Secrets of a Career Girl (5 page)

‘Mr and Mrs Monroe.’ Penny introduced herself and sat down. ‘I was the doctor on duty when Heath was brought in.’

And she went through everything with them. They didn’t need her tears, neither did they need false hope. She told them it was incredibly serious but that their son was in Theatre, and she watched as their lives fell apart. As she walked out of the interview room, Penny wondered if she could really bear to be a mum because the agony on their features, the sobbing that had come from Mrs Monroe was, Penny realised, from a kind of love she didn’t yet know.

‘How are they?’ Ethan asked when she came back to the nurses’ station.

‘They’re just having a nice cup of tea...’ Penny bristled and then checked herself. She was aware she was terribly brittle at times. Jasmine had happily told her that on several occasions, but speaking with Heath’s parents had been incredibly hard. ‘Awful,’ she admitted, then looked at his black suit and up into his hazel eyes and she could see they were a little bit bloodshot. Normally Penny didn’t ask questions, she liked to keep everything distanced, but she had seen his eyes shutter when he’d looked at the young patient, remembered the raw pain in his voice last night, and for once she crossed the line.

‘How was the funeral?’ Penny asked.

‘It wasn’t a funeral apparently, it was a celebration of life.’ He turned back to his notes. ‘It was a funeral to me.’

‘How was the son?’

‘Trying to be brave.’ He let out a breath.

He looked beautiful in a suit; in fact, Penny couldn’t believe that she’d never noticed until recently that he was a very good-looking man. Still, her mind had been in other places in recent weeks, but it was in an unfamiliar one now, because she wanted to say something more to him, wanted to somehow say the right thing. She just didn’t know what.

‘I need to get something to eat.’ Penny, of course, said the wrong thing, but she was actually feeling sick she was so hungry. ‘I’m sorry, Ethan, that sounded...’

‘It’s fine.’ For the first time that day Ethan actually smiled. Penny really was socially awkward, Ethan realised. It just didn’t offend him so much today.

‘Can I have a word, please, Penny?’ She turned at Jasmine’s voice, remembered she had been looking for her earlier.

‘Away from here.’ Penny saw how pale her sister was and even before they had reached her office, Penny couldn’t help but ask.

‘Is it the baby?’

‘No.’ Jasmine swallowed before speaking. ‘Jed’s mum had a stroke this morning.’

‘Oh! I’m sorry to hear that. How bad is it?’

‘We’re not sure yet. Jed’s trying to get away from work and then he’s going to fly over there.’

‘You need to go with him.’ Instantly, Penny understood her sister’s dilemma—Jed’s family were all in Sydney.

‘I can’t leave you now.’ Jasmine’s eyes were full of tears.

‘Jasmine. Your husband’s mum is ill, possibly seriously. How can you not go with him? You know how people had to just drop everything when Mum was sick.’

‘You’re mid-treatment and I promised you—’

‘You made a bigger promise to your husband when you married him.’ Penny was incredibly firm. ‘I will be fine.’ Jasmine gave her a very disbelieving look. After all, she was the one who gave Penny her injections and knew just how bad she was. ‘I will be,’ Penny insisted.

‘You’ll stop the treatment,’ Jasmine said.

‘I won’t. I’ll ring the clinic now and make an appointment or I’ll go to my GP. Jasmine, you know that you have to go with Jed.’

She did.

There really wasn’t a choice.

But what Penny didn’t tell her was that there was little chance of her getting to the clinic by six and even if she did, tomorrow she was on midday till nine.

‘Are you okay?’ Ethan frowned as she joined him at the nurses’ station.

‘I just had some bad news,’ Penny said. ‘Jed’s mother has had a stroke.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that.’ He saw tears starting to fill her very blue eyes and her nose starting to go red. ‘Are you close?’

‘No.’ Penny shook her head. ‘They live in Sydney, Jasmine is on her way there now.’

‘I meant close,’ Ethan said, as Penny seemed a little dazed, ‘as in are you close to her?’

‘Not really. I just met her once at the wedding.’ Penny blinked. ‘She seemed pretty nice, though. Ethan...’ Penny took a deep breath ‘...could I ask...?’ No, she couldn’t ask him to cover for her now, because even if he said yes to tonight, what about tomorrow and the next day? ‘It doesn’t matter.’

She went to walk off to her office and Ethan sat there frowning. Really, all he did was frown any time he spoke to Penny. She really was the most confusing woman he had ever met.

Cold one minute and then incredibly empathetic the next.

Ethan looked up and qualified his thought.

Make that empathetic one minute and a soon-to-be blubbering mess the next. Her face had gone bright red and she had stopped in the corridor by a sink and was pulling paper towels out of the dispenser, and her shoulders were heaving.

He didn’t know very much about Penny, she’d made sure of that, but from the little that he did know, Ethan was quite sure she would hate any of the staff seeing her like that. She was trying to dash off, but Lisa was calling out to her and he watched as the trauma registrar came into the department and caught a glimpse of her and, patient notes in hand, went to waylay her. Ethan stepped in.

‘I need a quick word with you, please, Penny.’ He took her by the elbow and sped her through the department into one of the patient interview rooms, and the second they were inside Penny broke down.

CHAPTER SIX

‘P
LEASE
,
GO
, E
THAN
.’

He just stood there.

‘Ethan, please, just go.’

‘I’m really sorry about your sister’s mother-in-law.’ He saw her forehead crinkle and then intermingled with sobs she let out a strange gurgle of laughter.

‘It’s not that.’

‘Oh.’

‘I’m not that nice.’

Ethan stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. He could handle tears from patients and their relatives but this felt more personal than that. She had a handful of paper towels so he couldn’t even offer her a tissue.

Then she blurted it out.

‘I’m having IVF.’

And any fledgling thoughts that possibly he might rather like Penny in
that
way were instantly doused. Still, at least, in this, he did know what to do. My God, he did, because he wrapped his arms around her and gave her a cuddle. As he did so he was filled with a sense of déjà vu, because his twin sister had been through it so many times and had taught him what to do. Often Kate had wept on him, on anyone who happened to be passing really.

Except there was no feeling of déjà vu when he actually held Penny in his arms. She was incredibly slim and, he was quite sure from her little wriggle to escape, that she wasn’t someone who particularly liked to be held. ‘It must be horrible,’ Ethan said, because Kate had told him that that was a good thing to say when he’d messed up a few times and said the completely wrong thing.

‘I’m a mess,’ Penny mumbled.

‘You’re not a mess,’ Ethan said. ‘It’s just that your hormones are crazy at the moment.’ He would ring Kate tonight and thank her, Ethan thought as he felt Penny relax in his arms. Then he ventured off the given script. ‘So that’s what’s been going on?’

She nodded into his chest and Ethan realised then that her on IVF was the only Penny he had ever known. ‘It’s my second go. That’s why I was away when you started here. I should have taken time off this time.’

He realised now why she’d been so inflexible with the roster on other occasions, all the appointments she would have been juggling would have made it impossible to change—and yet yesterday, at short notice, she had. ‘Why didn’t you just say?’

‘I didn’t want anyone to know. But now I’m just being a bitch to everyone.’

‘You’re not.’

‘Everyone’s saying it.’

‘No,’ Ethan lied, ‘you just come across as a bit tough.’ He gave in then. ‘I bet you’re normally a really nice person.’ He held his breath, worried that he had said the wrong thing, but he felt her laugh a little. ‘I bet you’re a sweet, warm, lovely thing really.’

‘No,’ Penny said. ‘I
am
a bitch, but you’ve just met the exacerbated version.’ And then she started to cry again. ‘You missed going to the football with your cousin because of me. I’m a horribly selfish person.’

‘Penny, stop it.’

Except she couldn’t stop crying, just wished she could take back that day and he could have had that time with his cousin.

‘Phil and I often went to football, it really wasn’t a big deal, and remember Phil got to spend precious time with Justin that day.’

Finally she felt herself calming, embarrassed now at being held, and she pulled away.

‘You need to go home,’ Ethan said. ‘Were you at the clinic this morning?’

Penny nodded.

‘I can cover more for you now that I know. You come in to work a bit later some mornings, just text me.’

‘It’s not just because I’m tired that I’m crying.’ She took a big breath and told him the embarrassing truth. ‘I’m terrified of needles and Jasmine has been the one giving the injections to me. I’m due for one at six. I’m going to ring the clinic and see if they can give it to me, but I’m not sure what time they close, and then there’s tomorrow...’

Ethan sat her down. ‘Surely one of the nurses can give it to you?’ Ethan suggested, but realised that, of course, she didn’t want anyone to know she was on IVF. ‘I can give you your injections.’

‘God, no.’ Penny shook her head. ‘I’m not just a little bit scared of needles. I get in a right state sometimes—even worse than I am now.’

‘Can’t your partner come in?’ Ethan asked, because Carl had given Kate hers. ‘Surely he’d—’

‘I don’t have a partner. I’m doing this by myself.’

‘You’re doing this on your own?’

‘Yes.’

‘You mean you’d choose...’ As Penny looked at him sharply, luckily Ethan had the good sense to stop talking. He just couldn’t really believe someone would choose to be a parent, let alone a single one—babies really weren’t his forte. But, whatever his thoughts on the subject were, they really weren’t relevant here. Penny wasn’t asking for his opinion, just some help with logistics. Instead, he asked where the clinic was and then looked at his watch.

‘You really do need to get going if you’re going to have a hope of making it there, but if the travelling gets too much, any time you need me to give you an injection, I’m more than happy to.’

‘I don’t think you realise how bad I am with needles.’

‘There’s a straitjacket in the lock-up room,’ Ethan said. And he wasn’t joking, there
was
a straitjacket in the lock-up room and he knew exactly how petrified some people were of needles. ‘I do know how to give an injection to someone who doesn’t want one, Penny. I tend to do it quite a lot.’ He gave her a smile but she shook her head.

‘I’ll sort something out.’

‘Go, then,’ Ethan said. ‘And thank you for today.’

Of course, it wasn’t quite so straightforward as simply leaving the department and getting to her car. Three people stopped Penny on her way to her office, which she had to go to, because that’s where her bag and keys were, and also her medication.

Penny dashed to her car and pulled out of the car park, ringing the IVF nurse as she did so and being put straight on hold.

Penny hit the beach road and it wasn’t five in the morning, it was nearly five p.m., so the traffic was bumper to bumper. Ringing off, she turned the car round—it took fifteen minutes just to get back to work.

‘I thought you’d be back.’ Ethan smiled.

‘Can I talk to you for a second?’ She just had to let him know what he was getting into. ‘I need these every night at six. I don’t know how long Jasmine is going to be gone and we don’t always work the same shifts.’

‘I know I’m lousy at commitment, Penny,’ Ethan said. ‘But I think I can manage this. I can come into work if I’m not on, or you can come into me, or we can meet in a bar and go into a quiet corner.’ He almost made her smile.

‘From the noises I make they’d think you were attacking me!’ Penny said. ‘I’m not just a little bit scared of needles—I try not to, but sometimes I start crying. I just lose it.’

‘It’s fine.’ He was annoyingly calm.

‘I don’t think you understand. You will not calm me down and even if I say no, I don’t want it, you have to ignore me. Just undo my skirt and stick it in.’

‘I’m not even going to try to respond to that.’ Ethan saw the flush spread on her cheeks and he met her eyes with a smile. ‘Go and get something to eat and sit down for a while and then remind me closer to six.’

* * *

Penny tapped him on the shoulder at five to six.

‘Could I have a word in my office, please, Ethan?’

‘Of course.’

‘I need you for a moment, Penny,’ Lisa called as they walked past.

‘It will have to keep.’ Ethan’s voice was gruff. ‘Only buzz me if something urgent comes in. I need to speak with Penny.’

‘It sounds as if I’m about to be told off.’

‘Exactly,’ Ethan said. ‘So we shan’t be disturbed.’

They walked into her office where Penny had things all set up and, she noted, he actually thought to lock the door. ‘Is this what you were doing when I knocked for you to come for a drink with Gordon?’

Penny nodded.

‘You really never know what goes on behind closed doors.’ He gave her a smile and then, ever the doctor, he checked the vials and the use-by dates.

‘I’ve already checked everything.’

‘Good for you,’ Ethan said, refusing to be rushed and taking the time to make sure, but it was all too much for Penny. It was bad enough that she was having a needle, but with Jasmine gone and everything it was just a whole lot worse. Seeing Ethan pick up the syringe, Penny started to cry, and not as she had before. This was, Ethan realised, the sound of real fear.

‘Okay.’ He kept his voice practical, he was just going to go in and get this over and done with.

‘No!’ Penny shouted. She had worked herself up to try and stay calm. She could think of nothing worse then Ethan seeing her in such a terrible state and having to face him again, but her resolve had completely broken when she’d seen him pick up the injection. The last thing on Penny’s mind was the result and the possibility of a baby; she just wanted to get out of there.

‘No.’ She said it again as he walked over with the kidney dish. ‘Ethan, no, I’ve changed my mind.’

‘Tough.’

Even as Penny said no, she was trying to undo her skirt and failing, and then when Ethan stepped in she tried to brush off his hands but failed at that too.

‘Ethan, please!’ Penny was doing her best not to sob and make a complete fool of herself. He put the kidney dish down on the desk behind her, his hands finding the side zip of her skirt. He pushed her against the desk and held her in place with one hip as he pulled her skirt down a little bit and reached for the alcohol swab on the desk behind him. Then Ethan turned her, resisting and crying, around and she felt the coldness of the alcohol on the top of her buttock. ‘What the hell are you doing?’ Penny shouted. ‘It’s sub-cut, you idiot...’

He turned her quickly to face him and before she even knew it, Ethan had swabbed her stomach and the needle was in.

‘I know.’ Ethan smiled, massaging the injection site with one hand as he threw the needle into the kidney dish with the other. ‘That’s called a distraction technique, in case you were wondering.’

Only the distraction had been for him—the image of coral-coloured silk knickers and just a glimpse of the top of her bottom were branded in his mind. Now he was looking down at her lovely pale stomach as he massaged the injection in, and he saw the dots of bruises and his fingers wanted to wander there too. More than that he knew she was watching his fingers, knew he should stop now, or that she could take over, but they both just stood very close, looking down. And he actually wondered if it was wrong just how turned on he was now and, no, he did not want to fancy her.

It had been a hell of a day, a completely wretched day, and he blamed it on the funeral as he lingered a little too long. And Penny looked at his mouth and blamed it all on the hormones she was taking, because she was holding back from kissing him.

‘Okay!’ It was Ethan who took control, whose mind sort of jolted and alerted him to the fact that the woman he was very close to kissing, the woman he was hard for now, was very actively trying to get pregnant.

‘You’re done,’ Ethan said. He picked up the kidney dish, turned his back and made a big deal about tipping the contents into the sharps dispenser.

She was a close colleague too, Ethan told himself. And an absolute cow to work with, he reminded himself a few times—except he knew why now.

No, he did not want to fancy Penny.

As Penny did up her zipper and smoothed down her blouse she was not sure what, if anything, had happened just then. She was embarrassed at her tears, of course, but there was something else swirling in the room with them, an energy that must not be acknowledged.

‘Thank you.’

‘No problem,’ Ethan clipped. ‘Same time tomorrow, then?’

‘Please,’ Penny said. ‘I mean, yes.’