Secrets of My Hollywood Life #5: Broadway Lights (30 page)

"Do something before they start rolling on the grass throwing punches," Nadine suggests as the two continue to yell at each other. The boy looks on curiously. The girls are actually starting to draw a crowd.

"Hi there," I say, smiling brightly.

And then before I can say anything else, he points at me. "Burke! You're Kaitlin Burke!"

"Yes, I am."

"What are you doing here?" he asks as more people jog over.

"I'm looking for someone, actually," I tell him as I smile at all the newcomers. "I don't know if he's out here though. He told me his group doesn't usually play during the early afternoon."

The guy nods. "None of us do. It rained all last week so we had to do it today to make up for some lost scrimmage time."

That means Austin is out here somewhere. I scan the fields again, wishing I could spot him. "Do any of you know Austin Meyers?" I ask.

The guy motions to someone behind him. "I think she's on the same floor as him." A girl with a long brown ponytail, long side swept bangs, and legs that are longer than Heidi Klum's strolls over. She isn't wearing any makeup, and she's super sweaty, but her tanned skin is flawless and she has the most gorgeous gray eyes. I don't even have to ask who she is.

"Amanda, right?" I ask. Liz and Sky stop fighting and look up.

"Yeah." Amanda looks from my yellow print Coach sandals up to my clean pink manicure and snakeskin bag. Before I can stop myself, I notice her chipped short red nails. She quickly drops her hands to her side and sort of hides them behind her back.

I immediately feel guilty. It isn't hard to tell that Amanda, as beautiful as she is, feels unsure of herself now that the girl she's been toying with is standing right in front of her. And movie star or no movie star, this is a girl-to-girl problem.

"That's the girl?" Sky is loud on purpose. "Deck her."

Amanda shifts slightly and I watch as she keeps pushing her bangs nervously behind her ears. Everyone is looking at us, even though I highly doubt anyone but me and Amanda knows what is going on. But I know. And so does Amanda.

We could go two ways with this. We could scream at each other and make nasty put-downs, both trying to one-up each other for Austin. Or I could rip into her and make her feel insignificant like Lauren and Ava have done to me and Sky all summer, and we did to them on
SNL
, but where did that get us? Nowhere. Where did being mean to Riley get me? It hasn't made her any nicer to me or convinced her I can handle the stage. After everything that has gone down this summer, I finally realize one thing: You really do get more bees with honey. It's time to act mature.

As much as it kills me, I hold out my hand and smile. "Hi, I'm Kaitlin." I keep my tone pleasant and Sky gasps. "It's nice to finally meet you."

"What is she doing?" Sky hisses and I notice Liz start to drag her away. "She should punch her!"

Amanda slowly extends her own sweaty hand. "Amanda." Her voice is soft. She does, however, look slightly relieved.

And I am too. Yes, she's been catty and rude to me more than once, but she also obviously thinks my boyfriend is a hottie, and who can blame her for that one? "I'm looking for Austin. Do you know where he is?"

"He's on the other field." Amanda points in the direction with her stick. "I can take you, if you want."

"That would be great." I follow her through the crowd, leaving the others behind. I look back anxiously and I see Nadine's face. She actually looks proud. I guess I know how she would handle this situation too.

Amanda and I sort of walk in silence, sticking to a few occasional sentences that are sure not to cause any problems like, "Wow, it's hot here" and "How was your trip to Texas?" Way too soon, or not soon enough, depending on the scattered thoughts racing through my mind, we are at the field and Amanda is pointing Austin out to me. Austin is in full-on lacrosse mode. I can barely make out his face under his helmet, but I know his number, and I keep my eyes on him as Amanda points out other teammates and talks about the scouts that have already come by in the last week.

"He's really good," she says to me.

"I know." I stop when I realize that sounds kind of territorial, even though I don't mean to be. "I mean, I've seen him play at home."

"Right"--she shrugs--"you would, being his girlfriend and all."

I was a few days ago.

God, I hope I still am.

I hear a whistle and then guys and girls start streaming off the field. I see Austin take off his helmet and shake out his wet hair. He is tanner than I've ever seen him and his shirt is so drenched that it clings to the six-pack he seems to have developed since he's been here. He is dirty and sweaty and yet all I want to do is break away from Amanda and throw myself at him. But I restrain myself for the ten seconds, at least, it takes for him to get to the sidelines.

"Austin!" I call his name hoarsely when I can't take it anymore.

He turns slowly and sees me. At first he looks sort of confused, then he breaks into a huge smile and then his face goes sort of blank, which is really confusing.

"What are you doing here?" he asks as he walks straight toward me and stands inches from my face.

It takes all my willpower not to reach forward and kiss him. But I'm too scared. What if Austin doesn't want to kiss me anymore? Part of me doesn't even feel like I deserve him after the way I behaved this summer and if I feel that way there is a chance Austin is thinking the same thing.

Forget waiting for news on
Small Fish, Big Pond
, or my reviews on Broadway. Knowing what Austin is thinking about me being here and what he thinks about the future of us is scarier than anything else going on in my life. I don't want this to be over. Seeing Austin again, right in front of me, I know more than ever what I want, and it's him, and I'm praying he'll give me another shot.

"I came to see you," I say even though I guess that part is obvious. I look at Amanda. "Amanda told me where you were."

He looks from me to Amanda and then his face flinches slightly. "She was very helpful," I add.

"I'll leave you two alone," Amanda says to me. "It was nice meeting you, Kaitlin."

"You too," I tell her.

Even though I know there are people watching us, all I can think about is Austin. A hot breeze blows between us and Austin's sweaty blond hair covers his eyes.

"I called you all night and you didn't answer," Austin starts to say. "I thought..."

"Me first," I insist. "I came to say I'm sorry." My voice is squeaky, but I won't cry. "For everything. You were right. I haven't been there for you and you're always there for me. I let my work get in the way and I didn't care about how my friendship with Dylan affected you. I've been a rotten girlfriend."

Austin doesn't say anything at first. His face is scrunched up and he seems to be thinking of the words he wants to say. I'm breathless waiting to hear them. Are they good or bad?

"I thought maybe you liked Dylan." Austin looks so pained. "And instead of telling me you didn't, you kept pushing the topic off the table."

"I should have told you the truth about Dylan." The wind is still whipping and I push my hair off my face. "But I was afraid. We were so far apart and I thought if you knew Dylan was into me that would make you madder. We spent so little time on the phone as it was, I didn't want to spend it fighting."

"I know." Austin's blue eyes are serious. "That's my fault. I should have called you more."

"I should have called you more!" I interrupt, but Austin cuts me off.

"Let me talk, okay?" He sounds gruff, and it makes me nervous. "I should have called you when I said I would. It's not that I didn't want to talk to you, it's just..." He hesitates. "I hate the phone."

"You what?" I'm confused.

"I hate the phone," Austin admits and his mouth starts to twitch. Is he going to smile? "Hate it. We never talk on it at home. I talk to you for five minutes or we text and then I see you so there's no need for technology to get in the way, but a lengthy phone conversation? I can't stand it. I should have told you that."

He hates the phone. I wish he
had
told me that.

"It's no excuse though." Austin runs his dirty hands through his hair. "I should have made the effort. But then after the stuff with Dylan started happening, I got upset and then when you seemed worked up about Amanda answering our phone it made me think, 'now she knows how I feel.' I guess that's why I let you get all crazy about her."

Austin was getting me back. I guess I deserved that.

"But I shouldn't have done that to you the other night," he admits. "I should have gotten back on the phone."

My throat feels so dry, but I need to make this point clear. "I don't like Dylan. I swear I don't."

"I don't like Amanda." Austin's blue eyes are so truthful, how could I not believe him?

"So does that mean you still like me?" I try to joke, but my heart is aching. "I promise to be a better girlfriend if you'll let me. Do you think you can forgive me? I..." I look at him searchingly and feel the need to say this. "I love you."

Austin starts to smile and I feel a rush of relief. "I love you too. You're the one I want to be with, Burke. And I promise to suck it up with the phone calls till you get home."

He grabs my waist and pulls me toward him. I actually hold my breath, almost afraid it's not going to happen. But it does. Austin kisses me. I close my eyes and let the kiss take me away. His lips are soft--if a little chapped--and his kiss feels so nice and familiar. Most importantly, it reminds me of just how things should be and will be again.

Monday, July 20

NOTE TO SELF:

Dinner with A, Rob, & the gang: Longhorn Steakhouse 6 PM.

Flight home: 9 AM Tuesday.

**Send A another care package! Pop Burger could B Good!

MEETING OF THE MINDS con't.

SCENE 14:

Andie is cleaning out her locker. Leo walks up behind her and stops.

LEO:

Do you like sushi?

ANDIE:

(she looks up, surprised)
I do like sushi.

LEO:

Good. Because I want to take you to this great sushi place. You'll love it.

ANDIE:

Are you asking me out on a date?

LEO:

I guess I kind of am. Is that okay? Or are you going to freak out again and wish you never told me anything?

ANDIE:

I'll be okay. But what about Jenny?

LEO:

I told you before, when you freaked out and ran off. Jenny knows we were over a long time ago. It's time to move on. Everyone has to. All we've got is the future, you know?

ANDIE:

You can't forget the past.

LEO:

No, but you can learn from it and make the future even better, don't you think?

ANDIE:

I do. At least I hope that's the way it works.

(Leo grabs Andie's stuff and puts it into her backpack. Then he offers her his hand.)

LEO:

Want to go?

ANDIE:

I don't know. This is it, isn't it? The last time here, at this locker, in this place. It's kind of scary.

LEO:

Yeah, it is. But it sort of isn't. It's sort of exciting.
(Andie laughs.)
What's so funny?

ANDIE:

I was just thinking that this is my last ever day here and I'm walking out of school with the one boy I always wanted to walk into school with.

LEO:

Then let's take the long way out, and check things out one last time.

ANDIE:

Works for me.

(Andie and Leo walk toward the back of the stage together and the stage fades to black.)

THE END

SIXTEEN: Back to the Future

"Kaitlin, they're waiting for you!" The stage manager knocks on my door.

"Got it!" I yell back, checking my reflection in the mirror before making my way backstage in my jeans and T-shirt combo for the last time.

It's been three weeks since I visited Austin in, well, Austin, and the rest of my stint in the play and in New York has been blissfully smooth. I think I've finally gotten the hang of this stage thing, and even though Riley won't give me credit for it, I know I'm improving. She's not even offering me her opinion anymore. Even if she did, I wouldn't listen. I know I tackled something big, new, and scary and I survived. The same thing goes for me and Austin. Everyone else is doing okay too. Liz finished her writing and directing clinic and got an A-minus on her final project, the one starring Sky. Even better, they didn't kill each other doing it! They've sort of taken over the frenemies title that Sky and I used to share. Sky stayed in New York, as promised. She says it was to take meetings, but I know it was to hang with me and Liz. And Liz was surprisingly okay with that. The only ones not still okay with that are my mom and Laney. But we're about to change that.

"Ready?" Sky meets me in the backstage hallway. She's obviously not in costume for a final night's performance so she looks much more appropriate for an audition than I do. Her raven hair is ironed straight and has grown a bit since the start of the summer, almost hitting her mid-back, which is bare thanks to the Versace dress she has on. The green floral print is a bit dizzying, but Sky says she's hoping it puts the people we're meeting with in a complete trance.

I grab Sky's hand. "Are you sure you're ready for this? I mean, we've talked about it, but we haven't
really
talked about it."

Sky sighs. "K..."

"This is a big deal and we both keep skirting around the major issues. You say you like the pilot. You like the character. You like the character I would be playing, but you haven't said whether you think we can survive doing this together. This is a huge deal, Sky."

"K...," Sky tries again.

"Are we sure we want to go down this road again?" I ask. "What if my mom and Laney are right? What if we get on set and two days in we are back to hating each other again? What if our comic chemistry on
SNL
was a total fluke? What if we don't have the chops to do comedy? Or we stink in front of a live audience? What if the show bombs after three episodes and we're to blame? What if--"