Seductive Chaos (Bad Rep #3) (31 page)

“Sure, it’s through there.” I pointed him in the right direction. I followed him into the brightly lit room.

“This place makes mine look like a shithole,” he said, taking in the soft green walls and bright white wooden cabinets.

“That’s because your place
is
a shithole,” I responded.

“True,” he agreed, getting out the ingredients needed to make drinks and setting them out on the counter.

“You’re making me Lemon Drops? You really are trying to get on my good side,” I stated, watching as he found the low-ball glasses and mixed my favorite drink.

“We’re not having sex,” I felt the need to reiterate.

Cole traced an
x
over his chest. “Cross my heart, I won’t get in your too big for you pink sweatpants. I won’t take advantage of you. But if you come on to me, I can’t be sure of the consequences.”

I snorted. “I think we’re safe then.”

Cole gave me a look screamed
liar!

Because I
was
a liar.

If Cole knew anything about me, it was that when it came to him I had zero self-control.

With our drinks in hand, we went back out to the living room and sat down on the couch. Cole turned off the television and got out a deck of cards.

“No strip poker!” I warned.

“Seriously, Viv, you act as though I have a one-track mind,” he admonished. He started to deal out several pile of cards.

“Have you ever played Spit?” he asked and I pursed my lips, still wondering if this some elaborate sex ruse.

Who was the one with a one-track mind?

“Uh, no,” I said.

“Let me show you,” he said and went about explaining the most complicated card game I had ever heard of.

“And when you call Spit I have to answer a question, any question about myself. And likewise if I call Spit. You have to be totally and completely honest with me.”

I took a long drink of my Lemon Drop. This could get dangerous. I could feel it.

It wasn’t long before Cole had beaten me soundly and was asking his first question.

He started easy enough.

“Favorite food?”

I didn’t have to think about that one. “Coffee,” I answered.

Cole laughed. “That’s not a food, Vivian.”

“Fine, pizza. Even though it makes my ass fat, I can’t get enough. Slather dough in greasy cheese and tomato sauce and I’m salivating like a dog,” I said.

Two minutes later I threw my hands up in the air after Cole yelled spit once again. “This isn’t fair! I’ll never win!” I complained.

“Stop your bitching and just answer the question. What is your most embarrassing moment?”

“Aside from having my eyes fused together with honey in some ridiculous sex act? Or the time I was handcuffed to a bed dressed as a nun and a locksmith had to set loose?” I asked and Cole actually flushed.

“Uh y...yeah, besides that,” he stammered and I couldn’t help but snicker.

“Okay, fine, most embarrassing moment excluding getting kinky with you, probably the time I threw up all over Tim Dalton, the boy I had a massive crush on in the fifth grade. I was mortified and even though he was totally nice about it, it ruined any chance I had of becoming Mrs. Dalton,” I sighed dramatically.

“Well, all the better for me.” Cole winked and I had to look away.

A few minutes later, it was my turn to yell spit and I crowed in delight.

“I won! I won!” I exclaimed, doing a dance in my seat, pumping my fists into the air.

“Yeah, yeah. Beginner’s luck,” Cole pouted.

I stuck my tongue out at him and put my forefinger to my chin as I thought about my question.

“Hmm. . .there are so many things I want to know! How to choose?” Cole groaned.

“Jesus, just ask something already.”

I glared at him and finally thought of something.

“Why don’t you like Jordan?” I asked. It had always bugged me. It was obvious Cole didn’t have the relationship with Maysie’s boyfriend that he had with the other guys. When I asked Maysie about it, she never really had an answer for me.

“I don’t
not
like Jordan. Honestly. It’s sort of complicated,” Cole said.

“Uh, uh. That’s not going to cut it. You have to tell me the truth.” I wagged my finger in his face.

“It’s not that I don’t like him, I guess I’ve always been jealous of him,” Cole finally admitted.

I sat back, surprised. I hadn’t been expecting that.

“What? Why?”

“Because everyone likes him. He has this natural talent and he was this super big deal from the moment he started working at Barton’s. He had these hot girlfriends and my friends thought he was oh so cool. It drove me nuts. I was used to being the big cheese. And then this frat dude comes along and suddenly I’m not so important anymore.”

“You know that’s ridiculous, right?” I reasoned. Cole gave me a look. One that wasn’t entirely pleased with my less than sensitive response.

“Yes, I know it’s ridiculous. But sometimes how you feel isn’t exactly rational.”

I got that. Probably better than most.

“But I respect him. I really do. He’s a cool guy. And I honestly hate the way things are between us right now.”

I dropped the cards. “What happened, Cole? Why aren’t you talking to the other guys?” I asked.

Cole opened his mouth to answer me then shut it, giving me a shaky smile. “Uh-uh. You have to win to get me to answer. Now deal.”

I was disappointed but determined to win some more games. There was too much I wanted to know. Too much that of the mystery that I needed to solve.

I lost the next three games. And in doing so I had to admit the age in which I lost my virginity (sixteen), who the guy was, (Samuel Davis), and my favorite movie (Dirty Dancing, of course).

“I feel like I’m giving you everything and I’m not getting anything in return. It’s the story of our entire relationship I suppose,” I said, only semi-bitterly. I had consumed several Lemon Drops and was feeling a pleasant, hazy glow.

It was nice having Cole in my apartment. It was cool hanging out with him in a way that I had never done before. And it was really great having him ask me things about myself that he seemed to sincerely want to know.

But I wanted to go deeper. I wanted to know
Cole.

“Okay, enough of the game,” Cole said, taking the cards from my hand and putting them in a pile on the coffee table.

“Hey, I was totally going to win the next hand,” I complained.

“We don’t need a card game to talk to each other. Let’s just have a conversation like normal people,” he suggested and I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, cause we’re so normal,” I scoffed.

“You keep rolling your eyes, they’re going to get stuck like that,” he joked, smoothing the frown lines between my eyebrows with his finger.

“You said I wasn’t giving you anything. Well, let’s talk. What do you want from me?” he asked.

Damn. What a loaded question.

I took a deep breath and thought long and hard about how I was supposed to answer that.

“Why all the girls, Cole? Why wasn’t I ever enough for you?” I asked posing the question that had tormented me for so long. I hated how weak and vulnerable I sounded, but it needed to be answered. If I was ever to move on, if I was to ever get past this thing with Cole, I had to know why he continued to hook up with other women when he had me.

What was it about me that didn’t fulfill him?

“God, Viv,” he murmured, cupping my cheek.

“You have always been more than enough for me. When you’re around, everything else fades away. All I see, all I want is you.”

“Then why, Cole? Why did you humiliate me over and over again?” I demanded, my voice cracking with emotion.

He rubbed his thumb along my skin; his eyes agonized.

“Because I’m a fucking idiot. Because I thought that being with all of those women meant that I mattered. That they wanted me. I was trying like hell to fill this ugly void inside and I ended up only feeling empty. Until I was with you. And then you made me feel alive.”

My heart fluttered wildly in my chest. Hadn’t I just thought the same thing about him?

“You made me look like a moron, Cole. People think I’m a total doormat for putting up with your shit. I hate the way you make me look,” I whispered, feeling my eyes start to glaze over, hot with unshed tears.

“Baby, you’re not a moron. I’m the moron. I’m the dumbass who didn’t see what I had until it was gone. I took for granted that you were there. That you would always be there. Until you weren’t anymore. And then all this stuff started going down with the band and the only person I wanted to talk to was the one person who wanted nothing to do with me.”

I pulled back. His hand on my face was far too intimate.

“Growing up, all I had were my looks. The girls wanted me because I was nice to look at. And I used it to my advantage. I didn’t have parents that wanted me around so I found attention where I could. And then the band happened and it was like everyone wanted me. And for the first time in my life I thought that I had something that could make me happy. But I was wrong. Because those girls, the audience, they don’t want
me.
They want the singer. The image. There are only a handful of people on this earth that know the real Cole Brandt. And I’ve systematically shit on each and every one of them.”

Cole leaned back on the couch and covered his face with his hands. I didn’t move. I didn’t comfort him. I let him be. He needed to have this realization on his own. I wouldn’t coddle or console him. He needed to feel the pain and the ugly. He needed to see how his selfish behavior had impacted everyone around him.

This was Cole’s come to Jesus moment.

“Jose has been telling me I’d be more successful going out on my own. He says there’s a major label that wants to consider signing me, but as a solo act. Not with the Rejects,” he let out in a rush.

“Why don’t they want the Rejects?” I asked, not understanding.

Cole lowered his hands but wouldn’t look at me.

“Jose says I’m where the money’s at. I’m the one bringing the chicks in the door. I’m the image and the appeal. He’s blown so much smoke up my ass I’m probably going to float the fuck away. He says he’s found a clause that will get me out of my Pirate Records contract. And then I’ll be free to sign with who ever I want. I’ll be able to write my own music. Do my own thing. He says the guys are holding me back.”

“And what do you think?” I asked.

“I think my head is a mess and I don’t know what I think.”

Slowly, I reached out and took his hand, gripping it. He turned his palm up and twined his fingers with mine.

“Well, stop thinking with your head. What does your heart say?” I asked.

Cole’s eyebrows rose. “What does my heart say? Are you serious?” he chuckled.

I smacked his arm. “Yes, I’m serious. Stop overanalyzing and think with that thing that beats in your chest. At the end of the day, what do
you
want to do?” Cole was silent as he considered my question.

“What will make
you
happy?” I demanded.

Cole stared at me for a long time, chewing his lip ring.

“You,” he said quietly.

And then he was reaching for me and I couldn’t deny him or myself any longer.

His hand curled around the back of my neck and he pulled me toward him. And just before his lips met mine, he looked deep into my eyes and I saw something shift in their depths.

“Just you,” he whispered before he claimed my mouth with his.

It started softly, almost gently. But as with any time we were together, the tentative touches caught fire and we began to devour each other.

I parted my lips and he plunged his tongue inside, tasting every inch of my mouth. I reached down to the hem of his shirt, planning to rip it off him when he stopped me.

He pulled back suddenly. “You said no sex.”

“Are you kidding me right now?” I practically screeched.

Cole shook his head. “You were pretty adamant, Viv. I just don’t want you coming back later and saying I took advantage of you or something. That I manipulated you.”

I cocked my head to the side and looked at him. “
Are
you manipulating me?” I asked bluntly.

Cole recoiled. “No!” he proclaimed, grabbing my hands and kissing my knuckles. “God, no! Please believe me,” he begged me.

I smiled sweetly.

Because I believed him. I really did. I knew that this time wasn’t about anything but Cole wanting to be with me. For me.

This was about us.

I leaned forward. “Then fuck me, Cole,” I growled, reaching for his shirt again.

And he stopped me again.

“What now?” I whined. I was three seconds away from going cavewoman and clubbing him.

“Not here,” Cole said, standing up. He held out his hand and pulled me to my feet.

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the tip of my nose. “We’re doing this right. Where’s your bedroom?”

My mouth went dry. Cole was hard to resist under normal circumstances. But this Cole, with his seductive tenderness, would wreck me.

“This way,” I said softly and led him down the darkened hallway to my room.

I didn’t turn on the lights right away and almost argued when Cole flipped on the bedside lamp.

He looked around, taking in everything, just as he had done in the living room and kitchen. Then he turned to me and slowly lifted his shirt and dropped it onto the floor. I watched as he unbuckled his jeans and lowered his pants. He kicked them off and stood before me, naked and amazing. His body wasn’t overly muscular. But he was lean and defined, covered in ink.

He stared as I followed suit and took off the overly large Generation Rejects T-shirt, my bare breasts heavy with my arousal. I hooked my fingers into the edge of my sweatpants and underwear and lowered them all at once.

Since we were being all sexy and stuff, no need to kill the mood with my parachute underwear.

Why, oh why hadn’t I worn a thong?

But something told me I could be decked out in full body Christmas pajamas and Cole wouldn’t care.

His eyes consumed me. He licked his lips and my knees almost buckled from the intensity of his look alone.

He wanted me.