Seized by Love (Love in Bloom: The Ryders, Book 1): Blue Ryder (16 page)

Her life path had seemed pretty clear to her until Blue appeared dead center, blocking out the feigned simplicity of it—and showing her just how complicated her life really was. Blue was like an unexpected tollbooth in the center of the road.
Time to pay the piper, confess my sins if I want to get through
. The problem was, she didn’t know how to get around it, and going through it was risky at best.

She parked behind the shop and walked over to the Portuguese bakery, thinking of the text she’d received from Blue. Would he still want to combine her precious lists after he found out that she was the Naked Baker? Would he still want to be with her?

Maybe she was overthinking the whole thing. Maybe the webcast
wasn’t
that big of a deal, and he’d laugh and think it was sexy or fun.

Or totally slutty
.

Pushing the awful thought away, she bought two coffees, then headed over to Inky Skies, to apologize again for not telling Sky about Blue asking her out so many times. Sky was an early bird just like Lizzie—up at the crack of dawn and ready to take on the day. Lizzie heard Sawyer’s guitar before shading her eyes to see him sitting on their apartment balcony above the tattoo shop, basking in the morning sunlight.

“Hey, Sawyer,” she called up. From the moment Sky had met Sawyer, the two of them had been inseparable.

“Hi, Lizzie. Sky’s already in the shop.”

“Thanks.” She eyed the coffee cups in her hand. “Want one?”

“No, thanks. I have to run down to the fight club for a training session in a few minutes.” Ever since retiring from boxing, Sawyer had worked as a professional trainer at the fight club in Eastham.

Lizzie was thinking of Blue again as she walked into Sky’s shop. Sky had fallen just as hard for Sawyer as she was falling for Blue. If only the timing were as right for Lizzie and Blue as it had been for Sky and Sawyer. Then again, Sky and Sawyer had had their own hitches. With the threat of brain damage following a concussion, they’d had to make life- and career-changing decisions. Maybe there simply was no right time for love.

Sky walked through the hanging beads in the back of the store and smiled as she reached for a cup of coffee. “You are a savior. I was just thinking about how I needed something hot and wet.” She laughed and lowered her voice. “That’s what Sawyer says every morning when I come out of the shower.”

“TMI.” Lizzie laughed. “I love that he sits up there and plays his guitar in the mornings.” She sat on the couch in the reception area, and Sky plopped down beside her.

“Yeah, me too.”

“Now that he got his advance for the poetry book he and his father published, do you think you’ll move out of your apartment?” She knew Sky loved her little apartment above the shop.

“No, not yet. But after we’re married, probably. I want to have a family, and we can’t really do that upstairs with Merlin’s beds in every corner and barely enough room for our own bed.” Merlin was Sky’s very spoiled Persian cat.

A stroke of jealousy skittered through Lizzie. She hadn’t allowed herself to contemplate her own future beyond making it through the next two years with enough money to help Maddy. Once Maddy was out of college, then she could put serious thought into what else she wanted in life, but now, hearing Sky talk about having a family tugged at something inside of her. And if she were honest with herself, being with Blue had also nudged open that door.

She changed the subject to distract herself from the unfamiliar longing.

“Did you guys set a date for the wedding?” Lizzie asked.

“We’re thinking about the spring, when Matt can come up over his break.” Sky’s brother Matt was a professor at Princeton and rarely took time off. “Can you do a spring wedding, or is that too busy of a time to fit us in?”

“I can do whatever you need me to do. Have you decided where you’re getting married?” She smiled at her friend, wondering for the millionth time what it would be like to only have the flower shop and her relationship with Blue to worry about, and not Maddy’s tuition or the webcast.

“Not yet. Maybe at Sawyer’s parents’ house, so it’s easier for his father.” Sawyer’s father had Parkinson’s disease, and it was becoming more and more difficult for him to get around. Sky sipped her coffee. “When do you need specifics?”

“Whenever you’re ready. Normally I like as much lead time as possible to prepare and to make sure I can get in the flowers you want, but I know you’re not really a
prepare
type of girl, so give me three weeks and I’ll make your wedding beautiful.”

“I know you will. How’s your man?” Sky asked with a cocked brow.

“
My
man.” She loved saying that. Thoughts of last night came rushing back, chased by the reality of her needing to tell him about the webcast. Being with Blue was not only bringing Lizzie’s future into focus, but also clarifying her present. Faults and all. “Speaking of Blue, I’m really sorry for not telling you sooner about him asking me out. I feel bad about keeping it from you.”

Sky waved a dismissive hand. “
Pfft
. I’m over it. We all do stupid things.”

“I think I’m falling for him, Sky.” Her heart squeezed with the admission, knowing it was far more real than just a thought. “I actually think I’ve been falling for him all year. He’s such an amazing person. I knew that if I went out with him I wouldn’t be able to keep from falling for him. That’s why I didn’t go out with him when he asked all those times.”

“How could you
not
fall for him?” Sky smiled and hugged Lizzie. “Seriously, you two were meant for each other.”

Lizzie’s pulse quickened with hope. She felt that way, too, but how could it be? What a cruel joke, giving Blue a woman who had a secret like hers and giving her a man like Blue, who was making her reevaluate her two-year plan at every turn.

“Sky, can I ask you something?”

“Sawyer’s hung like a horse and really talented in bed.” She flashed a cheesy grin. “What else?”

“Again, TMI,” Lizzie teased, but she wasn’t in a teasing mood. She rested her head back and looked up at the clouds and stars Sky had painted on the ceiling
. Do you think you always have to be one hundred percent honest with the person you love? Even if it might hurt him and someone else in the long run?
She held back those questions and instead asked, “Do you tell Sawyer everything?”

“Always.”

They watched a group of people walking past the shop laughing. Lizzie wondered how many lies they were carrying around. Funny, the
Naked Baker
never used to feel like a lie. It had only felt like a secret of the most embarrassing kind.

But now that she was with Blue, it had somehow morphed into a lie that felt wrong to hide from him.

And too risky to reveal.

THAT EVENING LIZZIE worked as fast as she could to edit the webcast, but as she watched herself prance around the computer screen, sucking her finger seductively and bending over at just the right angle so viewers would see the curve where her ass met the back of her thighs, she felt even more ashamed. How could she tell Blue that she did this? She’d been fooling herself earlier, thinking that he might find it sexy or fun. She didn’t find it either of those things—and at the same time, she couldn’t be upset with herself for doing it, because it was what made it possible for her to live her life, and Maddy would soon have a college degree without being strapped with school loans.

It was worth the internal struggle and embarrassment.

If only she’d met Blue two years from now, when she could close the doors on this endeavor of hers forever.

Blue was working at his cottage on the bluff tonight, and they planned on meeting later and spending the evening together, but the more Lizzie edited, the more she felt compelled to tell Blue about the show. She had at least another half hour of editing to do before she was done, but every second she watched drove the guilt deeper. With her heart in her throat, she packed up her laptop and headed over to Blue’s.

The property was dark, save for the lights inside the cottage. She stepped from the car into the cool night air, spotting Blue through an upstairs window, and paused to watch him for a moment. She wondered if he was thinking of her and what else might be on his mind. The longer she watched him, the deeper the pain of her reality cut. He was so loving, so trusting, and she was about to turn the lights out on the best relationship she’d ever had—and the only one she wanted. Blue had been hurt before, and she didn’t want to be the woman who hurt him again.

I already am
.

She closed the car door and crossed the sandy path to the front door, feeling like she was walking a plank with no blindfold. Her eyes were wide-open—and she almost wished he’d happened across the show, or someone would tell him about it, because wouldn’t that be easier to deal with? She knocked on the door and waited, fighting the urge to retreat.

She heard music coming from inside and knew he couldn’t have heard her knock, so she pushed open the door. “Blue?”

The music drowned out her voice. She mounted the stairs feeling the oppression of her confession clinging to her. Blue was standing on a stepladder, painting the room the color of French-vanilla ice cream. The muscles in his shoulders bunched beneath his shirt as he painted along the edge of the molding. She could turn around and tiptoe out and he’d never know she was there. Just forget the whole idea and go back to the bubble she’d allowed herself to inhabit with him.

At the tail of that thought, Blue stepped from the ladder and turned to dip his brush in the paint, startling when he saw her. A smile spread across his lips. Lord he was sexy.

“Hey, babe. I wasn’t expecting you. Did I lose track of time?”

He strode across the floor with a warm look in his eyes. It was a look she’d already come to love, a look that said,
I’m so glad you’re here. Kiss me
. His arm swept her possessively against him as his lips claimed hers. Her entire body heated. He gazed at her with so much emotion in his eyes that she felt her resolve slipping away. Her breathing hitched, and her heart followed.

Oh my God.

She’d already fallen.

She grabbed his arm to steady her wobbly legs.
I love you
. She tried to evaluate those emotions, to pick them apart, but her mind was spinning. Maybe it was all the emotions coursing through her because of what she’d come to tell him. She looked into his eyes, and the side of his mouth curved up, sending a spear through her heart. No. It was him. All of him and all of her. It was the way they were together, the fun they had, the love they so easily shared. She loved him. There was no doubt, no hesitation, only heartfelt emotions.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” He pressed his lips to hers again.

Being in his arms was like coming home.

“Every time we’re apart,” he said, “I miss you more than I did the last time.”

Nothing had ever felt so right—and she’d never been so wrong. This was worse than walking the plank. This felt more like committing hari-kari.

The urge to change her mind and not tell him the truth was too strong, like she was battling a tangible presence. A literal skeleton that had moved out of the closet, looming behind him and waiting to be revealed with a few words. Words she didn’t want to say, words that would bring it to life, so the damn thing could move between them and drive them apart.

“I missed you, too,” she said honestly. “I’m sorry to interrupt your work.”

He closed the paint can and put a hand on the small of her back as they walked downstairs.

“You’re never an interruption. I can’t think of a better reason to stop working.”

Did he have to be so positive? Couldn’t he be a jerk for once and tell her that she was a big pain in the ass for interrupting or something else that was equally as jerky? That would make this much easier.

Blue washed out the brushes in the mudroom, while Lizzie paced the hallway trying to talk herself
out
of chickening out of coming clean.

He joined her a minute later with open arms, gathering her in close and smelling like heaven on legs. Why, oh why, did everything about him turn her inside out?

“Did you bring the whipped cream to work on your lists?” The spark in his eyes told her he was teasing, but that didn’t stop the realization from hitting her anew—she’d finally found someone she cared enough about, felt comfortable enough with—
loved
enough—to want to explore those lists.

She felt her cheeks flush when she met his heated gaze. “I was in such a hurry to see you…”

“God, you’re cute when you’re embarrassed.” He pressed a tender kiss to her lips. “I was only joking. Was your evening okay?” Blue asked. “Did you get everything done that you hoped to?”

“Um…Not really, but I wanted to come see you.”
Because I’m an idiot
. For the first time in Lizzie’s life, she wished she were one of those people who could live a lie without remorse.

No.

Not really.

But it would make things easier.

Ohmygod. No, it wouldn’t
. Wasn’t that what she’d been trying to do for years?

He kissed her again. “I love that you came over. Do you want to go back to my place?”

“No.” She said it so quickly his brow furrowed. If she went back to his place, she’d want to cuddle up with him, which would lead to kissing him, and kissing Blue was never enough.

“I mean, let’s take a walk.”

“Sure.” He grabbed a blanket, and they walked down to the beach. “Are you okay, sweetheart? You seem a little jumpy.”

No. Not even close to okay
. “Uh-huh.”

He spread out the blanket and held Lizzie’s hand as they walked along the water’s edge. Everything felt so natural with Blue, so easy. Just thinking about telling him her embarrassing secret made her feel queasy.

“I was thinking.” He played with the ends of her hair. “I was actually
hoping
you’d reconsider going to Cash’s wedding with me. I hate the thought of being apart for the weekend.”

She wanted to say yes so badly she ached, but she knew that once she told him about the webcast, he might not want to see her at all.