now I think you’d better open the door so the passengers can get off then you’d better ring a doctor for Gavin.’

The pilot groaned and opened his eyes. He struggled to his feet, staring back and forth from Selby to Sharene.

‘What happened?’ he asked.

‘I flew the plane!’ Sharene squealed. ‘Oh, Gav, I’m a pilot!’

‘You did what?’

‘I flew it! It was easy,’ Sharene said, looking at the computer screen and seeing the words:
Take-off.
‘All I had to do was touch the box like this …’

‘No!’ Gavin yelled, as the plane roared down the runway and tore up into the sky again.

‘Oh well,’ Selby thought as the plane shot up into the sky, ‘at least Gavin didn’t hit his head again.’

Selby was at home alone watching the beginning of his favourite house-fixing-upping program on TV,
Room Rage.

‘I just love this show,’ he said to himself.

The
Room Rage
crew were standing in the middle of the lounge room of a beach house. Outside the window Selby could see surfers riding big waves.

‘As you can see this is a bit of a tired room,’ the man on TV said. ‘The ceiling paint is peeling. There are cracks in the walls. And this furniture is straight from the planet Very Boring. Let’s see what our style consultant has to say. What does this room tell you, Tabitha?’

The woman stood perfectly still in the centre
of the room with her eyes closed and her fingers touching her forehead.

‘I love this part!’ Selby squealed.

‘The room is speaking to me, Drew,’ the woman said. ‘I can hear it. It’s getting louder.’

‘What is it saying, Tabby?’

‘It’s saying, “Woods … fields … mountains … people sitting by a roaring fire during a snowstorm."’

‘That’s amazing, Tab! But the house is at the beach.’

‘Exactly, Drew. This house has too much beach. You look out the window and it’s beach beach beach night and day. This room wants to escape from the beach.’

‘But how can it escape from the beach when it’s right out the window.’

‘Simple. We’ll board it up.’

‘That’s brilliant, Tab!’ the presenter said, turning to the camera. ‘You heard her. We’re going to make this room into a mountain lodge. Okay, we only have two hours till the owners get back. Boy, will they be in for a great surprise!’

Selby watched as the
Room Rage
crew covered the window with plywood and then
covered all the four walls in wallpaper that had a mountain scene. The furniture went into a skip and new mountain-lodge furniture was quickly made from logs and branches. They added a fake fireplace with fake logs in it and a fake fire with flashing red and orange lights. One of the crew made a moosehead out of a brown pillowslip and some wooden coathangers.

Meanwhile, Drew grabbed a stack of old books and cut off the spines. He threw the insides of the books away and started to glue the spines to the wall.

‘And here we have the library,’ he announced. ‘At least it
looks
like a library. But the great thing is that the books don’t take up any space and no one will have to worry about reading them.’

‘Hurry up! Hurry up!’ Selby yelled at the TV. ‘The owners are almost back and you haven’t finished yet!’

Just as the owners stepped in the front door of their beach house, the
Room Rage
crew quickly hid.

‘Oh, boy!’ Selby squealed. ‘This is the best part! I’ll bet they love it. They always do.’

Selby watched as the owners arrived back at their beach house. What Selby didn’t realise was that some other owners of another house were also about to come home. That house was in Lamington Drive, Bogusville and the owners were none other than
his
owners, Dr and Mrs Trifle.

Selby didn’t hear Dr and Mrs Trifles’ feet coming along the path towards the door. Not only that but — just as the delighted beach-house owners came back to their house and screamed with joy — Selby’s owners stepped into the lounge room.

‘What’s going on here?!’ Mrs Trifle exclaimed.

Fortunately, at that very moment Selby saw the Trifles’ reflection in the TV. He quickly put his head down and pretended to sleep.

‘We must have left the TV on,’ Mrs Trifle laughed. ‘We’re getting very forgetful. Look,’ she added. ‘It’s one of those house-fixing-upping programs. I only wish they’d come here and fix up this lounge room.’

‘It’s true that it could use a bit of a clean-up and a lick of paint,’ Dr Trifle said. ‘But it’s okay the way it is.’

‘Okay? You men will put up with anything,’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘Look at your workroom. You’re turning it into a rubbish tip.’

‘I beg your pardon,’ Dr Trifle said. ‘What you think is rubbish is very important things I’ve collected. Without them I’d never be able to invent anything again. I might just as well crawl into a hole and die. Why, I wouldn’t be able to work on my new Potato Peel Replacer.’

‘Your Potato Peel Replacer? What’s that for?’

‘It’s for putting the peelings back on potatoes.’

‘Who would want to put peeling back on peeled potatoes?’

‘Anyone who’s peeled too many potatoes by mistake,’ Dr Trifle said. ‘Sometimes the very best inventions are the ones you invent when you don’t know what people will use them for. My PPR could be one of those.’

‘I’m sorry, dear,’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I guess the workroom is fine just the way it is. I think I’m just feeling a bit stressed.’

‘Stressed? Why?’

‘The whole town is stressed. It’s all that end-of-year foolishness the high school kids get into.
Jetty is really angry. They put “For Sale” signs in front of her house last night.’

‘Speaking of Jetty,’ Dr Trifle said. ‘Why don’t we hire a beach house for a day this week? We can drive there with Jetty and her boys.’

‘Good idea,’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘Jetty hates beaches but Willy and Billy will have a fabulous time. I’ll ring her right now.’

Suddenly Selby knew what he had to do. The next day when the Trifles were out of the house again, he dashed for the phone.