See (21 page)

Chapter 9

It was dusk; the time of day I hated – the time of day when shadows seemed to rule the world. I sped through the winding roads, ignoring the shadows as they reached out for my car. As the whispers continued to taunt an evil hissing noise, I hummed louder.

I was so focused on fighting the darkness that I didn’t even have the chance to get nervous as I turned into Draven’s driveway. No less than twenty feet in silence came, then I slowed down and stopped. As I looked over my shoulder at the edge of the driveway, I could see shadowed figures standing – it was as if they couldn’t follow me here – and a sly smile came across my face. I didn’t understand their boundaries; I was just glad they were in place.

I turned in my seat and pulled forward. I knew that for the next few hours, Draven would be a distraction from everything. I wanted to figure him out – to figure us out. I thought about just asking him, but I knew I’d never have the courage to - at least not now.

The clock on my dash said six-forty as I pulled up in front of his house. There wasn’t a car in sight. I was sure there was a garage around back, but I didn’t feel comfortable enough to go in through the back door.

I looked down at my phone and read the last text; it was from Bianca: “Who is this Draven guy?”

I glared at the screen as I read the text again, and anger absorbed every part of me –I was starting to think she was using Britain to distract me – from what, I don’t know, but I wasn’t going to play games with her anymore.

‘
A friend.’ I texted back.

“
Does this friend know I exist – that Britain does?” was her response.

I rolled my eyes; I could see right through the guilt trip she was trying to lay on me.

‘
Have not had a chance to tell him the details of my life.’

‘
What have you been doing’

As I remembered the power I felt when I played earlier today, a sly smile came across my face: ‘learning to play the guitar’

‘
I see a musician –bad idea don’t make your mothers mistakes’

I was so mad, I almost threw the phone through the window, but instead I decided that I wasn’t going to let her make anymore remarks about my mom – or my dad. They didn’t deserve them. They’d already paid the ultimate price for loving each other.

‘
If that was a mistake then so was my life.’

As I hit ‘Send’, another text came from her. I knew she hadn’t had a chance to read what I sent. ‘That was wrong - below the belt I’m just hurt you didn’t tell me about another guy we are suppose to be best friends.’

‘
I wasn’t trying to hide it.’

‘
Is your mom really coming or did you just say that so you could spend time with this guy?’

I shook my head in disgust – apparently, now I’m a liar. I wanted to tell her that I wasn’t a dramatic manipulator like her, who found it normal to drug her friends so they’d ‘relax’, but I held that argument back in case I needed to use it when I was face-to-face with her.

‘
She is coming tomorrow call my sister – check flights – I’m not lying – thanks for accusing.”

‘
Just text later when you’re not so mad’

I threw the phone on the seat, refusing to take it in, then took a deep breath and rubbed my hands over my face in a vain attempt to wash away the stress I was feeling.

I looked up at Draven’s house as I got out of the car. The brown stones were uneven, adding to the castle image. The windows were all huge and angled in an arch at the top; it was absolutely beautiful. I slowly climbed the wide front stone steps, trying to get my mind here and nowhere else.

With trembling fingers, I rang the bell. As I waited for someone to come to the door, I glanced at a large Ash tree beside the entrance. A few feet from the ground carved in its trunk were the initials ‘C’ and ‘M’. I leaned closer to make sure my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me. There were other initials beneath them, a ‘D’ and a ‘M’ – my breath left me, and my heart started to race. I remembered watching Draven carve that – I remembered the lecture from his dad, telling him we’d hurt the tree, that it was alive – we were just kids.

As disbelief coursed through me, my heart started to race again– what else could I have forgotten? How come I feel like Draven is the most important thing in my life…that he’s the air I breathe? His voice…that perfect, addictive voice began to echo in my mind. I heard him say random words…I heard him whisper, laugh, sing…then I heard… anger – he was yelling…at me. My chest ached in pain as my heart continued to pound – I felt sick… I was angry at myself – disgusted with myself – and I didn’t even know why. I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to focus on his words, which were still echoing in my mind.

“
What have I done…?” I whispered to myself.

At that moment, the wide wooden door that arched at the top opened, and Draven’s voice fell silent in my mind as I turned and found an adorable older woman. She was my height with silver hair; it looked like age had been good to her because her skin look so soft and her eyes were so blue, they looked like water. As she reached her arms out to hug me, an excited smile came across her face.

“
There she is,” she said, extending her arms so she could see me. “You’re just stunning.”

I blushed and tried to smile. I looked behind her; as I heard the electrifying sound of a guitar and the explosion of drums fill the air, I looked back at her.

I wanted to run…run away. I’d done something horrible – something that made Draven mad. I didn’t think I could face him…at least not until I figured out what I’d forgotten.

The older woman’s smile lessened. “Now, child…you have no need to fear what’s in here.”

As I questioned her with my eyes, she looked behind me and slowly furrowed her eyebrows. “Nothing can hurt you here…come,” she said as her eyes fell into mine again and her smile grew once more.

I felt my heart begin to slow. Breathing became easier, and I didn’t want to run anymore – at least not away from here – I wanted to charge through this door – breathe in the smell of bliss – the smell of home.

“
That’s better,” the woman said as she reached for my shoulder and guided me in.

As I crossed the threshold, a warm sensation seemed to absorb me. I grew even calmer – I couldn’t recall a moment that I ever felt so… peaceful. As I heard the guitar cry somewhere in the house, my eyes smiled. The woman circled me and seemed to nod at the thin air around me. With that gesture, the warm sensation faded, and in its wake I felt a numbing sensation. I was still calm, but deep in my core I felt my anxieties struggling to break free. I let out a guilty breath, then forced a smile as I looked into the small woman’s wise eyes.

“
It’s Annabelle, right?” I finally managed to say.

“
Nana…I’ve been Nana for nineteen years, and I’ll always be Nana,” she said sternly, as if I should already know that.

I looked down, feeling ashamed for some unknown reason. “I hear you’re a good one, too,” I said, smiling nervously as I fought to keep my anxiety at bay.

“
I try,” she said as she slowly stepped forward. “It’s OK to be scared right now…I promise you’re coming back – it will all come back.”

I nodded, understanding that either mother or Evan must have told her what I was going through. I was almost grateful they had – I didn’t wanna try and explain myself…and right now I felt understood – calm.

I cleared my throat and let my shoulders relax, then nodded toward the ceiling. “That sounds really good.”

Her grin grew. “They got some idea an hour or so ago and have been up there going at it ever since. I’ll let you get them when dinner is ready, but now it’s just girl time.”

“
Sounds nice,” I mumbled as I took in a jagged breath. I bit my bottom lip and told myself to just calm down – I needed to be here – I needed to remember.

I followed her to the kitchen. As I rocked my head back and forth to the rhythm of the music, I could hear them playing; it sounded amazing.

The entire kitchen was a gray and black stone. The walls were jagged, but the counters and floor were smooth. As I sat my bag down in the corner, I could see she had all kinds of pots boiling at once.

“
Help me fix some fruit,” she said, pulling out a stool that was tucked under the island in the center of the kitchen. I rinsed my hands and took a seat, then started to slice strawberries.

“
Your mom looked really good, too, when I saw her yesterday,” Nana said, looking over her shoulder as she stirred her pots at the stove. “I did tell her she was working too hard, though,” she said, smiling at me.

“
It fell on deaf ears, I’m sure,” I said, reaching for the grapes so I could pull them from the vine.

“
My sweet girl, your mother can hear more clearly than you’d imagine,” she said as she moved a steaming pot of vegetables from the burner.

“
I don’t think I know the woman you do,” I said, trying not to sound so sad.

Nana set the pot of vegetables down, then turned to look at me. “You know more than you think you do, child…with each breath – each step you take - you call back what was taken from you. I can see that you’re scared and confused, and when you feel that way, the only way to make it through is to listen to your heart – right now, you’re standing at a threshold – from this place, you’re blind, but you will see again, you have to trust the ones that love you – the ones you love.”

I stared blankly back at her. It was like she knew – she knew everything I was fighting, and that was startling. As I studied her tender expression, I tried to smile. “Thank you,” I said quietly.

She looked beside me and smiled at the thin air. I looked from her to the empty space, trying to understand why everyone seemed to be doing that around me lately.

I couldn’t see anything, but it did feel like there was more than just us here; it was like I could just sense it. It wasn’t scary...I felt warm, safe, even protected, and I’d never felt that way outside of my own home.

“
I want to see what you see…what Draven sees,” I said quietly.

“
You will,” she said softly before turning back to her pots.

As I started to move to the music I was listening to, Nana did as well. It was really cool to see a woman her age understand the sound so perfectly. I finished making the fruit bowl, then helped her slice the bread. We worked in silence, but it wasn’t awkward; it was just peaceful.

“
Almost done,” she said, tossing the creamy sauce over her pasta and vegetables. She then looked at the ceiling and said, “Sounds like they are, too.”

I focused on the sound; the drums had stopped, but the guitar played on.

“
The glasses are there,” she said, nodding to the cabinet.

As I pulled them out, I heard Aden say, ”Oh no, you have her working? We would have helped.”

I looked over my shoulder to see him kissing Nana’s forehead, smiling at me. You’d think that because he was Draven’s twin, seeing him would make my heart race, but it didn’t; he was just a guy - a good guy, but he didn’t make me feel out of control.

“
Nonsense, girl time; it’s been a while,” Nana said, patting his chest.

“
I heard you rocked out today – good job,” Aden said, taking plates out of the cabinet.

“
Thanks, but he was lying,” I said, blushing.

“
Was he lying about making you laugh, too?” Aden said, trying to hide his grin.

I laughed quietly and tried not to blush, but I was sure I was bright red. “I wanna say no, but I’m really bad at lying,”

“
Aren’t we all?” Nana said, looking over her shoulder at me. “Aden will set the table. Will you go and get Draven?”

I looked past them at the open doorway, not sure which way to go.

“
Just follow the sound,” Aden said, putting his hand on the small of my back and pushing me forward.

When I reached the door, I looked back to see them smiling at each other and shaking their heads. I bit my bottom lip and turned to follow the sound of his guitar. I walked through the open front hall to the stairs, which were wide and circled as they climbed to the next floor. Along the walls, there were portraits of Draven and Aden growing up; they were so precious. At the top of the stairs, there was a wide hallway, and on the wall in front of me there was a beautiful portrait of who I could only assume was Draven’s mom. Her hair was long and dark like Draven’s, and her eyes were the same as his; there would be no denying that they belonged to her. I felt envious of that. I looked nothing like my mother or sister.

There was a narrow table under the portrait, and I leaned down to look at each picture. A few of them were old. I recognized my mom with Draven’s; they looked so young, carefree, and innocent. As I looked at the last picture on the right of the table, I froze; it was one of Draven, Aden, Madison, and…me. I remembered taking this picture one Christmas – but I didn’t remember Aden and Draven there. I could tell you every gift I got that year – what we had for dinner that night, but they weren’t there. I was sure of it.

My head started to spin, and I felt like I was going to faint. I braced myself against the table, squinted my eyes closed, and tried to call back every detail of that Christmas. I felt so blind; how could this picture exist without a memory behind it?