Seeking Sara Summers (24 page)

“I’m not good at things like this,” he said. “I never know what to say.” He lifted his head and stared at his hands, as if looking at Sara held too big of a challenge.

“I’d really like it if we could just be honest with one another,” Sara said.

“Honesty isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be,” he said. His sarcasm ended in a brief laugh.

“Maybe not,” she said. “But I think we should try.”

“It’s just so unexpected, Sara. What are we supposed to do now?”

“I’m not sure,” she said truthfully.

The thought entered her mind that this was the first real conversation they had had in years. In the past they had traded sentences with each other and now there were paragraphs.

“So you go to Italy for a couple of weeks and our marriage is over?” he asked. He didn't sound particularly disappointed.

“This was happening way before Italy,” she said again. “And way before I got cancer.”

“Yeah, the cancer thing,” he said. “What did Doctor Morgan say?”

“I haven’t called him back yet.” The truth was, she didn’t want what Doctor Morgan said to keep her from doing what she needed to do. “The cancer diagnosis helped me see things more clearly,” she continued. “I couldn’t fool myself anymore about what was working and what wasn’t. Life is too short to tread water because you’re afraid of what’s onshore.”

He looked unimpressed with her armchair analysis of the situation. “Maybe we should talk this over with that therapist we’re paying thousands of dollars a year,” he said.

“Maybe we should,” she said.

Grady frowned. “I hate shrinks,” he said under his breath. “It doesn’t seem to have done us much good.”

“Actually, I think it’s too late for counseling, Grady. You need things I can’t give you anymore. And you deserve more than someone just going through the motions.”

Grady lowered his eyes. “Is this because of what happened with Marcia?”

“It has nothing to do with that,” Sara said. “But even then we should have known something was wrong.”

Marcia Hammond, Sara thought. Until now, Sara had not known it was her. But Sara had met her once at one of Grady’s terminally boring insurance conventions in Atlantic City. It suddenly occurred to her how much Marcia Hammond resembled Julia. A shorter, less beautiful version, but still there were similarities. Could it be possible that for all these years he had been dealing with Julia’s ghost?

“What happened between you and Julia?” Sara asked.

He shrugged and brushed a hand through his hair.

“That day she left, she said something weird happened between you two, but she didn’t tell me the details,” Sara said. “And when she showed up at Christmas you were practically morose.”

“You two didn’t talk about this in Italy?” His lips tightened. “Or maybe you were busy with other things.” He chucked a humorless laugh.

“What happened?” she asked again, not willing to shift the focus back on her. Not until she got the truth.

He hesitated and looked out the window, but then after a few seconds he started to talk. “She was in her bedroom putting stuff in boxes, getting ready to move. She was more interested in her packing than me, but that was nothing new. I think I told her she couldn’t just leave like this and she said something like she didn’t have a choice; that her dad got a teaching job that he couldn’t turn down.”

Grady pushed back the kitchen chair and turned to face Sara. “Then I told her that maybe she could stay with you until she finished Beacon High. Anything, you know, to keep her around. But she just said that things change, and that I should just get used to it. But I didn’t want things to change. I’d been in love with her since I was thirteen.”

He glanced at Sara to see her reaction. But she had no reaction. Except to be struck by how clear the memory was for him, as if it had just happened.

He continued. “I got it in my head that I had to prove to her how much I loved her. So I kissed her, but she pushed me away. Like an idiot I tried to kiss her again. I think I even backed her up against the wall. I know it was totally stupid, but I just kept trying to prove to her how much I loved her and how much she needed to stay. I kept at it until she yelled at me about how I’d gone nuts. And about how she never wanted to see me again. Then I got desperate and told her how I’d been saving up money for an apartment for us to live in some day. And that totally flipped her out. She started screaming at me to get out. And I did. I left. And I never saw her again. That is, until Christmas.”

Sara reached over to touch Grady’s hand but he moved it away. “That must have been very hard for you,” Sara said. It was hard to imagine Grady that passionate, that out of control.

“Then after that, you and me went out on the 4
th
of July and ended up behind Beacon making out in the back seat of my Chevy,” Grady began again. “When we started hanging out together, it was almost like having Julia there, because you two had been practically joined at the hip, you know? Over the years I just got comfortable with you. I never got around to dating anybody else. Maybe we wouldn’t have gotten married if I had. But we made the best of things, didn’t we? That’s what’s important. We made the best of things.”

With this admission, the tension cleared from the room.

“I think we’re a lot alike,” Sara said finally. “I’ve been making the best of things, too. And you know what’s also sad? I think this is the most we’ve ever shared with each other our whole married life. We’ve never really shared anything that’s going on below the surface, you know?”

Grady nodded. A lot of things made sense to Sara now. How devastated Grady had been after Julia left and how, at first, he had constantly asked if she had heard from her. Several weeks after that they had begun to date. A couple of years after that they were married. He had wanted Sara to send Julia an invitation to the wedding, but she had refused. Julia was in England. She had a new life. Perhaps Sara had felt jilted, too.

Silence followed. The scene, although sad, felt complete. Grady and Sara sat across from each other while the clock in the kitchen ticked down the remaining seconds of their marriage.

“To tell you the truth,” Grady said finally, “I always thought one of us would end up with Julia. I just hoped it would be me.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

The Tuscan countryside was alive with sunflowers as Sara drove the silver rental car toward Max and Melanie’s farmhouse. Julia’s last email had said that she was visiting Max and Melanie for an extended stay. She had brought her paints and Max had set her up a studio in one of the guest rooms overlooking the courtyard.

Sara had gone to Florence first, but Francesca had told her that Julia was still in the country. So Sara bought a map, circled her destination in yellow highlighter, and had found her way there. As she drove up the driveway she remembered that frantic night she had contemplated ramming herself into the olive trees because of the revelation of her love for Julia. She had come a long way since then. She was in remission again, a pronouncement Sara had taken as getting a second chance in life, and she had every intention of honoring whatever time she had left.

There were no cars in the driveway and Sara wondered briefly if she had come all this way for nothing. Julia was making more trips to London and Rome to sell her paintings. Maybe she had missed her. Sara knocked at the front door and waited, but no one answered. She thought she would check the courtyard just in case. When she walked through the gate, she saw Julia standing with her back to her. She stood in front of a large canvas etching in the outline of the fountain.

“What are you two doing back so soon?” Julia called over her shoulder, assuming that Max and Melanie had returned.

“Well actually it’s been close to a year, so it doesn’t quite feel like soon enough,” Sara said.

Julia turned to face her, brush still in hand. “Oh, my God!” The shock on Julia’s face turned to joy. She quickly put down the brush and palette and came to greet Sara.

“I know you’re not too keen on surprises, but I love them!” Julia smiled.

Sara rested the large shopping bag next to her that she had carried all the way from New England. She opened her arms. They embraced and kissed. When they parted, the joy of seeing Sara was still on Julia’s face.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“It seemed like the right thing to do,” Sara said.

Julia laughed. “Look at you!” she said.

“A new life requires a new look,” Sara smiled.

A physical transformation had accompanied Sara’s decision to return to Italy. Sara wore a red linen dress accentuating her cleavage and her reconstructed breast, an adopted twin sister to the other. Long earrings dangled just above her shoulders. She had burned her wig in the fireplace in New England. Her natural hair was longer and blonder with a few gray hairs mixed in.   Not to mention the medallion Julia gave her that she never took off.

“I went to Florence and you weren’t there,” Sara said. “So I went to Francesca’s shop and she told me where you were. She sends her love, by the way, and wanted me to tell you that Roberto and Bella are fine.”

Julia had not stopped smiling. “How long can you stay?”

Sara shrugged. “How long do you want me to stay?”

“Don’t kid around with me, Sweetie.”

“Well it seems I’ve run away from home. And this time it may be for good.” Sara smiled. “I left Grady,” she began again. “Or I should say it was a mutual decision. He wasn’t happy either, it turns out. And I quit my job and cashed in my retirement from the school system to come here. I also told my children about us. They were in shock at first. But they’re getting used to it. I think it made it easier since they got to meet you at Christmas. And, of course, everyone wants to visit. Anyway, I’m hoping you still want to explore where this might take us.”

Julia laughed a hearty laugh. “Definitely,” she said. Julia glanced at the large shopping bag next to Sara’s feet. “That must have been hell getting on the plane.”

Sara reached into the bag and took out a large globe like the one from their childhood that had sparked many adventures in their imaginations. But Sara was ready for the real thing now. “I hope you’re up for an adventure,” Sara said.

Julia smiled. They embraced again, the lady in stone witnessing the embrace. Sara had missed her, too. In the background of their reunion, the fountain offered her consent.

SEQUEL!

I’m writing a sequel to
Seeking Sara Summers
. It follows the next part of the journey for Sara and Julia. I estimate a 2016 publication date. If you’d like to know when the sequel is published, please go to the link below and sign up to be notified.

https://www.susangabriel.com/sara-sequel/

Questions from readers

answered by author Susan Gabriel

Is anything in
Seeking Sara Summers
based on real life experiences or is the story purely all imagination?

As writers, our work can’t help but be autobiographical, simply in terms of what we notice in the world. I notice sounds and smells and see things in a way that is totally unique to me. My imagination is the instrument I use to tell a story, so it can’t help but be a reflection of me in some way. Length of paragraphs, turn of phrase, word choice, my choice of metaphors is all, in a way, my tiny fingerprint.

That said,
Seeking Sara Summers
is about a woman who finds herself in a marriage that isn’t fulfilling and then who falls in love with her best female friend. This happened to me, yet I fictionalized the story, otherwise it would be way too boring.

At one of the first writer’s conferences I attended, a presenter encouraged new writers to write the book we wished we’d had when we were going through something difficult in our lives. This is the book I wish I had found in the library or bookstores at that time. It would have helped me immensely to know someone else had struggled with these issues and then had had the courage to transform the situation. I needed a road map and I didn’t have one. So I created a kind of roadmap wrapped inside a story.

The relationship between Sara and Julia is not such a big deal as it used to be. Do you think the character's challenges in
Seeking Sara Summers
will continue to be relevant?

Love has its highs and lows, no matter what gender you are. I think the stigma associated with same-sex couples is dying a slow death and that is a really good thing. Any time there is a group of people who think their way is the only way, innocent people end up getting hurt. Judgment is not helpful. Acceptance is. That said, I am hopeful about the direction the world is going in, but it can’t happen soon enough for many people, who are out there trying to live honorable and authentic lives.

I know there are still millions of people who struggle with same sex relationships, especially when it comes to themselves, so I think this novel will be relevant for quite a long time to come. Even beyond the issues of same sex relationships, the novel addresses becoming true to oneself - to me, that is the big takeaway. Finding the courage to act on what is true for you.

Can you comment on the significance of the Virgin Mary's that appear throughout
Seeking Sara Summers
?

Italy is a very Catholic and patriarchal country, although not that many people still go to church, as an Italian woman told me on a train to Milan. But Mary is everywhere. To me, her image in the book is a representation of the divine feminine, a kind of patron saint for women. Since this story is ultimately about two women who choose love over cultural rules or taboos, it made sense for her to be there and watch over them and wish them well.