Seeker (Shadows) (16 page)

“Your one question is up.” He grins.

“I answered two.”

There’s a pause before his face changes slightly and he concedes the point. “Yes. We’re close.
Like I said—I’ve always been at home. Lived at home. She hated me leaving for the school day even, and part of me always thought she was a little crazy. Now I just think she’s damaged.”

I’m not sure how to talk about his mom so I go back to him.
“But you like the feeling that you’re not alone in what you can do.” The camaraderie is what brings a lot of people to The Middle Men. And it’s definitely what keeps us there. Aside from the many perks—cars, houses, a cool job, living a bit outside the bounds of normal people.

“Don’t we all?” he asks.

“I wouldn’t know.” I shake my head. Being on this boat makes me realize how alone I’ve been. Samson is the only friend I’ve spent any real amount of time around, and he’s in and out of the house just like we all are. I’ve always known I was special and talented, and always been around people who are the same. What I’ve rarely had are people I confide in.

His fingers touch my cheek and slide down my jaw as he looks at me too intently.

“Don’t.” I smile as I bat his hand away, not wanting the distracting waves that he pushes through me without meaning to. Right now I’m getting to know
him
, instead of just his energy.

“Ten.” He flips over his card.

“Eight.” I frown. “We’re not really following the rules. Do we need to use the cards?” I ask.

“It’s distracting,” he says.

“And what do you need distraction from?”

“From the idea that the woman I trusted more than anyone in the world lied to me about my brother. And I know I need to be thinking about shadows and Middle Men and all that, but I can’t help but wonder why she did. And then I wonder why she let me go, knowing exactly what I’d find. That I’d know she lied. And then I wonder how she could have let Landon leave, or I wonder if she even had a choice. And just being in the same room as you is an…experience.
So, it’s all a lot to take in.”

I’m not sure how to respond to his last comment, so I ignore it.

“I think we did it backwards. The game, I mean.” I try to smile but his eyes look hollowed out. “I’m sorry you can’t call your mom now.”

“Me, too.”

“You could try the watch,” I suggest.

Ocean pauses. “Promise not to get mad if I tell you something?”

I pull my knees up between us, ready to listen.

“I don’t want to even try to use our watches now. I don’t want The Middle Men interrupting us and these people.”

I’m not sure I totally understand what he means, so I’m not sure if I should be freaking out or not.

“It’s that we’re learning so much. For me, this is almost the opposite of The Middle Men, you know? People with gifts trying not to be in that group. Just a group trying to figure out our world on their own. I like that.”

“But they’re working toward something they shouldn’t be. And they are a group—just a smaller one.” I shake my head and then run a hand through my nearly dry hair. I’m frustrated, but not horribly. He’s just learning, and maybe in a way we all are. Even me.

“You know what?” Ocean’s head cocks to the side just slightly and everything in that small gesture slams into me because he and Landon are so much alike.

“Hmmm?”

“I like you. A lot. Even if we didn’t have this crazy energy thing between us, I’d like you.
There’s something sort of amazing about someone so driven, and focused… But when you let me see past that… Let me hold you and dance, or when I hear you talk to your friend, Samson… I want more of that girl. I want you to not be afraid of sharing her with me.” He pauses and I still don’t know how to react. It’s just so personal and open, and…

He sighs. “
God, I sound like a moron. I hope you take that as some sign that I mean it all.” The sincerity of his words nearly undoes me.

I stare at my knees as I watch my hands together. I’ve handled hostage situations
in Yemen and dealt with new recruits at home and so many other things, but this, him telling me he likes me, throws me into a world I don’t understand.

“Kara?” he whispers as his hands slide up and down my calves.

“What?” My voice shakes, and I’m not sure how to look at someone who’s just admitted they like me.

“Can we try the kiss again?”

“You’re seriously thinking about that now?” And there’s a definite part of me that wants his kiss, but there’s still a part of me that’s so afraid of him. Of what being with him would mean—or really with anyone.

He pauses and starts to lean
back away from me.

No. Wait.

I lean forward onto my hands and knees and press my lips to his just as a knock at the door sends me flying back to my side of the bed.

Ocean’s eyes are wide as he runs a finger down the back of my hand ignoring the knock, at least for now.

“Yes?” he calls, his eyes still on mine. My chest still fluttering from my bravery.

“I want to tell you about your brother.” There’s some minor shuffling, like Micah’s shifting her weight. “I need to.”

“We both want out. Up,” Ocean says.

There’s a long pause and some more shuffling and low murmured voices.

“Can you behave?” Ocean asks me quietly with a wink.

“If they can.”

He takes my hand and kisses my palm shooting energy through me. “They’re okay. We’re okay.”

The thing is, though. Ocean doesn’t know that. He can’t. They probably think they’re in the right, and I know I’m in the right. For now, we’re at an impasse. I’m not exactly sure what he hopes to accomplish, but at the same time, the more time we talk with them, the more likely they are to come around to my way of looking at the situation. I hope.

Maybe it’ll be more like me and Ocean talking, and me not totally understanding him, but sort of understanding. Maybe if I can just get them to that point. Or maybe what I need to be doing is what he suggested in the beginning—just be nice and see where it leads us.

NINETEEN

Kara

I’m sandwiched on the back side of the table between Ocean and Dean. Not by accident. It’s been a few hours and there have been no signs of Landon. Addison and Micah seem to be taking turns opening the door and taking the few steps up just to check.

If he half falls out of that hole like he did last time, we’ll all hear it because he’ll drop on the roof above us.

Micah’s eyes are rimmed in red, and I wonder how much of the past few hours she’s spent crying.

Ocean’s quiet, waiting for her to say something. I’m beginning to wonder why she bothered to bring us up.

She’s biting her lip and clutching her hands together under the table.

Suddenly her eyes hit Ocean’s and she just starts talking. “He’s the youngest of his brothers. Looks a bit like his dad, and maybe like your mom. I’m guessing that’s how it worked.” Micah shifts.

Ocean nods. “That’s my guess, too.”

“So, anyway… I know you’re on the other side or whatever, but you need to know how good he is. That he takes care of the people around him without a thought. That he believed what I could do before he understood what he could do and before he had any reason to believe me.”

“Why did you tell him?” I ask. In my experience, most of the people who don’t have someone around to tell about their talents, end up incredibly reclusive, because they r
ecognize that they’re different. Weird.

Addison’s dad didn’t say anything to her because he wanted to see how she would handle her gift on her own. He really did have The Middle Men in mind because he didn’t want to send her to us unless he knew she could handle it, and the way to find out is to see what she did with her talent. Or, now that he’s in custody for telling her to run away, that’s not what he had in mind at all.

“I told Landon because I brushed up against him, and I saw a vision with me in it, and felt how he felt for me and after pushing into myself that I’d always be alone, it suddenly didn’t feel that way anymore.” There’s a wistful smile on her face that I recognize from my parents, and also a pang of loss and maybe stupidity in knowing that the boy I watched for too long is in the right place.

I scoot a few inches closer to Ocean, and he glances down at the shrunken space between us with a small smile.

Now that I have some back-story on Micah and Landon, I want to know about Addison and Dean.

I’ve been determined for a long time that I won’t be one of those couples who rush into being together because of energy, but I feel like that’s exactly what happened with both couples we’re sharing a boat with. And now it seems like it’s what’s happening to me, too. I’m trying to use my head, but it’s tricky with how mixed up everything is when Ocean’s close.

“What about you two?” I turn to Dean and Addison.

It’s the first time I’ve seen a real smile from her, and her and Dean’s hands are locked together as they almost always seem to be, making me wonder if they can talk without speaking out loud. Probably. Both with Manipulation. Being together would be tricky, and again would take a lot of trust.

“Can you two talk? You know, without talking?” I ask.

Addison’s eyes widen slightly and she gives me a nod.

“How did you two end up together?” I feel like I’m doing it. I’m in a group and we’re talking and it’s okay. A little lob-sided because I’m their prisoner, but in this moment, it doesn’t feel like it. At least not totally.

“We were both in court on the same day, ended up in a juvie class together,” Dean explains.

I stare at Addison. Mr. Prince let his daughter go to some random juvie class?

“Dad forgot to sign my waver.” Addison sighs. “But he made up for it.”

Oh. Right. Her dad’s big heroic act that got him arrested. “You know, I’m friends with the few people who were sent to get you. They’re not bad people.”

“And maybe you’re not either.” Dean stares at me hard. “But that doesn’t mean we agree or wanted to go.”

I want to argue, but I’m supposed to be playing nice here. “Fair enough.”

A thump above sends everyone but me and Ocean flying out the door.

“If you want to make our great escape, we could swim to shore now.” He rests his arm over me and kisses the side of my face.

I pull away, suddenly feeling trapped by him and everyone else. Listening to them talk about being together or how they met makes it all too real. Ocean and I could have a “how we met” story and the thought of that is…strange.
And then when he doesn’t move his arm I slide into him, because it suddenly isn’t so strange. It’s Ocean, and he’s not only my one ally in this, but also someone I’m beginning to trust with more than just my job, and I can count those people on one hand.

“We can wait until the storm clears, or stick around until we’ve convinced them to come with us, or to at least give up their chase toward where the shadows want them to be,” Ocean says quietly.

“Is that what you still want?” I ask.

“If it’s the right thing.”

IF. Right. Because even Ocean, who is supposed to be on my side, maybe isn’t.

My
stomach drops when Landon shuffles through the door—guess he didn’t drop out this time. He looks like pale ash—sickly and his coughing shakes the room.

Micah’s arm
s are around him and her face is desperate as she searches his features. Landon’s eyes focus on her for a moment before giving her a smile and something flips in my gut as I think about all the times I wondered what it would feel like to have Landon Michaels smiling at me that way.

Ocean’s brows come down as he watches me and I stare down at the table, not wanting to give anything away, but knowing that I probably already have.
And it’s not like I still feel that way for Landon—he’s not at all the person I thought he was.

“Why don’t you come downstairs?” Micah pulls him toward their room
.

Landon shakes his head. “We all need to talk.”

TWENTY

Kara

There are tears on Landon’s face before he says a word, and we’re all hovered around the oblong table waiting for him to speak. Micah’s hands never stop touching him, like she’s afraid he’ll fall apart without her—serves him right for stepping in there again.

“I’m still hot.” He shakes his hands a few times and wipes his pale forehead.

Yeah. Because they’re hot ash. I know exactly how hot they are. I rub my leg a few times under the table.

Micah’s blinking back tears, and it hits me in that moment that she’s what he needs. Exactly. Humiliation creeps in as I think about how many hours I sat looking at pictures of Landon and reading up on him and his dad. Such a ridiculous thing to do. I’m burning any and every notebook when I get home that might have his name in it, and once I have my computer back, I’m going to purge from there as well.

It’s not like I lost him, because I never had him, it’s that I lost the possibility of him, which shouldn’t hurt. But maybe does just a little—and maybe simply because it was in the back of my mind for so long. I glance back at Ocean, whose face is pulled in concern as he watches Landon. My chest tightens in response to seeing him and having him so close to me. I feel so much more for Ocean than I ever felt for the fantasy-boy I’d painted in my head.