See Through Me (Lose My Senses) (20 page)

We wound our way through the nearly empty switchback line, and then split off to join two separate lines up to the platform. Since Ash had won the race, he had first pick and
chose the red train, leaving me with blue. We weren’t riding together—that wasn’t the point. The person whose roller coaster won decided the order of the rides for the rest of the day. Fundamental differences of opinion existed on everything from favorite rides to favorite places to sit, hence our elaborately competitive ritual.

I jumped in the back of my train for my usual thrill-seeking spot and doubly lucked out when no one joined me. Ash went with the front, next to a man with a scarlet, sunburnt neck and shoulders. They did the clipped man-nod of recognition, the one where they both affirmed each other
’s existence, but for deep-seated masculine reasons, they would not make eye contact again.

A guy in a polo shirt drooped over the controls, inspiring complete confidence for our safety in his hands. He mumbled into the loudspeaker, the standard admonishments to riders to keep arms and legs completely inside the ride at all times.

I jerked back in the hard plastic seat as the train pulled out of the station. It coasted around a blind curve and then met up with the other train to ratchet up the first big hill. As the two coasters clacked upward, riders held their arms completely outside the ride, slapping hands with the opposite-train riders until both trains surged over the crest.

The first hill of any roller coaster was the best one in my opinion. There was always this hesitancy while suspended at the top, giving a false impression you could get out and return to where it
’s safe and level on the ground. Then—gravity wins. We plunged over the edge, rattling along the metal rails and swooping under timber crossbeams.

I may have lost the foot race to the Gemini, but I won the more important race as my coaster finished first. The black bar released from over my legs and I hopped up on the platform. I skipped down the exit stairs to meet Ash at the bottom. I twirled around him, dizzying myself in the process.

“Fine, you win, brat.” He struggled to maintain a straight face and failed miserably. “What do you want to do next?”

“
I don’t care.” The world veered wildly and I grabbed onto his arm with a laugh. “We can try something different, and take turns choosing. I’m just happy to be here with you.”

Nineteen roller-coaster rides, two funnel cakes, and one shared large order of hand-cut French fries later, we made our way to the entrance to leave. On the main concourse, local teenagers and college students replenished the numbers of patrons exiting the park. Neon lights throughout the park
’s rides and attractions switched on to mark the passage into evening.

A pair of park police officers rushed past us, probably responding to a fight that had broken out. Ash put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. A deliberate blank expression slipped over his face. I followed his gaze. Devon and Trevor approached us from the
opposite direction. The carefree feeling that I had carried with me through the day died. Why did they have to find us here?

Devon
’s mouth dropped with a shrill squeal. “Katie!”

She clutched at Trevor
’s hand and dragged him over. They cut in front of a mother pushing a sleeping toddler in a stroller. Trevor’s smug smirk wasn’t surprised at all, though. Disquiet stabbed at the base of my skull.

“
We need to go,” I said, adopting the same neutral attitude as Ash.

“
Something’s wrong,” he muttered. “They shouldn’t have found us here.”

No, they shouldn
’t have. It was a huge park with tens of thousands of people visiting each day. The frenetic swirling lights overstimulated my vision. A lot of things were going wrong—Trevor, the pictures, my father. Nothing added up to anything good.

“
I didn’t know you were guys were going to be here!” Devon enunciated her words a little too precisely. “We decided to come out here at the last minute. Right, Trev?”

Trevor
’s smirk intensified to a full-on leer. I swallowed the acid taste of rising revulsion. Ash coiled tight within himself and I could tell he was trying to hold himself together. Or back.

“
We’re on our way home now.” I made eye contact with Devon. “I’ll call you later.”

I crossed my fingers that she would read our closed-off body language and allow us to walk by. The rhythmic twitching of a muscle in her cheek proved it a futile desire. She was higher than the top of the Ferris wheel.

“What a shock to see you guys here.” Trevor shook off Devon’s hand. “You two just disappeared the other night. No one has seen you in days or knows where to find you. Did you drive your truck here, Katie?”

Ash twitched next to me. I laid my hand on his back. We had to go. Trevor was trying to provoke a reaction here and now for a reason. Devon
’s smile faltered for a few seconds and she rubbed her upper arm, the lines of her shoulders and collarbones defined sharply under the straps of her loose lemon-yellow sleeveless top.

“
I should’ve said almost no one.” Trevor blocked my direct path. “I always know where to find my favorite little freak.”

The wind
picked up, and along with it, came the whiff of astringent cologne. He took a step closer and went to grab my wrist. I did the worst possible thing I could’ve done in the situation: I flinched.

Ash broke away from my side and tackled him.
They tumbled down to the sticky, stained concrete. Trevor let out a roar of pain and tried to shove Ash away, but Ash fought dirty and fast. With a knee in Trevor’s groin, he pinned Trevor and slammed him with staccato punches.

I needed to stop this. I stepped toward them but Devon latched onto my arm.

“No, you’ll only get hurt, stupid.” She giggled, her eyes reflecting the overly bright light lights. “Plus, I want to watch this. It’s kind of hot.”

I yanked my arm away. People gathered around us for the free show. Next to me, someone whistled in appreciation when Trevor managed to throw Ash off. Ash
’s head cracked on the ground.

I launched myself forward. He was hurt. This had gone too far. Devon hooked me hard from behind, her arms around my waist. Caught off guard, adrenaline spiked through my body and I twisted around in her arms and shoved her hard in the chest.

She stumbled a few feet steps away. “Jesus, calm down! I’m trying to help here.” She pointed. “Look, they can take care of themselves.”

Ash had sprung up to his feet like nothing had happened. Blood trickled down his temple in a thin line. My heart stopped. He was only fighting Trevor because of me. All my fault.

Two park cops squeezed through the crowd. One grabbed Trevor by the back of his shirt as he charged at Ash. The other cop landed a hand on Ash’s shoulder. Ash ducked out from under the cop’s arm and spun back on his heels.

“
Don’t touch me!” he exploded. “Don’t fucking touch me!”

He sought me out in the crowd, and when his gaze found me, I recognized that look on his pale face. He wasn
’t angry, he was terrified. The cop approached him cautiously and Ash’s features went blank, already retreating within. He held up his hands in compliance while he watched me with bleak eyes.

Trevor grimaced and slurred through a bloody busted lip.
“Let me go, you fucking rent-a-cop.”

The cop twisted Trevor
’s arm behind his back, and Trevor grunted and looked over to Ash.

“
All this because of her?” Trevor spat at Ash. “She’s another worthless slut, just like her mother.”

I crossed my arms over my stomach. Trevor shouldn
’t know anything about my mother. He wouldn’t have known unless someone told him. And the only person I’d ever heard refer to her as a slut was Ash’s mother, Michelle Townsend.

The cops escorted Ash and Trevor to the tiny police station office near the main entrance. Because the cops didn’t actually witness the full fight, they couldn’t do much more than kick them out of the park. I think it had more to do with all the name
-dropping Trevor did along with threatening to sue. His tired, clichéd act was an embarrassment to more creative, entitled jackasses everywhere.

Devon and I stood outside the door, waiting for them to be released. I scratched a fingernail over the two scars over and over, the skin scraped raw. Michelle Townsend had worked on Trevor
’s father’s last mayoral campaign, the same time Trevor began his campaign to make my life hell and label me a slut. That was a hell of a coincidence.

“
How about we ditch the boys and spend the rest of the evening at the park together?” Devon swung her slender legs on the aluminum bench like a little kid.

I slanted her a look out of the corner of my eye. Our respective boyfriends tried to kill each other, and she wanted to go off and play bumper cars. She got up and plopped down to sit next to me. From her shorts pocket, she revealed two mini bottles of rum. She unscrewed the cap on the first one and drank, dangling the
other bottle in front of me.

“Quit it.”
I pushed her hand out of my face. I couldn’t stomach the smell of it. “Not in the mood.”

“
You’re so lame,” she complained.

I tipped my head back on the
cinder block wall. Moths batted at the fluorescent lights in the alcove. If Ash’s mother had used Trevor to start the rumors about me, it was likely she was still using him. The first night after I arrived back in town, Trevor had gone after me in the alley all too conveniently. And then he escalated his harassment all too quickly with the damage to my truck.

“
Did Trevor ask if you had seen me recently?” I asked, despite having a good idea of the answer. “Especially the first night I came back?”

“
What are you talking about?” She widened her eyes. “You’re acting like he’s some creepy stalker after you. We ran into you guys, he teased you like he does with everyone, and your knight in shining armor overreacted. No surprise there.”

I stood up.
“You heard me. Did you tell Trevor where I was that first night or not?”

“
Your boyfriend went after mine.” She untwisted the cap on the second mini bottle. “You don’t get to act like a bitch to me right now. I think I may be too traumatized to answer your questions.”

She chugged the second rum. A moth hovered around my head and I waved to knock it away. If Ash
’s mother was manipulating everything behind the scenes, I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t risk what she would do next if she went after Ash. He had his own life, a spot in a show at his gallery, and she could destroy all of that so easily. My heart broke. She wouldn’t ever stop as long as I stayed with him, and he wouldn’t ever be free of them.

Devon leaned over to toss the bottles at the trash can but lost her balance. I stopped her from falling off the bench by catching her shoulders.

“I don’t need your freaking help.” She heaved herself up. “I meant to do that.”

She threw the bottles over my shoulder without aiming. They clattered on the ground and rolled to my feet. I picked them up and put them in the can, grateful for the tiny distracting task.

“You can be so stuck up,” she said. “You always acted like you’re better than the rest of us. Too good for the rest of us imperfect mortals.”

“
You’re officially wasted.” I sighed.

“
You’re just jealous,” she hissed. She wasn’t so cheerful now. “I thought you of all people would understand. I finally get the one thing I’ve always wanted, and you can’t stand it.”

She stood up from the bench and walked away, her gait unsteady. I should have stopped her, or at least followed, because it wasn
’t a smart move for her to go off alone, but no protests came out of my mouth. She was a nasty-ass drunk and had always expected me to keep her safe when she binged herself into oblivion. I wasn’t responsible for her. And I wasn’t dealing with Trevor when he came out of the office looking for her. The hell with both of them, they deserved each other.

She disappeared into the crowd just as Ash emerged from the doorway. They
’d cleaned the cut at his hairline, and the thin strip of a butterfly bandage held the edges together. He regarded me with a detached expression. I hated to see him injured because of his fight with Trevor. It wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for me. I’d made everything worse by returning home.

“
You’re not staying with me this summer,” he said flatly. Then he tossed me the keys to his car and strode toward the exit without waiting for a response.

I walked through the parking lot, giving him a wide berth. When he reached this point he had to have time to cool down. He imploded, shutting down and shutting everything out. And he was imploding because he thought I wanted to leave him again. My frustration grew. It wasn
’t like I wanted to go, either.

As soon as I unlocked the car, Ash got into the passenger seat wordlessly. I slid into the driver
’s seat and brought the seat forward so I could reach the pedals. The sun slipped under the horizon on the lake while I drove along the winding road to the main highway. We had a straight hour of high-speed driving to reach Cleveland.