Seduced (30 page)

He gritted his teeth. “So I’m maimed.”

“But not dead,” Juliet reminded him. “And there are a great many people who are very happy about that. Should I go to them?”

Jack cleared his throat. “Is Letitia here?”

“Of course,” Juliet said. “Letty hasn’t left in the entire time you were here, no matter what anyone says or does. Her parents are scandalized by this behavior, of course, but they are also grateful for the fact that you saved the lives of both their children.”

“
I
am the reason their children’s lives were at risk,” he said, shutting his eyes.

“Perhaps.” Juliet said softly. “But in the end, it doesn’t matter. Letty is a grown woman, with her own money, who makes her own decisions. And I am here to tell you that she has made it quite clear that her heart lies with you. If her parents don’t like it, I believe she told them they could jump off a bridge. That caused a bit of an uproar, I can tell you.” She smiled. “But the message has been received and no one is trying to convince her not to love you anymore.”

Jack’s heart swelled at that news, but he couldn’t bring himself to smile at it. Letitia would throw her life away on him. A man who had never been worthy of her. A man less worthy now that he was likely crippled.

“War is here too, with Claire,” Juliet said. “And the other Woodleys have come and gone to ask after you. And your man Hoffman. He’s here right now, though he often goes to manage the cleanup of whatever business put you in that bed.”

“Maybe you ought not to tell them I’m alive,” Jack said, turning his face. “Let them believe I died in the night.”

Juliet laughed despite his sour words. “You think I would do such a thing? You are pitying yourself at present, but that will pass. And they will buoy you. Because that is what people who love you do. I’ll get them.”

She patted his good hand gently, then left the room. Jack tested his injured arm again, wincing at the dull pain and the fact he could only just wiggle his fingers.

But he didn’t get to ponder that long before the chamber door opened again and War and Letitia entered together. War came to him first. He was silent as he leaned in, and kissed Jack’s cheek. War pressed his forehead against Jack’s and said, “Don’t you
ever
scare me like that again.”

Jack shook his head. “I’ll try my hardest.”

War drew back, and there was the hint of tears in his eyes. “I love you, you know that.”

“I do. And you know I love you,” Jack said. “And now we’re even.”

War shrugged. “I suppose we are. You shot my enemy, I shot yours.”

Jack nodded. “Thank you for that.”

War cast a look over his shoulder at Letitia, still at the door. He motioned her forward and then smiled at his brother. “I’ll come back later. You and Letty have things to discuss, I think.”

War slipped from the room and Letitia finally approached, settling herself on the edge of the bed. She reached out and touched Jack’s face, which he was just realizing was thick with a beard.

“I must look a mess,” he said.

Her face softened. “You have lost a few pounds and your beard is very scraggly. But you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in all my life.”

“Not possible. You win that prize every time.”

She sighed. “You told me you loved me, Jack. Was that true? Or just some dying words said to make me feel better?”

“Turns out I wasn’t dying,” he said, shifting as he watched her every expression with greedy eyes.

“And that’s why I’m giving you a way out of saying them,” she said, not smiling at his quip. “If you don’t love me, please just tell me now.”

He hesitated. He should deny what he’d said, of course. Let her walk away as she should. But right now, staring up into her face, seeing all her goodness and light and beauty and strength, he knew he couldn’t do it.

“I do love you,” he whispered. Her face brightened with happiness, but he couldn’t join her in that joy. He took a long breath and said the words that broke his heart as much as the bullet had broken his shoulder. “But Letitia, you know love isn’t enough. We can’t be together. We never could.”

Letty stared at Jack, too moved by his second declaration of love, this one entirely conscious, to focus on his refusal to be with her. That refusal she had expected, whether he admitted he cared for her or not. The difference was now she had the reason to fight for what she wanted.

And all she wanted was Jack Blackwood.

“Are you listening to me, Letitia?” he asked, his dark eyes searching hers.

She shook her head. “I stopped the moment you said you loved me.”

His lips pressed together like he was frustrated. “But you
must
hear the rest. We can’t be together. It’s not possible.”

“Oh, but it is,” she insisted. “You make it complicated, but it couldn’t be simpler. You love me, I love you, we marry and we are together. Of course, I would have some conditions.”

He blinked. “Conditions?”

Her smile fell. “Jack, I love you. I love you with everything in me and I love you for everything about you. You put your life at risk to save Griffin, even though he had betrayed us both. You did it for me. That means a great deal to me.”

“Is he well?” Jack asked.

“Yes,” she said. “This experience has changed my brother. Griffin is sober since everything happened, and has even begun to make amends for his bad behavior with my parents. And they were so horrified at nearly losing both of us that my father has loosened his grip a bit. I think a life of responsibility is what Griffin will now choose, if only to make up for the immaturity that caused so much pain.”

“Good,” Jack said. “He isn’t a bad man. Just a man who made foolish choices.”

“You see, that ability to forgive him, it is amazing,” she said. “One of the many reasons I love you. And yet…”

“Yet…” he said, his tone wary, as if he expected her to strike out at him.

“I couldn’t watch you go into the underground ever again, Jack. It would be too much to know you were in such danger and that our family would be in danger. My only condition to our being together is that you leave your life as Captain Jack behind you.”

Jack looked at his arm, and his face went hard and unreadable. “My dear, I think that decision has been made for me. I’m injured badly enough that I think my continuing as leader would be impossible.”

Letty frowned. The fact that Jack wouldn’t fight her on ending his life of crime made her happy. But his terrible injuries were the last thing she could celebrate. Especially since they’d nearly snatched him away from her.

“Juliet and Dr. Wilkerson did what they could,” she said softly.

“And they saved the arm,” he admitted, though he didn’t sound pleased.

She nodded. “But are you saying that your injury is the only reason you would walk away from the underground?”

She held her breath as she awaited the answer. She had to know, even if the words hurt.

“No.” He sighed after what seemed like an eternity of pondering the question. “Even if I hadn’t been hurt, I have not been happy for a long time. I tried to convince myself it was merely malaise or something else. But I don’t
want
that life anymore. Hoffman can be Captain Jack. He’ll be just as good as I was.”

She leaned in, pressing her lips to his. “Then
we
can be happy.”

He used his good hand to gently push her away, and when she looked at him he was solemn and his pain was clear. “I’ve already told you, Letitia, we
can’t
.”

“Why?” she asked.

“Look at me,” he snapped, motioning to his arm. “I am half a man. And even if I weren’t, I am in no way worthy of you. To marry me would ruin that future you pictured, the one you came to me to claim. As I’ve reminded you what seems like a hundred times, my dear, I was only meant to be a
tool
to your happiness. I was never your end goal.”

She stared at him. “Is that what you truly believe?” she asked blankly, shocked that he could be so intelligent and yet see so little of the truth.

He nodded. “Of course. You are hysterical right now, but I cannot let that sweep me away and make me forget the truth.”

She almost laughed. Hysterical? He hadn’t seen hysterical. Hysterical had been how she felt when Juliet said they might have to take Jack’s arm. Or when Wilkerson had come out of his chamber on the first night, ashen and uncertain if Jack would even live.

Hysterical was her reaction to when she thought she might lose him.
This
was calm,
this
was reasonable,
this
was rational.

“Let me explain a few things to you, Jack Blackwood,” she said, fighting to keep her voice calm so he wouldn’t use her emotions against her.

“Letitia—”

“No, I
will
speak,” she insisted.

Jack blinked at her tone, and then nodded. “All right. My strong lady wishes to speak. So speak.”

“First off, let me address your statement that you are half a man,” she said. “Yes, you were badly injured, and both Wilkerson and Juliet believe that you will likely be permanently damaged by the injury, though Juliet thinks there is hope for a great deal of mobility if we work carefully together.”

“Hope is not going to make me whole,” he said, his tone bitter.

“Work might,” she said, folding her arms. “Work I am more than willing to do right beside you. But even if your arm never heals and this is the best it can be—” She motioned at his arm, resting on the pillow. “—that doesn’t make you half a man. Men have come home from war with far worse injuries and gone on to live their lives. You will learn and adjust. We will adjust together. Would you think me half a woman if I had been the one struck down and left injured thusly?”

He frowned. “Of course not.”

“Then not another word about such a foolish notion,” she insisted. “I love you for all you are and I will
never
see you as half a man.”

“Don’t you think you might change your mind when time has passed and I am not capable of doing things?”

“Will you still be able to kiss me?” she asked, lifting her brows.

He nodded warily, like he was trying to avoid a trap. “Yes.”

“To make me shiver with pleasure?” she whispered.

“I certainly hope so.”

Her eyes filled with tears, ones she let fall. “To hold a child in your good arm?”

A child. There was that ghostly child in his mind’s eye again. A perfect version of the two of them. He so desperately wanted to hold that child. He knew he would do anything to make it happen. “If there was a child in our future, yes.”

“Then I will never regret anything. I vow that to you today, and I keep my vows. Ask anyone.”

He almost smiled. “How did I earn the affection of such a remarkable woman?”

“By being such a remarkable man,” she said swiftly. “Now let me address that very issue. You say you are not worthy of me. Why?”

“Because I am a gutter rat,” he said immediately. “I have no title, no pedigree, no vast wealth to make up for my bad beginnings. You wanted that, Letitia. You wanted that future.”

“No,” she said with a shake of her head. “I wanted
a
future. To find a man who would care for me as Noah couldn’t. To have a man who might want me just for who I was.”

“But—”

She lifted her hand, and he fell silent. “I don’t care about titles, Jack. Or money. Or land. Or even acceptance. I look at my cousin Audrey, who married a man many whisper is beneath her. She is joyous! And Claire—would you say she made a mistake matching with your brother, a man with the same upbringing as your own?”

“No, of course not,” Jack said. “But Warrick is a far better man than I am. He dragged himself out of the mire of our past and has proven himself worthy with his thriving business.”

“His success has nothing to do with why Claire loves War,” Letty said softly. “I think you know that as well as I do.”

“No,” he agreed, and it seemed reluctant. “I suppose you are right. He could be nothing and she would still love him.”

Letty nodded, encouraged by his ability to recognize the truth, even if he wouldn’t transfer that ability to her. “I feel the same way, Jack. And in a way we will be more fortunate than even they are.
Together
we will move forward.
Together
we can make decisions about what to do next. We get to step away from the past
together
, Jack. That is what I want more than any treasure some ridiculous titled man could offer.”

He stared at her, like he was reading her face, trying to see if she really meant those words. She leaned in, stroking his scruffy cheek, running her fingers against his lips.

“Have faith in me, Jack. Have faith in us and our love.”

“It isn’t you I doubt, my love,” he whispered against her fingers. “It’s me.”

“Then know I have enough faith in you for both of us. Until you find that faith yourself, I shall bear it all for you and remind you every day that you have earned my heart.” She tilted her head. “Now tell me you love me and that you won’t disappoint me by walking away from the life we could share.”

“The idea of a life with you is so very perfect,” he finally said. “Almost too perfect to believe.”