Secrets and Shadows (8 page)
“Anything I can do?”
I forced a smile. “Nope. It’l work out.”
“Sure,” he agreed, giving me one of his dazzling smiles. “Sarah and I were talking about you.”
“Oh.” I couldn’t hide my skepticism.
“It was al good,” he assured. “Anyhow … Sarah had an idea.…” He motioned to her as she stood scrutinizing our body language from across the hal . She pried her arms free from Pietr.
scrutinizing our body language from across the hal . She pried her arms free from Pietr.
Pietr looked past our heads, studying the wal and avoiding the questions fil ing my gaze.
Bopping over, Sarah paused in front of me. She clasped her hands and broke out her most winning smile. “When was the last time you went riding?”
The sting of her kissing Pietr was so fresh, I was immune to her charm. “I ride Rio almost every night.”
“I mean, when was the last time you competed in an event?”
I blinked at her, stunned. “June sixteenth.”
Derek’s hand slid down my arm.
Pietr’s eyes focused on me—until Derek took my hand.
Sarah rubbed her forehead, just beneath her soft blond bangs, where a scar stil marked her involvement in Mom’s accident. The smile fluttered off her lips.
Derek set his other hand on her shoulder. Her smile twitched back to life like some mad scientist’s experiment in reanimation. “It’s been far too long, I think.
We
think.” She inclined her head toward Derek.
“It’s your idea. I simply agreed,” he said.
“Anyway, what if you got back on the horse—so to speak? Initiated a ful competition regimen again?”
I looked past them to Pietr. He studied the floor tiles like he wasn’t hearing our discussion. Or like he was considering a career in masonry.
“It would take my mind off things, I guess.”
“You did
relish
competing, didn’t you?” Sarah prodded.
“Yeah.” Flying over fences and bushes on Rio was a rush that was hard to beat. Unless I was kissing Pietr.
“Think about it,” Derek suggested, dropping his hand from Sarah to also fold it around the hand of mine he held.
“Okay, I wil ,” I promised, slipping my hand out of his.
And I
did
think about it. Al day. Almost as frequently as I thought about Pietr avoiding me.
That afternoon as I finished reviewing the assignment list for the upcoming issue of the newspaper at school, I cal ed the Rusakovas.
Grounded
didn’t stick as easily when I was at Junction High.
Cat picked up. “
Nyet
, I am sorry, Jessie. Pietr’s locked himself in his room to study. He said he wil not take phone cal s. He seems preoccupied.
Kak dayla?
What’s going on?”
“Nothing. I hope it’s nothing.”
* * *
“Look,” I said, tugging my hair back to show the barest hint of the fading yel ow bruise. “Almost gone.”
He nodded, a curt move of his head. His eyes remained dark. Stormy and troubled.
“I’m okay.” I reached out to him.
He drew back and forced his lips into a smile. “You wil be,” he agreed, once more turning to stare out the window.
the window.
That day Sarah landed three kisses on Pietr, entwining her fingers into his dark hair to better capture him for one particularly long one. He didn’t seem to put up much of a fight.
Probably just distracted.
Hopeful y because things were going wel in the hunt for his mother. But if so, he didn’t mention it to me.
* * *
I couldn’t imagine knowing your mother was alive and you couldn’t get to her—couldn’t see her, hug her, kiss her … even argue with her.
I wouldn’t have done wel in their shoes, waiting for someone else to decide when or if I could see her. It was no wonder they loped through the night, hunting for her while they waited for permission to visit.
I flicked the reins, encouraging Rio into a jog.
Of course, if I had the option of seeing my mom one last time, instead of knowing she was gone already and forever, I would have waited as long as it took to be with her again.
Winding back toward the barn I straightened in the saddle, seeing someone leaning on the split-rail fence. I slowed Rio to an ambling walk, wondering why
he
was here.
Derek waved at me and straightened, the breeze playing in his soft golden hair.
Rio trotted toward him and I nodded. My expression must have shown my puzzlement. “Hey.” I glanced at the driveway. Mercedes. No truck. No point tel ing him I wasn’t supposed to have visitors.
He walked around the fence and stood beside Rio. “I was thinking more about you starting competition again.”
“Real y? That’s why you’re here?”
“Not entirely. But the Golden Jumper is coming up.”
The Golden Jumper. The biggest competition in our county. “Too fast. I’ve missed registration.”
“So? Chuck and Lucy are old friends of the family.”
“Charles Overton and Lucinda Walsingham?”
“The same.” He grinned when my mouth popped open. “Anyhow, if you’d like to ride, I can cal in a favor.…” He rubbed his head, short hair shimmering.
“Real y?”
“Real y.”
“Wel , um. Yeah.
Please,
” I added. The deadline of the Golden Jumper competition would force me to focus on riding. “Cool. Why else did you come by?”
“I want to learn to ride,” he confessed, glancing down, suddenly bashful.
As much as I was over Derek, I had to admit there was something about him.
“If there’s anybody patient enough to teach me, it’s bound to be you.” His boyish smile dazzled me, and my cheeks warmed.
“I don’t real y teach,” I claimed. “I mean, once at camp … but that was nine-year-old girls. Frankly, I’m more comfortable training horses than people.”
Rio stayed stil beneath me as Derek reached up to touch my leg. “Then think of me as a colt in need of a firm hand.”
I blushed, images of Derek flicking through my head like clips in an old film. Derek playing touch footbal in the park. On the skins’ team. Derek at the town pool in his navy blue trunks, water dripping from his hair.
Derek smiling at me. Derek kissing me at the Homecoming game.
“What are you thinking? You’re grinning ear to ear.”
Embarrassed, I realized I’d mental y equated Derek to a stud instead of a colt. His hand fel away, and I cleared my throat, banishing the thought. “I’m thinking more teaching would be good on my col ege apps, but it takes time.”
“Any good education takes time.”
“And, as much as I’d love to—”
“I can pay.”
“I don’t—” But the idea of additional money when there was trouble at Dad’s factory … Without a Christmas bonus, the money was quite a lure.
“Handsomely,” he added with a wink.
Any other day my pride might have stepped in and made me see sense. Besides, regardless of the additional income, what would Pietr say?
I gnawed my lower lip. Pietr hadn’t said much of anything these past few days. And Derek gave me his puppy dog eyes. And a tidy stack of bil s like it was nothing. “Okay.”
I could talk Dad into this. It was business, not pleasure.
And I could be professional. I’d be instructing him. It wasn’t like we were starting a relationship. So what if he was my old crush? “Fine. Two days each week. Your choice.”
“Tuesday and Thursday,” he said without hesitation.
“Oh. Okay. Tuesday and Thursday.”
“Wil he…” Derek paused, looking up into my eyes as he put out a hand to help me down.
“What?”
“Wil Pietr give you any problem?” he asked. “I know there’s something going on between you. Even if Sarah doesn’t.”
“No,” I took his hand, but I wasn’t as certain as I sounded. I slipped my leg over the saddle to dismount.
Images flooded my brain again, blurring my vision and toying with my perception. I only saw one thing clearly.
Pietr kissing Sarah.
I fel forward.
And Derek caught me.
He held me against his body, sliding me slowly down his front until the breath caught in my throat and my boots touched the ground. Nose to nose, he smiled at me. “I don’t want to cause you any trouble,” he confided. “Even though I think you could do much better than Pietr Rusakova.”
He released me. “Tuesday,” he confirmed, walking back to the waiting car.
Yeah.
It was sure to be no trouble.
“Sorry you’re stil grounded,” Sarah said one morning in the hal way,
sans
Pietr.
Was there anyone who
didn’t
know?
“So how did your rendezvous with Max go, you shameless girl?” she teased.
Seriously?
That
was the rumor explaining why I’d gotten grounded? My makeup application skil s were surely not
that
good or the CIA would be contacting me any day about working deep cover. I’d kept my ears closed to what people were whispering, but rumors flew around Junction fast as hayseed in summer.
I refused to show shock. “It was as much a surprise to me as it was to you.”
“Are you two going out?”
Pietr appeared, lugging Sarah’s backpack along with his own. He watched me a moment, then searched for the nearest clock.
I focused on Sarah. She was smiling. Being supportive.
Dammit.
Her hand slipped into his, and she swung it gently. Casual y. Like they were
really
together.
Dammit.
My lies and choices had led us al here, so I couldn’t—wel ,
shouldn’t
—blame her. But I did. For so much. “It wouldn’t work out with Max and me.” My eyes drifted to Pietr’s and managed to hold them for the length of one sentence: “Although he’s
amazingly
sexy.”
Pietr gave no sign of hearing. He wasn’t looking at me anymore. He was watching the clock.
Again.
“Sorry. Max
is
a hottie.” Sarah linked her arm with mine and sighed, leaning against me. “There’s someone out there for you, Jessica. Closer than you think.”
I fol owed her gaze across the hal way.
Derek stood spotlighted in the stark autumn sunlight, blond hair glowing, bright eyes smiling to match his handsome mouth as he joked with his footbal buddies. He must have felt our eyes on him, because he paused and looked at me, his smile broadening into an easy grin.
“He’s a looker,” she confided, giving a little wave as she clung to me.
I bit the inside of my cheek before whispering, “ ‘But I real y think it’s guts that matter most.’ ”
“What?”
“Just a song stuck in my head,” I mumbled, thinking of Spil Canvas’s “Al Over You.” And the truth.
She sighed again.
“You seem tired.”
“Do I look tired?” she asked, fingers flying up to touch her face in wonder. She played with the silky blond curls that framed her face so perfectly, hiding the scar that nudged at her hairline, a reminder she’d nearly died in the accident.
The accident she’d caused.
“No. No. You look fine. You just…”
“I’m not sleeping wel ,” she admitted, rubbing the spot hidden by her bangs.
“Nightmares?”
Her eyes narrowed.
“I’m the queen of nightmares,” I reminded. “Have them, probably induce them in others.” She stil didn’t smile. “If you want to talk about them—”
“No.” The word was sharp with warning as she let go of my arm.
“Oh. Okay.”
“
No
,” she repeated, softening her reply and patting my arm. She rubbed the scar again. “It’s a
conundrum
I don’t want to bother you with. I’m sure I can work through this myself.”
Yeah
, I thought. Because working through stuff by myself was going so freakishly wel for
me
.
* * *
I nearly corrected her, pointing out there wasn’t any manhandling going on anymore and I actual y missed it, but she added, “Even if he
is
hot.”
My eyebrows leaped toward my scalp.
“Yeah. Whatever. Sometimes what I think just fal s out of my mouth. Nice shirt, by the way.”
“Laundry day.”
“I
wasn’t
being sarcastic. I like it.”
I glanced down at the words emblazoned across my front. BEST TAKEN WITH A GRAIN OF SALT.
“Yeah. Annabel e Lee’s started making T-shirts.”
“Cool.”
“She gave me one for you.”
Amy stopped dead in the hal . “Seriously?”
“Seriously.” I dug in my backpack. “She thought you’d look great in green.”
“She does.” Amy’s on-again-off-again boyfriend, Marvin Broderick, joined us. “In green,
out
of green…”
“Shut up,” she teased, putting the shirt in front of her and smoothing it to fit the contours of her body.
Amy had me by a year and at least one cup size. She’d failed a grade along the way, but being one of the oldest in our class also meant she was one of the best built. For her, failing got her more attention than if she’d aced her classes.
Marvin was part of that extra attention. A senior, he was Amy’s connection to where she should have been.
been.
The green T-shirt was the perfect color for Amy’s stunning red hair. And DEFYING GRAVITY was written right across her boobs. She grinned. “That’s so wicked! May they always do so,” she said with a giggle. “Thank Annabel e Lee for me. Your sister’s certainly something else.”
“Don’t I know it.”
