Seeing Shadows (28 page)

"Caitlin," Sarah said as she leaned over me, pulling my hair away from my face that had been shielding me like a dark curtain as I bent over. "What's the matter? What's wrong?"

I shook my head at her, glancing over at Jenny. I tried to give her an unspoken warning with my eyes. I didn't want her saying anything about my visions in front of Jenny.

Jenny crouched in front of me. I could see that she was shivering in the cold in her skimpy outfit but she just looked at me, worried. "What the heck just happened? You ran out of there like someone was chasing you."

My legs couldn't support myself anymore and I slid down against the wall, sitting on the cold ground. I leaned against the wall, my legs bent in front of me and shielding my body. I wrapped my arms around my legs and laid my head down against my knees, hiding my face. I knew that I should be reassuring them right now, telling them I was okay. But I couldn't seem to say it. I wasn't okay. I was far from okay.

Seeing the people from my visions was always a shock, but I had practiced covering up my reactions. But seeing the girl tonight punched me in the gut like never before. I wasn't sure if it was because the visions of her had seemed so real. Different from all the others. But when I saw her tonight, I felt as though I was going to die. I knew I must have imagined the cruel look on her face. But I couldn't escape the feeling that she was a harbinger of my death. She wasn't the victim. She was my executioner.

I heard the door to the bar open again but I didn't look up. I felt a warm hand stroking my hair, soothing me when I didn't think it was possible. I felt my heartbeat start to regulate itself until I no longer thought it would burst out of my chest.

I raised my head to thank Sarah for comforting me and looked straight into Simon's blue eyes, his face troubled.

"Simon," I whispered. I could think of nothing else to say.

"That was some sprint, kiddo. I thought you were going to take a few people out." Simon was crouched in front of me. His hand slipped down to cup the back of my head, his hand stroking my scalp, sending shivers down my back.

"Caitlin." I turned to focus on Sarah, who looked like she was on the brink of tears. She opened her mouth and then closed it, glancing at Simon and Jenny. She opened her mouth again. "Let's go home."

"Wait," Jenny protested. "We don't even know what's wrong." She turned to me. "Caitlin, what happened? Why did you run out like that?"

I shook my head, having no answer. I wanted to mouth some platitudes about being fine but my tongue felt thick and swollen, too big for my mouth.

"Jenny," Sarah warned. "I don't think right now is the time to get into it. I just need to get her home."

"I'll come with you," Simon announced, straightening. I felt emptiness at the loss of his stroking hand. "Let me just tell Grant and Marcus."

Sarah frowned at him. "Aren't you supposed to be playing right now? Who's up there if you're here?"

Simon shrugged. "I just said we were taking a break."

Sarah shook her head. "It's okay, go back to playing. I can take Caitlin home." She turned to Jenny with an apologetic grimace. "I'm sorry, Jenny. I hate to abandon you, tonight of all nights, but I don't think Caitlin can stay."

Jenny rolled her eyes. "Are you kidding me! That's the least of my worries. I'll go home with you guys."

I finally found my voice, feeling like an invalid as they talked over my head. "I'm okay," I croaked. They looked at me, looking skeptical. I willed my legs to unfold themselves until I was standing, bracing my hands against the wall behind me.

"Really, I'm okay," I said in a stronger voice, feeling my walls finally erecting themselves. Better late than never. I turned to Jenny. "The last thing I want to do is ruin your birthday. Please stay." I then looked at Simon. "You too. The crowd is going to riot if you don't get back on stage."

Simon frowned, creasing his forehead. "Fuck the crowd. I'm going with you." The look on his face brooked no argument. And I had to admit that despite my protests, I felt immensely better with him around. Simon made me feel safer, more grounded, as if he kept me in the real world. I wondered at this feeling, considering he was the subject of one of my visions.

"Okay," I relented. I turned to Sarah. "Please stay then." I held up my hand as Sarah opened her mouth to protest. "Please. It's bad enough that I freaked out for no reason. I don't want to mess up Jenny's birthday any more than I already have."

"You haven't messed up my birthday!"

I took a deep breath and looked at Jenny and then turned back to Sarah, speaking to both of them. "Seriously. I'm going to feel a hundred times worse if you leave. I think maybe I just drank too much."

Sarah snorted in disbelief at my statement. She knew me well enough to know that this had something to do with my visions. I glared at her, not wanting her to give anything away. Simon's gaze flitted from Sarah to me, narrowing his eyes and looking as if he was trying to figure out the unspoken communication between us.

"Sarah," I warned. I said a lot with that one word, asking her to keep quiet and not make a bigger deal out of this than necessary. She searched my face silently and I could see the debate inside her head. She then sighed. "Fine. But I'm not staying out late."

"We don't need to stay," Jenny protested and Sarah interrupted her. She knew I didn't need everyone fawning over me, asking me what was wrong. If Jenny and Sarah left, then most likely Grant and Marcus would leave too. They would crowd over me, concerned and probing, asking what was wrong. I couldn't take that now.

"Let's stay. We're just going to make Caitlin feel worse." She pasted on a smile that I knew was fake. "Besides, we still have plenty of birthday to celebrate."

Jenny relented with a sigh. "Fine." She looked at me. "But I'm coming over tomorrow to make sure you're okay."

I gave her a weak smile. "I'll make breakfast."

"Sarah, stay with her for a sec," Simon commanded. "I'm just going to go in and grab our coats and tell the guys I'm leaving."

Sarah arched a brow at his order but just nodded. Simon looked at me and his face gentled. "I'll be right back."

Jenny gave me a hug, then she and Simon walked back into the bar. Simon stopped to say a few words to Charlie. Charlie glanced at me and nodded his head.

"Spill," Sarah said after the door had swung shut behind them. I glanced at Charlie who was standing a few feet away. He was watching us but was too far away to hear Sarah's low voice.

I breathed in deeply. "That blonde. The one that Jenny was calling over. It was her."

Sarah exhaled noisily. "That's what I thought. But I've never seen you react this badly."

I gave her a helpless look. "It was different this time. I didn't feel her pain and sadness when I saw her. I just felt fear. Like she was coming after me."

Sarah considered my words. "Maybe it's good that I'm staying. I'll talk to her, find out about her." She gave me a small smile. "So you're letting Simon take you home, huh."

I smiled in return, glad to have the conversation shift to something normal. "Don't read too much into it. I'm just letting him be a friend."

"Mmmhmm," Sarah answered giving me a sly look.

I was saved from having to say anything more when Simon came back outside, wearing his green coat and holding my black one in his hands.

"Turn around," he ordered as he held my coat open and helped me slip my arms inside. This commanding side of him was new to me. I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. However, I was in no condition to care at the moment, happy that someone seemed to be taking charge.

Sarah hugged me. "I'll be home in a couple of hours." She gave me a meaningful look. "I'll dig around."

"Dig around what?" Simon said, looking intently at Sarah. I made a face at Sarah behind Simon's back, willing her to stop talking.

"Oh," Sarah said, looking chastened as she shot me a look and then looked back at Simon. "I'll just dig around to see if anyone is upset that you guys aren't playing anymore."

I rolled my eyes at her weak excuse. Simon studied her, not seeming to buy her story. He glanced back at me and I gave him a bland smile. "Let's go. I'm freezing."

That seemed to shake Simon into action. He guided me towards the sidewalk as Sarah shot me an apologetic look and scampered back inside.

Simon wrapped an arm around my waist, holding me close so that our hips bumped with each step. I didn't resist. His solidness and warmth felt too good now. I would fortify the walls around me later, when I was safe at home.

He didn't speak on the walk home. I was surprised that he didn't start interrogating me, but he seemed to sense that I needed silence. Simon continually surprised me with his perceptiveness.

When we reached my apartment and climbed up the stairs, he took the keys from my hand and unlocked my door, ushering me inside. I couldn't decide whether this was gentlemanly or domineering. At the moment I didn't care.

He flicked on the lights and dropped my keys on the table. I took off my coat and watched him do the same. He took both of our coats and draped it on the back of the couch.

I needed to put some distance between us before he started asking me questions.

"Thanks for walking me home. You don't have to stay. I'm just going to crash now."

"Nope."

"What?" I asked, confused. Had I misheard him?

Simon sat down on the couch and made himself at home. I just stood there, gawking at him.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what happened tonight."

I bristled at his order. I decided that I didn't like this side of him. "I told you. I drank too much."

Simon shook his head. "No. You had two drinks at the party. You told me so."

"I drank more at the bar!" I exclaimed, knowing that I was getting too worked up but not able to stop myself. I felt panic at Simon's refusal to accept my explanation. He was questioning me again, something I wasn't used to except from Sarah. And she backed down much more easily.

Simon narrowed his eyes, the blue depths giving me a warning, skewering me to the spot. "You're lying," he said flatly.

"Wh-what?" I stuttered. I desperately just wanted him to go away, no longer feeling comforted by his presence.

"You're lying," he repeated. "I watched you. You didn't drink at the bar."

I threw my hands up in anger. "What are you doing, stalking me?" I shrieked. I was angry that I had been caught in a lie, but I wasn't sure who I was angrier at - Simon for not letting me get away with it or myself for fumbling my excuse.

"Sit down," Simon commanded in a low voice. I
definitely
did not like this side of Simon. "You look like you're about to fall over."

I made a sound of impatience and folded my arms across my chest, glaring at him. "I don't know if this routine works on other people, but I don't respond well to orders."

Simon shot up and grabbed my hand, forcing my arms to part and pulling me down on the couch next to him. "If you're going to lie to me, at least do it sitting down. You look like you can barely keep yourself standing." He had a thunderous expression on his face, but his eyes softened as he looked at me. I couldn't help but be painfully aware of how uncomfortably close we were. Simon kept hold of my hand and placed our joined hands on his lap.

"Caitlin," he implored softly. "Why won't you let me in?"

My heart clenched painfully at his words. Simon could be so dangerous for me. I desperately wanted to pour my fears out to him. I wanted to tell him about my visions. About how they haunted me, not just at night but in the daytime too. How I was becoming paranoid again, feeling like I was being watched, something I thought I had conquered. I wanted to tell him I feared I was genuinely going crazy and for him to reassure me that I was okay.