Seductive Truths (Seductive Trilogy) (18 page)

     Leaning over, face to face, eye to eye, he whispers,
‘
I met a man like no other.  This man led me to
you
.
’

     The way he’s staring at me, what is he trying to convey? 

     What a past, no wonder he’s the way he is and I think there is more to come.  This is the type of past you get in movies or books, I can’t comprehend it happening to someone in real life, but Gareth is living proof it does! 

     And that’s another thing.  Living.  It’s a wonder he isn’t dead already.  With that thought my heart stills.

    
Gareth dead?  No, no, it can’t happen, he can’t die
.  Dread for his life comes from nowhere. 
Where are these feelings coming from?  Why am I having these feelings in the first place?  This is not good, not good at all!

    
‘
Now you know what type of man I am Alex.  How there’s no changing what I’ve become, no matter how many times I desperately wish to.  I’ve tried once with no success.  I’ll always be running, hiding from someone.
’
 

     I look down at my hands, frowning in thought, trying to sort out the whirlwind of my mind, while he carries on speaking.

    
‘
I’m a dangerous man to be with and anyone remotely close, in any form, for any length of time, is at risk and yet, knowing this, I…I can’t force myself to let you go.
’

     My head jerks up and I catch Gareth go to sit opposite me, eyes never leaving mine.  The glimmer of despair clouding his irises cries out to be recognised, understood.  But can this man ever be understood?  Maybe that’s the reason I’m drawn to him.

    
‘
I’ve got so much to tell.  So much past that will have an impact on your future.  But…the thing is, I need your trust, more like gain your trust and I know that’s not going to be an easy feat.
’
 
You can say that again!
 
‘
But I need it all the same.
’
  His eyes soften. 
‘
I want you to trust me.
’

     Trust.  Sounds easy enough but it’s the hardest thing to come by, even harder to retain.  It’s the one component you need in any relationship for it to survive.  You lose the trust you lose the bond.  And here’s Gareth asking for it.  It’s completely illogical for me to put my trust in man who kidnapped me and is willing to risk my life. 
So why is it you’re willing to do just that?  Put your life in his hands?  I should not be feeling this!
 

    
‘
Alex?
’

     My head snaps to attention to see Gareth staring…waiting.

    
‘
Aren’t you going to say something?
’
he asks. 
‘
Anything?
’

    
‘
I…I…
’
I nibble on my lip, eyebrows crease into a frown. 
‘
I can’t…I just can’t get my head round it all.  I can’t think straight.  Nothing makes sense to me anymore.  It’s just one big blur.  It feels like a big chunk of my life is missing and I don’t know how to get it back.

    
‘
Then there’s you.  You are…you are…I don’t know what you are.  I’m tired of trying to figure you out, of
wanting
to figure you out.  When I think I’ve finally sussed you, you go and throw something like this in and I’m back at the start.

    
‘
And here you are asking me to trust you.  I can’t even trust myself anymore, how can I trust someone else?  This is just one big mess.  One big mess I can’t begin to explain.
’

    
‘
Alex…
’

    
‘
No, no, no, no, this is my time to speak.  I need to get what’s in here,
’
I tap my temple with my index finger,
‘
out.  I need…I need…oh G
od, I don’t know what I need!
’

     Scraping the chair back I march over to the window, keeping my back to Gareth.  I can’t look at him any longer.  It’s too much.

     Leaning against the wall, I try distracting myself with the random objects and people milling around in the darkness below.

    
‘
I still miss him you know,
’
falls from my mouth,
‘
my brother.  We used to be inseparable.  Wherever he went you’d always find me not far behind.  His friends used to tease him but
he’d just brush it off and say something comical.  He’d always be on my side.  I know he was the younger one but majority of the time it felt like the other way round.  Thomas being taller may have prompted that feeling though, that and his overbearing protective attitude.  However, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  He was still my baby brother in my eyes.

    
‘
Even the day he married Maggie I still thought of him as such, but that was the turning point in our relationship.  He no longer needed me like he used to.  He was all grown up and ready to start a family of his own.  It broke my heart knowing life would change, but at the same time it was the
most joyful
day of my life.  Maggie was his perfect match.  I knew they were
“
it
”
the first time I met her. 

    
‘
A year and a half later Bethany was born.  Thomas couldn’t make it to the birth as he was away on business, but I remember t
he day he first set eyes on her -
h
is daughter.
  Thomas
was the proudest father I’d ever seen.  Eyes lit up with joy and sparkled with pure love for the tiny creature nestled in his arms.
’
  My lips tug at the memory. 
‘
Seeing the three of them, all huddled together…I wanted that.  Right then I hungered for a life like that.  To feel the love of a man who you know will always be by your side.  To hold a creation born from that love and to treasure, nurture and watch the child grow into the adult you know they could be.  I wanted that life with every fibre of my being.

    
‘
A year and bit later William walked into my life and I saw my wish coming true. Six months later he told me he loved me and I knew I couldn’t live without him.  He was the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.  He was perfect.

    
‘
Seven months after, he proposed as we were walking back from my parent’s house, completely spontaneous.  My heart began to sing and I finally saw the future I dreamed of.

    
‘
He was literally the man of my dreams - gorgeous, wealthy and absolutely adorable.  All my friends loved him; family adored him, Thomas especially.  They hit it off straight away, as thick as thieves in the end.  William was too good to be true.

    
‘
Then my neatly laid out life came screeching to a halt with the unexpected death of my brother.  It was screwed up, spat on and thrown back in my face.  A piece of my heart was wrenched out and chucked away that day.  I felt myself close up.  I was numb for days, weeks even.  If it weren’t for William I don’t know how I would have got through it.  Unfortunately our wedding was put on hold for a while.

    
‘
But a few months down the line I decided life is too short to waste away.  Thomas wouldn’t have wanted us all to mope around, filling our days with endless nothing.  He was always so full of life.

    
‘
So the wedding preparations carried on in earnest and a couple of months later the big day was fast approaching, things started to return to normal, but before I could walk down that aisle a stranger strolls into my life disrupting it once more.

    
‘
The things I thought I wanted don’t feature.  I don’t see any happy family path ahead.  I see nothing.  I have become nothing.  I don’t know my purpose anymore.  I’m lost.  I’ve become a different person with different wants.  What am I to do?
’
 

     I gaze over to Gareth, eyes settling on his through the darkness. 

    
‘
What am I to do?
’
I whisper.

    
‘
What is it that you want?
’

     After a moment’s hesitation I reply,
‘
Closure.  I need to know how my brother died.
’

     He stares, eyes twitching and then nods his approval.

    
‘
Good.
’
  Stretching his limbs he grabs his coat, effortlessly swinging it about his shoulders before making his way to the front door, holding it wide open. 
‘
It’s time to show you my world, Alex.
’
  

    
‘
I can’t believe I’m wearing this!
’
I say after wolfing down another mouthful of chips. 
‘
Couldn’t a simple knee length, black dress do?
’

    
‘
We’re not on our way to a cocktail party, Alex.  You need to fit in.
’

     Gone are his baggy polo top and jogging bottoms and in their place is fine black stockings, black leather boots going all the way up to my knees and a fiery red, clingy dress that’s barely covering my modesty.  My breasts are on the verge of spilling out while my bottom is well defined with the dress ending just below the crease of my bum cheeks. 

     I’ve become a prostitute, a
“
classy prostitute
”
according to Gareth.  Thank God for the warm night air.

    
‘
How did you manage to get hold of such clothes anyway?
’
I ask as I finish off my meal consisting of half a pound cheeseburger and a large portion of chips, washing it down with a medium size Fanta.

    
‘
I was owed a favour.
’
  Gareth chucks our rubbish into the passing bin.

    
‘
I bet.
’

     His head snaps back and he stares at me without expression.

    
‘
It’s not what you think.  Believe it or not, it’s not all about sex for those women.  There’s more to them than meets the eye.
’

    
‘
I don’t know what you were looking at, but from where I was standing there was little left to the imagination.
’

    
‘
You would say that wouldn’t you.
’

    
‘
And what’s that supposed to mean?
’

     Gareth sighs before looking at me and I see his eyes soften.

    
‘
Look.  You’ve led a sheltered life, been brought up in a loving family and are used to living a luxurious lifestyle.
’

    
‘
I wouldn’t call an office job with adequate pay and living in a flat luxurious…
’

    
‘
But you do have security and shelter which is more than these girls have and that’s my point.  Half the time they don’t know when their next meal is going to be.  And another thing, majority of them are simply that, girls - girls that had to grow up fast in a dangerous world.
 
What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you?  The death of your brother, big deal…
’

    
‘
Don’t bring him into this,
’
I choke with emotion. 
The cold hearted bastard!

    
‘
…Whereas they have no family left and if they do they’ve
been
disowned
by t
hem.  At least you have the support of those you love.  Your family.  Your friends.  Who did they have?  Where were their parents, their friends in their time of need?  To help guide them, comfort them, to let them know everything was going to be alright.
 
Nowhere.  They were left to fight on their own and do you know why?  Because those they loved turned their backs on them.  Couldn’t care whether they lived or died.
’

    
Hold on, is he still talking about those girls or himself?

    
‘
That’s what families do Alex.  That’s what happens when you open your heart.  You are left defenceless and sooner or later it will all come crashing down and you’ll be left on your own.  So you pick yourself up and try to get through one day at a time.  It’s all you can do.
’