Seeking Shelter (13 page)

Convinced that he’d lost his mind and what was left of his control, Jace shucked off his jeans and dug for his wallet.

Amy had slipped off her shirt and bra and was working on the button of her jeans when he turned back to her.

He grasped her wrist and stopped her. When she looked up, he held her gaze. And didn’t dare look lower or he’d be gone. He uncurled her fingers and opened her hand. Carefully, he passed her the foil packet, then closed her fist around it.

“God, I want you.” His voice was raw. “But you’re in charge. I won’t do anything you don’t want.” He took a breath and made sure she met his eyes. “Ever.”

“I’m...not...”

“Scared? Yes, you are,” he whispered, dragging his lips along the line of her jaw to the tender hollow beneath her ear. “You should be. But I’m careful. Very careful.”

* * *

T
HE
SQUARE
PACKET
in her palm burned Amy’s skin. She closed her eyes to keep her telltale tears hidden. He wouldn’t understand. He’d think he’d hurt her somehow, and would pull away. That was the last thing she wanted right now.

Everyone back home took care of her, the way they thought was right. No one took the time to listen to what she really wanted. To them, she was Madeline’s daughter. The orphan. Katie’s mom. Storekeeper.

For the first time, someone saw Amy the woman. She didn’t want this moment to ever end.

“You’re in control, babe,” he whispered. “It’s your choice.”

The traitorous tears slid from between her closed lids into her hairline.

“Ah, I’m sorry.” Jace tried to pull away, but she wrapped her arm tighter around his neck. Slowly, she uncurled her fingers.

“No...don’t go.” She swallowed hard and opened her eyes. She had to explain to him. Somehow. “I want this.” She breathed in deeply, slowly. “No one else listens to me. I want you.”

And then Amy did the one thing she was sure he didn’t expect: pressed her lips to his, hot and demanding.

Jace didn’t have to be asked twice. He pulled her close, moving above her, cocooning her body in his arms.

She knew Hank and Caryn suspected that Katie was Matt’s child, but the details of that night were locked away in Amy’s memory. Where she had every intention of leaving them buried.

But despite her intentions, they weren’t staying locked up.

She trembled. The air turned to mush and wouldn’t fill her lungs. Fear, bitter and painful, erupted in her chest like a strobe light. A scream caught in her throat.

Jace seemed to sense the change in her. He pulled away, putting several feet between them.

Amy sprang off the bed, her foot connecting with something soft. His shirt. With jerky movements she picked it up and pulled it on to cover herself. His scent nearly overwhelmed her.

Jace leaned against the headboard, watching her carefully. She paced across the room, the words she wanted to say stuck in her throat. She couldn’t seem to keep from wringing her hands.

Was she incapable of a normal relationship? Had Matt stolen that, too? Something inside her shifted, and rather than the hurt and fear she usually felt, this time anger welled up inside her. If she’d had something to pound, she would have.

Jace swung his legs off the end of the bed and stood. “I’m sorry I scared you.” Regret shone in his eyes.

“Oh, no. Jace. It’s...”

“Not me, it’s you?” He laughed without humor. “Pretty stale line, there.” He grabbed his jeans from where he’d flung them and jerked them, back on.

“Don’t,” she said before he’d finished. She didn’t remember reaching out, but her hand was against his warm chest. Neither of them pushed or pulled, but she knew this was a tug-of-war. Her fears. His confusion.

“I was dating M-Matt, Katie’s father.” She fought the quaver in her voice and the urge to look away. Jace deserved her honesty even if it killed her. “I brought him home to meet Hank and everyone.” She couldn’t move. Couldn’t look Jace in the eye. She stared at his chest where she wanted desperately to bury her face and hide. “I wanted to show him my home, my world. He...” Her breath came out in short, painful puffs. “He forced me—” She couldn’t say it.

“He raped you?” Jace spit the words.

Amy could only nod. Under her palm, the muscles in Jace’s chest tightened. His hands curled into fists and she backed away.

She knew he’d never hurt her. His anger didn’t scare her as much as her reaction to it did. She liked it. Too much. It was as if he really cared.

Amy steeled herself to see censure when she looked up at him. But she didn’t see the condemnation or accusation she expected. Just the sheen of moisture in his eyes, and a frown of shock. He swallowed, but didn’t say anything or move away.

She took a step forward. “I’m scared, Jace.” Another step. “I don’t want to be scared anymore.” She opened her other hand, revealing the crumpled foil packet. “Can we...”

Jace took a single step. Only inches separated them now. “Make love?” he offered. When she nodded, he put his hand over hers and led her back to the bed.

Slowly, he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. He didn’t touch her anywhere else, just kissed her and held her hand.

Her heart twisted, not with fear, but in awe of his acceptance of all she was and had been through. She leaned forward and felt his arms gently wrap around her.

* * *

J
ACE
GROANED
INWARDLY
.
She was killing him. Literally killing him. What the hell was he supposed to do? He wanted her, wanted to be the guy she saw, the worthy man. But he’d never lived up to anyone’s expectations. What made him think he’d do better in this relationship?

Amy chose that moment to look up at him. In the moonlight, her features were shadowed and beautiful. He wouldn’t be walking away anytime soon. He had to give it a shot. Instead of running, he reached out and took what she offered. First her hand...then her lips. Slowly, almost tentatively, he slipped his arms around her.

All day he’d been telling her to trust him. Had been reassuring her. Finally, she was giving him that trust. Jace didn’t want to scare her. Not again.

He felt her hesitate, but knew she was fighting herself, not him. He leaned into her, drawing his lips along her neck. “You okay?” he whispered.

She nodded, curling her fingers into his shoulder to hold him to her. Urging him closer.

This time when Jace picked her up, he didn’t lay her on the bed, but settled on the mattress, holding her against his chest. The evidence of his need pressed against her backside.

He touched and stroked her until she whimpered. Finally, she pulled away and turned to straddle him. Her hands on his body and her lips on his brought him too close to the edge. He had to slow this down.

He edged her away, then picked up the condom and started to sheath himself. But she pushed his hands aside and did it for him. He groaned when she curled her fist around him.

“Amy...” he said through gritted teeth.

With a smile, she leaned over him and whispered in his ear, “Now, Jace. Now.”

Grasping her hips, Jace guided her inch by inch. Eyes closed, his head thrown back, he relished the soft heat holding him.

She kissed him, and he felt her smile against his lips. She moved slowly at first, then he knew exactly when she stopped thinking. Faster. Harder. She drove them both over the edge.

Gasping for breath, he held her, gently rubbing her back and urging her to relax. He tried to ignore his own jumbled emotions. He didn’t ever want to leave, but that was unreasonable...and something he’d think about later. Much later.

Amy snuggled against him and he wrapped his arms around her, cocooning her. She sighed and leaned into him.

For just a while, he’d stay with her. He buried his face in her hair and closed his eyes.

And when he opened them again, bright morning light poured into the room.

CHAPTER TWELVE

A
MY
WAS
STILL
ASLEEP
, and Jace could only lie there and watch her, marveling. Last night had been... Hell, that wasn’t something he even wanted to try to put into words.

He needed to get away to sort out his thoughts. Telling himself that he was going to get some breakfast, he slipped out of bed, dressed and left the room.

The park was still quiet, though as he made his way toward the lodge’s main entrance, he saw several other tourists headed in the same direction. He took the first trail he found. He didn’t want to see anyone right now.

The sun was barely above the horizon, and the early light painted the world pale pink and gold. His boots crunching against the gravel, he quickened his pace, glad for the cover of the trees.

By the time he reached the edge of the canyon, the pink had grown to full gold. Beyond the cover of the trees, the air was cold, and he wished he’d grabbed his jacket. It hadn’t occurred to him that Arizona could get this cool.

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and hunched his shoulders against the morning breeze. Finally, he stood at the edge, and his breath froze in his chest—not from the cold but the awe. The cliffs. The colors. The sheer depth.

Jace stood there for a long time, soaking it all in. This incredible place. Was it why he’d been able to sleep last night without the nightmares or claustrophobia nearly strangling him?

Or was it Amy? Closing his eyes, he saw her as she’d been when he’d left. Asleep, her bare shoulders showing above the covers. He jerked his eyes open and focused on the equally amazing view before him.

He could stay here forever. But soon he’d have to take Amy back to Rattlesnake Bend. And then what? He’d finished most of the kitchen remodel. The appliances were ordered and would be delivered in a couple of days.

His original mission, to tell her about Mac, wasn’t coming along as quickly as he’d like. He hadn’t pushed it and she hadn’t asked.

He shifted, trying to warm up, and as he moved, something metal brushed his fingers.

Keys. More specifically, the key to Mac’s safe deposit box. Jace pulled the key ring from his pocket, and stared at it, its weight solid in his palm. He glanced over the canyon’s edge and envisioned himself chucking the thing into the void. But getting rid of the key wasn’t going to solve anything. It wasn’t the problem.

Jace’s feelings about it were.

He knew Amy wondered how he was paying for the kitchen. She’d frowned every time he paid for their food, and when they’d checked into the lodge yesterday. He should have told her about the money, but he liked the way things were between them.

Money, that much money, always changed everything.

Even last night, as she’d bared her soul to him, sharing her painful secrets, he’d resisted sharing his own. God, the things she’d told him. His hand tightened around the metal and he let it dig into his palm, knowing he deserved more than that miniscule, punishing pain.

He was surprised at how angry he was at his friend. Had the old man ever thought of the situation he might be putting Jace in? Some of his anger dissipated. No. Mac had actually thought his daughter was forever lost to him. He’d given the money to Jace for him to build his own life, never thinking he might find Amy. But now that he had... Jace opened his hand again, staring at the key. He had to tell her.

* * *

S
OMETHING
HAD
CHANGED
.
Amy watched Jace walk across the small room, gathering up the few things they’d scattered around. His jacket. Her helmet. She’d heard him leave but hadn’t said anything.

The coffee he’d brought back steamed, and the doughnuts were warm. The lodge restaurant was only a five-minute walk, yet he’d been gone over an hour.

Maybe it had taken him that long to pick out the postcards he’d put in his pocket?

Despite last night’s intimacy, she didn’t feel she had the right to question him. And the man who’d come back this morning was not the same one who’d held her last night. Saddened, she finished getting ready and followed him to the door.

He led the way to the parking lot, still not saying a word. Feeling lost and disappointed, Amy trailed behind, trying to think of what to say. It wasn’t until she’d finished half her coffee and they’d reached the bike that her anger caught up with the caffeine.

He straddled the Harley, turning and looking over his shoulder, just as he had yesterday. This time she wasn’t getting on.

“Okay, what the heck happened this morning?” She crossed her arms. She wasn’t moving until he talked to her.

“Nothing.” He looked away, his gaze unfocused. He wasn’t seeing the here and now.

“Oh, that’s mature, and so helpful.”

“What do you want from me?” He turned on her, not angry so much as puzzled.

“Oh, I don’t know. Civility? Maybe some indication that last night was more than a cheap thrill. Because if that’s what it was, I’m not getting on that bike.”

He had the decency to look chagrined. “No. It was much more than that,” Jace admitted. He stood, not getting off the bike, but reaching deep into his pocket. He pulled something out and spent a silent moment looking down at it. Slowly, he held out his hand, and she saw a small key nestled in his big palm.

“What’s that?” His expression told her she might not want to know.

This time he turned around, the leather of the seat groaning under his weight. “I haven’t told you everything.” His voice was so soft it hurt her to hear it.

“What do you mean?”

When he put the key in her hand, she shivered. “Jace?” She reached out and touched his jaw. “I opened myself up to you last night. I won’t judge you, whatever it is.”

He laughed, but there wasn’t a drop of humor in it. “I’m not worried about you judging me.” He lifted his gaze. “That’s the key to Mac’s safe deposit box in L.A. It’s full of money. I have no idea how much. It’s yours now. All of it.”

What?
She lifted the key and stared at it. “I don’t understand.”

“That’s what I’ve been using to buy the stuff for the kitchen. Mac left it to me. I...I have a letter he wrote me, back at Hank’s.” Jace’s voice shook, and once again his sadness hurt her.

She should be the one grieving for her father, but she barely remembered the man. If she grieved, it was for the fact that she’d never really had him in her life, and that the pain of her loss had healed years ago. “I don’t understand,” she repeated.

“I’m not sure I do, either.”

Her heart dropped when Jace didn’t reach for her. But instead of waiting, she moved away. She kept walking, until she reached the edge of the canyon and couldn’t go any farther.

Yesterday she’d nearly died of fear standing here. Now? She felt nothing. Just confused, and numb, and more confused. She leaned against the metal rail. Looking down, she decided the cliff before her wasn’t as sheer as she’d thought. Today her fear was muted, overshadowed by the dozens of questions racing through her mind.

“Amy?” Jace’s was right behind her, but his voice didn’t hold its usual certainty. Was he actually scared for her this time? She might have thought it served him right, except she wouldn’t wish that fear on anyone, especially not someone she cared about.

She’d never felt this way about anyone else. She looked over the canyon rim again and wasn’t sure which scared her more—falling, or turning back to find everything different between them.

Jace didn’t touch her, but he stood so close that he might as well have. She kept looking down. “How much money?” God, she hated asking that question. It made her sound so...greedy.

He laughed. “I haven’t a clue. There’s several packets of fifties and hundreds. I’d say plenty.”

The death grip she had on the rail was the only thing keeping her on her feet. The metal dug into her ribs and she let her head fall forward so her chin rested on her chest. “Then why was he homeless?” This answer was going to hurt, she just knew it.

“I don’t know that, either.” Jace inched his hand along the railing and slowly laid it over hers. “He kept talking about how he had to take care of you.” Jace’s voice shook and Amy looked up at him. He was staring out across the canyon, the wind ruffling his hair, lifting it away from his face. Yesterday he’d smiled, savoring this view. Today, he frowned.

She’d taken that joy from him.

As if reading her thoughts, Jace suddenly turned to look at her. “He loved you, Amy. He wanted to be your father.”

That did her in. The father she’d always wanted, but didn’t remember. “I wish...” She stopped and, before she could stop herself, leaned against Jace, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Wish what?” he prompted.

“Wish I could talk to him. I’ve never wanted to before, but this is so... It doesn’t fit with what Mom told me about him. I’m so confused.” Amy knew she was crying, but didn’t want to admit it by wiping the tears away. “Will you tell me more about him?”

Jace laughed and slid an arm around her. “I think she finally gets it,” he whispered.

She laughed, too, and looked up at him. The tenderness in his eyes made her breath catch. “You think he’d approve. Of...of you and me?”

“I don’t know.” A shadow passed over Jace’s face and she wasn’t sure it if was guilt or grief.

“I hope he’d be pleased. I wish I could have known him.”

“Me, too.”

A clap of thunder broke the quiet of the canyon. Jace looked up at the sky. “We’d better get going.”

She nodded and followed him back to the bike. This was going to be one of the longest rides of her life. Snuggled up next to the man she’d made love to last night, her mind filled with a jumble of thoughts and desires....

As Jace revved the engine, she slid her hands around his waist and leaned against him. In three hours she’d be back to reality. Right now, this was all she needed.

* * *

T
HEY
WEREN
’
T
ABLE
TO
outrun the storm. Not for lack of trying. Jace’s bike was like an extension of him, and he wove in and out of the thick traffic with ease. It helped that on this trip Amy was more in tune with his body.... He refused to follow that train of thought.

By the time they reached Phoenix, it was a downpour. While Jace was used to driving in these conditions, Amy wasn’t. And, he reminded himself, the desert was no place to be in a rainstorm. The hard-baked earth was stubborn, deflecting the much-needed moisture instead of soaking it in and quenching its thirst. His few encounters with runoff in the arroyos told him it was too dangerous, especially on a bike.

He pulled off the highway and headed for the parking lot of the Denny’s they’d stopped at yesterday. Had it really been just yesterday? He felt like an entirely different person.

A loud horn blared right behind them, and Amy startled. Her reaction threw off Jace’s balance and the bike swerved, not responding to his commands. He felt the tires slide out from beneath them. This could hurt. He knew how to dump a bike without injuring himself—Lord knew he’d had to do it plenty of times.

But with Amy on the back, it wasn’t quite so easy. He hoped to God all they did was slide.

Every muscle in his arms and shoulders screamed as he fought the bike, and finally, barely won. He felt the tires grab, and the instant he regained control, he pulled to a halt.

Parking the bike, he watched the dumb-ass in the semi roar by, and didn’t have the breath to waste cursing at him.

Jace watched Amy whip off the helmet as the rain poured over her, plastering her hair to her head. Her clothes were already soaked through.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Surely he hadn’t heard her right. “That’s my line.”

“Did you see that jerk?” She pointed in the direction of the disappearing truck. “He pulled across three lanes of traffic. We should call the police and report him.”

Jace grabbed her arm before she reached into the saddlebag to do just that. He almost laughed. “He’ll be in the next state before they ever catch up to him. But thanks for the thought.”

“Still—”

Jace leaned down and kissed her, as much to say thanks as to shut her up.

“No one, except occasionally Mac, has ever been indignant on my behalf before. Thank you.”

She stood there smiling at him, her eyes wide, her lips parted, inviting. Jace knew he was a fool. Despite the downpour, there was no way he could pass this up. Just a little taste. Then they’d go inside and have a nice warm...

All thoughts ceased as Amy’s arms wrapped around him, pulling his head down to hers. Her fingers burrowed through his damp hair, holding him tight. As if he were going to resist? Silly woman.

* * *

I
T
WAS
LATE
,
really late, when they hit the outskirts of Rattlesnake Bend. Oddly enough, the lights were still on in the B and B as they drove past, and Lynne had left the porch lights on at her house. Jace parked at the curb and realized he shouldn’t be surprised by all the lights. By now, the whole town knew they’d been gone overnight.

He didn’t care what these people thought...not much. But Amy did. Still, as she climbed off the bike, and the cool night air filled the void where she’d leaned against his back for the past two hundred miles, he couldn’t regret a moment. She looked tired, but from a long, sweet night, not from endless hours of working and worrying.

The evening was quiet once the Harley’s engine shut down. He waited as she headed to the front door. Lynne answered, and in the porch light, he saw her crane her neck to look at him. The two women hugged and went inside. He waited, knowing Amy would need help getting Katie home. It was too late for the girl to be awake.

Just as he’d expected, she came out with Katie in her arms, the little blond head nestled against her shoulder. Amy walked carefully, but her daughter was heavy. He met them halfway.

“I’ll take her,” he offered, and he saw Amy hesitate. He tried not to read too much into it. She trusted him. Last night had proved that.