Secrets (3 page)

Chapter Six

Janey didn’t hear from Susie until the first week of December. The silence between the two women had stretched to almost one month. On several occasions Janey had reached for the telephone, but at the last minute had swerved off. Instead she’d called her brother or parents. Joe had been all ears about Janey’s new relationship. That was the great thing about having a gay brother – he was a wonderful listener, and gossiped like a girl.

‘How’s your love life, sis?’ was his opening question. Jake had gone to a gig and Janey felt like she’d explode if she didn’t share her happiness with someone.

‘As it happens,’ Janey beamed into the handset, ‘my love life is bloomin’ brilliant!’

‘Lovely,’ Joe purred. ‘And does he have a big todger, sweetie?’ That was the downside of having a gay brother. Joe always wanted to discuss penis proportion. Apparently size most definitely mattered, along with colour. ‘Was it purple and throbbing?’ was his third question.

These were the same questions Susie would have asked too, had she been in touch. Janey would have giggled and answered in hushed tones. Words would have been punctuated with squeaks of outrage and snorts of mirth. With Joe, Janey wasn’t quite so frank, instead assuming an air of mock outrage. However, when telling her parents about Jake, she’d been very coy.

‘Hi, Mum.’

‘Darling! How lovely to hear from you. You sound happy. Why are you happy? Have you met somebody?’

‘Actually,’ Janey said shyly, ‘I have.’

‘Really? But that’s marvellous, darling. Derek? Derek! Janey’s met somebody. Hang on. Let me put the phone on loudspeaker. Daddy wants to hear all about it too.’

‘Oh, well, there’s not much to tell really. It’s very early days.’ That was the difference between nattering with Joe and talking to her parents. The whole going-to-bed-with-each-other thing was not on the conversation agenda.

‘What’s his name?’

‘Jake Miller.’ Janey had said the two words as if saying
The Pope
.

‘And how old is Jake?’

‘He’s a year younger than me.’

‘Where did you meet him, darling? At your school? I suppose he’s one of the teachers, hmm?’

‘No, he’s a musician.’

‘Gosh, that sounds grand. Does he play with an orchestra?’

‘Um, sometimes,’ said Janey, thinking of
Cinderella
. ‘But he’s mostly the lead singer of his own band.’

There was a small pause while her mother digested this. ‘Oh. Does he have long hair?’ Trust her mother to ask such a question.

‘Erm, well, it’s not down to his waist or anything,’ Janey laughed nervously. ‘But it is a bit, you know–’

‘Past his collar?’ her father had enquired.

‘Y-yes, a bit. But it’s very nice hair,’ Janey gabbled. ‘Very, you know, clean. And silky.’

‘So where did you meet this Jake Miller?’ her mother asked, sounding less impressed by the second.

‘A pub.’

‘A
pub
?’ Violet said in horror.

‘Y-yes. My local. The Green Man. Charming Victorian place. Loads of colourful characters.’ That was one way of describing the regular drunks, brawlers, and women who disappeared into the loos four-at-a-time to snort cocaine, not forgetting Saturday night police raids.

Her mother sniffed. ‘Well I’m sure Jake will keep you amused until Mr Right comes along.’

Janey wasn’t brave enough to tell her mother Jake
was
her Mr Right. ‘Perhaps we can all do Sunday lunch in the not too distant future?’

‘We’ll see, darling,’ Violet said diplomatically. ‘If you’re still together at Christmas, perhaps we’ll sort something out.’

‘Of course we’ll be together at Christmas,’ said Janey, stung. Her parents longed for her to settle down with a solicitor, or accountant, or even Susie’s balding bank manager. They yearned to tell their nosy neighbours their daughter had done well for herself. Violet and Derek didn’t want Little Cobbleton gossiping about Janey dating a long-haired layabout.

Susie turned up on the doorstep one evening during the working week. Jake was in because the band was enjoying a night off. Janey had abandoned lesson planning to decorate a supermarket Christmas tree with Jake. The two of them were sipping hot chocolate as they decorated prickly branches with bells and Father Christmas faces. Janey thought she’d never been so happy. Outside it was bitterly cold, but inside her little flat it was warm, cosy and welcoming. When the doorbell rang, Jake was all for ignoring it.

‘It’s probably religious zealots on the warpath about our Christmas tree.’

‘On the other hand, it could be carol singers.’ Janey put down a plastic angel and went to find her purse. ‘Won’t be a mo.’

Seeing Susie on the doorstep took Janey by surprise.

‘Hello,’ said Susie. The icy weather had turned her nose bright pink. ‘I’ve come to repay you the tenner I borrowed last month.’ She glanced at Janey’s purse in hand. ‘Oh. Do I have to pay you back on the doorstep? Aren’t you going to ask me in?’

‘Of course you can come in, you big silly.’ Janey stepped aside.

‘Sorry for being a bitch,’ Susie mumbled. She wiped her nose on her sleeve.

‘S’all right.’ Janey gave a half-shrug and smiled.

‘You could have called me,’ said Susie grumpily.

‘I wanted to.’ Janey led the way up the stairs. ‘Many a time. But I didn’t know if you’d hang up on me.’

‘Course I wouldn’t. Over some stupid tosser?’ Susie rolled her eyes, just as both women went into the tiny lounge. There was an awkward pause as Susie came face to face with Jake. ‘Chuffing hell, Janey,’ said Susie grimly. ‘You might have warned me.’

Chapter Seven

After their first proper meeting, it was fair to say neither Jake nor Susie warmed to each other. Despite patching up her friendship with Janey, it was obvious Susie was wildly jealous about Jake. She’d underestimated the guy. Privately she was devastated he’d chosen Janey over her. Even worse, he was proving to be a wonderful boyfriend. It was obvious the two of them were besotted with each other. Susie’s own private life had hit a dry spell – unless you counted the warehouse assistant at Argos. She’d seduced him in the ladies toilet two weeks into her new job and got fired over it. Currently Susie was working as an elf at the local supermarket’s Christmas grotto. Hopes of seducing a dashing Father Christmas turned to ashes when Susie discovered Santa was a grumpy pensioner with pince-nez glasses and a beard like Del Boy’s Uncle Albert.

Consequently Susie tried to see Janey when she knew Jake was out on a gig, or rehearsing with the band at the local clapped-out community hall. She sniped about Jake to Janey and, in turn, Jake sniped about Susie.

‘I don’t know how you put up with her,’ Jake said after Susie’s last visit. Janey had been relieved of half a dozen eggs, a fistful of tea bags and twenty quid.

‘She’s hard up,’ Janey shrugged.

‘She’s a ponce.’

Even though she knew Jake’s words were true, Janey was defensive of Susie. After all, they went back a long way together.

But now, on this cold Saturday morning in December, Jake hugged Janey to him as they lay together in bed. ‘Panto time, gorgeous,’ Jake reminded her. He dropped a kiss on her forehead. Janey knew Susie would be thrilled to bits to hear Jake was off to Manchester. Throwing back the covers, he got up and pulled a suitcase from under the bed. ‘I’m going to have to head back in a bit.’

‘Right-oh,’ Janey warbled bravely. Privately she felt like her arm was about to be amputated without anaesthetic. ‘Perhaps I can come and stay with you next weekend?’

‘And do what?’ Jake began gathering up belongings. ‘You’d be bored silly. Everybody is called to theatre first thing in the morning to rehearse last-minute tweaks and changes. Then we’re straight into the matinee performance. That goes on for three hours. We barely have time for dinner before the evening performance starts.’

‘You said you’d get me a ticket for Cinderella,’ Janey pouted. She was trying to sound playful, but it came out petulant.

‘Sweetheart, if you want to come, you’re welcome. But I’m warning you, I’ll be a grumpy so-and-so, short on sleep and knackered. The only time off is Christmas Day.’

‘What?’ Janey felt as though somebody had slapped her round the face. ‘B-but what about us? And spending Christmas together?’

‘Darling, I’m sorry. Cinderella is running from the twelfth of December to the third of January. There is no break other than Christmas Day. There are celebrities bringing in huge crowds who have paid top dollar. It’s fabulous pay and I can’t turn it down.’

Janey was reeling. She wouldn’t see Jake until the New Year? Visions of travelling from London to Little Cobbleton and introducing Jake to her parents were rapidly going up in smoke. Clearly there wasn’t going to be any bonding over the turkey and Christmas pudding. Frantically Janey tried to salvage the situation. ‘What about I travel to Manchester and stay with you? At least we’d have Christmas Day together. Perhaps I could meet your family!’

Jake threw his dressing gown into the case and paused. He gave her a direct look. ‘Darling…I don’t have any family.’

Janey was shocked. Despite feeling like she’d known Jake forever, it was moments like this that reminded her she’d known this man only a handful of weeks. ‘No family?’ she gasped. Her lips were pinched, and her cheeks white with shock.

‘Well, not unless you count a bachelor uncle living in New Zealand,’ Jake shrugged.

‘But you’re so young…you’re only twenty-eight. What happened to your parents?’

‘Mum had me when she was forty-six. She spent years thinking she couldn’t have kids.’ Jake smiled sadly. ‘She died last year of a stroke when she was seventy-three.’

‘And your dad?’

‘Heart attack the year before Mum.’

‘Oh,’ was all Janey could say. ‘No brothers or sisters? Nephews? Nieces? Cousins?’

‘Nope.’ Jake shook his head slowly. ‘I guess that’s why I want loads of kids one day. To give me the big family I’ve always craved.’

Janey’s eyes filled with tears. ‘I-I’m so sorry, darling.’ She rocketed out of bed and flung her arms around him. ‘I can’t bear to think of you all alone on Christmas Day.’ Her voice choked up. ‘Please let me come and stay with you.
Please
. I don’t care if you’re tired and grumpy and I’ll be left to my own devices while you work.’

Jake kissed the tip of Janey’s nose. ‘Listen to me.’ He put a finger under her chin. She was forced to look up at him. Tears were rolling down her cheeks now. ‘If you really want a four-hour drive to Manchester on Christmas Eve, if you truly want to stay in damp digs with mould on the paintwork and mildew on the walls, and if you’re adamant about driving back to London on Boxing Day morning – possibly in sleet or snow – then fine. But I’d much prefer to know you’re safe and snug in Little Cobbleton with your family, pulling Christmas crackers, watching the Queen’s speech and getting tiddly on your mother’s sherry.’

‘How do you know my mother drinks sherry?’ Janey gave a half laugh, her eyes still streaming.

‘Because that’s what great mums do. And I know you have a great mum. Just like I know that one day
you’re
going to be a great mum to my kids.’ And with that, Jake went to the bedside drawer. Opening it, he removed a small wrapped box. He pressed it into the palm of Janey’s hand. ‘This is for you. It’s not to be opened until Christmas Day, okay?’

Janey instantly melted and agreed to Jake’s wishes. She would spend Christmas with her family. And that was her second mistake.

Chapter Eight

After Jake had left for Manchester, Janey popped his gift to her in the bedside drawer. The temptation to open it was overwhelming. A small label was taped to the top. She already knew the handwritten message off by heart:

To my darling. My one and only love xxx

Those treasured words kept her tears at bay. Jake would be back. He wasn’t away forever. Carbon Vendetta wasn’t some big rock band, and Jake wasn’t away touring the world for months on end. Such a comparison made her realise dealing with an absence of just over a fortnight was nothing. Nothing at all. She could cope. She
would
cope. Stiff upper lip and all that.

Susie was absolutely delighted Jake had – as she baldly put it –
naffed off
to Manchester. As far as Susie was concerned, Jake hadn’t got his priorities right.

‘
You
should come first.’ Susie waggled a finger, thoroughly enjoying this opportunity of taking the moral high ground. She was seated at Janey’s kitchen table hoovering up chicken casserole and a jacket potato, apparently skint with no food in her own fridge.

‘But Jake needs to work,’ Janey pointed out.

‘So tell him to get an office job,’ said Susie tartly.

‘Yes, maybe,’ said Janey neutrally. Anything to keep the peace with Susie. Janey had no intention of suggesting such a proposal to Jake. She privately thought Susie a hypocrite given her own diverse employment history. Jake’s music was his calling. He was good at it. Insisting on a career change would be like sending a husky dog to go and work in the Bahamas. Not that Jake was a husky dog, but Susie did rather rattle Janey’s cage with her snide comments.

‘So what are you doing for Christmas now you’ve been abandoned?’ asked Susie.

Janey gritted her teeth. ‘I’m going to Mum and Dad’s.’

‘Ooh, goody,’ Susie beamed. ‘I’m going to Little Cobbleton to see my folks too. I can travel with you and save myself the price of a train ticket.’ Susie put down her knife and fork. ‘Mm. That was delicious. What’s for pudding?’

As the days rolled by, Janey’s mobile phone remained silent. At first she told herself Jake was too busy to ring. And then her conscience started to chatter.
What if he’s not interested in you anymore? Do you think he’s fallen in love with Cinderella?
Janey dismissed the very idea, but a part of her felt twitchy and uneasy. Her conscience sneered at her:
What sort of boyfriend doesn’t even send a text?
It takes…what?...thirty seconds to bash out a how-are-you-babe-I-love-you-loads message
.

The weather turned to freezing. The pipes at Janey’s school froze and the heating packed up. As it was only a few more days until the end of term, the Head announced school would close early allowing workmen to rectify things before everybody returned in January. Janey made use of the extra time doing last-minute Christmas shopping for her family. She packed the gifts amongst sweaters and jeans in a small suitcase ready for her stay in Little Cobbleton. As she went around the flat checking windows were not just closed but also locked, she paused in the lounge. The Christmas tree in the corner with its unlit fairy lights was starting to look tatty. Despite vacuuming earlier, more needles had fallen. By the time Janey returned to London in the New Year, the tree would be bare and the floor a mess. Her mind danced backwards to sitting in front of this same tree, warm and cosy as flickering firelight cast long shadows around the lounge. The room had been full of the blended fragrance of pine needles and Jake. Her heart squeezed. Why hadn’t he called? Feeling more miserable than the day she’d discovered Brian bonking his sexy flatmate, Janey went into the bedroom and pulled out the little package from her bedside drawer.

To my darling. My one and only love xxx

Was she? Really? She couldn’t stand another moment of this. Janey slipped the present into her suitcase and grabbed her mobile phone. She didn’t care if she was being uncool. She would text Jake instead.

Hi, darling! I’m missing you. I feel so horribly miserable. Call me. Please xx

No. It was too desperate and clingy. Her index finger tapped repeatedly on the backspace key, frantically erasing all the words.

Darling. Why haven’t you been in touch? I love you. My bed is cold without you and I feel so lonely xx

No! Oh, for heaven’s sake. She mentally slapped herself.
Don’t put the guy on a guilt trip, Janey. It goes without saying he’s lonely too. Unlike you he’s adept at keeping himself busy, because he’s dedicated to his job. Now quit while you’re ahead
. But despite the voice of common sense speaking up, Janey couldn’t leave it.
Just one quick text
, she told herself.
Keep it light and laid back
. Her fingers tapped out a third message.

Hey, you! Thought I’d make sure you haven’t dropped off the planet! How’s the orchestral manoeuvres in the dark?! x

There! That was more like it. A light-hearted perky message. She’d even managed to incorporate a play on words with the musical reference. Satisfied, she hit send. Feeling happier, she zipped up the suitcase and let herself out of the flat. Janey felt ninety per cent certain that by the time she arrived in Little Cobbleton with Susie, Jake would have returned her text message. She was wrong.