Secrets in Mourning (16 page)

Inspecting the damage the next morning, Connor was grim with how much destruction had been done. And how much it would cost to repair it.

The servants were exhausted, the entire manor was dusted with soot, and he had come close to losing the only person he had ever loved.

Last night, when he hadn’t been sure if they would make it out of the house alive, he had regretted not telling her that he loved her. But now, he was glad he hadn’t.

There were no ties between them, nothing holding her here.

She needed to go.

Kicking what once was a gilded chair leg, he watched it crumble as it rolled across the remnants of the Persian rug.

He had nothing to give her. Nothing to offer her. Not even a dream. Since he had inherited the title, he had dreamed of seeing Lynfield Hall back in all its glory. While that dream would still be accomplished in time, he wouldn’t subject Victoria to the life they would have to live in order to carve out the finances for the project.

She would never have the newest gowns, never have the most modern furnishings. And there most definitely wouldn’t be yearly trips to London.

Regardless of how far she had grown, she would die without those things. And he wouldn’t be the man that made her wilt.

He refused.

He would rather let her go than ruin her. And if she stayed in this burned heap, that’s exactly what would happen to her.

It was for the best that he avoided her until she left. There wasn’t anything left to say to her. With the excuse of always being too busy to talk and with a message passed through a servant that he ‘wished her to have a pleasant journey,’ he was able to keep his distance.

Though it almost killed him.

But he couldn’t keep himself from watching out the window as her carriage was loaded. The trunks that had seemed so luxurious when they had arrived were covered in the same coat of blackness that permeated the entire house. No doubt her belongings looked as if they were used to clean the chimney. But he doubted it would be difficult to order a new wardrobe.

She would be sitting in the carriage by now, waiting to leave. Was she thinking of him? Would she miss anything from her time here? he wondered with an ache in his heart.

Though it cost him, he stood still as the driver climbed atop the coach, giving one quick snap of the reigns before the horses moved to a walk. The carriage slowly disappeared down the lane.

She was gone.

The pain that seared through him was unimaginable, and every cell in his body screamed to go after her and bring her back home. But this wasn’t her home. And she didn’t belong here.

“You are a bigger fool than I had ever imagined,” his mother announced from the doorway.

“Excuse me?” he asked, turning slowly from the window as if he hadn’t heard her correctly.

“Oh, you heard me. You’re a fool. Didn’t I teach you to use your brain at all?”

He gritted his teeth. “I’m not really in the mood for one of our heart to hearts, mother. Perhaps another time.” He gave her his back, dismissing her from his presence.

“Don’t play lord of the manor with me, Connor. Remember that I was married to your father. There isn’t much you could do to scare me off.”

“What do you want from me?” his voice raised as he whipped back to face her. “What can I do to get you to leave me alone? To get some peace?”

“You don’t need peace. What you need is a good kick in the head. Perhaps it would help you to make better decisions.”

“What on Earth are you talking about? I’m sick of your games, mother. I’m sick of placating you. I’m sick of paying for what Father did. I’m not him. So you can just stop treating me that way.”

Her mouth hung open. “I’ve never—”

“Don’t.” His voice was deadly quiet. “Don’t deny it. He went out on you, produced countless bastards and hadn’t the decency to hide it. He never cared one ounce about your feelings or mine. I know I resemble him. I’ve seen the way you look at me as if you were looking at him.”

“That’s not true.” Her cane cracked on the floor. “Yes, you resemble him. And while at times, you have a look that reminds me of him and it dredges up memories, I have never held you responsible for his actions. Until this moment, I have only been proud to call you my son.”

“Until now?”

Her lips pursed as if she tasted a lemon. “It does not give me any pleasure to say this, but you are a fool if you let that girl get away.”

“What?” he couldn’t help from yelling the question. “You hate her.”

“I don’t hate her. In fact, if you must know, she reminds me of myself when I was her age.”

“I’ll make sure never to mention it.”

Her eyes narrowed, but her lips quirked slightly in amusement. “Cheeky boy. She belongs here at Lynfield Hall.”

“No.” He shook his head emphatically, but his shoulders stooped under the weight of hopelessness. “She doesn’t. There is nothing for her here but a broken-down house, a motley crew of servants, a woman who treats her worse than a slave,” he said, looking at her knowingly. “and a life of going without,” he finished.

“What about you? Are you not worth the sacrifice?”

“She should never have to sacrifice anything. Especially for me.”

“I think I should be the judge of that.” Victoria’s voice entered the conversation from the opposite side of the room.

Jerking in shock, he could only stare at her.

“And that’s my cue to leave,” his mother smirked, winking to Victoria before she left.

“We’ll settle this later,” Victoria whispered to the woman, but it was loud enough for him to hear.

“Indeed we will.” His mother left the room with a self-satisfied smile.

“I thought you had left,” he said lamely.

She walked into the room, taking off her gloves before setting them on the back of the sofa. “I did.”

“Why?” He couldn’t seem to finish the question, but she knew it anyway.

“Why did I come back? Hmm… let’s see.” She tapped her chin as if she were thinking of an answer. “I’ve decided that I quite enjoy it here.”

He gulped, his heart leaping at her words as his mind screamed for him to turn her away, to make her leave so that she could have a better life.

He wasn’t listening.

She moved closer to him and all he could do was let his eyes feast on her. Gorge on the vision of her curves that he had thought to never see again.

“Your time in mourning is finished. You’ll like London as well.” His voice was scratchy.

“I’ve made friends here.”

He clenched his fists, resisting the urge to haul her against him. “You have friends in London.”

She shook her head softly and took another step toward him. “Actually, I don’t. I want to stay here.”

He forced out a bitter laugh. “Well then pick up the broom in the corner, honey. There’s lots of work to be done.”

Her eyes narrowed. Turning, she grabbed the broom and began to sweep.

“Jesus!” He grabbed the broom out of her hands. “You don’t belong here, Victoria. Go back to London.”

“I belong with you.”

He shook his head firmly, though her words wove their own magic. “I can’t give you the life you deserve.”

“All I want is you.” She moved close to him again, matching her toes up with his.

Her scent wafted over him, the rose soap from her bath temporarily overwhelmed the smoke. “You would come to regret it. I can’t buy you new clothes, I can’t host grand balls, I can’t even give you a decent place to sleep, for heaven’s sake.”

“I don’t care about any of that.”

“You will.”

“No. I’ll only care if I’m not with you. I love you, Connor.” The words were loud and strong, her declaration ringing in its truth.

The breath knocked out of him. “Don’t. Don’t say that.”

“I love you,” she said firmly. “Whether you want to hear it or not. I do. And you’re stuck with me. I’m not leaving.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying.” He tried to sound firm, but his resolve was weakening. He wanted her, and he wasn’t a good enough man to turn her away when she offered something he so desperately needed.

Her love.

“I think I do.”

His arms closed around her and her eyes lit with pleasure. “You will probably end up regretting those words someday.”

“No. Never. I love y—”

But he cut her off with a kiss. His lips sealing her words between them, using them to forge a bond between them that wouldn’t break.

He kissed her long and hard, as if this would be the last meeting of their lips. He nipped at her, drank from her, weakened her until he felt her knees begin to melt beneath her.

Pulling away, he cradled her head, making sure her eyes were focused on him before he spoke. “I love you, Victoria. Just try leaving me once you change your mind.”

She laughed, her face scrunching before tears began to flow from her eyes. “Never. Never ever.”

“Remember you said that when you’re out plucking your own chicken for dinner.” He laughed but his gaze remained grave. “Money will be tight for some time as we rebuild this place.”

Her lips curved again. “I think I could manage. After laundry, what’s a few feathers?” He chuckled, appreciating her humor. “But then, I don’t think it will come to that.” Before he could tell her that it just might, she placed her finger over his lips. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Confused, he could only watch the laughter dance in her eyes.

She reached up, brushing back his hair. “Darling, I’m an heiress. We won’t want for anything.”

He stood stock still. He hadn’t even considered that. Using her money to rebuild the house had never occurred to him, and he could tell that she knew it and that she appreciated it even more. “I don’t deserve you,” he said, his tone full of awe. How this woman had ever come to love him, he didn’t know, but he would thank the heavens every second for his fortune.

“I know.” The sassy spark in her eyes had him grinning. He couldn’t help but admire the spirit she had been born with.

Standing on her toes, she brought his head down for one more kiss.

Happiness overwhelmed him. His heart seemed to overflow as he held her in his arms. Rebuilding the house seemed like an insignificant task when he had just accomplished the largest one of all.

He had tamed the shrew. And they would live happily ever after.

*****

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