Sedition (17 page)

I remove my fingers from his ass, and feel my cock harden when he whines in response, low and needy. I slap his ass lightly and order him to stay. I am gone and back again in a moment, fingering his ass again and dragging my teeth along his neck. I shift positions, aligning myself in the perfect position to drive deep into him, and I can feel him tense for just a moment before relaxing. I’ve lubed up, but he must not realize it, because he cries out in surprise and ecstasy as I slide into him, slick with lube. He rakes his nails against the wall.

“Fuck, Cash, fuck you feel so good!” He whimpers, but it’s a good whimper. Sexy.

“Missed you, Sascha,” I whisper in his ear, my voice raspy. “I didn’t know that I’d ever do this again.”

He goes quiet, but he’s rocking against me as much as he can. I’m pinning him to the wall. I reach around him, grabbing at his cock as I fuck him. He makes a high moaning sound, desperate to come, but I whisper “shh,” in his ear, slowing the pace a little.

“Not yet,” I order. “I am far from done with you.”

I continue fucking him until he is reduced to nothing more than helpless mewling noises, until his legs start to shake from the pressure and he can barely hold himself up, much less thrust back against me. I want to make him mine again, take all the control away from him until all that is left is the sensation.

“Please,” he whispers. “Cash, it hurts. My legs hurt.”

“Good,” I reply, speeding up the pace. I know just how much he gets off on the pain, how much he needs it. I know I’m hurting him, but I can tell that it’s in a good way. I thrust harder as he begins to sag, lifting him up and down as he whimpers. It’s one of the best feelings I have ever experienced. How could I ever have let him go?

“Who do you belong to?” I growl in his ear, my hand tightening around his cock. “Tell me who you belong to.”

“You,” he manages, in between panting. I tighten my grip more. I want to hear him say it. “I belong to you, Cash. And I love it.”

“That’s right,” I growl, slamming into him a few more times. “Now, come for me.”

Sascha comes across my hand, and the wall, and I keep fucking him at frantic speed as his muscles contract around me. I come when I hear him start to scream, filling his ass and holding him there, pinning him up in the air.

We come to a halt slowly, panting together, hot and sticky and shuddering. I gently ease him back down to the floor, steadying him with my body as he wobbles unsteadily on his legs. I pull out and start to move away, returning just seconds later to catch him as he nearly falls, looking exhausted and satisfied.

“I suppose we should get you to bed,” I suggest, keeping my voice soft.

He relaxes into my arms for a minute before I place him on his feet.

“Come on,” I encourage him. “Shower first. I’m glad you’re back, but we’re still not getting into his bed like this.”

He gives me a little smile, and he’s putty in my hands as I guide him into the shower, stepping in next to him. He stares up at me in awe as I quickly soap us both up. I’m silent until I shut off the water, reaching out for a towel to dry us. I just want things to be calm and peaceful and safe for him, but he keeps staring up at me.

“Keep looking at me like that and I’m going to get a god complex,” I say lightly, drying him off.

He just smiles at him. He’s safe, and I’m not letting him go anywhere.

I pull him into bed, still holding him close. I don’t say anything more as I reach across him to shut the light off, but I don’t let him go, either. Neither of us is usually big on cuddling, but I want him close tonight. I’ve already let him go once, I won’t do it again. For the first time in more than a week, I sleep peacefully.

Chapter 15
Family

It’s after lunch when Abriel comes for me. I’m a little surprised, because I figured he would have come sooner, but maybe he went into work or something. He’s always been like that, reliable when he’s made a commitment. And now I know where his loyalties lie, and they clearly aren’t with me.

Cash answers the door, because there’s been an unspoken agreement that I would not be doing this, at least until things get straightened up. Well, as unspoken as, “Sascha, do not go near that door,” can be.

It’s his way of showing he cares.

Still, I’m not far behind.

“Mr. Gabbamonte, it’s nice to see you again. I hope you’re well.” Cashiel is as cold as he is polite.

“Is he here?” Abriel asks, heedless of social niceties. “My wife came by yesterday and said you wouldn’t even talk to her. Is Sascha here?”

“Yes.” I can tell by Cash’s voice that he’d rather not speak with Abriel, either. “It was unfortunate that your wife wasted the trip out here.”

“She—” he stops himself, realizing he’s got no chance in this argument. Abriel has always been good at reading people who aren’t his wife. “Is he okay? I’m sorry if he’s put you out; I’ll take him home right away.”

“You may speak with him. He’ll meet you in the living room.”

I stay hiding in the office until Cash comes to get me.

“I know you were listening. Come on; go talk with your brother.”

I look at this man who means so much to me, suddenly afraid. “Cash, what do I say? I want to stay with you.” Good god, I am whiny!

“Just talk with him Sascha,” he orders firmly. “You know you have my support. Try and work things out.”

For a moment I’m scared, because what if what he really means is that he doesn’t want me to stay, that he wants me to go back with Abriel and his wife? I can’t do it, I just can’t.

“Today, Sascha.”

The warning tone gets me moving automatically, although I hesitate when I walk past him. He raises an eyebrow and gives me one of his rare half-smiles, encouraging me.

I walk into the living room alone.

“Sascha, Jesus Christ, what were you thinking!” Abriel stands up as he yells at me.

I draw back toward the door, his body language and tone triggering my instinct to flee.

“Do you know how worried I was about you?” Abriel sits down, helping me to relax a little. “I had no idea if you had been stolen or where the hell you would have run away to! I never expected you to turn up here! I bought you to get you away from here!”

I shrug, awkward. He doesn’t know me that well, and he has no idea what Cash means to me.

“You can’t just run off like that! I know Lisa was harsh with you, but that’s no excuse to—”

“I’m not a goddamned child, Abriel, I didn’t just ‘run off’ because I got yelled at!” I snap, the fear replaced with rage. “The way she treated me—the way you
all
treated me—it was unacceptable!”

“Sascha, I am doing my best.”

His best? Letting me get hit and starved and threatened was his best? “It’s not good enough!” I snap.

Abriel shakes his head. “You know, Sascha, I spent the last four and a half years
hunting
for you. Every chance I got. Between school and marriage and work and raising Bella, every spare minute was spent finding you.”

“So you could bring me home to treat me like shit? Sorry if I’m not kissing your ass like a humble slave.”

“I wanted to make sure you were safe! I care about you; I worried about you! I saved you from slavery and this is the thanks I get?”

“Saved me?” I ask, incredulous. “It was about damn time you found me, if you were really trying. You act like I’m so fucking ungrateful—the only reason I was ever Demoted in the first place was to save
you
!”

My brother is quiet for a moment, and I wonder briefly if he’s never really made the connection before. When he finally looks up at me, the look on his face tells me otherwise.

“Why the hell do you think I tried so hard to find you?” he asks, glaring. “I had to make it up to you.”

“Then why didn’t you make it up to me!” I yell back, exasperated. “You bring me home and treat me like shit! I was miserable living with you.”

“Yeah, well, the past few years haven’t been that great for me either,” Abriel mutters.

“What do you mean? You got to go to college, have a family, have a job, have children—you got it all, Abriel, I made sure of that. And this is the thanks
I
get?”

“Yeah, well did you ever think to ask me?” Abriel looks hurt. “Or did you just think your stupid little brother would mess up your perfect plan?”

“What?”

“Come on, Sascha. Did you really think it would be all goddamned unicorns and rainbows after the Assessment?” Abriel shakes his head. “Everyone knew. Everyone at school, all my friends, all
your
friends. Our family. Mom and Dad. It was obvious that something had happened, you were just too damn good to get caught.”

I shrug. “I didn’t want to risk you being Demoted.”

“So you fucking took my place! Sascha, I didn’t want to do all this. I didn’t want to have to struggle through school, to be asked to do things that I’m not capable of every day. I never liked learning like you did. That was
your
dream.”

Sure, it was my dream, but it’s better than being Demoted. “It couldn’t be that bad,” I insist. “At least you still have your personal life.”

“A lot of good that does,” Abriel shakes his head, looking bitter. “Mom and Dad won’t talk to me. They haven’t since the Assessment. The second they shipped me off to college with your savings they washed their hands of me. When Lisa and I got married, they sent a postcard, and when Bella was born, they didn’t answer my com calls or emails. That’s why I’m so close with Lisa’s family; I don’t have any other ones.”

I stare back at him, confused. “But… but they had you!” Abriel was supposed to be the golden child once I was gone! All the love and support they had always given to me was supposed to go to him.

“God, you don’t get anything, do you? They didn’t want me. They
never
wanted me.” Abriel stops for a moment, letting the words sink in. “You were the one they put their hopes into, the one they cared about. I was just something they could use to make you happy or to bribe you into doing things. They had given up on me so long ago, by the time you were Demoted it was like you had died and there I was. Mom tried to blame me for convincing you to do it, but Dad reminded her that I wasn’t bright enough to come up with a plan like you had. And it was true. I couldn’t even pretend to know what you did, or how you did it.”

I feel my eyes starting to water. This isn’t right. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I sacrificed myself so that my brother could have the life I couldn’t, the one that he deserved.

“I got pretty fucking depressed in college, spent a lot of time drinking and partying,” Abriel admits. “That’s how Lisa and I ended up with Bella, and why Maggie and I broke up. I was a stupid freshman, Lisa was two years older and rebelling against her parents, and Bella was conceived on a fucking rooftop after we split a bottle of vodka. Lisa’s parents took care of Bella while she finished school, and they got me a job while I was still in college so I wouldn’t have time to party any more. If I didn’t agree, I wouldn’t be able to see Bella, and I know that they will still pull her from me if I make waves. I love being a dad, but I know I’m nothing more than a hindrance to my little girl. It’s why I let her mom raise her. She’s like you were as a kid, Sascha, all bright and curious and shit. Daddy’s just her playtoy when she wants to have some fun, or when Lisa won’t give her something.”

“You’re better than that,” I argue, my voice barely even a whisper. “You’re kind and funny and you care about people, and you work hard—”

“And that’s not what matters.”

It had all seemed so clear when I was a kid. But I think of Cashiel, and the business we do, and try to picture someone as gentle and easygoing and compliant as Abriel in this world. He’d never cut it. The snarky jokes and quick interactions would leave him behind.

“You never even asked me.” My brother is staring at me looking lost and confused. “I can’t believe you thought I’d screw it up.”

“I didn’t think that,” I argue, finally finding my voice. “I didn’t think that at all. I just knew that you’d try to convince me not to, and I didn’t want to be convinced. I was so sure I was doing the right thing. I didn’t want you to have to go through what I’ve been through.”

“Of course I would have convinced you not to do it! Don’t you get it—from the moment you told me what being Demoted was when we were kids, I accepted it,” Abriel shrugs. “It fit, really, I’ve never been much of a leader, and I don’t like to have to make decisions. I like to do as I’m told, and I’m
good
at doing that. I’m easy enough to satisfy, what’s wrong with belonging to someone else? I wouldn’t have gotten beaten up like you did; I’m not so damn confrontational, for starters. I like to keep peace.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s served you real well with Lisa,” I mutter, my mind blown from what I’ve just heard. “Follow at her heels like a loyal puppy.”

“Sascha, it’s what I did with
you
my entire life,” Abriel informs me. “Jesus, are you that dense? Since before I could remember, I followed you around, did whatever you told me, trusted your decisions without question. What the hell made you think I’d be all right without you?”

I let my head drop, willing myself not to cry. This was all for nothing. “I thought I was giving you the life you wanted.”

“I’m not you, Sascha!” Abriel snaps. “I’ve spent my whole life trying to be as good as you at everything, and I’ve never been able to! Even finding you—all I could think was that if I had been Demoted and you had passed the Assessment, you would have found me the second I left the re-education center. It wouldn’t have taken you two and a half more years! You wouldn’t have let me get passed around and hurt, and when you brought me home—fuck, you would have done better at this than I’m doing! You would never let someone treat me the way that I let Lisa treat you! But leaving her would mean losing Bella, losing my job… I’d have nothing left, Sascha, and neither would you. As usual, my best isn’t good enough.”

A part of me wants to go to him, to hug him and tell him that it
is
good enough, that he’s worked hard enough to make it okay, but it’s not true. We’re not five anymore, and this isn’t a low grade on a report card.