Seed (4 page)

“Are you hurting it?” I remember asking. I didn’t know whether I had birthed a boy or a girl.

“The baby is fine.” The Kindred had smiled as he pressed a cold flannel to my
forehead. He wasn’t doing it to help me. It was to keep me down.

“Can I hold my baby?” I asked. But then the cramps took over my body again. My mother stood between my legs and she pulled that severed cord.

“What’s happening?” I screamed.

The Kindred only smiled again. “Trust us,” he said. “Trust us.”

CHAPTER FOUR

H
e won’t cry. Even though the drops of blood squeeze through the crack in his skin, I know he won’t cry. So Bobby just screws up his face and keeps his eyes shut tight as I check his foot for any more thorns.

“They’ll give us blackberries in the autumn,” I say, gently touching the brambles with my fingertips. “So we can forgive them for this scratch.”

Bobby’s face stays scrunched as he watches me pick a bracken leaf. I press it onto his cut. He tries to move his ankle away, but I hold it tight, waiting for the leaf to work.

When it’s done, I stand up and brush the dry mud from my skirt. “Come on, let’s get back before it rains.”

Bobby leans his head into me. “Thank you, Pearl,” he says. And as we stand like this, I want to tell him:
I think you’re my true brother.
Because I knew, those five years ago, as soon as Elizabeth and Rachel reappeared with their empty bellies and the Kindreds carrying two mewling babies. I knew the moment I saw Bobby that he was mine.

But I say nothing. Instead, I take his hand in mine and we pick our way carefully back through the forest, back toward Seed.

The rain comes soon, when we are busy helping Elizabeth in the kitchen. It’s the first time it’s rained again in the three days since I’ve been a woman. Kate walks in and she dips her finger into the soft cheese as I push it through the muslin cloth. I laugh as I try to snap it shut, but she pulls her hand away.

“Hey, dreamer,” she says to me. “You’d gone to worship before I’d even opened my eyes.”

“I went out early with Bobby.”

“We found a robin,” Bobby says. “It spoke to me.”

“We managed ten rejoices before it flew away,” I say.

“I ended up going out on my own,” Kate says, that wicked smile tipping at her lips. “I chose mud.”

I don’t understand why she’s saying such things these days. I want to ask her, but something is holding me back.

“There’s beauty in everything,” Elizabeth says, just as Ruby rushes in and the rain outside beats louder. We put down the cloth and go to the open door to watch it.

“I like the way it bounces on the ground,” Ruby says.

“We’ll have to go out in it later. We’ve carrots to pick,” Elizabeth says. She stands next to us, one hand on Bobby’s shoulder, the other pressing gently onto the glass.

I look at Elizabeth’s fingers and put mine onto the glass next
to hers. I’m sure our hands look the same. We both have slender fingers and small wrists.

She looks at me and smiles. “They’re just hands,” she says, and I wonder how she knows my mind.

“Come on, let’s go out in it now,” Kate says. “It’ll be fun.”

“Not you, Kate,” a voice says from behind us.

Kindred John has walked into the room, his footsteps disguised by the heavy thumping of the rain. Ruby runs up and jumps into his arms. He throws her high into the air and catches her again. When she is back safely in his arms, she rolls the ends of his beard into her hands.

“You have lines in your hair,” she says to him.

Kindred John laughs. “Nature is beginning to paint my beard gray,” he says.

I am so used to the blackness of his hair, I cannot imagine it changing. I don’t think I want it to.

Kindred John throws Ruby in the air again.

“She’s too big for that,” Elizabeth says.

“Five years old isn’t too big for throwing in the air,” Kindred John says, and Ruby laughs as he swings her up.

“You’ll hurt your back,” Elizabeth tells him, and he puts Ruby down.

“Heather needs some more flour,” Kindred John says. “I need Kate to help with the wheel.”

There’s a strange look on Kate’s face. “I’m helping Elizabeth,” she says.

“I have asked you to come with me,” Kindred John says.

Then he leaves the room and as she follows him, I’m shocked to see her pull a face behind his back.

I glance at Elizabeth, but I don’t know if she’s seen. If she did, I wonder what punishment Kate will get.

“Nana Willow needs her tincture,” Elizabeth says to me. “Will you take it to her? She’s not good today.”

“Of course,” I say, but there’s a pebble of dread sitting in my stomach. I can’t tell anyone, but Nana Willow frightens me. She has stayed in her room for so many years that her mind has become as withered as her skin.

Her bedroom is downstairs. Out of the kitchen, across the hall and down the tiled corridor. I can’t help but glance at the door of the Forgiveness Room as I walk past. I have only walked through there once, and I never want to do it again. Another short corridor and I’m outside Nana Willow’s room.

I don’t knock. I know she can’t hear. Slowly I push open the heavy wooden door and her smell rushes up to me. I try not to mind it. I tell myself it is as natural as the flowers in the field. But it smells of decay.

I force myself to step inside. I force myself to smile, even though from here I can see Nana Willow’s eyes shut tight. Her
chest sounds like a creaking bough as she sleeps.

My feet don’t make a sound as I walk toward her. There’s a small table next to her bed and I put the glass of fresh juice with tincture drops onto it.

“Nana Willow,” I whisper. She doesn’t stir. “Nana Willow.” I lean toward her and her eyes snap open and are staring into mine.

“Sylvie, you came,” she says, her voice like steam escaping through the crack in her mouth.

“It’s me, Nana Willow. It’s Pearl.” But she doesn’t see me. Her fingers reach out and stick onto mine. I want to run from here, but I know I can’t.

“I knew you’d come back to me,” she says. She tries to reach up. To stroke my face. I don’t mean to, but I pull away.

“Nana Willow, I am Pearl.” My hands are shaking slightly as I reach for the glass. “You must drink this.” I should sit her up, but I’m scared of feeling her bones through her nightdress. Instead, I tip her head up slightly. She looks confused as I bring the glass to her lips, and I try to go slowly as she swallows, but some of the precious juice dribbles out from her mouth and drips down her wrinkled neck. And all the time, she looks at me with her cloudy eyes.

When the glass is empty, I reach for a brown cloth folded neatly on the table. I dab gently at the spilled juice on her skin. Nana Willow is staring at me when something changes in her. It’s
like she suddenly sees who I really am. A moan leaves her and now I’m wiping away her tears.

I wait until her crying stops.

“It’s OK, Nana Willow.” I dare to reach out and stroke her hair back from her face.
She is like a child,
I tell myself.
Just like a child.

Her eyes are closed now, so I turn to go. As I dash to the door, I hear her move behind me.

I glance back and she’s sitting up. I can see that she is about to call me over again.

I run from the room and don’t even close the door behind me.

CHAPTER FIVE

E
lizabeth has explained that I might not get another Blessing for a while, but gradually my body will adapt and then I will have them every few weeks. It’s a relief not to have the coarse slab in my underwear. Now I can swim again.

We see a glimpse of our lake through the trees. It’s beautiful today. The sun makes the water glisten and as we get closer and push past the leaves, we can see it all. It’s an almost perfect circle. The trees are stepped back slightly from the water, leaving the grass to run down to its edge. It’s shallow at first, but out in the middle you could never touch the bottom. Today it’s blue, shining off the sky. And as the heat tickles my shoulders, I know I want to jump in.

“Race you!” Jack shouts, pushing Kate and me aside, taking his shirt off as he runs. So we follow him, jolting the birds from the trees with our laughter.

“Get him!” Kate calls to me as I throw down my bag and pull my shirt over my head. She catches up with him as he struggles with his trousers, jumping on him until they both crash to the
ground. My new skirt is easy to take off and I pass them both, my bare feet feeling the dry grass changing to damp.

In my underwear, I can feel the heat of the sun on my back as I run, splashing, into the lake. The freezing water whips at my ankles, stings my knees. I stop and gasp, just as Jack skims through the air and dives into the water. When he surfaces, he’s a little way out.

“Come on, Pearl,” he shouts. “It’s easier if you’re quick.” He ducks his head under again, curls his body, and kicks until he disappears.

“Last one to the middle washes Kindred John’s underwear,” Kate says from beside me. Then she’s gone, into the water.

So I go too. I breathe, tuck my head in and dive into the icy water. The shock hits my face, but it’s so amazing down here—with the water above and around me, the world dissolves into a low humming. It’s only me and the cold.

My head moves through the surface and so I breathe again, swimming until I reach Jack in the middle, where there’s no way we can stand.

“It’s so clear today,” he says. His shoulders break through the top of the water and his hands mirror mine as we turn them in circles to keep afloat.

“It’s good that it’s sunny on our free day, isn’t it?” Then I tip my body and lie flat on my back, my arms moving slowly. The
sky above us is extraordinary, with not a cloud in sight.

I could lie like this and be happy forever.

There’s a shouting that murmurs at me through the water. Reluctantly, I lift my head and see that Bobby is now in the lake, his skinny arms reaching above his head, his hands clutching Ruby’s sandals.

“Give them back,” Ruby shouts.

“I’ll go and help her,” Jack says, before he starts swimming toward Bobby. His feet kick water over Kate’s face. She wipes her eyes, treading water all the time. We watch Jack’s strong strokes breaking through the lake until he gets to the shallow edge.

“Enough,” we hear him say, and he takes the sandals from Bobby’s hands. Kate and I swim over lazily to join him.

“I’ll throw her sandals in myself if she doesn’t stop whining,” Kate says as the water gets shallow enough for our feet to touch the bottom. It’s sludgy between my toes. The mud oozes up like cold clay and I don’t like the feel of it, although I know I should. I imagine the bones of a dead man, buried just underneath my feet. I move quickly, as I want to remember only the touch of the water.

We get out, and Kate and I lie side by side on the grass. Jack sits next to us, facing away, looking to the lake. Drops of water sparkle on his skin. I’m surprised how strong his shoulders look. Time is changing him as well, but sometimes I wish we could slow
it all down. If I could, I might ask Nature to halt the ticking of her clock, just for a bit.

“Heather says I’m not allowed to go selling at the market for a while,” Kate says, turning onto her elbow to look at me.