Secret Worlds (351 page)

I couldn’t keep him on the hook, hoping I’d eventually make the change. That wouldn’t be fair to him at all. Regardless of my choice, he had a better destiny awaiting him. He was going to make the best damn leader the Olde Town pack had ever seen. If I wasn’t ready to turn, I really had to cut ties. It wasn’t just
my
life I would be risking. With a heavy heart, I scooted out of bed and gathered my things.

I took one last look at Aiden. He looked so peaceful sleeping there among the sheets. My heart ached, but I had to do it. A clean break. That was the only way.

Eventually we would both see it was for the best. I hoped.

***

“What the hell are you doing here?” Alyssa’s mouth hung open when she found me smoking a menthol cigarette on her doorstep. The short, red-headed vampire stood there with her fangs hanging out for all the world to see. I hated the sight of them. They unnerved me, and reminded me how different we were. She was technically a monster—not that I would ever call her that to her face—but as a vampire, she lived off the blood of the living. For all I knew she could have snacked on someone’s neck a few minutes before my arrival. I trembled slightly at the thought of it. I knew she’d never hurt me. Still, though, the idea of that was just unnerving.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you,” Alyssa continued, “but I thought you were all snuggly with your boy toy Aiden. What happened?”

“I think …” It was so hard to say the words. “I have to leave him,” I said solemnly, and stamped out my cigarette on the snowy porch.

“Oh, honey, don’t do that.” She threw her cold arms around me and squeezed tight. As usual she forgot her strength. Her cage-like grip pushed all the air from my lungs, causing me to cough and sputter for breath.

“It’s the right thing to do,” I choked out the words. “Just give me a carton of smokes and a bottle of Jack, and I’ll be okay.”

“Before you do anything rash”—she released me, pulled back, and frowned—“get in here and tell me all about it.”

And that’s why she was my best friend. No judgment, no telling me what I should do, just empathy. I could always count on Alyssa to be there as a shoulder to cry on or a confidant to tell my deepest darkest secrets to. It was something that we both held dear, and probably the reason we’d been able to keep our friendship so strong despite our differences.

I gave her my best brave smile, though deep down I wanted to fall to pieces.

What was I doing? Aiden was my perfect man. Other than the wolf issue, he’d been the best thing to happen to me. He “got” me. He loved that I was a nerd, and he even found it sexy. He understood all of my quirks and laughed at my dumb jokes. He put me up on a pedestal and treated me like I was his world. Why couldn’t I do the same? Why couldn’t he be my world?

Suddenly my will to do the right thing vanished. I wanted to steal away with Aiden in the middle of the night and leave both the vampires and the wolves behind. Then I remembered what Brady had said about a pack war and all the potential deaths.

“Life really sucks sometimes!” I blurted out.

“Death or un-death suck too … sometimes.” Alyssa led me to the parlor, where a roaring fire was crackling in the fireplace. Vampires loved their heat. The whole house was toasty, and after being out in the cold for that long drive from the preserve, I appreciated the warmth too.

Lysander, Alyssa’s mate and maker, was sitting on a chaise lounge by the window, he looked up and his eyebrows scrunched together. “Good evening, Fallon,” he said and set aside a book he’d been writing in. I had to admit, though I had no attraction to vampires what-so-ever, Lysander was a pretty hot guy. Nothing like my Aiden, but he too had a rugged handsomeness about him. The stark contrast between his dark messy hair and his pale blue-gray eyes really drew you in. It was hard not to stare at him. And, just like with the wolves, it was a bad idea to look a vampire in the eye. You never knew when one might try to dip into your mind—or one of your arteries. As quickly as I met his eyes, I looked away.

“You’re looking a lot better,” I said to Lysander. He’d spent the better part of the last month disembodied and trapped within a soulstone, but by the looks of him now, you’d never have guessed it. Gone were the wrinkles and singed skin. His hair had all grown back nicely too.

“Thank you.” He stood to greet me, and gave a little bow. Mr. Proper. “I am still getting used to being back in my own skin, but I am, for the most part, back to my old self. What brings you to visit us?”

Before I could answer, Nicholas strolled in from the kitchen doorway. “Oh, look, the human’s here for a visit.”

“Hello to you too, vampire.” If there was one vampire I had no fear of, it was Nicholas. Sure, he could be a cold-blooded killer, just like the rest of them. But he always gave off more of a big brother vibe to me. It might have had something to do with the fact that although he made it a point to threaten my life on a regular basis, he usually ended up being the one to save it. Either way, I knew the short, scruffy-looking vampire was more bark than bite. “Looks like I’ll be moving back in with you guys,” I said, addressing the rest of the room while putting on a brave face.

Lysander gave me a quizzical look.

Nicholas let out a sigh. “Is this going to be one of those sappy my-boyfriend-left-me cry-it-out moments? If so, can I be excused?”

“Ignore him,” Alyssa said.

“I usually do,” I replied.

Alyssa gave Nicholas a taunting glare and then turned to me. “What’s wrong?”

“Remember to keep it short, human.” Nicholas waved his hand to move the conversation along. “We may be immortal, but we don’t have all night. Beginning, middle, and end. Punch line if applicable.”

“I’m really not interested in becoming a wolf. And Aiden can’t be the leader if he’s with me and I don’t have a fur coat.” I stared right at Nicholas. “Was that short enough for you?”

“Nicely done, human,” Nicholas replied.

Lysander nodded. “Ah, yes. Wolves have very rigid rules.”

“I’m caught between a rock and a hard place.” I sighed. “There’s no way around it. Either I become a wolf or I leave him.”

“Why don’t I solve your problem and just turn you myself?” Nicholas offered, but there was less snark in his voice this time. “Then you won’t have to worry about being a wolf, you’ll be one of us.”

“That really doesn’t solve the problem. It just creates a new one,” I said.

Nicholas shrugged. “I offered.”

Lysander motioned for me to sit on the couch. “What, may I ask, what is so bad about becoming a wolf?”

I sank into the plush cushions of the large L-shaped couch facing the fireplace. “It’s just …” I met his eyes briefly before turning away. I didn’t have the words. I stopped and thought for a moment. Being a wolf wasn’t really that much of a change. I’d still be able to have a normal-ish life. If I survived.

“I see.” The corner of his mouth quirked up. “You fear death. If I recall correctly, you were pretty frightened when I offered you the option of immortality.”

“Quit reading my mind. You know you vamps freak me out when you do that.”

“My apologies,” Lysander said, half smiling. Unlike the way Nicholas spoke, there was no hint of ulterior motives behind his words. “It is second nature for me. Please continue.”

“See, this supernatural stuff. It weirds me out a little. And besides, you all wanted to turn me into a vampire. No offense, but I would never consider that.”

Nicholas huffed. “That was our first mistake. We gave you a choice.”

Alyssa rolled her eyes at his comment. “I can’t complain. I didn’t really have a choice, but given the other option—death—it all worked out. It’s not a bad way of life, once you get used to it.” She plopped down next to me on the couch.

“That’s the difference, as Nicholas clearly pointed out. You didn’t have a choice. I do,” I said. “What if I make the wrong choice?”

If Lysander was offended by my disgust with the option of being a vampire, I couldn’t tell. He remained calm. “I understand your trepidation,” he said. “It is risky. There is no guarantee that the transition will work for either species.”

“You see? That’s pretty scary. I’d be risking my life on a fifty-fifty chance of death.”

“Fallon, you are so focused on death,” Lysander said. “Let me ask you this. If the transition were less risky, and you were guaranteed to survive it, would you change then?”

I shrugged. “Maybe.”

Lysander’s eyebrow arched. “A guarantee, and yet still you waiver. Is it the transition you fear, or is it the unknown of werewolf life?”

“In a way, it’s a little of both. I’m afraid of dying, sure, but also losing myself. The pack is a cohesive unit. Order, structure. My life would no longer be my own. I would be the Alpha Female. My existence would belong to the pack. There would be things required of me …”

“Family.” Lysander finished for me.

“Yes. Children for sure. I’m not ready for those just yet. I still have things I want to accomplish before I settle down.”

He held up his hands to stop me. “There is no need to convince me. This is your decision to make.”

“Yeah, my decision to break both of our hearts.” That made me feel like the biggest heel in the world.

“Might I make an observation before I leave you two to your girl talk?”

“Sure. Go ahead.”

“If Aiden needed you, would you risk your life to save him?”

That was an easy answer. I’d already done that in the woods when he’d been injured. I stayed with him and kept him warm and safe until help arrived. “Of course.”

“How is this situation any different? He needs you to be his partner in life. The timing may not be the best, but that does not take away the need he has for you. Don’t answer me, just think about it.” Lysander stood and walked toward the staircase. “Come, Nicholas. Let’s leave the girls to their talk.”

Nicholas stood and walked with Lysander up the staircase to the second floor.

I looked to Alyssa, who beamed with pride. “Is he good or what?”

“Don’t rub it in.”

“He’s got a point though. You know you’d do anything for that wolfman of yours. Why not just turn and get it over with?”

“You act like it was always inevitable that I would turn into something.”

“Well, I tried to get you to go vamp, but that didn’t work.” She giggled and brushed her red hair off her shoulder.

“I’m not drinking blood.” I grimaced.

She licked her fangs and smiled. “The taste grows on you.”

My stomach churned at the thought of it. “I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”

“Drama queen.”

I sighed. “I guess what bothers me is that I
have
to do it. It’s one thing if it was truly my choice. I’m sure I would eventually get over my fears and come around to the idea. But forcing me to do it now … it’s too much pressure. I’m scared, yes, but I’m also not ready for it.”

“I get it. I do.” She scooted and sat cross-legged so she could face me. She met my eyes and all playfulness went from her voice. “You may not want to hear this, but I think you’re being too stubborn.”

“Pot calling the kettle black much?
You’re
calling
me
stubborn?”

“Yeah. Sucks, don’t it? You know it’s bad if I’m the one saying it. Really though. You just admitted you’d probably do it eventually. Five, ten, or fifteen years down the road, doesn’t matter. You’d eventually see the difference when he didn’t appear to age but you did. It would eat at you and you’d eventually submit; only then your body might not be able to handle the transition. Your chances are better now than later.”

“But what if that doesn’t matter? What if I die now?”

She shrugged. “Then you can come back as a ghost and haunt us.”

“This is serious, Lyssa.” I smacked her in the arm. “Say I do go for it and die?”

She turned away from me. “I don’t want to think about that.”

“You see? It’s a possibility. You can’t ignore that. Are you ready for me to die after how hard we fought to stay friends?”

“Then go vamp.” I could tell I’d struck a chord with her. Her tone became sharp. “You’ve got a better success rate, and then the wolf issue is moot.”

“We’re back to that?” I huffed and hung my head.

Alyssa reached out and grabbed hold of my hand. “Look, there are no other options available. You either change or walk away. And I think you’ve already made that choice. So, let’s get that bottle of Jack for you and start the pity party.”

“No.” I shook my head. “You and Lysander are right. I’m letting fear rule me, and Brady is right too, I’m being selfish. I have the perfect man who I love more than anyone. If he needs me to do this, I should.”

A smile split her lips and lit up her entire face. “That’s better. Not to mention, as a wolf, you’ll be around a hell of a lot longer than as a human, and that means I get to keep my best friend forever.”

I laughed. “You’re a dork, you know that?”

“Yep, and that’s why you love me.” She stuck her tongue out. “Now get on the phone and call your man. I’ll bet he’s worried.”

“He was sleeping when I left.”

“He’s a wolf … he probably sensed the moment you got out of bed and smelled you as you left the room.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. She was painting too clear a picture of what he
might
have done. “He called you before I came over, didn’t he?”

She grinned sheepishly.

“Damn those wolves and their senses. And damn you too for meddling. You should have told me when I got here.”

“Sorry, Fallon. But I’m on his side. I want to see you two work this out. And don’t be so quick to damn them. You’ll be one of them soon.”

I’d just been played, but there was nothing I could say. It was for my own good. I needed that little push.

“Fine. Give me the phone.”

When I’d last spoken to Aiden, I said “we needed to talk,” but hadn’t let on about my decision. I wanted to make it a big surprise.

About noon the following day, I returned to the wolf preserve, a small out-of-the-way section of woodland near Ipswich, Massachusetts. This wildlife sanctuary and preserve served as the Olde Town Pack’s main den; a safe gathering place away from prying eyes for the wolves of the northeastern US territories.