Secrets She Left Behind (44 page)

Keith

I
WAS GOING TO EXPLODE.

I laid on the gas all the way to Jen’s house and burst in the front door without even ringing the bell.

She was in the kitchen, and she twirled around, her hand at her throat like she expected me to be a crazed rapist. I was crazed all right.

“She wanted me to go with her!” I reached across the counter and handed her the letter. My heart thudded in my temples as I watched her read it. I already knew it by heart.

Jen looked up from the letter, blinking. “Oh my God,” she said.

“I’m so pissed off at that loser!”

“Why did he have this?”

“He was sick, so my mother was watching him that day, and she told him to give this to me and he’s such a retard that he forgot. He forgot!”

“How did you get it?” She held the letter in the air.

“He and his girlfriend brought it over a few minutes ago.” I grabbed the letter in my fist. “If I’d had this, the cops would’ve found my mother so much earlier. They would’ve had some idea where to look, anyway. Maybe she would’ve still been alive when they found her. Maybe they could have saved her.”

“Keith—” Jen leaned across the counter toward me “—I know this must be really upsetting, but remember? They said she probably died instantly.”

“They still could have found her sooner.”

“Where’s Andy now?”

“Andy? Probably screwing his girlfriend at the tower. Why?”

She shook her head. “No reason.”

I smoothed the letter out on the counter. “I should call Marcus or Flip about this,” I said.

“Don’t go,” she said. “Let’s just have a quiet night together. You have the most important question answered, and that’s that your mother wanted you with her. She wasn’t deserting you.” She walked around the counter and took my hand. Lifted it to her lips. “The letter’s not going to bring her back, baby,” she said, putting her arms around my neck. “Here’s what I think we should do. You turn on the hot tub and let it heat up. I’ll run out and get us some takeout from the Beach Grill.” She ground her hips against mine, making me forget for a second about the letter and my stupid cousin. “Then we can have some dinner and then some time in the hot tub and then…” She kissed me, and I reached between us to unbutton her pants. She pulled away with a laugh. “See?” she said. “You’re feeling better already.”

I smiled. She could always make me smile.

She buttoned her pants again. “One thing at a time,” she said. “What do you want from the Beach Grill?”

My brain wasn’t thinking about food. It was stuck somewhere between my mother’s letter and Jen’s body.

“Um…shrimp,” I said. “Fried.”

“You’ve got it.” She kissed me quickly. “I’ll be back. Don’t go anywhere. And, Keith…” She turned to face me, walking backward toward the door. “Your mom loved you. It’s awful she died, but she was happy about her plan for the two of you. Remember that. At least you know she died happy. That’s more than a lot of people can say.” She glanced down at her side to grab the doorknob. “And also,” she said as she opened the door, “you’re beautiful. Inside
and
out. I know you don’t think so, but you are. I really, really mean that. Remember that, too.”

She left the house and I stared at the door for a minute, frowning. It was weird, her saying all that stuff the way she did, out of the blue. I couldn’t say exactly why it bothered me. All I knew was that by the time I went out on the deck to turn on the hot tub, my woody’d completely disappeared.

I stretched out on the couch to wait for her, rereading my mother’s letter in the light from the floor lamp. On the kitchen counter, my cell phone rang, and I got up to answer it. Halfway to the counter, though, I realized that
my
cell was in my pocket. The one on the counter was in Jen’s purse, which she forgot to take with her. Damn! She’d drive all the way to the Beach Grill and discover she had no money.

Her cell kept ringing. I pulled it out of her purse and looked at the caller ID. Local number. I had no idea whose it was. I stared at it a minute before flipping the phone open.

“Jen’s phone,” I said.

“Oh.” It was a girl. “Is Jen there?”

I knew that voice. “Maggie?”

“Who’s this?”

“Keith.” This was totally screwy. Why the hell would Maggie be calling Jen?

“Did I dial the wrong…” Maggie hesitated. “No, that doesn’t make sense. I don’t even
know
your cell number. How come you’re answering Jen’s cell phone?”

“How come you’re
calling
her?”

“She’s a friend.”

“Of
yours?
”

“Why do you have her phone?”

“She’s my girlfriend,” I said. My heart started that thumping in my temples again. Something was very wrong with this picture.

“She’s…I don’t get it,” Maggie said. “How long have you known her? She never mentioned—”

“How long have
you
known her.”

“About a month.”

Man, with all the physical pain and emotional agony I’d been through the last couple of years, nothing felt as bad as the knife that sliced through my heart right then.

Memories zipped through my mind in vivid, half-second flashes.

That cold, who-gives-a-shit attitude the night she hit an animal on the road.

Splat!

The smell of gas in her car.

I just filled it up.

Andy talking about Jen’s hair.

It used to be white. Yellowy white.

“Keith?” Maggie asked. “Are you still there?”

“Hang on.” I held the phone between my chin and collarbone as
I fumbled through Jen’s purse for her wallet. I found it, opened it. Dug through the pockets until I found her driver’s license, and shook my head in disbelief at the picture. Pretty girl. Platinum blonde. I looked at her name. Jennifer Matthews?
Matthews?

You must want to hurt her the way she hurt you.

“Oh, shit, Maggie!” I said.

Where’s Andy now?

“Shit!”
I snapped the phone closed and headed for the door.

Maggie

W
HY’D HE HANG UP ON ME? IF IT HADN’T BEEN FOR THAT
Oh, shit!
, I would’ve thought the line went dead.

I was driving home from the Food Lion, and I redialed Jen’s number one-handed, my other hand on the steering wheel. It rang four times, and he didn’t pick up. What was going on?

I was totally confused. Was that why Jen had backed away from our friendship? Because of Keith? It sounded like he didn’t know about me any more than I knew about him, though. But why would Jen lie to both of us?

I drove over the swing bridge, wondering how to get back in touch with him. Maybe he was at Uncle Marcus’s. I started to dial Uncle Marcus’s home number, but then realized how close I was, so I turned left off the bridge and headed for the tower.

Andy

S
EX WAS REALLY FUN. IT WAS FASTER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD
be, though. I only just got my erection inside Kimmie when it was over. She said ouch when I did it, but I didn’t stop. Saying
ouch
wasn’t like saying
no.

“Why did you say ouch?” I asked after I rolled off of her. It was dark by then. Good thing our bikes had lights on them.

“It hurt,” she said.

“It
did?
”

“Yeah, but it’s supposed to hurt a girl the first time. It’ll be better next time.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. I didn’t mean to hurt her.

“Did you hear that?” she whispered.

“What?” I didn’t hear anything. Actually, my ears were kind of ringing. “What did you hear?”

“Shh!” She put her finger on my lips.

I did hear something then. Somebody was walking around downstairs.

“We better get dressed!” I whispered. I got up real fast and tried to find my clothes in the dark.

“I can’t find my underpants,” she said.

I reached onto the table thing and turned on the light. Kimmie
was naked in the bed and she looked so pretty I wanted to do it all over again, but then I heard some thumping downstairs.

We got dressed and opened the door. We started down the stairs that went around in a circle. I was trying to figure out what I would say to Uncle Marcus if it was him down there instead of Keith. All of a sudden, there was a big
whoosh
sound and I saw everything downstairs turn gold. Then I heard a big loud pop, like a firecracker.

“It’s a fire!” Kimmie grabbed my arm.

It
was
a fire! “Stay calm!” I said.

I heard crackling noises and smelled smoke. It was just like at the lock-in, only there wasn’t a boys’ room at Uncle Marcus’s. Just bathrooms and I didn’t think they had air-conditioner boxes outside them. I could use a different window, maybe, but we were on the stairs and there were no windows there at all.

“We need to call the fire department!” Kimmie said. “Do you have your phone?”

My phone was up in the bedroom, but smoke was starting to fill the air up there. Smoke was all around us. We needed a window to get out of. From where we stood, I could see the window in the sliding back door downstairs, but there was a big fire in front of it. There was fire
everywhere.

I put my arms around Kimmie. She was crying and shaking.

This wasn’t like the lock-in at all.

Keith

I
SPOTTED THE GLOW OF THE TOWER WINDOWS FROM HALF
a block away. On my way there, I’d convinced myself I was getting worked up over nothing. The tower was made out of
concrete,
for Christ’s sake. It wasn’t going to burn. But as I screeched to a stop in front of the building, I knew that Jen had done her damage inside. I only hoped Andy and Kimmie had left before she got there.

The front door was halfway open and I could see a wall of yellow flame inside. I dialed Marcus’s number at the fire station. “Your house is on fire!” I shouted when he answered.

“What?”

“Seriously.
Hurry!
” I hung up, then stood in the street by my car. No way was I getting any closer than that. Man, I hoped Andy was gone. I got back in my car and pointed the headlights at the front of the tower. No bikes. Good. I moved my car to the street so there’d be room in the driveway for the fire truck. I started to turn off my lights, but my hand froze on the switch. Illuminated against the side of the house, end to end, were two bicycles.
Shit!
I turned off the lights and jumped out of the car.

I ran around the back of the tower, but the fire was even worse in the rear of the building. It had blown out the sliding glass doors
and was lapping at the deck. I felt the heat on my face and I backed away from the tower.
Maybe they got out,
I thought, pressing my back against the wall of the house next door.
Maybe they took off running and just left their bikes here.
But Jen wasn’t that dumb. She wouldn’t go to all this trouble and let Andy escape.

The ladder! I ran a few yards toward the beach so I could see the roof. If they could get to the roof, they could climb down the ladder.

I cupped my hands around my mouth. “Andy!” I screamed toward the tower, but I knew he couldn’t possibly hear me. The only sound now was the fire. It even drowned out the breaking waves behind me.

I ran toward the side of the building. I was going to have to do this. No choice. No fucking choice.

I should’ve left my car lights on. The side of the house was in darkness, the only light the sickening orange glow from the windows. I felt along the wall until my hands hit one of the skinny metal rails.
I can’t do it,
I thought, but I was already grabbing the sides of the ladder and had a foot on one of the rungs.

“Keith!”

I was a few yards off the ground when I heard Maggie call my name. I glanced down just long enough to see her standing at the foot of the ladder, glowing in the flickery orange light. The world spun around me and I quickly shut my eyes, hugging the thin rails of the ladder.

“Oh my God!” she shouted. “Don’t go up there!”

“I think Andy and Kimmie are inside!” I managed to shout.

“Andy?”

I felt her grab the ladder beneath me and start to climb.

“Stay down!” I shouted. I wanted to tell her the ladder wouldn’t
hold both of us—it was shaking and creaking—but I felt like if I opened my mouth to speak again, I’d puke.

“Go! Go!” she yelled.

I forced myself to put one foot above the other while the smoke rose around us.
That smell.
Oh, God. I’d forgotten about that smell. I kept feeling blindly above me for the roof.
Come on! Come on!
All my hands touched was the wall of the tower. Up and up and up. It went on forever, and my lungs hurt as bad as my shoulder. Finally, I saw where the pale wall of the tower met the black of the sky. I scrambled onto the flat roof on my hands and knees, every muscle in my body quivering. I half crawled, half ran to the center of the roof to get away from the edge, dry heaving all the way. Then I got to my feet and ran over to the slanted door.

I felt it for heat, scared shitless to pull the door open and find that flaming yellow dragon on the other side, waiting to finish me off.

“Is it hot?” Maggie was suddenly next to me.

“No.” I pulled it open and we raced down the metal stairs, shouting for Andy.

We got to the first landing. The fire was right below us. I felt the heat of it on my scars. Smoke filled the stairwell. It caught in the back of my throat and I started to cough.

“Andy!” Maggie shouted from behind me. She tried to move past me on the stairs, but I grabbed her.

“You can’t—”

“Maggie?” He was here. Not far from us.

“Andy!” I shouted. “Come this way. Come to the stairs!”

“We can’t go down!” Andy said. “There’s too much fire.”

“Come
up!
” Maggie shouted.

I saw the two of them then. They were so close together, they
looked like one person as they moved toward the stairs. I reached down my hand.

“C’mon!” I tried to shout, but it came out as a croak.

Andy grabbed my hand, and I pulled him and Kimmie onto the stairs.

Maggie tried to reach for him, but I gave her a shove. “Up! Up!” I shouted.

I was coughing and choking as we staggered up the winding stairs. At the top, I pushed open the door to the dark roof, and we fell together in a mound, my arms around Maggie and Andy, hanging on to them with all my strength. That’s when I heard one of the most beautiful sounds in the world: sirens.