See How She Runs (10 page)

As the words left my mouth, I noticed the
heat burning in Kennan’s eyes. So he had witnessed the dream.
Awesome. Just awesome. Time for a subject change.

“Or, we can go watch some scintillating,
gothic romance while we wait for that to cool off." And maybe wait
for me to cool off.

“But I totally just watched the whole thing
while you slept.”

“You know, for a however many hundred year
old person you are, you sure are a terrible liar. You owe me one
birthday movie. You better be glad I am not making you sit through
the Colin Firth version of
Pride and Prejudice
," I snickered
as I walked back over to the couch. Glad to have some semblance of
normalcy between us once more.

“How do you do it?" he asked with a softness
in his voice. “In all of my years, I have never seen anyone bounce
back from things as quickly as you. You are bawling one minute and
then moving forward the next. How? How is this not just weighing
you down?" The spark of wonder hidden in his eyes made me
sheepish.

“Repression?" I said giggling, afraid to
give him a real answer, afraid that things would get heavy
again.

Reading my thoughts, like always, Kennan
asked, “Seriously, just answer. Even as a child you were hopelessly
optimistic and hard to keep down. With all that has happened to
you, you just keep trudging forward.”

“I don’t want to be defined by the events of
my life, Kennan. I can’t walk through life a sad sack of memories.
I have days ahead of me, and I don’t know how many. I refuse to
live those days drug down by the horrible things of my past. I will
enjoy the small moments I am given. Life is all about choices,
Kennan. My mother taught me that. She told me once that I could
choose to be happy or sad. I choose happy. Do things suck right
now? Yes. But I am with my best friend, there is a tablet full of
movies I love, a strawberry cake that is begging to be eaten, and I
am still alive and free. Those things matter just as much as the
bad stuff. Now shut up and let me fall in love with Mr. Rochester
again." I turned toward the screen avoiding any further questions.
Cowardly, but effective.

He roughed my hair as he came around, and
threw himself on the couch next to me. He pressed play on his way
down and we settled in to watch the drama of someone else’s life
unfold.

**********

ELEVEN

By the time the movie ended, Kennan was
snoring. I supposed he did not say he would stay awake for the
whole thing, so really I couldn’t be mad. I decided to let him rest
and read another of my mother’s letters. I hoped that it contained
useful information. Perhaps, it would be a welcome letter to
Harbingers of Death Anonymous. Or maybe a guide book of sorts.
Prophecy for Dummies: Perilous Predictions Edition.

Getting up from the couch as quietly as I
could, I added another log to the fire and curled up in the chair
with the second of my mother’s letters. As I opened the letter, I
braced myself for another onslaught of memories. Thankfully, they
never came. Instead I was greeted with more words from my
mother.

My dearest Izzy,

Today was your seventh birthday. I am so
very proud of the young woman you are becoming. I am also
incredibly sad that I won’t be able to watch you grow into the
amazing woman I am sure you will become. I mourn the loss of a
future with you that I may never have. I have struggled with trying
to find your future in the fog, but I am still unable to see what
might befall you. So, instead I am forced to write letters to a
daughter that I no longer know. A daughter that I was forced to
leave.

As the day approaches, that I must be parted
from you, I find myself becoming more and more bitter. But I have
looked into the fog and I have seen that this is the only way to
protect you.

If I stay, you will be taken. If we run, you
will be taken. The only way to be sure is to let him have me. I
know that I will have to steal more of your memories. I know that I
will leave you thinking that you have lost everyone that loves you.
I am sorry for that. There really was no other choice, my dear one.
I hope that the memories you do have are happy ones. I hope that
you remember how cherished you are. By now, you are probably
starting to have visions. They are horrifying and disorienting, but
you can’t let yourself get drug down into them. You have to be able
to separate yourself from the events and realize that you are not
really there. It gets easier with time. Each vision will be
different. Some things can be prevented, while others must remain
fixed points. The ones that can be altered will always appear in
two layers. They are often the hardest to navigate. One dimension
on top of the other. A place that is both ruined, and fine at the
same time. The ones that can’t be prevented are the hardest to
watch. But you must remember, it is all in God’s time. Why we see
both, I don’t know. I have never understood why I must face such
tragedies when I am powerless to alter them. They are the ones you
must leave almost as quickly as you enter them. Otherwise you will
go mad with all of that sadness.

The ones you can change, you must linger in.
You can look for clues as to where you are. Signs, road numbers,
landmarks, anything that might distinguish this place from any
other. Pay attention to the season, or if you are lucky, look on
someone’s phone, or newspaper. That will help you to figure out
when it is happening. Then you just have to figure out a way to
prevent the tragedy, whatever it may be.

Sometimes you will be pulled into the past.
Things that have already come to be. Those are important though.
You must stay there and find out why you are seeing it. Look for
things, things that don’t seem right, things that are out of place.
Most of all look for them. They linger in the past, in the present,
and the future. They have changed so many things throughout the
course of history. They have altered the future of this world in
ways that may never be reversed. Find them, and perhaps you will
find a way to stop them. Something that your father and I were
never able to do.

As much as I want you to be safe, and as
much as I want a peaceful life for you, I don’t think it is
something in my power to change. I have watched you these past
years. The fearless determination of a soul so pure it does not
know to be afraid. I worry, but I also know that you will be smart.
Be clever, my sweet girl. Don’t do the obvious thing. Don’t come
for me, and don’t come at them head on. Find a way to reset the
course. Fix what can be fixed, and leave me to the past.

I love you more than you will ever know. You
are worth protecting. You may very well be all of our salvation, my
dear one.

With all that I am,

Mom

Well, I suppose I was hoping for a guide
book. What I had gotten was so much more. The information was
overwhelming. At least I was not crying again. I had that under
control finally. I pulled myself from my thoughts and looked over
to find Kennan staring at me. I didn’t know how long he had been
awake, or what he had seen pass over my face while I read the
letter. Whatever it might be, he looked concerned.

“Why me? I don’t understand how she thinks I
can make a difference, Kennan. I am one person against an entire
evil empire." Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but
that was precisely what it felt like.

“Evil empire, Iz? It is a small group of men
that control the Corporation. If we can find a way to take them
down, then the whole group falls." He rubbed his hands down his
face, an all too familiar gesture of late.

“Well, tomorrow I need to start figuring
this all out. I need to physically train, obviously, but I also
want to figure out how to control my visions. There has to be some
sort of meditation or something I can do, right? I mean you are
kind of my guru, my Mister Miyagi, my Obi Wan."

“The force is strong with you, Izzy," he
snickered shaking his head. I don’t know why he thought I was
joking. I really needed some guru help right about now.

“No really, is there stuff that I can do to
help with all of this?" I asked, making a circle around my head
with my finger.

“Well, the insanity is permanent I am
afraid, but the visions we can work on.” He smiled as he got up and
headed toward the kitchen. The kitchen, where there was a cake. A
cake, that I somehow had totally forgotten.

Quicker than I thought myself capable of
moving, I was in the kitchen standing next to the cake in question.
Kennan shook his head at my suddenly animated expression. But this
was cake we were talking about here. Not just any cake, strawberry
cake. Really, was there any other kind of cake worth eating?

“Maybe we should eat some real food first,
what do you think?"

My face must have fallen because he started
laughing at me. I could not help my smile. These moments, the ones
that were so common and natural, were what had been keeping my head
above water the past two days. These were the moments I had told
him about earlier. The small things mattered to me.

“Fine, if you insist on me being healthy and
eating balanced meals, I guess I must," I said petulantly.

“What are you feeling? I have some food
stocked in here. I could make us some grilled turkey and cheese
sandwiches. That would be fast, allowing you to scarf down cake
more quickly.”

“Don’t you judge me, Kennan O’Malley. You
know that you will eat just as much of that cake as I will, if not
more! But the sandwiches sound fine I suppose," I sighed, gathering
up the bread and stuff to prepare the sandwiches so that he could
heat them up.

Dinner passed with easy conversation about
normal stuff. I asked about Kennan’s childhood and how it felt to
move through time without ever really aging. About his past, and
how he had remained sane with all that he had seen. Apparently it
was a lot easier than one would think.

He regaled me with tales of fighting the
Roman Empire, of touring Europe and Asia, of all of the events in
history he witnessed firsthand. By the end, I was convinced I would
have gone mad had it been me in his place.

When dinner was over, the cake was finally
ready to be eaten. Kennan put candles on the top. He walked it over
to the table and whispered in my ear, “Make a wish."

His voice echoed through the darkest
recesses of my being, igniting butterflies in my stomach. So I did,
I made a wish. I wished foolishly that I would at least always have
Kennan in my life. To pull me back from the edge of darkness when I
needed it, to make me laugh, and to keep me safe from myself and
those that might harm me. I closed my eyes and I wished with all of
my might.

**********

That evening, we decided to call it a night
early. I went into my room and decided to put away the contents of
my pack. If I was going to be here for a while, I did not want to
be forced to dig through the sack every time I needed something. I
put all of the hiking clothes and workout clothes into the top
drawer, and then moved onto my unmentionables and the pajamas he
packed for me. My face started flaming as I stared at the lacy
thing.

I decided to put it on, feeling dangerous,
and wondering what he thought when purchasing it for me. It covered
all of the important stuff adequately and came down to my
mid-thigh. I put the silky robe around me and headed out into the
living room to grab some water.

As soon as I stepped out of the door, I
heard Kennan growl. Suddenly, I realized the error in my judgment.
I should not have put it on and walked out here. What was I
thinking? Faster than I could track, Kennan had me pinned against
the log walls, his arms caging me in. He bent over me with a
dangerous glint in his eyes. His mouth was a mere breath from my
own.

I breathed out slowly and met his eyes. I
knew there was surprise in my eyes, but something far more
dangerous lurked in his. His voice came out in a gravelly, strained
rumble.

“I am going to need you to change into
something else, or not come out here in that. Do you understand
me?"

As quickly as he had me caged, he was gone
on the other side of the room, once again rubbing his hand down his
face. I just nodded and moved back into my room, the water
forgotten.

Just before closing the door, I heard him
say, “I should have packed the damned sweat pants. This is
torture.”

That night I dreamed of Kennan.

**********

TWELVE

The next morning was met with a heady
mixture of fear and excitement. I wondered what would happen
between us today, or if we were going to go back to ignoring the
feelings brewing between us. I was personally hoping for the
latter. I was not sure I possessed the emotional fortitude to
endure much more.

I quickly dressed in some hiking clothes,
hoping to get out of the cabin today. I looked out the window, and
was surprised to find not drizzle, but sunshine. Having
procrastinated as long as possible, I walked out into the living
room and found it empty. Nothing but a note that graced the kitchen
table.

Gone for supplies, be back soon.

-K

Okay then, apparently I was not the only one
practicing the avoidance policy today. Determined to get out and
get some fresh air, I ventured into the great wilderness. I was
greeted by the most amazing smell. I didn’t think it possible for a
place to smell green, but this place did. It smelled of cedar and
pine, of mulch and earth. I was comforted in the lushness of all
that surrounded me. The mountain at my back, and the sun beating
down on my face kept me company.

Even though it was no longer raining,
moisture lingered on all of the needles and blades shining like a
thousand tiny diamonds. I was lost in reverie walking around the
perimeter of the house, careful not to venture out of eyesight of
the cabin.