See How She Awakens (25 page)

Leaving the room, I found Aberto waiting impatiently outside. He seemed to be trying to wear a whole into the carpet as he paced furiously back and forth. As I stepped out, he stopped and looked me over, as if assessing me for damage.

“It’s fine. He just wanted to remind me there are rules for a reason. Although, in the end, I think we agreed to disagree.” Well, that’s how I was seeing it, at any rate.

“Where would you like to go next?” Aberto took my answer as he took everything I said, I knew there would be more of a discussion later on.

“I want to talk to Molly, alone.”  I hadn’t really spoken to her since just before Kennan’s death.

“Wait here, and I will get her,”  Mona said, leaving the room to walk down the hall. I needed to talk to my aunt as well, but I wasn’t ready for that talk just yet.

“Izzy, I feel I must ask you something.”  Aberto stared down into my eyes, a war visibly raging behind his eyes.

“What is it?”

“I wish to remain by your side.”  So, not really a question at all. 

“It is just a few minutes, I need to see my friend. I promise nothing will happen while we catch up.”

Frustration played out on his face.  He thrust his hand into his hair, holding it back for a moment as his jaw clenched and unclenched.  Whatever he was asking, whatever this was, it wasn’t easy for him.

“That is not what I mean,” Aberto replied just as Molly appeared around the corner, heading in our direction.

“What is it then?” My stomach flipped, the anticipation of what he would say washing over me.

“We will resume this conversation later.” And with that, the evasive bastard turned on his heel and disappeared the way Molly had come.

“What was that about?” Molly asked, coming to stand beside me to watch the irritated Old One make his way down the hall.

“I have absolutely no clue,”  I responded. Even if I had an inkling of what he’d been asking, I didn’t want to think about it now.  “But I want to talk to you.”

“What’s up? You know, other than the whole you nominating me to be supreme leader of all leaders. Thanks for that, by the way.”  Molly narrowed her eyes at me as we made our way into the office, our arms linked.

“I just need to talk to you, to make sure you are okay. To find out what is going on with you. To feel normal for a little while,”  I admitted.

“Well, as you see, I’m fine. I woke up from stasis fully healed. Speaking of, I’m sorry I couldn’t help you sooner. I tried to get Aberto to let me out of stasis, but he went all I-know-better-than-you on me.”  Molly sat down next to me on the couch as she went on.  “Hmm, last time I saw you, Ian and I were still trying to figure our stuff out. I think you’ve noticed we’ve gotten that together, finally. I found out I’m an empath, so that’s fun. What else, oh yeah, I tried to find you.” 

“Molly, I’m so sorry I didn’t know it was you, that I fought you. I didn’t know much of anything in there. I haven’t really known much of anything since Kennan died, to be honest. I’ve been pretty lost. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. He’s gone, and I’m left here. I can’t ever die and Kennan sacrificed his connection to me so I could be saved.”  Tears filled my eyes as my fears came rushing back.

“What are you really afraid of, Izzy? What’s on your mind?” Molly reached a hand out to me.  I knew she could feel everything pouring from me.  The fear, the pain, the loss. 

“Molly, I’m sorry. I’ll try to tone down the emo.”  Lifting a hand to wipe away a tear, Molly let her hand linger on my cheek.

“You listen to me, Izzy! You are my best friend in this world, the first family I’ve had in a long time. Don’t for one second apologize to me for feeling anything. You’ve been through hell and had to be strong the entire time. So stop saying you’re sorry, and give it to me like it is. This is us, me and you, you don’t have to be “the Seer” here,” Molly chided, even going so far as to make air quotes while she spoke.

“You should’ve been a shrink, you know that?”  We laughed as I struggled to get myself together. She was right, I could be me here. I didn’t have to be afraid of admitting what I couldn’t say to anyone else.  “Molly, I’m scared. I don’t know what I am now. The darkness is as much a part of me as the light, and I’m not sure if that means I will flip switches again. I don’t ever want to be the person Sonneillon made me be again.”

“You know what I think? I think the darkness part of you just makes you an excellent darkness radar. You do realize I’m going to be using you for the rest of my very long life, right? Sort of like a storm forecaster.”  Molly paused, hesitating before pressing on.  “You know he would’ve wanted you to be happy again, right? I’ll be the first to admit Aberto is a difficult person to be around. He is so secretive and evasive, but he does love you. The way he was after you died-but-didn’t-die, he was like a dog with a bone. He pressed Eleanor, asking her to search wherever she could, and then he’d disappear. Then poof, he’d be down in the catacombs with your body. Cristie would hear him down there talking to you, begging you to come home. Kennan may not have liked him, Izzy, but he did ask Aberto to look after you. He wasn’t a fool, he knew what that would mean.”

“I’m not going to deny there is something there. I would be a big fat liar if I did, but that doesn’t change things. I’m not ready. Truth be told, I don’t know if I will ever be ready to let go of what Kennan and I had.”

“But he is gone, Izzy. Holding on so tightly to what is in the past will eat away at you. Eventually, you have to let him go.”

“And I will, but not today. I don’t hurt like I did, and it is easier since Uriel did what he did.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I guess when I was floating in the chasm, or whatever that place is, Uriel felt pity for me. He eased my pain, tore the grief right from my chest. It was unpleasant.”

“Well, that explains why you are acting like your old self. We were wondering if you’d forgotten everything, and it would all come rushing back, or if something else entirely different had happened.”

“I’ve only been back for like five seconds, Molly. When have y’all had time to discuss me?”  The bunch of busy bodies.

“While you were in here getting close to Aberto.”  Molly winked at me before standing. “Do you really think I can do this, Izzy?”

“I do.”  It amazed me that she would have any doubts. Molly was the most defiant, strong willed person I’d ever met.  If anyone could run this motley crew of people, it was her.  “I think you being raised away from either faction makes you the best possible choice for the position.  Besides, you are able to understand what they are going through better than anyone else could.  You know, because you can actually
feel
it.”

“But what if I screw this up?”  Molly started to pace the room, obviously terrified about the position that had been thrust on her.

“Then you fix it and keep going. No one is expecting you to be perfect. And you won’t be doing it alone. You have all of us to help you.”

“You mean, you aren’t leaving?” Molly asked. He question took me by surprise.

“Why would I leave?” 

“I thought there might be too many painful memories here, that you’d want to return to the void now that everything had been taken care of.”  Molly wouldn’t meet my eyes. As her face turned away, the light reflected off of the moisture pooling in her eyes.

“I’m not going anywhere. Well, I might not stay in this house, but I will be close by. I’m not going to run away any more, Molly. It didn’t do me a durn bit of good the last time I tried it.  Nope, you’re stuck with me.”

“Good, because I’d miss you.”  Molly sniffled as she threw her arms around me, hugging me tightly.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, to help you when this started.”  My throat felt thick.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there when Kennan died. I hate that you felt so alone.”

“It wasn’t you that made me feel that way. It was the darkness. I know that now.”  I pulled back, reluctant to leave the safety of our privacy.  “Y’all are my family, and if it weren’t for each and every last one of you crazy people, I would’ve been lost a long time ago. As long as I’m around, I will be there for you, and your kids, and your kid’s kids. Ugh, I’m going to live forever.” 

Eternity didn’t seem so long until I started thinking of the lives I would watch come into the world and leave. I would outlive every single person I loved with the exception of one person.

“You need to tell him how you feel, Izzy. He deserves the truth.”

“Stop empathing me.” 

“I didn’t have to; it was all over your face.” Molly smiled brightly at me before tugging on my hand to pull me out the door.

“Where are we going?”

“We are going to celebrate you coming back from the dead, of course.” Molly’s eyes flickered with mischief as she pulled me in her wake.

The days unfolded slowly as we tried to bring everyone together. Molly, in typical Molly-fashion, rose to the occasion with more grace than anyone else would’ve ever been able to manage. But the real test was upon us. This was the first time the two groups would be gathered in force. Seers and Guardians were coming in from the edges of the world to hear what was to become of them, what direction their future may lead them in.

“Izzy, what am I supposed to say to them?” Molly had pulled me into the office moments before, fear vibrating from her.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I can speak first.”  I didn’t particularly want to spill my guts about all that had unfolded, but I knew it would make Molly’s job easier. Where I’d managed to break the worlds apart, ripping them to their core to pull the rot away, Molly would bring them back together.

“Are you sure you want to do that? You are just now getting to where you feel anywhere close to normal. The last few days have been a whirlwind of business, and not a bit of that time was spent focusing on you getting your feet back under you.”  Molly’s concern seeped into my soul. I knew, without a doubt, she could read the turmoil I’d been under.

Every day things were changing. The world was pushing forward, and I was reticent to move with it. I knew the moment I let go and took that first step into my future, everything would shift. It was unstoppable, like the changing of night to day. Yet somehow, I was scared. For the first time in the past few years I was left to face the future without a road map. Granted, the one I’d been given up to this point barely had the main attractions marked out, but now, now it was all up to me. My destiny, my life—if you could call it that—was my own.  My future, the unknown, terrified me. 

“Izzy?” Molly’s voice jogged me from my downward spiral.

“Yeah, I’m sure,”  I paused, trying to regain my composure.  “Molly, things are about to change.”

“I know. Leader of the entirety of the Seers and Guardians. I seriously don’t know if I am up to this.”  Molly’s eyes fell to her feet.  “I’m half-human after all. Not to mention the whole being raised by a bunch of corrupt asshats. What if they don’t trust me?”

“The fact you are half-human means you have more of a vested interest in what happens to this world. You have more of a stake in it than the rest of them do. You, the daughter of both worlds, will do great things. I have faith in you, Molly. And if they don’t trust you, I will smite them.”  I honestly had no intention of smiting anyone, but the smile that played across Molly’s face was exactly what I wanted.

“Can you send in Ian? I need to see if he is really up for this.” Molly turned to brace herself on the desk as I made my way out the door in search of Ian. Of course, I didn’t have to look far. He was lurking just beyond the heavy wooden barrier.

“She needs a pep-talk. Remind her of how fantastic she is, would you? She seems to be forgetting.”  I nudged Ian with my elbow as I walked past, heading aimlessly down the hall. 

“I’ve got her,”  Ian said, his words fading as he entered the office.

I wasn’t sure what he would tell her, but I knew she would feel better having him close.  Watching the two of them had been both a blessing and a curse the past few days.  The way they moved around one another, always staying just within reach.  The kisses, the private glances, all brought memories of Kennan rushing back.  Not for one second did I begrudge them their hard-won happiness, but I would have to leave soon.  The constant reminder of what I no longer had cut me deep, and though I no longer drowned in my grief, the void where Kennan had once been still remained. 

“Izzy?” Mona’s voice startled me, causing me to lose my footing. As I reached out to brace myself, Aberto appeared, stopping my rapid decent.

“Where’d you come from?” I asked, even more surprised by his sudden appearance than I had been from my aunt’s voice.

“Places,” he replied.  Always the non-answer answers with this one. 

“Ahem.”  My aunt cleared her voice, drawing my attention back to her. 

“Sorry. What’s up Mona?” 

“May I speak with you for a moment, Izzy?”  She nodded her head toward the room she’d set up as a sort of a sanctuary for herself.