Read Secrets of a D-List Supervillain Online
Authors: Jim Bernheimer
“What’re you talking about?”
“Oh, sorry man. First thing’s first, here you go.”
I looked down at the bent postcard he hands me. It showed the Grand Canyon with the stylized phrase, “Wish You Were Here!” scrawled across it in blue ink. Looking at the back, it had a date almost a year from now, and some words below:
On the above date, you should be in San Francisco with the most powerful people you can recruit.
It was signed, Jeffrey Dunlap. The name sounded vaguely familiar and alarm bells began ringing in the distant corner of my mind.
“What is this?”
“What city were you born in, and what’s your birthday?”
“Huh? Why should I tell you that?”
“C’mon man, I’ve been sending out these cards from Mr. Dunlap for over half my life, and this is the last one! Just tell me!”
“Who’s this Dunlap guy?”
“You mean, you never heard of Prophiseer?”
Yeah, I had heard of him—some kind of psychic who saw the future, but he’d been captured and killed by the Overlord a long time ago. The memory of the HORDES battle came to mind, where the Overlord had taunted Lazarus Patterson with the knowledge that he’d be killed by a man in a suit of armor. It was followed by another one of Bo saying he knew to be in Biloxi the night he caught me because he’d gotten a similar post card.
People had speculated about those postcards with vague and mysterious warnings. They hadn’t come from Dunlap’s widow, or anyone else he’d been connected with.
“Yes. Who are you?”
The guy looked perturbed. “Does it matter? Just tell me what I want to know and I’m outta here!”
“Well, I’m curious how you knew Prophiseer?”
“Fine! You want to know? I’ll tell you. We lived on the same street and he bought lemonade from the stand I ran when I was a kid. When my family got ready to move, he came over and gave me a box filled with these postcards and an envelope with five grand in it and told me to mail them out in order. This last one just had a map coordinates on it and said to use the GPS on my smartphone. They didn’t even have those when he gave me the box!”
“Wow,” Was all I could say. “Why didn’t you just keep the money and pitch the post cards?”
He must’ve been ten at the time. The idea of some preteen holding on to all these little prophecies and mailing them out like a dutiful worker bee seemed slightly absurd, but if Matthew hadn’t been my middle name Slightly Absurd probably could have been it.
“Tell me where you were born and what your birthday is first.”
“Lincoln, Nebraska and August twenty-fifth.” I didn’t really hesitate. He could probably use that and maybe put together that I was really Calvin Matthew Stringel, but Prophiseer could have just told him that. Plus, he really didn’t look like he cared.
He scribbled it down on a piece of paper. “All through this, he’s been leaving me pieces of a puzzle along the way. That’s the last bit I need to solve where he hid my final payoff. Now, I just have to put it together with the rest of the clues and go find my three million dollars. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a date with a pile of cash hidden somewhere out there.”
My head was still spinning from all of this as he ran off like the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, leaving me staring at the note on the postcard. I’d gone up that hill looking for a little direction, and fate had responded by sending me a note from a guy who’s been dead for years, telling me where I needed to be.
I’ve had plenty of odd stuff happen to me, in my life. This was definitely in the top five.
• • •
“You got a card? The last one?” Stacy asks. “Why didn’t you say something when that came up earlier?”
“It’s right there,” I say and point at the workbench. Prophiseer’s warning is pinned to the wall. My girlfriend went over and inspected the item with her critical eye. “I was getting to it. Besides, I like a little dramatic flair.”
“So, it was a kid with a lemonade stand and a three million dollar golden ticket? One of life’s mysteries just got solved.”
“Pretty much,” I reply, while she scans the still bent postcard.
“You could have come to me with this,” she says. “Even if we weren’t together, I would have taken this seriously.”
“Except that I was dead and, if we’re being honest, I was still a little ticked at you. If I had, how would you have handled me showing up?”
Frowning, she pins it back to the corkboard. “Good point.”
“Wendy and I talked it over, and as soon as we realized that was Patterson’s sentencing date, she put a bug in Bolt Action’s ear to have all the available Guardians in town. Your team was already there, so telling you wasn’t really important.”
Bringing the audio up from Wendy’s interview, I listen in.
“Actually, Gayle,” Wendy says. “I find it the height of hypocrisy that they accuse me of child endangerment when these same people had no problem asking me, when I was seven months pregnant, to fly out into Hurricane Ishmael and spend hours fighting a hurricane. Now, the only thing that has changed is that I’m not toeing the company line anymore.”
“Your hurt feelings are understandable,” the interviewer replied. “However, from an outsider’s standpoint, you’ve all but walked away from the Guardians and you’re working with a pair of unknown superhumans who, by all accounts, are every bit as powerful as you are. You can understand how that might be troubling to the general public. Especially when two of the federal agents were taken to the hospital with injuries.”
“Oh, I’ve heard what people are saying, Gayle – that this is a rebellious phase and I’m lashing out. Rubbish! The government, and not just my father, is more concerned about controlling the superhuman population than protecting the public. The idiot politicians think they can legislate the villains away! They want you to believe that they have everything under control. Instead of apprehending real villains, they come after a mom holding her child. Way to keep it classy, Federal Marshalls service. As for any injuries, I don’t recall doing anything other than using a concentrated wind blast to keep them away from my daughter, after they drew stunners. Ever wonder what a taser, designed to take out a superhuman, would do to a seven month old? I didn’t really care to find out. Every agent had a body camera on them, why hasn’t the video footage been released, yet? The answer is that they’re still editing it, I’m just as curious as you to see what they concocted.”
I laugh at her verbal barb and the way she plants seeds of doubt about the official story as Gayle switches topics and asks about her “new” team.
“I’m not here to talk about them,” Wendy says. “They have their own stories and I am going to respect their privacy. Megasuit and Red aren’t interested in becoming a brand or doing appearances. I support their decision one hundred percent. They joined me for one reason, to make the world a better place. I will never know what it’s like to have a secret identity. From the moment my powers surfaced, I’ve been a public figure, and I’m okay with that, but if my new teammates don’t crave that kind of life, I completely understand. What I will say about them is that they are dedicated and committed to doing what is right.”
Looking over at Stacy, I shrug and say, “She might be overestimating me.”
“I don’t think she is,” my girlfriend comments.
“Not you, too!”
“Shush! I’m trying to hear what Wendy is saying.”
A cynical thought crossed my mind that we sounded like a real couple now, but I let it slide, rather than say it aloud. There was no need to pick a fight that she’d probably end up winning.
“Still, there is the matter of the fugitive warrant that is out for you. Do you plan to surrender peacefully?”
“Gayle, I have done absolutely nothing wrong and I have no intention of being paraded around to satisfy my father’s political ambitions.”
There’s a momentary pause while the interviewer prepares her next line of questioning. “Those are some very strong words, Wendy. Are you prepared for the backlash from the superhero community as well?”
“I’ve fought for justice all over the globe, alongside some of the most devoted and self-sacrificing heroes out there. Those heroes know who I am and what I stand for. I respect them for all that they do and I hope they can understand and respect what my team is trying to accomplish.”
“Then you won’t mind me asking what exactly is your team trying to accomplish?”
“When the bugs took over, it wasn’t the government or the hero teams that saved us. It was a truly gifted engineer with a powersuit and a lot of dumb luck. Cal isn’t here to save us from ourselves, and I don’t think I’ll ever have the kind of luck he had, so I’m going to rely on preparation and a pair of the strongest heroes on the planet. We’re not going to let the next global catastrophe happen. We will stop it in its tracks.”
“Can I ask the name of your team, Wendy?”
“Up until today, we were going to call ourselves the Reinforcements. Though I haven’t had a chance to sit down and discuss it with the others, after today’s events, you can call us the New Renegades. Don’t look for us at a parade or some kind of event. Look for us when things are bad and you need someone to come and save the day. That’s when we will be there. We don’t want the glory or the gratitude. We’re like that fire extinguisher over on that wall, with the ‘in case of emergency, break glass’ painted on it. The bad guys have had an advantage all this time. They know what teams they might be dealing with if they are in this part of the country, or that part of the country. They know where Mount Olympus is and where all the other public teams have headquarters. There are fan and gossip websites that make their living off of telling the world where the teams are. I’m here to warn them to start looking over their shoulders, because we’re out there watching and we’re constantly on the move.”
Wendy pauses and looks directly at the camera. “I also have a message for the villains out there. If we show up, it doesn’t matter what power you possess or how hardcore you think you are. We will pound you into submission and let someone else scrape you off the pavement and take you to the hospital and then jail.”
“Nailed it!” I shout, throwing my arms into the air. “She stuck the landing and the crowd goes wild!”
Stacy appears pensive. “You three are plenty powerful; I’ll give you that, but might doesn’t always make right.”
“Excuse me,” Andy interrupts the likely start of an argument. “Calvin, I detected a change in the air traffic patterns in the Phoenix airspace. Based on the pattern, it appears that a flight has been granted priority clearance and their new approach will have them flying over the television station in two hundred and eighteen seconds.”
I flip to the transmitter and let Wendy know we might have some company coming. At the same time, the fire alarm goes off in the building. It seems like they’ve got some help on the inside.
From my “behind the dumpster” vantage point, I see the low flying jet and a group of heroes deploy from it. Andy uses my video to lock in and identify each of the people descending: the Protector Armor, most likely operated by a woman who can see seven seconds into the future, First Aid in his shiny new Promethia provided First Responder armor, Mystigal, Grande Vizier, the shapechanging monk Rakshasa, and their new addition, some psychokinetic named Mindcracker. The West Coast Guardians are here.
“Larry!” I holler upstairs. “Get to the poop chute. Wendy, might want to wrap it up, the West Coasters have finally tracked us down.”
“Yeah, I saw them on the screen upstairs,” Larry answers, bounding down the steps in his red costume.
“Which do you like better, New Renegades or Reinforcements?”
“Renegades. Not even close,” Larry says and uses his telekinesis to rise into the air and go feet first down the slide. I start my suit forward shoving the dumpster out into the parking lot like an empty carboard box, giving Larry the space he needs to exit the portal in my armor.
“Bobby isn’t around, so three votes carry the motion, unless you have a really good counter argument, Andy.”
“The name is acceptable to me, Calvin, but I suggest we deal with more pressing matters.”
My back monitor catches Larry dropping out Mega’s ass and into a crouch.
“Damn!” he swears. “You could’ve picked a less smelly spot to hide in.”
“Whatever, Red,” I say and switch away from calling him Larry, in case our transmissions become decrypted by the two sets of Guardian armor. “Be wary of Mystigal. She’s probably got the best chance of hurting either one of us with her magic.”
“Got it, Ul... sorry, Megasuit.”
I chuckle and say, “We should settle on names, soon, shouldn’t we? You want to stick with Red or go with Extraordinary?”
“Big Red, like the chewing gum.”
“Okay, be ready to take a bite out of them, then.”
Larry’s energy form swells and he rises into the center of the twenty foot tall mass.
“Wendy! Watch yourself! I lost track of their shapechanger. Andy, find him! He may be inside already. Better blow out a window and get into the air. You’re at a disadvantage in there.”
“Copy that, Mega. I’m on my... shit!”
“You’re coming with us, WhirlWendy!” On the monitor, I catch a human form lunging at her.