Secrets - [Guardian Trilogy 01] (3 page)

His graceful, calculating movements as he began to walk towards me reminded me of shark circling its prey. I braced myself for whatever he was planning to do, but he stopped. His eyes suddenly went icy and chills ran up my spine. A mask of boredom slipped over his face, and he turned to look over his shoulder.

The man turned back to me and stared at my face as if memorizing it, then gave me a curt nod and walked into the building. I stared after him, frowning, long after the door shut. I didn't even notice when Jules joined me outside.

 “Are you ready, Livi?” I tried to remember how to form words, but I guess I wasn't fast enough because Juliet looked concerned. “Olivia, are you all right?”

“Yeah . . .” I was having problems focusing on her. “Did you see that man?”

“No, but don’t talk to me about men! I thought I’d never get away from Sean. And to think he appears perfectly normal—who’d ever guess he was an octopus.”

I forced my attention solely to Jules. “Yes, but do you feel better? That's the important thing.”

She considered for a moment, then smiled. “I guess I do. A bit. It’s nice know I'm still desirable.”

“Please! Like you ever had a doubt.”

“True, but the confirmation is still nice.”

“Daily affirmations no longer working for you?”

We walked out down the street, laughing. Every so often, I casually glanced behind me, trying to spot the mystery man again, but to no avail. Juliet's face soon began to fall, and I knew there could only be one reason.

 “Joe’s an asshole, Jules.”

“No, he isn’t. I think the problem was me not him.”

It was unlike her to take the blame for, well, anything. “Why do you think that?”

“I don’t know. He was really nice, but I just wasn’t into it. I kept pulling away. I don’t blame him for leaving. I was—unavailable.”

“That doesn’t sound like you.”

“I know. It sounds like you. We've been around each other too long—you're starting to rub off on me.” She gave a half-hearted shrug, then forced a smile. “Oh well. There's always the next one.”

“Absolutely—until there isn’t.” I wasn’t letting her off the hook that easily.

“Until there isn’t,” she echoed glumly, only to rebound a moment later. “Who needs men to stay around? We have each other.”

“I don’t know. You’re sort of a loser.” I gave her a toothy, eyes closed grin that always made her laugh. “Seriously though, he wasn’t right for you. You could do so much better than him.”

“Hey, so what was up with that guy you were talking about? I don’t know how I could have missed him. You seemed shaken.”

“Not stirred?” I joked to buy time. Just mentioning him made my heart thump wildly.

“Your deflection doesn’t work with me, Liv. I know all of your tricks of avoidance.”

“I don’t know. He was gorgeous for sure, but there was something I can’t describe. We made eye contact, and I felt like I was going to have a heart attack then he was gone. He seemed … I don’t know.”

“Love at first sight?”

“More like arrhythmia. How long have you known me? When have I ever believed in that nonsense?” Jules shook her head with an expression that clearly said
what on earth am I going to do with you
?

“I don’t know what it was,” I continued. “Maybe I drank too much tonight—but whatever. Undoubtedly he is either stupid, an asshole, or completely fake. Men like that are rarely anything else.”

 Juliet made a face, but I was on a roll. “I'm not going to start deluding myself about people. Most people
that
perfect are devoid of personality. It is God’s way of evening the playing field. It's not my fault; I don’t make the rules. It’s natural order.”

“You're so full of shit. What it must be like to be in your mind for only a moment! Have you looked in the mirror lately? You're hardly a plain Jane, and you're not devoid of personality. If anything, you have too much carefully hidden under many layers of sarcasm, fake smiles, and feelings of superiority.”

“I don’t even know why we are discussing this. I was nowhere near his league. They wouldn’t even let me in the stadium. As for my mind, it lives in reality, you should come visit some time.” I grinned, but suddenly, almost desperately, wanted to change the subject. I felt possessive of the memory of the man. For right now he was just mine, and I wanted it to stay that way—even though I knew I’d never see him again, and that really, it was for the best.

 We walked by an alley we’d gone past at least a hundred times before, that had never bothered me. Tonight, however, it seemed like something was staring at us from deep in the shadows that was untouched by the feeble light that hung over a restaurant’s kitchen door. Fear knotting in my chest and stomach fluttering, I stopped to see what was making me feel like that. I even took a step in the direction of the alley before Juliet’s voice brought me back.

“What are you doing?”

“Something’s watching us.”

She peered down the alley, squinting. “I don’t see anything, but I’m officially freaked out. Come on—get a life, perv!” she yelled into the darkness, then pulled me the last twenty feet to our building.

 “Stairs or elevator?” Juliet’s eyes flicked from me to the door.

I looked down at my unforgiving knee high black leather boots with a thin three inch heel. “Elevator.”

Juliet and I had been roommates since college, but once two apartments became available next to each other, we took them. That way we were still close, but also had our space. I decorated my apartment all in white and mahogany wanting to make a peaceful haven in my sometimes hectic life. The walls were covered with photographs, some taken by me, others by photographers I admired. I always kept fresh white flowers on the sofa table, preferring lilies to anything else. The world could be as crazy as it wanted to be, and I had a sanctuary. I opened the window in my bedroom and snuggled underneath the white down comforter in my soft bed—giving no thoughts to strange, handsome men or things that lurked in alleys.

Two

I pushed the thin black sheet away, restless, and scratched the stubble peppering my jaw. Each day looked like the day before. Nothing ever changed in this God-forsaken world. I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling, counting the minutes as they passed. It wasn’t so much that I was unhappy. In fact, I couldn’t even tell you what that word meant. “Unhappy” was one of those words in my vocabulary that had lost all meaning. To understand it, I would have to know what it meant to be
happy—
and
that was something I couldn’t fathom. Other emotions I’d forgotten over the years were sadness, joy, hope, empathy, and sympathy. I had no clue what any of those felt like anymore. I just existed, left with only basic knowledge, mere definitions, of those emotions I didn’t use—and boredom. Plenty of boredom. It was the only thing I felt most days.

What was the point of all of this? I could only take out so many girls, toy with so many lives, and make so many deals. Who cared? I did my job for better or worse, and I would continue to, but I wanted something to happen. Something I hadn’t seen a thousand times before, something that would make me do more than just go through the motions. The world had long ago lost any tie that held me to it. I had no anchor. And I had no more feelings for those who passed by me on the sidewalk than I did for the statue on the corner of the street.

My alarm clock beeped from the nightstand. I had to meet a client. I stood up and stretched away the stiffness in my body. I showered and dressed, barely glancing in the mirror because I knew what I would see. A face that had lost any resemblance to the person I used to be and a conscience on extended leave. It didn’t really matter.

It was nearly 1:00 a.m. The bar, someone cleverly named Code, would be closing soon. My client, the owner, had arranged to meet with me at closing time so we’d have privacy without eliciting suspicion. New clients always insisted on cloak and dagger stuff; it made them feel dangerous. I drove to the bar, parked in a handicapped spot, and smiled when people walking past gave me a dirty look before scurrying on their way. My car honked as I set the alarm and walked into the club.

When I pulled the door open, some girl charged into me. As she pushed past, completely unaffected and mumbling something incoherent, the jolt I felt threw me off guard. There was a shift in the air, a tilt of the universe. I grabbed her arm before she could get away. She didn't even turn around—not at first. Who was this girl? When she did finally look over her shoulder at me, she glared as if I was being unreasonable. Her irises were blue-green orbs with a ring of yellow around them that pierced through me and went straight for my soul. She yanked her arm from me. “I said I was sorry.”

Sorry? What did sorry have to do with anything? Who was she, and why did I have no affect on her?
I tried to clear my head. I had the suspicion this one was trouble. My instincts immediately kicked in and offered to take care of her. But I stopped myself. I stared at the girl, straining to figure out if maybe she knew me, or if maybe she was one of us.

She wasn’t the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen—probably wasn’t even the most beautiful girl in this bar—but something about her was arresting. She had rich, reddish-brown hair and, like I mentioned already, curious eyes that sparked with an ample amount of life. Her features weren’t perfectly symmetrical, but they were pleasant. And she was wholesome looking, uncorrupted in a way that was very hard to find. She didn’t flinch from my inspection, nor did her cheeks color. When I finished looking, she met my gaze with a knowing expression—like she could see inside of me. Then I heard her breath catch and her pupils dilated slightly.

Ha. I had her. She wasn't so special after all.
I started towards her. The client could wait. Right now I had a problem in the shape of a pretty brunette to take care of.

Before I could make a full step, however, I was stopped by Roger Walker, the owner. Damn. I willed the girl to stay where she was as intensely as I could, then reluctantly broke eye contact. I hated to let her go, but I had to know that there was a witness.

“Shall we?” Roger asked, motioning me towards the door. I looked back at the girl. She was still looking at me, a strange expression of disappointment on her face. I struggled with myself. Letting her live felt like a mistake. A big one. Still, as I followed Roger, I glanced back only once—just in time to see the strange girl leave with a pretty blond. If I saw her again, I would take care of her. I focused my attention on Roger though the girl was never far away from my thoughts.