Secret Value of Zero, The (24 page)

She had done it. She had told everyone what she thought of this whole farce. The thrill of achievement dissipated in a second. All of the revolutionaries hated her now. She had gone off-script.

That one thing that she had wanted from the beginning. The simple little thing called respect now drifted far out of her grasp. She had known what she was doing, but it didn’t ease the hurt. Not at all. To some, despite everything, she remained a Zero. She would do her best to accept that.

Exhaustion filled her body. Even if she wanted to run, she couldn’t. She sat still as Arya approached. It was no surprise when Arya’s hand closed around her arm.
 

Now was the time for consequences. She didn’t need much encouragement to follow Arya. Running now would say that she felt ashamed. She didn’t. Sterling wouldn’t be happy. Meke accepted that fact. After all, she was a Zero saying that a Star had made a mistake.
 

Meke straightened, looking outward. Despite the circumstances, she smiled. In an odd way, she had filled that emptiness inside of her. She had become something.

She only regretted that she couldn’t see Trove. The pulsating crowd surrounded him so tightly that he couldn’t move. Despite everything, he had proven himself a friend. She could feel his silhouette, but it wasn’t quite the same.
 

ARYA KEPT her grip firm as they walked to Sterling’s office. It was for naught. Meke didn’t have anywhere to run to. It wasn’t like she could open the door and saunter outside. Despite everything, this forsaken place felt like the closest thing to home that she had.
 

Meke had no idea what would happen. She had disobeyed Sterling. Not just that, but she may have ruined the entire exposé, ruined a chance for a riot. This realization finally settled upon her mind. In a belated response, her stomach pressed against her intestines, wanting to drop to the floor. Meke released a stuttering breath. Regardless of consequences, she would accept them.
 

She had done what she had done because she had to. Despite everything, despite Doctor Ball’s cowardice, despite his willful blindness, he was still not the evil one. Doctor Ball was just convenient. Hiding the truth of these bodies seemed wrong and misguided.
 

Meke could feel Sterling and several other bodies in the room. The only difference from before was that Sterling’s calm veneer had disappeared. He hunched forward, shaking his head as the other people shifted on their feet. The soldiers’ heads hung loosely.

Meke glanced at Arya, whose face betrayed nothing, making Meke more uneasy. Arya noticed Meke’s gaze and released her arm. Blood rushed to the sore spot where Arya had gripped too tightly.

 
“Sorry,” Arya said, looking at Meke’s arm. Her eyes shifted upward. “You know that Sterling isn’t happy with you, right?” Meke nodded.
 

“Why? How could you make me choose between—“
 

Arya broke off. “We’re doing the right thing here. You know that.”
 

“Maybe you have the right end in mind, but I didn’t think you were doing the right thing.”

“That’s not for you to decide.”

“It is, when it’s me doing these things.”

Arya flinched. “Meke, I—” her finger shook. “I couldn’t.”

“Yeah, I know,” Meke said. She knew exactly why Arya couldn’t have chosen her, even if Meke had wanted her to. Meke didn’t feel angry, just emptiness. Since they both understood each other now, there was nothing more to say. They both looked at the large gray door.
 

Meke focused on the moving bodies in the room. Now Sterling was sitting back in his chair, rubbing his forehead. The soldiers—Meke couldn’t tell who they were—still stood, looking down. With a jerk of his hand, Sterling waved them out. The soldiers, after a quick nod, turned and marched out of the door. Meke stepped aside to let them through, or they would have knocked her over. None of them looked her in the eye.

A twinge of regret wound through her. Meke hadn’t meant to get them into trouble. It was too late now. The only thing left for her to do was to walk in with her head up. So, Meke stiffened her spine. She didn’t wait for Arya’s signal before walking in. Sterling exhaled, his chest rising and falling in grand strokes. With an impatient wave, he motioned for Arya to close the door.
 

Sterling’s hands, large with long, delicately formed fingers, were splayed on his desk. His eyes remained fixed on Meke’s feet. His head jerked up. Meke had been too absorbed in Sterling’s reaction to notice the man knocking outside. Trove’s silhouette was unmistakable. As he filled the room, Meke couldn’t stop the relief from snaking its way through her. No matter what happened, at least he was there.
 

Sterling remained still for a few moments, watching both Trove and Meke. “What did you both think you were doing?”

Trove clasped his hands behind his back. “It wasn’t planned. She said something as a witness. She was there to say something, so I just…facilitated.”

Sterling leaned his head back. “Truly, Trove? You’re getting very close to the very thing you didn’t want to be.”

Trove flushed. “You never gave me orders,” he said after a pause.

“Are you a lawyer now? That’s splitting hairs if I’ve ever seen it.” Trove’s posture stiffened. “I’ll deal with you later, Mr. Anderson.” Sterling turned to face Meke. “Now it’s your turn to explain.”

Meke stared at her hands and exhaled softly. “What you were doing wasn’t working,” she said.

Sterling leaned forward, his nose almost past the edge of his desk. “Why would you think that?”

“You think that people care about equality right now. Maybe some of them do, but not enough. Maybe someday, but not today.” Meke jutted out her chin.

“So, you thought I was doing something wrong?”
 

Meke clenched her jaw to stop it from quivering. “Lucio Donner is the one behind all of this.”

“Undoubtedly.”
 

“You knew? So, why would you just blame Doctor Ball?”

Sterling straightened. “I know Lucio. I’ve known him since childhood. Accusing him would just make things worse. You’re also forgetting that he’s one of the most respected men in Prosperon, even though he’s the worst.” Sterling pressed his hand on the desk, as if he needed to brace himself. “In the end, maybe it doesn’t matter.”

Meke blinked in utter confusion. Sterling sighed, so long and deep that his body crumpled inward. “Your little speech started riots all across the nation. Stars, Fivers, Squares, even the Equis are banding together and marching the streets. They’re all angry that Mr. Donner here killed their precious Stars and Fivers.”

Meke took a few steps back and sat down so hard that the back almost tipped over. “Really?”

“Yes. So, things worked out well enough. Even some people high up are protesting. Riots will cost us some lives, but it’s the step in the right direction. We’re sending our people to try to coordinate this mess.”

A wheezy laugh escaped Meke’s chest. She pressed her lips together, but the small huffs of laughter pushed through. She, a Zero, had been right. That idea seemed too wondrous to be real. She had done it. She had made her parents’ dreams a reality, almost.
 

Sterling’s cold stare made her smile fade. “I just hope this ends at the right point,” he said. Stony-faced, he glanced at Arya and Trove. “If you two will please excuse us. I need to speak with her privately.”

Meke froze, the remnants of her smile gone.
 

Trove jolted upright. His mouth opened, all Meke could see was one word, “Wait—” before he closed it after Sterling raised his hand. “Out. Please.”

Trove stiffened, his shoulder straightening and his jaw muscles jumping. Slowly, almost painfully, he inclined his head before turning to the door. His eyes focused on some distant, unseen point for a moment as he walked past her. Before he got too far away, he stopped and laid a hand on her shoulder. A moment later, the hand and Trove were gone, along with Arya, who shot a worried glance behind her.

When the warmth from Trove’s touch faded, panic set in. What did Sterling want with her?
 

Sterling propped his elbows on the desk and interlaced his fingers. Nothing happened for long seconds as Sterling studied her. Meke folded her hands in her lap, willing herself to stay still.
 

Sterling sighed and unlaced his fingers. His mouth moved slowly and clearly. “Can you understand me?”

Meke nodded, hating that all she could do was nod.
 

“Okay. I needed to tell you this in private.” Sterling leaned back, weariness etching lines where there had been no lines before. “Maybe you were right about the whole thing. I suppose the results prove themselves.” He grimaced as he spoke the word right. Meke relaxed a bit. “But.” He gave her a hard look. “You disobeyed me in public. I’ve had my trust broken before, and it’s unpleasant.”

The lump in Meke’s throat was too painful for her to swallow. Was this what it came to? Pride? Meke wondered if this was a Star quality.

Sterling narrowed his eyes. “This isn’t about me. It’s about the revolution. Like it or not, leaders need to look powerful and organized. The reality is that we don’t have that much control over anything.”

“I did what I did for good reason. I wanted to start us off on the right foot. Perhaps that was foolish, but you proved that.”

Meke shook her head, wishing that she could say something, anything. It just seemed wrong that Sterling said she was both right and wrong to do what she did. Meke’s back stiffened. It didn’t matter. She had done what others couldn’t have done. She filled that circle.

Sterling’s face fell back into weariness. “You have to believe that I’m doing the right thing here. Once I understood how wrong Prosperon is, I’ve just wanted to make this place a better place to live in.”

Suddenly, she thought that perhaps she was seeing the true Sterling—old and weary—instead of the one that everyone else saw. Even Stars got tired sometimes.

Sterling waved his hand. “You can go now. Just be careful.” Meke had the feeling that the last word wasn’t an affectionate benediction, but a warning.
 

Meke didn’t need another bid goodbye.
 

MEKE GLANCED about, everyone hunched over their handhelds, absorbed by the moving images. Only a few of them noticed her walking by. A small Fiver woman smiled and waved at her. Meke smiled back more out of surprise than out of genuineness. The woman was one of the ones who sat and looked upon her with disapproval when she had returned from the mission.
 

Why did she smile at her now? The sudden kindness made Meke want to retreat. Instead of backing away, Meke walked on, focusing on her destination: her room.

Smiles, even back pats greeted her at every turn. The idling crowd of Squares, Fivers and even a few Equis looked upon her with wide-eyed surprise that bordered on awe. Most people didn’t touch her, content to congratulate her from afar. The few bold ones who touched her flinched almost imperceptibly before contact. Meke felt it rather than saw it. She saw a few lips forming the words,
good jo
b.
 

As she turned the corner into her hallway, she gulped the air. It felt fresher and cleaner, even though she knew it was the same air that she breathed a moment ago. As she left the crowds behind, she noticed a figure leaning against her door. Before Meke could think, she smiled.

Trove glanced up and scanned the air behind her. After studying her for a moment, he straightened. “Are you all right?”

Meke cocked her head. “Of course I am.”

Momentary confusion flooded Meke. Why wouldn’t she be all right? Then she recalled the scene earlier. Even Arya had seemed worried, leaving her alone with Sterling.

Thoughts of fear and Sterling dropped away as soon as Trove gathered her in his arms in a tight hug. His arms pressed against her ribs, hampering her breathing. Meke didn’t care; she nestled herself deeper inside of the hug. Thoughts of the world just a few steps away fell away. For now, Meke focused on the easy rise and fall of Trove’s chest.

His arms released her all too quickly. Meke stood, dazed, for a moment. Goosebumps rose on her arms as she felt cold now. “I’m sorry. I was just relieved—” Trove looked away, shaking his head. “Anyway, what happened in there?”

Meke sighed, rubbing her arms to get some warmth back into her body. “C’mon, let’s talk in my room.”
 

As she reached for the knob, Trove’s hand stopped her. His hand seemed so large on hers. The hand disappeared as fast as it had appeared. “Better not.” Trove shuffled his feet, suddenly seeming unsure of himself. Now Trove had his arms crossed and looked everywhere except at her eyes.

Realization swept over Meke. She remembered her old words all too clearly:
I refuse to ruin my reputation for you.
The words’ harshness made her wince. She almost reached out to him and said, “Don’t worry, I don’t care.”

But that would do a lot more than inviting him into her room. She had to think about this first. Still, they needed privacy for this conversation. “Come in. I’ll leave the door open.”

Trove glanced around before he nodded. Meke took care to leave the door ajar. She tried not to remember the last time that they had been in this room. That hadn’t ended well. This time would be different. Trove had done her a big favor today. She wasn’t going to ruin this.

Trove tried to cross his arms, but thought better of it. His arms hovered away from his sides, as if he would grab something at any moment. Tooth leapt off the bed, roused from his afternoon nap, and rubbed himself on Trove’s shins. Trove looked down but remained motionless.
 

“It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” Meke blurted out. “Sterling just scolded me for embarrassing him in public.”

Trove abandoned his stiff pose and started to pace the room. Tooth followed, tail swaying like a flag in low wind. “Embarrassing him? Did he say anything about trust?”