Secrets and Lies 2 (3 page)

Beth slurps a noodle and it wriggles between her lips like a worm. I make a face and she laughs. Pointing her spoon at me she says, “A girl’s gotta practice.”

“Beth!” She’s figured out that I’m a blushaholic. Mention sex and I turn red. It doesn’t matter where or when, it’s a surefire way to make the conversation more interesting.
 

“What? I’m lonely and my brothers keep chasing off every guy I like.” She pouts and puts her spoon down before leaning her cheek on her hand.

“Your brothers are good at that.”

“Yeah, so since I can’t have a sex life, I need to hear about yours.” She slumps forward, pleading for sex stories I don’t have.

I laugh and nearly snort a wonton. “There isn’t anyone.”

With a dramatic sigh, she drops her shoulders and howls at the ceiling, “Why is it so hard to find a good man?” Her voice is way too loud.
 

A woman across the restaurant laughs and says, “Amen to that!”

I shove the rest of an eggroll in my mouth. “Beth, I’d love to get into this, but I need to get back to school and see if I can find a drape or something.”

“Oh, that’s right.” She waggles her eyebrows at me before smoothing her white, eyelet shirt. “It’s nude model night. My little Kerry is growing up so fast!” She gushes and fake cries, before laughing.

“Shut up,” I kick her under the table and stab another wonton.

“You don’t have to do it, you know.” Beth uses chopsticks like a ninja. I’ve resorted to stabbing my food with one stick since Beth said we didn’t need silverware. I’m a chopstick failure.

She doesn’t get it. Being the youngest adds a lot of hurdles, but I’m not letting them get in my way. I’ll go the extra mile and endure what I have to do to earn the respect I deserve. “Yes I do. I made a big deal out of how I could do whatever he could dish out because I’m a serious artist. Being unable to handle nudity is a sign of immaturity in the art world.” I grab my purse and put some cash on the table for my part of the meal.

Beth cocks her head to the side and gives me a look. “No one in their right mind would hold you to that agreement. And it doesn’t mean you’re not a good artist if you don’t want the world to see your goodies. That’s bullshit.”

“Yeah, well, it’s my bullshit and I stepped in it. I can’t back out without looking like an amateur, so I’m going to make a Grecian robe out of toilet paper or something so I’m only sorta naked.”

“So you are trying to get out of it?” She points a chopstick at me.

“No, wearing a drape only covers the fig leaf spot. And if I can’t find a drape, I’m laying on my stomach. I’m not showing off my goods in full, so don’t worry.”

“Oh, I don’t worry about you at all. I’ve seen proof of how you handle yourself out there. The bus is your dream car, and this is your dream job.” She tips her head to the side like I’m being stupid.

“Beth, just trust me on this one.”

“A girl got gang raped the other night at the party you went to. They drugged her drink and passed her around.” My jaw drops. That could have been Emily. After they didn’t get her, they did it to someone else. Beth scoots out of the booth to stand in front of me. “I just want you to be safe. I’ve got your back, whatever you choose. If this is on the up and up in the art department, I’m with you. Give me a second to finish and I’ll go over. I can be your chaperone!”
 

Smiling, I lean in and hug her. “Thank you. That means a lot to me. I’ve got too much stuff going on right now.”

“The mother, the ex, the nude model, and more is my guess.” Beth tips her head to the side. “You’re made of strong stuff. I’m here for you, so is the J posse—also known as my jackass brothers. In case you hadn’t noticed, Jace is on the other side of that divided wall behind the plant. They’re always around, always watching.” She makes an exasperated face.

“They care about you. Listen, I’ve got to go. It’s getting late. If I’m not there early, I won’t have time to talk Jax into the drape.”

“You’re insane.” She slips back into her booth.

“That’s why you love me.” I smile at her, turn on my heel, and smack into Josh.
 

Taking me by the shoulders, he steadies me. “Well, hello to you, too, Other Little Sis! I hear you have naked plans for this evening.”

“Semi-naked,” I correct him. “Teachers like Jax should come with a warning label. I’ll see you later.” I’ve been avoiding Josh since Carter told me what happened between them, and it’s becoming obvious. Beth hasn’t pressed me about it, but Josh doesn’t seem to like that I keep rushing by him.

“I’m headed back.” He takes a sip of Beth’s soda, and fishes his keys out of his pocket. “I’ll take you.”

I back away smiling. “No, it’s okay. I’d rather walk.”

“Don’t be silly.” He’s grinning at me and oozing with magical charm that makes it so damn hard to tell him no. “Come on.” He doesn’t let me speak. Instead, he takes my wrist and tugs. I fall into step with him and give up.

Beth calls out, “I want to know what happens. Come by later.”
 

She waves me off and suddenly I’m out the door, alone with Josh.

Chapter 6

 
I slide onto the supple leather seat as he closes my door for me and walks around to his own door.

After the car purrs to life, he says, “I know why you don’t like me, and I can’t blame you, but you have to realize that was two years ago.”

I’m trying to keep all my body parts on my side of the car, but it’s so small. His arm brushes against mine when he shifts gears and floors it. He’s mad.
 

Fine, so am I. “It wasn’t right.”

“You weren’t there.”

“No, I wasn’t, so tell me. Tell me why you stabbed your best friend in the back? Tell me if she was worth it, because I don’t see her with you now.”

He glares at me for half a beat. “I don’t owe you an explanation, and I’m not going to feel sorry for a mistake I made two years ago. That’s ludicrous. Should I hold you to something you did two years ago?”

“Yes, it says something about a person.”

He pulls up to a traffic light and stops abruptly, letting out a harsh laugh. “So there’s no forgiveness from you? No growth? It’s insane to judge someone for something they did before you even met them!”
 

He shoves his hands through his hair and shakes his head. I can tell my opinion matters to him, but then he goes and says dumbass things that make me think he hates me. If that were true, he wouldn’t have offered to drive me back to school. He would have waited and made a fool out of me at the most convenient time. With information pumped from Beth and Chelsey, the roommate from hell, Josh could ruin my entire college existence. He worries me.
 

There’s a patch of silence while we sit at a light. Josh won’t look at me. He just clutches the wheel tighter and tighter.

I don’t say it to be an ass, I say it because it’s true. “What I think shouldn’t matter to you, Josh. I’m nobody. I have no money, I don’t run with your crowd, plus I’m the new girl.” It’s the trifecta of lameness at a private college where each kid gets a swank car and an allowance from their parents. I’m lucky to even be here. I don’t fit and it would be easy to turn the few friends I’ve made. “I don’t understand you. Carter’s my friend. How do you expect me to act like it never happened? Your past is screwing up my present. Otherwise, you’d be right, and it wouldn’t matter, but for that reason it does. You’re my best friend’s brother and my other best friend’s nemesis. Anyway, it shouldn’t matter what I think.”

The light changes and he floors it. Anger flashes in his eyes, as if I don’t understand him at all. “But it does matter. You’re always with Beth. I see you every day and the condescension in your eyes is unbearable. I can’t take it anymore, and you have no right. I’m not the same guy anymore.” He glances over at me as he pulls into a parking space.

I reach for the door, but I don’t open it. I don’t know what to say. It seems wrong to hold someone to a mistake they made, but there’s a reason why I can’t forgive him—it’s because of Carter. “You’re right, it’s none of my business and that was years ago, but Carter still hurts because of what you did. Telling him you’re sorry would go a long way.”

Josh stares at me. “Are you kidding?” His mouth twitches like he doesn’t know if he should laugh or scream. This one has a temper under all that charm. He tries to quench the embers, but they don’t go out. They’re always there, burning, waiting to erupt. “I don’t owe him a fucking thing.” His words are too sharp, too much like scolding.

I kick the door open and get out. Before I close it, I lean down and repeat. “This isn’t my fight, but Carter is my friend. I thought you were, too. I guess I was wrong about that.” I slam the door and walk away.
 

Josh doesn’t follow after me, not that I expected him to, he’s too proud for that. I did expect him to peel out and fly away in his race car, but he doesn’t. He sits very still and watches me until I disappear into the building.

Chapter 7

Maybe the quarrel with Josh was a good thing. By the time I find the classroom, I’m stoked and ready for a fight. It’s going to take a lot of finesse to make it look like I kept my word and not be butt naked.

The little voice in the back of my head whispers,
don’t do this! You’re being just as prideful as Josh.

I could back out. I could no-show and laugh it off, or pretend I didn’t know Jax was serious, but when class comes around again I’d have to go through the whole deal again. Evil Santa doesn’t think I’m mature enough to be in an upper level class. I have to prove him wrong.
 

I’ve drawn nudes before. The human figure is a masterpiece and I find the uniqueness of each individual body astounding. I’ve always wanted to draw a couple embraced, to capture the adoration and lust, the craving for human touch. If I’d gone to school in New York, models wouldn’t be a problem. There are tons of them, but down here, people don’t consider posing nude to be art. They consider it a one-way ticket to Hell.
 

The classroom is dark, but I push open the door and step inside. “Dr. Jax?” I call out hoping he’s in the back storeroom, but there’s no answer.
 

At the front of the classroom there’s a barstool on a small stage. I’m guessing that’s my spot. I get to sit on a stool for three hours. Fun. Not to mention it’s going to make my body look like a rectangle and obliterate every curve I have. Screw this. I’m not sitting on a stool. If I’m doing this, I’m doing it right. I toss my bag on a desk and head to the back. Flipping on the storeroom light I blink, adjusting to the shaft of yellow that cuts across the dark floor. I dig around in boxes looking for something that would pass as a Grecian robe, but no luck. All the scraps of fabric are scraps, and too skinny or too narrow to hide much.
 

“What am I going to do?” I put my arm on the shelf and lean into it, burying my face. I’d been telling myself to take things one day at a time, one problem at a time, and I could handle things. But now everything is threatening to bubble up. I didn’t cry over Matt and Mom, over Mom and Dad. Last night I stared at the ceiling for hours, unable to sleep. Now it’s late and I’m exhausted. Maybe this was a bad idea. I can’t tell anymore. I want them to take me seriously, but each new challenge, each old wound makes it increasingly harder for me to think.
 

With all the thoughts echoing in my head, I don’t hear him approach. “I was wondering the same thing.”

That voice makes me jump. I whirl around and come face-to-face with Nathan. I’m so startled, I screech and girly slap him on the arm. “Don’t sneak up on people! What’s wrong with you?”

He grins. “Sorry, I was looking for Jax, but to my surprise I found you.” All the amusement slips off his face. “What’s wrong?” He’s wearing ripped jeans, boots, and a tight, dark shirt. I’m wearing the girl version of his outfit, but I doubt I look that hot.

I don’t want to tell him what’s up, but he’s going to find out if he’s here for the class. I’d rather he knew now. “I’m the model. I’m just not sure I can pull this off.”

“Having second thoughts?” He’s serious and the normal teasing tone of his voice vanishes. I nod. He looks me over and then steps closer, lowering his voice. “You know you’re beautiful, right? Is that the problem?”

I can’t help it. I smile at him. My eyes dart away. “Thank you, but that’s not it.” I tuck my hair behind my ear and try to find the right words. “They put a stool up there for me. I thought it would be more of a little vignette, not naked girl perched on stool.”

Smiling he walks toward the stool and lifts it. “So, let’s change things up and make it something you’re more comfortable with.”

“We can do that?”

He nods and heads toward the little stage. “No one will mind. I mean, seriously, how many times can you happily draw an old naked guy on a stool? A set change would be great and Jax won’t care as long as there’s a model.” He offers a supportive grin and touches my arm lightly. “Come on, let’s make you look like an old masters’ model, set and all.”

I agree and follow him around, pulling out things we can use to make it more interesting. He explains that I’ll end up in this pose for a few weeks, so it should be good, and most of all, comfortable. “I think you should use this.” He’s all the way at the back of the closet, tugging on something taller than he is.
 

“What is it?”

“An old chaise lounge. Help me get it down. I don’t want to drop it and break off one of the legs.” I stare for a second. “Come on. It’s better than the stool.”

“Agreed.”
 

We manage to get the thing out of the back of the closet and to the front of the classroom. It barely fits on the stage. I sit on it wondering how I should pose. Looking up at Nathan, I ask, “Will he let me choose the pose or will he do it?”

Nathan continues to grab things, explaining, “It’s totally up to you. We can make the set anything we want, and you can choose the pose.”

I nod as my stomach slips into my sneakers. Nathan’s a student. He must be, why else would he know all this? “So, you’ve done this before?” My voice is too soft, too shy—it catches in my throat.